I think if someone is busy or preoccupied with something, the best thing is to give them space and do your own thing. If they're available or ready to pick things up again, they will contact you.
There's a thing called ghosting! I wouldn't take it personally. We all do it a few times after simply getting bored of a person. It sucks to have to say goodbye to every "new" found friend when they think it's forever and in your head you know it's temporary. I'd try to keep the mindset that nothing last forever and people are free to come and go without us nicely thinking "something tragic happened". This person probably just had life to deal with. Don't ever take it personal.
I really haven't read any mean comments , only honesty . I'm not big on coddling people . To me tough love is the best way to grow from something. If that makes you feel a certain way then I apologize, never the intent to do that. However you must realize when you go on a forum to vent and seek advice, you might not hear what you want to hear. If you arent in a space to be able to manage your feelings and tolerate a difference of opinion, I suggest waiting a day or 2 to decide if you still feel its important enough to post. This is not a place for therapy or counseling. There is no "safe space" on the public interweb forums . Nobody is being mean , and nobody is victimizing on this thread as best as I can see , yet it is being suggested otherwise. Diversity of opinion doesn't equal mean. We are not children, and at this point should know this and at this point we should be able to manage criticism, constructive or otherwise.
@pmvines unfortunately, most people can’t take criticism.
Just a general note of advice for folks saying a follow up text is a good idea… I guess if you’re fine taking the risk. 🤷♀️ My policy is: a follow up text is ONLY a good idea if you know for a fact the person you’re dealing with is forgetful on texts and appreciates follow ups. For example, like my friends with ADHD who open texts and forget about them. Otherwise, as a woman, I guarantee you that your follow up text is creeping her out. My source? Talking with other women who pull their phones out, gossip with me, and show me creepy dudes who aren’t leaving them alone. Most of my female friends get freaked out by a follow up text, and sending one guarantees they’re not going to reach out again in the future. It pressures people and makes them feel like they can’t have their own space.
You can think this is right or wrong or whatever, I’m just saying what actually happens behind the scenes when my female friends come to me with the tea for the week.
@bobadevotee - One followup text isn't necessarily creepy, but no more than two texts without a response. That does not mean they might be a stalkertype unless they continue to text.
Re follow up text. I can see both sides . I personally am terrible when it comes to responding. I have messages on CC i haven't responded to , sorry for those who I havent you know who you are, and same goes for my text inbox on phone . Folks get busy and forget. But if there is a follow up with no response, then even if it is hard to do, accept that this is the terms and love the person and what you had with them . It doesn't change your history with them. They may message you several mo from now to check in and if they do , then you may wanna say like.hey , glad hear from you , when I jadnt heard back before I was a little concerned about you . But dont be that guy that demands an explanation.
There shouldn't be expectations of a besties forever kinda thing on the internet . Ive.been fortunate enough to make a few friends here who are true friends that will likely have until we are in the nursing homes playing crash up derby with our wheelchairs, but that is very much the exception. Most are casual friendships or acquaintances, and I cant expect much from them with that. But even those kind of connections are worthy of the time and energy we have to devote to each other .
making friends through the site is not the same as through traditional in person social activities. Don't take it personally. My favorite cuddler reactivated her account after 10 weeks. She needed a break for personal reasons. We cuddled again last night for the first time in 3 months. It was bliss. Your cuddle friend may need the same. You will have to accept they may not be in contact again.
Gib I'd ignore the vast amount of toxicity from a few users in this thread and move on. This thread is just gonna keep the wound open for you at this point. Focus on the facts: the reality is, she isn't replying. Your energy is best spent on finding the next person:) you tried and you can walk away from this with a smile knowing you gave it your best shot. Always stings to lose what we thought was a nice person, but usually it's a sign they weren't all we thought they were! Always be acquiring more friends, you won't run out of them that way
@timlink yeah
I appreciate the people who were kind, I appreciate the people who were honest, fair, and explained things well. and after getting a mix of everything here, it's easier to see and ignore the unkind and unhelpful (which was really only a vibe i got from a couple of posts, not the majority or even many, and those posts i've either forgotten about, or they've explained further in later posts to the point that i agree with them now)
probably wasn't helped by me saying i might call them, it probably fueled an unnecessary fire. i'm sure to the people that sounded upset at me (or that i interpreted as upset at me), there was good reason for that now in hindsight haha
@bobadevotee Also to your point, and only in this instance - they did miss a text beforehand (in early december when they were already telling me about being busy at work) and they told me a couple days later "oops i meant to send this". So that told me a little that "hey, it's possible they missed my last text again and they didn't mean to" (something that I didn't really mention because it didn't seem that important, but once you explained what you just said, it makes sense and it probably would've been helpful if I said that before lol)
Don't wonder and think about it,it's not the end of the world, nothing wrong with you, it happens to every human been, be positive and think about the future, they are 8 billions of people in the world 🌎 this universe is huge
I'm amazed this thread is still going strong!!
@Melancholy So far I'm 2 for 2 on making controversial threads that last a couple pages longer than they really should have
I’ve done this too many times to count. Sometimes I’m not even sure why, half the time it has nothing to do with the other person, other times it absolutely does, either way I’ll just shut down. Ghosting is a bit of an outlet, an escape - free from explanations, caring, conflict, facing any of it, you just let go and forget about everyone & everything. I’ve done this to bf’s even who would assume the worst when things would just suddenly turn off. But just as easily, I turn on again.
Someone else made a good point tho. She may not feel as engaged by you as you were by her. Notice how you talk about how amazing she made you feel, how she assuaged you during your sad moments, but when it comes to hers, she’s busy busy busy. She has her walls up which makes it easier to leave unscathed. She’s engaging you but you don’t really know her, at least not the real her, and that missing element puts a distance between you like an ocean. You can’t try after the fact because then it’s not natural, just you trying too hard.
Only thing I haven’t seen anyone say is what would actually garner some respect for you and help you in the process of letting her go, which would be...
Well first, she’s reading your messages so that means shes still considerate of what you have to say. Otherwise you’d have been blocked or completely left unread (which is so much worse - that’s like total indifference).
But she’s not responding which means she’s gauging you. Desperation is not a very attractive trait and when someone feels like you’re predictable that’s also not the best thing. Worse when they feel like they know your parameters and you don’t know anything of theirs, it’s even more isolating (think those marriages with the guy or girl living a double life).
Anyway, to garner some respect/closure, I would respond to her in a week’s time. Don’t do it any earlier as it’ll be too close to your previous message. Give it a week, then tell her, “I really liked you and I know you’re going through it right now but you’re a beautiful person and it was really nice listening to your voice. Bye”
Something to that effect. The bye pretty much seals the deal. What you’re doing is 3 things. You’re answering the silence (a lot of people can’t pick up on it). You’re bringing closure to your heart in letting go (and letting her know you’re letting go too). And you’re reminding her that you can weather her storm or whatever she’s throwing at you in that silence between.
That’s it. If you message her after that, you’ve committed message suicide.
Hope that helps a lil.
I like that "bye" effect. I'm probably not sending another message, because I'd already consider what I've sent as "message suicide" as you well stated it. But I think that's a trick to learn in the future - the whole of what you said, actually. Thanks. (I read and internalized the other things you said, too, and thank you.)
I used to think that things were always my problem.
Most times a person's perceived response has nothing to do with me, but something else going on in their life or the world. I try and give people the benefit of the doubt, and if situation repeats, then move on and not let them waste any more of my time.
Years ago I accidentally stood someone up several times. Once I realized this, I immediately contacted them sincerely apologized, and said I was still very interested in meeting them, but understood if they were no longer interested. We did soon meet after that, and have remained good friends ever since.