Enthusiasts messaging then deleting themselves 😖

TruePower

So, this week two enthusiasts messaged me... FIRST. And ive never been messaged before by another enthusiast.
But then promptly blocked and deleted thenselves not even 24h after our last shared message (no meet up for either)

What could be the reason for this? Feeling differently/embarrassed when they woke up? Nerves? Chose someone else?
Is this like a Christmas/holiday rush where their website sees more traffic?

It feels strange to have that rush of excitement of another enthusiast messaging you... then poof gone.
TWICE.

I'll take it as a small ego-boost and move on. Happy holidays everyone

CuddleDuncan

Sorry to be the bearer of bad news but I regret to inform you that Ash and Canada are either scammers or sex workers. There are a number of possible reasons why the accounts were deleted, but none of them are good.

The story you tell has happened to me a number of times. I don't think it's particularly uncommon.

TruePower

@CuddleDuncan oh, I haven't even considered that. Still too new and naive I guess haha
But wouldn't that instead label them as 'Banned' ?

CuddleDuncan

We all were once! 😆

I’ve had that happen. I assumed they were working to find people who would break rules and doing temp profiles to connect with those.

I have tons not respond or delete account after a message where I have said I go by the rules of the site. Don’t take it personally 💫

RadiantHugs

They were scammers

TruePower

Damn, and Canada even preferred we get coffee first, so it felt very genuine and wholesome.

Sideon

FYI, @TruePower

When someone's status is "deleted" - then they, the user, initiated this.

When someone's status is "banned" - then we, the moderators, initiated this.

sunnysideup

Agree with others that these were either scammers or SWs.

If Canada were local, she would already know the coffee shops in the area most likely - so most likely, day of maybe she (or he) will try to ask for money before the meet or something.

Not sure why they deleted, maybe they knew the gig was up or the site isn’t what they thought it was or they already scammed some people and decided to exit while they were ahead.

Best if luck with future cuddles.

homeboy

The clue here is the use of the word "handsome."

Ninety-nine percent of the time — I want to say 100% but my academic training says not to — an initial post containing the word "handsome" is from a scammer and probably from outside the U.S. Who says "handsome" in an initial post? Another typical word is "sweetie." Now, why they deleted the accounts, I have no idea. That's not typical behavior.

xelda

In my opinion, a woman opening with "hi handsome" (or any other overly familiar greeting) is a reason to be cautious. It might appeal to your ego, but is likely not in line with platonic cuddling. When women receive such greetings, we assume they are seeking sex. I'm not sure what men assume... catphishing probably?

achetocuddle

@xelda I would like to know the answer to this. I hope a lot of men weigh in.

homeboy

@xelda and @achetocuddle What follows might not be relevant to you, but....

I am so dogmatic about this because I live it. I frequent a gay dating site and get, "Hi, sweetie" or "How is your day going, handsome" or some such message a half dozen times a week. But even though I'm in good shape and told that I track younger than my 67 years, these are coming from guys in their 20s filled with attractive photos, and profiles whose details are almost "perfect." The "almost" has to do with syntax since it's clear they aren't 100% familiar with idiomatic English. The more I'm online, the more messages I get. This tells me that they are more likely to send messages to people currently online rather than through a profile search.

Although I should probably just delete these messages, I always respond with a cut-and-paste canned response that essentially says, "No, thank you." But occasionally I will engage a guy for the fun of it. He will ask, "What are you looking for" even though the answer — an activity partner — is spelled out in my profile or he will rather immediately talk about how much love he has to give and how he wants to be in a relationship. Yeah, right. This model-quality 20-year-old is offering his love to me in the second sentence of an online message. If I continue the conversation, it always proceeds to them asking for my phone number and/or email so, they say, the conversation can continue offline. I beg off and have never gone past that point.

A friend says these guys aren't trolling for my bank account. They are harvesting contact info to be assembled and sold on the dark web. After all, they have a lot of info about me from my profile including pictures. If they can get my email address and phone number, they have a mini-dossier they can sell to people who want to send me emails to populate my spam folder. LOL If what he says is true, it's a numbers game for these guys. Say "Hi handsome" to everyone online and maybe you'll get enough phones/emails to make it worthwhile. It also explains why so many of these guys are outside the U.S. It's an easy cottage industry for guys without a lot of prospects for high-paying traditional work.

Now, admittedly there's a world of difference between CC and a gay dating site. My entire response here is based on the word "handsome." But if these guys are, in fact, collecting contact info, the process could be similar for other communities and genders with just a few word substitutions.

Nobodieshero

I've had people message me on here then it says their profiles are "paused" whatever that means. Also have talked to an enthusiast that went as far as giving me her number then ghosted after like 2 texts. Honestly I have very low expectations for this site unless I'm willing to pay someone and I'm not doing that.

It's honestly the same with online dating, you get ghosted 99% of the time. Women have a lot of options and so are sorta flighty and choosey about who they talk with. Don't give up, but yeah don't take anything too serious either. I try not to get excited about anything online anymore.

I once talked to a girl for a month, every day, we became pretty close, then randomly with no warning and mid conversation she disappeared and deleted all her social media accounts....

This is the world we live in, ghost culture

I figure it can't hurt to have a line in the water though ... Although this happens most of the time you never know..

achetocuddle

@homeboy I enjoy your well-written and enlightening posts.

WriterGF

@Nobodieshero I once had someone tell me that the issue with online is too many choices. A lot of people seem to feel that if they choose someone to focus on, then they might miss out on someone better tomorrow. The result being that they never choose anyone.

BashfulLoner

Oh your new, this happens in cycles. They just caught a couple fish and then left. They’ll be back or find a quicker way to get what the want

TruePower

For what it's worth, here's my reply to the handsome remark.
It raised a flag, but I still wanted to communicate and see what they were looking for

CharlieBear

@achetocuddle If I get a message from someone that I have not interacted with before and their message touches at all on my appearance, I immediately figure it’s a scam. I feel like I’m an easy target so I go with my gut and assume they are trying to get something from me.

JBearz

I hate to be that guy, but if they claim to be women, message you first, and don't have a profile pic, it's a scam. Every time. On every site/app

WriterGF

@JBearz Often even if they do have a picture -- they use photos of models or photos they got from women they previously scammed.

BashfulLoner

It could be that he just realized he messaged you 3x from different accounts and figured he’d just can’t you up on one account.

snuggly_sloth

Yours might have been scammers but I'm sad to say that I just had this happen for real, with someone who had a couple of non-revealing photos and definitely wasn't talking about anything non-platonic.
I sent her a message late last night asking about her music mentioned on her profile. This morning I got a message back asking more about me, so I started to write a response but I had to go out to run an errand, then I got home this afternoon and finished writing the response, only to find that she had deleted her account and I couldn't send it.
Apparently it does happen, and I'm left worrying that it was because I took too long to respond to someone who may have been anxious and needed a hug.

homeboy

@achetocuddle I enjoy writing and the interplay of ideas in these forums. And I enjoy feedback. Thanks for your warm words. But I also enjoy lying down, turning off the front of my brain, turning on some quiet music, and wrapping my arms around, well, so far, a pillow. Platonically, of course.

JohnR1972

Against my better judgment I opened a Twitter account a few months ago…. I was shocked at the number of attractive, lonely Asian women who have contacted me wanting to become “my Asian friend.” 😂😂

I’m also surprised how open they are when they mention in their very first message they are 30 years old, divorced without kids, and prefer the company of older men. Seems legit to me 🤣

achetocuddle

@Charlie_Bear If someone touches on my appearance in a message (other than something like nice smile) I figure they are up to no good.

I think it's good for everyone to be cautious if your looks are mentioned.

sunnysideup

@xelda @achetocuddle It depends - on CC I’d be more inclined to to think it’s a a scam. If I opened up sending them pictures of myself it might be okay depending on how their follow up messages look like.

On a dating Site it’d be a but more normal to open up like this, unless they were like a 10/10 or had bad grammar.

achetocuddle

@sunnysideup Good point. I am not always cautious when looks are mentioned, but people still learning how to size people up might do better erring on the side of caution. I can't help but think of newbies/the naive on other threads also when I speak of this.

It's always good to try to be realistic about how well you even know yourself before getting started on this or anything. Admittedly easier said than done:) I'm glad so many share their experience here; it's helped me too

PrettyLuv

Hmm...these posts make me want to be the first to message a guy and say “hi handsome” lol. It feels so weird being the first to message a guy tho. It almost feels illegal.

TruePower

@PrettyLuv guys love to be approached :] Never hesitate

sunnysideup

@PrettyLuv most guys get complimented so rarely, particularly on their appearance, that when we do it feels pretty nice for us. CC probably isn't the best place to do this though.

@achetocuddle being cautious if you don't know the tells seems wise. Additionally, I'd say women have more to be cautious about around this topic than men, admittedly.