Hi Cuddle Comfort,
I am a straight man. I generally seek other males (usually older than me) to cuddle because I desire a type of physical affection akin to brotherly or fatherly affection from an older male figure.
I know firsthand the importance of maintaining boundaries and clear communication. I have had undesirable experiences where others expected or acted in ways that indicate they want more than platonic touch.
Part of my struggle is internally reconciling societal interpretations of cuddling with my own desires and expression. The first, most prominent one to overcome is the idea that "cuddling = sex" and gaining confidence in a world where there can be healthy nonsexual touch. Another struggle is case-by-case, wherein I see if a potential cuddle buddy agrees with my understanding of platonic touch and that it does not imply or necessarily progress to anything more.
One grey area I have encountered is whether two men cuddling with only swimsuit trunks on would be platonic, and whether this is allowed here. Men can wear only swimsuits at pools and beaches without it being indecent exposure, but displaying nonsexual physical affection can also easily be interpreted sexually.
I often reference this:
https://www.artofmanliness.com/people/relationships/bosom-buddies-a-photo-history-of-male-affection/
My question is what if two men cuddled like the one in swim trunks in the Art of Manliness site.
The men I cuddle tend to identify as gay. Gay men can readily be comfortable cuddling another man, but not everyone of them understands platonic cuddling as distinct from sex.
To me, pursuing cuddling necessarily involves being countercultural by trying and finding healing through something not yet mainstream nowadays. Yet, at the same time, I find that I desire guidance from others to find some assurance in what is acceptable and what is not. Guidance such as "what are your experiences cuddling", "have you encountered different cultural norms about what is acceptable touch", etc.
Back to my concerns about two men shirtless cuddling. I think it can be more intimate because there is more skin-to-skin touch. However, there can be danger of leading people to think there can be more than platonic, especially for gay men. Even cuddling with clothes on in public (at the park, etc) can be too intimate for some to do, but that doesn’t mean it’s sexual.
What are your views? Any advice or comments would help. I've asked others and others have asked me about shirtless cuddling here. If cuddling shirtless crosses a line, please let me know and I'll fix it going forward!
Thank you.