Not important
Get some kittens bro. They'll love you back. I realized having affection craved from you is a big part of what makes cuddling feel great.
Hope it can make you feel better while you're still finding your way in the dating world.
I relate to this completely. At the same time, I realize this has nothing to do with the professionals (they are great), but my own perspective and insecurities. Hiring pros isn’t for everyone for sure, there are stages where it isn’t what I’m looking for.
Best of luck, would suggest for you to try to take your life by the horns and care less what people think, to a reasonable extent, as best as you can. Don’t be nice if it comes at any cost to yourself. You will see that you will get more good things over time. Best of luck.
Why am I here? Truthfully, I am sexually deprived
You sought to solve a sexual need with a platonic service. Of course it didn't succeed. This has nothing to do with paying for a service.
men are only valued when they have something to offer
This goes for all people, but there is more to offer in a relationship (platonic or otherwise) than money or looks. There's knowledge, personality traits, caring, etc. Heck, there are home-baked goods.
I am chiming in as a female pro cuddler, for context.
You are not alone, nor are you unworthy. Those feelings plague many of us humans and moreso men in this society due to gender role expectations. Isolation is inhumane and seeking connection is an antidote, but our longings for mutuality and reciprocity make it feel like pyrite instead of gold when we don’t have our core needs met by the other who may or may not be able to meet them.
I can relate to the need to pay someone to notice me. I have that experience with talk therapy. It felt uncomfortable, like this person is being paid to care. Then I turned my mind to consider the perspective that by me providing payment, it allows the real human interaction to occur. The payment doesn’t make it any less real, yet facilitates it being possible to make happen.
As a pro cuddler, I have difficulty accepting payment. The truth is that the attention I offer is real, it’s from my heart. The payment makes it possible to provide the real experience. The things it goes towards are my personal expenses: time spent engaging with clients to build rapport, travel, supplies as needed, and also helps support my living needs as being sincerely driven to support others in this way takes an emotional toll and I need recovery time too. It also creates the boundaries of it being a platonic relationship. The transactional nature of it does make it lose some of its magic, but also reminds both of us that the context of the exchange is platonic and needs to be mutually balanced.
Now, speaking as just a person who gets out there and dates - I have been with men who are houseless, down and out, recovering from addiction, unemployed, single parents - all of the things that may give them low self esteem under the roles and norms of what men “should” be able to provide. Those relationships never worked out for me, not because of the logistical challenges, but because the man felt insecure and channeled that insecurity as anger towards me for assuming I have some sort of need from him that he can’t provide. With that expectation that I need what he doesn’t have to offer, he stayed perpetually miserable and that became corrosive to our connection. All I needed was the vulnerability to be owned as his own and the insecurities to be managed through self growth and love, but without loving himself first, he didn’t have a receptor for my love. All he could receive was emotional unavailability reflected back at him, because he himself was unavailable to me in that way.
You’re doing the work and taking steps to break free from the paradigm of unworthiness. As you continue to self validate and become more secure, it will attract women who can encourage your growth, and when you believe you deserve it, you will be able to take it in and reflect it back. That’s where the magic happens.
Much love to you on your journey. ❤️
@desi_babe read again, comprehend and do not twist my words. What I said was
"Truthfully, I am sexually deprived and I am ashamed of how I feel. I am a nice guy and rejection is a common thing for me, never got lucky with women because probably,I am a little weird. I thought to myself, maybe a little bit of intimacy, even if platonic, may ease the loneliness within me"
I did not say I was looking for sex in a platonic website. I know this site is for cuddles. Before you insult me that I failed because sex was what I was looking for, maybe try reading and UNDERSTAND PROPERLY. I am trying to settle for platonic affection because I am sexually deprived , not that I went to a platonic website to find sex!
I am a nice but I won't let you or anyone else twist my message!
You'll be better my man. I understand youy situation.
Why’d you remove it? I think it was a nice post. An honest one, of course it could be nitpicked and whatnot but it was honest. I appreciated listening and reading it.
@Eileen_98144 - I have no doubt that when you say that the attention you offer is real. That's probably true of many but not all) of the pros on CC. However, I notice that you said "attention," while the OP said "affection." Those are certainly not the same thing.
While you may occasionally develop some real affection for one of your clients, I can't imagine that it happens very often.
@desi_babe - I think that your response to the OP is about half right. I agree with you that seeking "to solve a sexual need with a platonic service" can't possibly successful. However, your assertion that "this has nothing to do with paying for a service." is questionable.
I joined CC about 14 months ago, seeking both touch and affection. At my age, sex is definitely not what I'm looking for. It took me all of about three days to conclude that paying to cuddle would satisfy my desire for touch, but could never satisfy my desire for affection. No matter how much affection there might be, I would believe that it wasn't real.
For 12 months on sending (very polite) messages to every woman within about 60 miles, I had absolutely no luck at all. Then, about 2 months ago I received a message from a woman who's about 250 miles away. I have no idea of how she stumbled across my profile and by the time I asked, she couldn't remember, but I'm glad that she did.
Somehow, despite there being a significant age difference, we hit it off. Our conversations have moved from CC messages, to email, and then to the telephone. After a day with several emails, and a couple of hours on the phone, my need for affection is completely satisfied, and I don't have to wonder if it's real. Even with nothing but virtual, and not always entirely platonic touching, I can't imagine being more satisfied by a session with a pro.
@TimeToLoveMe I read your post and felt for you. I wanted to reach out to you but initially decided against it since I figured the only thing I could say is that part of maturity is accepting the unfairness of life. But I'm not sure that message would be helpful right now.
But when I read your response to @desi_babe, I decided to respond. I don't think she is saying that you came here looking for sex with a pro cuddler. I think she is saying that you can't fill that part of your soul that seeks or needs sex with platonic cuddling. It's like trying to fill a need for food by chewing gum. They are different. Having a satisfying cuddling experience has nothing to do with filling a need for sex. And that's why she said, "Of course, it didn't succeed." Chewing gum doesn't solve hunger.
And so back to what I might say that might be helpful. Maybe the misperception of how cuddling might be a sexual substitute in the first place, and the misperception of @desi_babe in the second, might mean you have some personal work to do.
Good luck, man! And if you want to talk further, message me.
@Eileen_98144 your response to the OP is beautiful. I am truly grateful for pros like you!
I don't know what the original post was other than the few snippets which were reposted for attacking. Truth is those indicate to me a kind of predicament which drove me to find a professional cuddler in the first place. I realized touch was such a deep need of mine that not having it had me shut down. I sought out the services of a professional cuddler precisely to be held and get to a place where I felt worthy of being touched in the first place - and getting to that point is what allowed me to break a cycle of self sabotage which was keeping me from attracting the love and intimacy in my life which was so needed. I was so blessed to have found someone who received me without judgement and was motivated in doing this work for the very reasons you describe.
I wish the OP hadn't removed the post.
The post was honest, open and heartfelt and made me wish I was closer to his location so I could consider getting to know him.
Just because somebody mentions the word "sex" doesn't mean that's what they are looking for on this site. I don't understand openly criticizing people in the forums for reasons such as that. He(who has deleted his account btw) may have been looking for support.
i think he was looking for support. I hate that he deleted.
@homeboy
I don’t even think it has to with fulfilling a sexual need, I suspect @Timetobeloved wished to be valued for something other than money, particularly in interactions with women as I can only guess he has male friends.
This is based on how his declaration resonated with my own experiences.
Yes, @homeboy , that is what I meant. Thank you.
@GreatHornedOwl ah I might have conflated attention with affection in my mind per the context. I consider it a type of affection to give someone undivided attention/physical embrace. Some consider affection to be of a less platonic/more physical nature and I understand that distinction. Pro cuddles are affectionate with boundaries, there’s the physical touch element but it’s not meant to be romantic. When someone longs for romance, platonic attention will not feel affectionate to them…
@RadiantHugs I’m so glad you had that experience and were able to break through your limitations that kept you from receiving what you needed. Bravo for working on it and getting yourself to a better place. I agree, I wish the OP wasn’t deleted but respect this might have opened an emotional can of worms for them.