Do you ever prefer cuddling when you are anxious, scared, or sad?

StructuredQueryLanguageStructuredQueryLanguage
edited January 2023 in General

The notion that cuddling or physical affection can be desirable when one is in a more upset mental state is certainly nothing new... think about the commonplace practice of people taking dates to horror movies just so people can hold each other when scared for instance. The cathartic or soothing aspect to cuddling is something I certainly appreciate, and if I had to pick my perfect state of mind in which to cuddle, it would probably be one of an abstract melancholy or generalized dread... about which I could take no action but simply find escape and release emotionally via closeness with another.

I wonder the extent to which it is desirable, however, to bring "intentional negative emotional states" into cuddling sessions. Certainly, watching a sad or scary movie to cuddle to can be a fun experience if both agree, but is it odd or counterproductive for someone to try to bring up their actual trauma or anxieties intentionally before or during cuddling? I primarily only cuddle with professionals, and I'd also be curious what they might think of this notion, if it's something they've encountered or might expect as a part of the service?

What are folks' thoughts on this topic ❤️❤️❤️❤️🥲🥲🥲🥲?

Comments

  • KamikaziNinja86KamikaziNinja86

    I'd probably say I benefit most from cuddles when I'm sad/down/depressed. Just being with someone helps and when you both click and vibe helps a ton.

  • NobodiesheroNobodieshero

    When I'm stressed out or sad, that's when its best, or lonely, (typically a result of the first 2)

  • PrettyLuvPrettyLuv

    I find the need to cuddle greatest when going through intense emotions. They don’t have to know it tho.

  • Hamtaro1Hamtaro1

    I just like your name is SQL.

  • StructuredQueryLanguageStructuredQueryLanguage

    @Hamtaro1 I think I made this profile at the height of my nerd workaholic life stage!

  • lonelytauroslonelytauros

    No, absolutely not. when I cuddle I want to be at my best positive energy I don’t wanna share any negative energy with who I am cuddling with

  • pmvinespmvines

    No not really. I prefer my space when dealing with things. I also feel like it is kinda draining for the other person when you bring all your baggage to them

  • cde123cde123

    I love cuddling when I'm stressed or overwhelmed. I'm not sure I'd enjoy it while anxious or scared. I generally go into problem solving mode for those emotions.

  • StructuredQueryLanguageStructuredQueryLanguage
    edited January 2023

    @pmvines if you're paying lol, nothing wrong with bringing in the baggage!

  • StructuredQueryLanguageStructuredQueryLanguage
    edited January 2023

    @cde123 I know what you're saying about "cuddle mode" or "problem-solving mode"!

    If I feel like I'm bothered by something in my power to resolve or that I'm responsible for (like an assignment due at work), I just want to focus on fixing it or finishing it up and be alone, but if what's bothering me is abstract or more external or out of my control entirely, then I'd want to just cuddle and be around other people and like be released into warm feelings. The amazing feeling of escaping prior bad feelings, guiltlessly, that is something special and to some extent better than always having "felt good".

  • cudbud64cudbud64

    Enthusiast here. I think there's a difference between having a bad day and cuddling versus purposely bringing negative energy to a cuddle. There's an element of intimacy that comes with most cuddles, but it doesn't mean that the person in the cuddle with you is looking to absorb the negative energy one purposely brings to the table. I have friends that belong to different spaces of my life, maybe some a hobby in common, and others I seek wisdom or advise from. If you're walking into a cuddle with a hobby type friend and not a wisdom type friend, they might not be particularly skilled to walk through that with you or have a desire to? Additionally, if this is supposed to be a mutally beneficial exchange, then that changes the power dynamic right there. Even if you meet only with pros, if they have certifications, it's likely going to be in their skillset as a cuddler, not talk therapist. It would be relevant to bring up trauma if you know that physical touch is challenging for you so whomever you end up cuddling with lets you decide the pace and what you're comfortable with.

  • MrKinderMrKinder

    No, I don't want to saddle the other person with anything.

  • pmvinespmvines

    There is something to be said I'm sure about the appeal to other cuddlers of not being an emotional vampire though

  • StructuredQueryLanguageStructuredQueryLanguage
    edited January 2023

    @pmvines with the proper mindset, I think one could introduce intense or upsetting emotions to cuddling in a way that does not make the other person uncomfortable nor drain them. The negativity could be a very desirable experience for both overall! Think of how innocent it is when couples watch horror movies just to hold each other as that initial example and just extend that potentially.

  • DeathbyChocolatDeathbyChocolat

    Cuddling is definitely good when you feel depressed anxious or sad but I like cuddling more when I'm happy because it just feels like my souls content and on the opposite end it's just like I'm trying to feel better

  • LithellylLithellyl

    Very much so

    When I'm feeling happy? Cuddle

    When I'm feeling content? Cuddle

    When I'm feeling sad? Cuddle

    When I'm feeling scared? Cuddle

    When I'm feeling angry? Cuddle

    When I'm feeling bored? Cuddle

    Basically cuddling is my answer for everything

  • [Deleted User]CatGirlColorado (deleted user)

    @pmvines

    I feel the same. When I’m emotional, I feel I need to hide from people. Probably from childhood experiences of being punished for showing emotions and having to hide feelings around others. I isolate myself when I’m dealing with things. Some people don’t get it and get upset that I pull away when things get tough but I need space to sort things out.

  • StructuredQueryLanguageStructuredQueryLanguage
    edited January 2023

    Let me clarify that when I'm in a positive mood that I still love cuddling and might prefer different positions. I do believe, however, that a negative mood heightens the emotion of some of the best and most classic positions... for instance the "melt into arms" position or "holding on and not wanting to let go" position.

  • TheFunCartelTheFunCartel

    I mainly cuddle at night and I compartmentalize well so the question of preference is irrelevant. I am there to relax and enjoy the company even if the company and I are silent. But I am chatty so that rarely happens for a lot of the cuddle.

    Now I had a cuddler that would not stop talking for two hours which caused me anxiety and a desire to decuddle because it was anything but relaxing. A conversation is making space for verbal reactions with another person. This was a two hour soliloquy on mundane stuff. She was not unloading…she just had diarrhea of the mouth and each word was a different nail on the proverbial chalk board. I asked her not to leave karma because I do not want another client to fall victim to her unenviable verbal stamina and think I sanctioned it.

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