What questions do you have about platonic cuddling?

I recently created a blog post with 12 FAQ about platonic cuddling, but would be curious to hear - do you guys have anything to add? Have I missed out anything important? I've tried to be as comprehensive and thorough as possible. I'm not really addressing professional cuddling though - it's primarily for people who are looking for free cuddling opportunities or attending cuddle parties.

Here is the blog post: https://cuddlecentral.wordpress.com/2017/03/14/12-frequently-asked-questions-about-platonic-cuddling...

I_am_Polylover

In item 12 you say to look for someone with moral integrity. My morals are not your morals. I could have moral integrity as far as my own moral standards goes, but at the same time I could be completely immoral by your moral standards. So with these variables in mind, how do you define moral integrity? And should it even be included in the list of things to look for?

rollypolly

Nice article. It's a good starting point for someone like me who is new to this.
@I_am_Polylover I don't think two people with mismatching morals would make very good cuddle buddies, or plain old buddies for that matter. 

@I_am_Polylover when I say moral integrity, I basically mean someone who is honest, not deceptive, and goes about things in an ethical way. I have come across people who are deceptive, e.g. being married but wanting to cuddle people without telling their partner in a monogamous context.

I may not agree with polyamory in my personal life from a moral point of view, however I would be happy cuddling with someone who is polyamorous - as long as they are being honest and doing it in an ethical way (e.g. not hiding anything from their partner). Does that make sense?

I also agree with @rollypolly that it makes sense to find someone on the same page as you in terms of values. Of course you don't have to have identical worldviews or agree on everything, but you need to still be on the same page at a very basic level.

My cuddle buddies and I have different beliefs and worldviews in many respects (I am Christian, and they are both atheists), but we still have basic shared values that give our relationship a solid foundation. I know that they do their best to live according to their own values, even if we may differ in some areas.

I know Wikipedia is not the most reliable source, but this explanation of integrity makes sense to me:

"Inethics, integrity is regarded by many people as the honesty and truthfulness or accuracy of one's actions. Integrity can stand in opposition to hypocrisy,[2]
in that judging with the standards of integrity involves regarding
internal consistency as a virtue, and suggests that parties holding
within themselves apparently conflicting values should account for the
discrepancy or alter their beliefs. The word integrity evolved from the Latin adjective integer, meaning whole or complete.[3] In this context, integrity is the inner sense of "wholeness" deriving from qualities such as honesty and consistency of character.
As such, one may judge that others "have integrity" to the extent that
they act according to the values, beliefs and principles they claim to
hold."

I_am_Polylover

@rollypolly I disagree with you that two people with a differing moral code could not be cuddle partners or even friends. In my opinion all that is needed is for them to respect each other's values and to have no intention of crossing each other's boundaries. If those two items are in place I see no reason why they wouldn't make good cuddle partners, or even friends if they find other things to base a friendship on.

@sunflowerfield Thank you for explaining what you meant.☺ The Wikipedia view of integrity very much matches my own. My question had more to do with the 'moral' part of the phrase. The nature of polyamory demands honesty if it is to at all work well. Lying and sneaking around is cheating, and if a person does that in a poly relationship, then they do not truly understand what it means to be poly. I guess the same might be said for monogamous relationships. Betrayal is betrayal no matter what the underlying circumstances might be.

rollypolly

@I_am_Polylover LOL your idealistic view of the world is very refreshing! I agree that two people can be friends as long as they trust and respect each other even though their idea of morality may be different, but that only happens when they've known each other for a while. In this context, when you're trying to meet strangers for platonic cuddling, that seems like a long shot.

Thanks for explaining your perspective @I_am_Polylover! And I do think it's possible for people with different moral codes to be friends and cuddle buddies, as long as they respect each other's values and don't cross any boundaries. That's been my experience anyway. I do think some things would bother me though, like people with a judgemental or bigoted attitude.

I don't understand. It's a platonic cuddling. How does that mean someone is cheating if they are looking for something their partner cannot or has not been able to fulfill?

^^ I am interested in starting a post about this. Go to any public place like a school, church or grocery store. Then ask a stranger if they think that it's socially acceptable to cuddle with a married person or someone's romantic partner. It's not! If I was to ask a respected person in our society what their thoughts were on this matter they would agree with me. That's the main reason why so many of you remain anonymous, because of your privacy. You don't want your friends or family to know that you're cuddling other people. I like cuddling as much as the fella next to me, but I think it's wrong to cuddle with someone else's partner. Yes, it's cheating. Just because you're trying to change the definition of cheating doesn't mean that it's not cheating. Platonic cuddling should happen between single people only. 

@sarah35 Then you should leave that person. It's not a relationship anymore. 

funandadventure

Dear CuddleBandit.
Your post is fine for young people and understandable, I work with the aged in care, Cuddling is a very important part of care, most of my friends are 70+ and the oldest is 105 all have partners in there memories and alive but need cuddles now to help with health and quality of there life's, we are not cheating, they are useing  a medical procedure to help enjoy life, at this age sex never comes into it, it is simply life giving and changes can be seen in hours not days

^^ I like that. Babies and senior citizens need cuddles. We're talking about people in relationships here. 

funandadventure

The staff, extra cuddles and candy strippers are all in relationships,marriages, some tell there partners but most do not because it is a dayly occurrence. Can you say these people are cheating. John.

I_am_Polylover

Cheating is lying, sneaking around, breaking of trust, or other betrayal. If a person is open and honest with their partner(s) about what they are doing, and they get no objections, then there is no cheating.

funandadventure

Thank you for that I_am_Polylover, I am on duty later tonight and I am going to try and find out how many of my staff do in actual fact tell there partners about cuddleing the patents and what if anything, is the out come, an interesting survey. I think because we are in so much contact with people we (my staff ) do not even think about it, let alone think of it as cheating.
Interesting. John

My view is that platonic cuddling is fine with someone who is married or partnerred, but only as long as their spouse is 100% on board with it and happy about it. If their spouse doesn't know about it or isn't happy about it, then it's not acceptable. It doesn't really matter whether something is technically "cheating" or not, what matters is that people are respecting the wishes of their partner/spouse in this issue.

I would also add that there are different kinds of cuddling, for instance discrete forms of cuddling like sitting beside someone on the couch to watch a movie and putting an arm around them is less intimate than lying in bed and cuddling. Also factors like sexual orientation and gender play a role here.

I_am_Polylover

@funandadventure Is there any chance you could share the results of your survey with us?

To be honest I think most people wouldn't mind if their spouse was working in an aged care facility and giving some of the people platonic hugs and affection, although I think I would still want to be open with my spouse about it.

rollypolly

After a certain age, old people become like children. Cuddling them is no closer to cheating than cuddling children is, especially if it is your job to take care of them. If I worked at an aged care facility, I wouldn't bother telling my partner specifically about cuddling unless she asked.

funandadventure

Well all it did set the cat among the piggins, I think I asked about 20 staff members over the night shift 60 % women all ages and balance 40% men, 90% did not even think about it as they all see it as part of the job, the other 10% had all had the conversation with there partner ( marred or in a relationship) and some had had problems, one woman said her husband STRICTLY forbids her to do it again. I did not quite understand that but lets let it pass, I will note she has been seen holding hands and walking with an gent 100+ in the gardens only today so her husbands demands were water off of a ducks back. Yes that one is cheating and now we all know but she is a cuddler and a free spirit. ( age 54 years )
The rest of the team are going to talk to other half over the next few days and later in the week we are going to have a staff meeting about it, no one has ever given it a thought.
@rollypolly You are so right, but it is very much dependent on the person, we have a lady who is 97 years old and has just past her driving licence, I have been out driving with her and she is cautious but can park in very tight spaces, She is the only resident who insists on spooning, laying on the lounger in the TV room in full public view, many a night she go's to sleep in the arms of a staff member ( man or woman ) I have never found out what she did in her younger life but she has her ideas and heaven and earth will not change them.
So they are all different and you have to understand what is needed and what is totally out.
All for now John update will be in a day or two.

I_am_Polylover

@rollypolly. At what age should I expect to suddenly be like a child so younger women will lose their fear of cuddling with me? You may want to reevaluate your viewpoint on cuddling with children who are not your own, or risk being thrown in jail as a pediphile. I honestly don't think that the younger women afraid of cuddling with me now will ever change, since it is a reflection of their values, and not of any change that you might conceive of occurring in me. I also don't think that all younger women have the same values, and I doubt that they much care for you speaking for them in general. On a personal note, I don't much appreciate your condescending tone towards me in an earlier message in this thread.

Thanks for sharing @funandadventure. It's interesting that many people view holding hands as a romantic thing, though I often do it with my closest platonic friends. Before my straight Chilean friend got married, we used to hold hands in public often, as it was culturally very normal for her. I remember when she started dating her husband, we went to a concert and while we were sitting she held his hand and my hand at the same time. :-)

@rollypolly I also disagree that after a certain age, elderly people become like children. Perhaps some do mentally due to Alzheimers, though many don't. I think that is quite a condescending assumption.

rollypolly

@Sunflowerfield People degrade mentally and physically as they get old, regardless of any particular disease. Of course, some people remain agile and active until their death, but that's the exception, not the rule. At a certain age, they grow dependent on others. That's why aged-care facilities exist. They also begin to show traits that we usually associate with children, such as stubbornness and getting worked up about little things. My grandmother is in her early eighties. Coincidentally, our birthdays are on the same day. It always makes her irrationally happy to see me, even if it's over Skype. Other family members are also happy, but their is a childlike quality about her reaction. Also, she gets really annoyed about little things such as too much or too little salt in her food (her taste buds are also deteriorating, I think). I am half a world away from her, but even if I was home, she couldn't have walked up the stairs to visit my room, not even with someone to support her, because knees have gotten much worse over the last year. So yes, she is like a child in many ways, as are most others her age. When I compare old people to children, it comes from a place of love and sad observation, not disrespect. If you think I say that to feel superior to them or insult them in any way, you are completely wrong.

@I_am_Polylover Your tone suggests that you thought my comment was directed at you. It wasn't. I was responding to @funandadventure 's post about cuddling with aged people. And honestly, you don't seem old to me, you're young at heart! I just know you as the nudist poly guy, your age wasn't on my mind. And I was being honest when I said that I find your worldview refreshing. I'm sorry if that came across as condescending. At no point did I imply that I speak for women or other men, I was just putting forward my opinion.
Since you brought up pedophilia, I'll just say I've had enough of this North American uptightness. It's not the rest of the world's fault that there are so many pedophiles here. In Japan, for instance, an old man could sit peacefully in a park while children played nearby. In the states, he'd probably get the police called on him. 

   

funandadventure

Hi guys, Let us not get upset about a few words, all of you are right, It purely depends on the person, life experiences, health,
and polylover you are right, some do get what you discribe ( childlike), to work with them is the best thing that has happened to me, everyday is sooooooo different. antics you would not believe.
The salt one is interesting, I have a young friend she is 87 years old and I like a particular aftershave, some days she raves how good I smell and nestles into my neck, others she nearly dry reaches, you never know the response you are going to get until the time it happens. This friend can be so cuddly, wanting to walk around the gardens arm in arm, sit on the bench holding hands, arm around the shoulders for hours at a time, very very touch and hold but the aftershave can be a nightmare.
I hope you guys do not think of me as to weird talking and enjoying the contact and love of the aged, I do have a partner who is slightly younger than my self and I have a few young cuddle buddies I have met on line. Love to all John.

rollypolly

@funandadventure John, you are a kind man. You cuddle with people who probably need it a lot more than most of us here. Thank you for doing it and keep up the good work.

funandadventure

Dear rollypolly. Every person, all creatures,all plants need endless of cuddles. I am happy to say I am a tree hugger and have been all my life, you will not get the same intense satisfaction from a plant you get from a person but it is there, an Idea for all, if you can not get a cuddle buddy and in need of a cuddle NOW cuddle a tree, I do suggest you do not do in public and never in north America that has got to be an offence.
You all have fun John.

@funandadventure I think you are doing something very meaningful and beautiful working with the aged, and being willing to give them physical affection. You are an inspiration to us and I'm glad you are here.

Well i don't feel i need to leave my lover because i want to cuddle with people. And why does everyone keep going to a sexual, sensual side of cuddling? As far as letting go of my man because i want human touch or a friendship because of my health problems, anxiety and wanting to believe love should be shared, to me is not a valid enough reason for me to leave. I'm not looking to set up a secret location and have this romantic love affair. I'm looking for someone to hold hands with, the benefits of being hugged, sure cuddled while doing the dishes. But I'm not looking to end something. My story people don't know and i feel you judged way too fast! My problem is my problem and I'm not forcing anyone to find a connection. Have you watched videos and read articles on how cuddling has saved my marriage or my relationship. Further more i did speak with my boyfriend about my searching for cuddlers. He stated if i want to look into it go ahead. I was very honest as to why i am looking for cuddlers and finding this site is just not for first timers. Maybe i need to look elsewhere due to the judgement of sites. Cuddling is platonic not looking for someone to save my ass.
Maybe it was a bit harsh. But to say one is cheating is like saying "i had a bad day and there is no one around to hug me and console me oh well its cheating. Suck it up or end your relationship because he's working and comes home exhausted". Everyone needs a little extra and frankly I don't think making yourself happy in your life means you need to neglect certain things just because it offend your partner. It's one life and if we want to cuddle or snuggle while fully clothed with no intentions of more than falling asleep because the day was just too much then i say cuddle. :-). Thank you and I'm sorry i got upset. Wishing happiness to everyone.

4cuddles

Hey Sarah.
Sad to see your thread.
I'd like to think who ever's comments made you feel judged.(I won't get a chance to read previous messages until later)- wasn't their intention.

I'd be first to admit that threads can get heated as some people react too strongly to events or experiences they are unfamiliar with.

Wanted to say you are welcome on this site & remind you that some opinions on this threads don't always reflect opinions of everyone.