Questions you ask when vetting clients or red flag words.

Hugginghealer

I've been doing this or massage therapy since I was 18 and it's the subtle way people answer questions sometimes that let me know they are looking for more than just platonic... I wish we didn't have to do this but we do, so here are the main two I ask:

What are you looking for in your cuddling session? Or I'll ask what outcome they are looking for. If they use the word "release" I will generally dig into the word further. Sometimes they will also say they want to see what happens "naturally" this word is another red flag for me.

If I see that they have already been with another pro. I will ask how that session went and what was their favorite part. You can get a mix of answers here.

If they want to take the conversation instantly off of cuddle comfort it usually is a sign they want to ask for a sexual incounter. That has been my experience so far.

I always give people the benefit of the doubt that English might not be their first language or that they have trouble expressing themselves before ending the conversation but I am curious what other questions people ask. A lot of people who are looking for sex work know they can't just say it outright.

What are your red flags?

Sheena123

I also like to ask if they have any fave cuddle positions. I find most of the cuddlers I talk to that have bad intentions, will say they love all of these specific positions that look or feel sexual. It’s the way they describe what they want.

mimtheplantmom

The biggest red flag for me has been when a man asked me to show up in heels and red panties 🤢 also i feel like wanting to meet in a hotel is a red flag too,

Mike403

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Sideon

@Mike403 - just because something isn't a red flag for you doesn't mean it isn't for someone else. There are caveats, of course. Meeting someone in their hotel room for the first time is probably not wise, but meeting someone in the hotel lobby with people around is wise.

Mike403

@Sideon - Well, it just said hotel and some people can't host at their home for whatever reason such as roommates.

Sideon

@Mike403 - I'm asking you to evaluate and ask yourself: how was your rhetorical helpful? Did it add to the conversation? If you were intending sarcasm, it fell flat, as your comment was flagged/reported...which is why this thread and you are now on my radar. I don't need an answer here on the thread. I need you to be mindful of what you're saying and how you're saying things. Thanks.

beaubliss

This is a great thread, thanks for starting it @Hugginghealer

I often coach friends who have recently got onto the site to help them with vetting. Sharing "red flag words" can be really helpful for those pros who are new to the art of vetting. And trust me, there is an art....as well as a science. I think you've nailed a few of them, especially the word "release", obviously often a euphemism for sexual satisfaction....though it doesn't have to be. Yet in the cuddling world, even if that word can be used appropriately, a reflective client will know that it is loaded and choose a different word.

The questions asked are crucial. Sure, "what do you look for in a session" can lead to either red flags or an enthusiastic invitation, and it is certainly recommended. But I coach pros to consider more nuanced and specific questions too, like "What present need do you have that you feel is met by a cuddle?" And "What clothing do you find most comfortable in a cuddling session, both for yourself and for me?". When you give prospective clients the opportunity to speak a bit, you're able to find aspects of his conversing either appealing or challenging....for you, not necessarily everyone. It's not a binary; it's more than they are either OK or should be reported. There are personal red flags....as well as personal gateways to celebration, and it's important as a pro to know what works for you best, and how to discern from the conversation, however brief, whether this unmet client is one you want to take a chance with.

CuddleDuncan

I've been asked "what do you look for/want to get out of a session" by a couple of professionals and it's very off-putting. It's a very difficult question to answer, not least because it's so vast. It also goes right to the heart of the personal stuff, which is quite jarring coming from a stranger. It sounds like such an innocent, reasonable question but in practice I fight it a nightmare. And if I do I'm sure others do too.

More detailed questions as @beaubliss suggests, which are focussed on the session itself and not the client's feelings about it, are much easier to deal with and therefore lead more easily into a conversation.