Am I broken?

Originalirish

Yeah, I know, guys aren't supposed to talk about their emotions, but I have nobody else so, here goes...
I came here to CC because I needed some sort of human connection. I never had much luck dating. I've been used, cheated on and laughed at to my face for having the audacity to evwn ask a woman to a local carnival. I've been told multiple times to my face that I'm just not enough. I mean, I know words are just words, but after the third time or so ya start to maybe think they may be true.
I don't get it. I know I'm not a model, but I would hope that I look at least decent enough for someone out there to find me attractive.
I've applied myself to as many passions as I could: I'm a multi-instrumentalist, vocalist, published author, award winning poet, abstract artist etc. etc.
I spent three and a half years volunteering in the community through Americorps.
I'm not lazy. I love kids. I was licensed and taught preschool in two states and I currently work with middle schoolers.
I don't say any of this from a point of pride...only for reference....
What am I doing wrong?
Even here on CC I'm ghosted and I'm canceled on. I get that life happens, and that's cool, but so many cancelations lately and just no responses. I know this is all just platonic here but It just hurts a little more given my past.
This is already a book...but, I guess what I'm asking is, do any of you see something wrong with me? Honestly?
I can't fix it if I don't know about it.
Please, be brutally honest...
Now, I'm gonna post this before I chicken out and delete it 🤦‍♂️

SuperManCuddles

The reality of life is that we will all experience being rejected and accepted! It’s just harder to find the people that will accept us and easier to find rejection. Don’t give up, the friends, dates or cuddle buddies that are meant to be in your life will be easily and the ones not meant to be will not. Many times in my life, I have been rejected too but my current success in many levels of life, made it more than worth it! I had nothing but positive experiences from you on this site. If you want to communicate more, feel welcome too. I personally think you have positive vibes and if we are ever in the same area, would be cool to hangout.

pmvines

Sounds like you are an interesting, talented, accomplished person with oodles to offer . I'm sorry that you feel a bad way about yourself. Please don't use an interweb site and its interactions as a measure of success or accomplishment. You have so much real world, real life stuff going for yourself. This site is kinda meaningless in the grand scheme of things ,and cuddling an interweb stranger is not a sign of winning at life . Focus on what matters most to you, as well as your mental health, and others will take notice.

KaaGee

I don't see anything off-putting in your profile. If I was in your area I'd be interested in hanging out, maybe going to a movie.
I don't know how you interact on a personal level, do you show an interest in your companion when you're with them? Do you have good conversations? Or are they one-sided?
I'm just throwing some things out there to think about.

lonelytauros

I think most of us have done time in the gutter. The thing is try not to put too many expectations Otherwise you’re going to get disappointed whether it be cuddling or anything else you shouldn’t invest so much stock in one thing to think it’s gonna make you happy just doesn’t work that way. A lot of times when we are looking for something or trying to force something It just doesn’t go our way Let things go do what makes you happy Within reason.

BashfulLoner

Resemble your remarks. I think we are not alone

Mike403

Take some classes as a local college. That's what I'm doing. No matter what women thinks of me, I will still be an engineer at the end of the day.

I know everyone is different, but for me, it has been easier to be happier to stop giving a shit and focus on your personal goals. As someone with autism, I have a better chance of building a relationship with an elephant at the zoo.

LBcuddler

@Originalirish I’m a guy so take this with a grain of salt.

Why does your profile say minimum age 18? No one should be on here as a minor. So you can get ride of that. Sounds creepy from a teacher type person.

Also Consent? For what? Consent typically is used for the world of sexual conduct. You should always be asking about hand placement beforehand.

I get you teach, but everyone is adults, it’s cute the gold star comment but I’m just trying to Dissect the profile because I can’t see your interactions with people you want to cuddle with.

Sheena123

@LBcuddler as a woman, I will say that hun adding the consent line is very important. Consent isn’t just for anything sexual. Consent could be for hugs, could be for talking about something, could be for playing a certain song. Consent should be included in everyday life. I find consent and checking in even for cuddling incredibly important. The fact that he makes it plain and in sight that safety, boundaries and consent are important to him, means the world to almost every woman. It should be important to everyone.

And 18 is the legal age so it sounds like he’s willing to cuddle any age that’s acceptable on the site to get some snuggles. He seems very respectful.

Nobodieshero

Relationships arnt easy, I'll share what Ive learned.

Anytime I've tried hard to connect with someone it was met with resistance, anytime I delved into working on myself (personal issues ect) connections just happened and came naturally.

Playing the instruments is cool, do you perform anywhere? Like coffee shops or anything? I'm surprised you haven't met someone that way.

I have a good friend who has a similar issue, I've known him since we were little. He also can't seem to connect with a girl. He's a nice guy but he doesn't get out enough and interacts strangely with girls (gets nervous).

Do you have anxiety? Do you hang out with your dude friends regularly? Social interaction takes practice but it can give you confidence.

When it comes to girls, be nice but not too nice. Talk to them like guys. It shows confidence and it makes them wonder where your confidence comes from. Don't bend over backwards for them, they will take advantage of you or think your a pushover. Never beg or be desperate. Always be cool. Just be you. If any girl plays hard to get, forget her and move on. They are a huge waste of time. Unfortunately there's no one piece of advice that works for all, it's like buying one of those bags of jellybeans with all the different flavors. You never know what your gonna get.

Nobodieshero

I don't wanna blow up your thread but I actually know a lot about this.

When I was like 16-20 I had terrible anxiety and it made it really hard to connect with women and thats what I wanted. I litterally solved the anxiety by going to the gym (where I had the worst anxiety). Then I practiced talking to girls until I got good at it.

Instead of trying to get a date, make female friends, many if you can. Youl get comfortable and realize eventually, they're just like men but a little different. If you get comfortable you can be funny, and if you can be funny, youl have confidence and that is what leads to more.

delicatesoul

@Nobodieshero I know this is going to sound lame but YESSSSS! Your advice is so solid. I literally couldn't agree more! Make lots of female friends and get to see we're just the same.
I am just "one of the guys." I'm no different. Since I was a kid I was a tomboy and always, always, always had an easier time keeping male over female friends from activities to general conversation and fun. Now as an adult I'm not tomboy all the time but I still want to be seen/talked to the same way

ManOutdoors

Everything looks really good from your post and profile, not perfect but pretty darn good. So it would be great for you to get some feedback from people that spend real time with you. This could be from friends, family or coworkers. Could be people you know well or just acquaintances. Tell them you are really looking for feedback on how you present yourself and what your social skills are. Emphasis that you want things to work on. Most people are uncomfortable giving and receiving feedback, so you'll have to really make them comfortable and show them how badly you want their feedback. If you have the money for it, group or individual therapy could also be a great way to get that feedback. Good luck to you and I honor the journey that you are on. Keep moving forward.

Jkay

@Originalirish I don’t have much time today. But I just wanted to say I looked at your profile and there’s a warmth in your photos that deeply endearing and even inviting! I know it’s just photos but people who stoop in insulting appearances are usually the most insecure.

It’s so hard to remember but most of what people say, says a whole lot more about them than it does about you.

It sounds like you’ve done a-lot of work to connect to yourself and your community. Just want to commend you for that and say bravo!!

Originalirish

Thank you All for your kind words, advice, and feedback...I appreciate you all!
@SuperManCuddles @pmvines @KaaGee @lonelytauros @BashfulLoner @Mike403 @LBcuddler @Sheena123 @Nobodieshero @delicatesoul @ManOutdoors @Jkay, and anyone I may have missed or that reached out to me via message, You are all amazing people and I wish blessings for all of you! Thank you!

PrettyLuv

You’re not broken

EarthaR

@Originalirish Based on your profile, it is the type I'm looking for actually. I'm looking for someone in my area who is platonic and likes to hang out. I love going to open mic night and art😊 Wait a minute, maybe I'm in the wrong area lol 😆

CuddleWho

It can be rough out there, it's true. It seems to have gotten worse over the last couple decades.

I will say if you're looking for a place where you won't experience rejection, this ain't it.

czechsmix86

@Originalirish It sounds like more than anything you want dating advice. Going off on a limb here since I obviously don’t know you personally, and you are (like all of us are, ideally) gearing your profile towards a cuddle buddy, not a potential partner… so I can’t gather enough info about you personally to understand who you are.

Women like a man who can be dangerous. Not in a bad way. But someone who isn’t predictable. Someone who is kind and loving but not too “nice” to everyone. Confrontational when needed. Someone who has an edge because they’ve lived on it at one time or another. It sounds like you have in many ways… pushing yourself past your own limits… so I think what it might be is an issue of temperament and attitude. Be kind, loving, respectful and protective… but don’t be too nice. It’s difficult to trust that kind of energy. It doesn’t come off as genuine or grounded. And don’t necessarily trust the opinions of women giving you dating advice. They often don’t know what they want. We’re all complex creatures and us men can be confusing as well without knowing it. So be direct. Know what you want and who you are. Challenge other people. Break the mold. Be different. Be respectful but don’t speak to a woman like she’s on some pedestal, or like she’s too sensitive to handle your direct logical way of communicating. Like others have said, treat her (in some ways) like one of the guys. She’ll absolutely appreciate your sensitive side as well but not if you’ve lost, or haven’t developed your masculine nature. Not saying that’s the case with you. But given you spend a lot of your time communicating with children, just make sure you’re able to compartmentalize that part of your life and maintain your identity as a man outside of being a mentor. Go jump in a cold lake or out of a plane. Chop some wood. Go to the shooting range or a demolition room where you can obliterate a printer with a sledge hammer. Get your adrenaline pumping and stay in touch with the innate warrior inside of you. Women will be drawn to your authenticity and your balanced nature.

sillysassy

First of all.... 100% agree with @pmvines We are all a part of this cuddling world but internet strangers aren't necessarily the best place to get advice about being "broken" or not. For a myriad of reasons. And again.... THIS IS ONLY MY OPINION 😊

Second.... I saw that you downgraded from being a PRO and some of your profile still sounds professional like..... Just from a practical/read through your profile/female enthusiast perspective.

Yeah, I know, guys aren't supposed to talk about their emotions, but I have nobody else so, here goes...

I for one think you are thoughtful, authentic, vulnerable, kind and respectful to others in the forums. For ME that means ✅✅✅

Your profile pics look fun and inviting. For ME that means ✅✅✅

You speak about consent as though you've actually done some self-reflection and have a desire for real connection with this in mind. For ME that means ✅✅✅

I came here to CC because I needed some sort of human connection.

I think we're all looking for connection. Since you switched to being an enthusiast it might take some time because previously you were looking to be a professional. People remember that and it sometimes changes their perspective of the possibilities.

I've applied myself to as many passions as I could: I'm a multi-instrumentalist, vocalist, published author, award winning poet, abstract artist etc. etc. I spent three and a half years volunteering in the community through Americorps.
I'm not lazy. I love kids. I was licensed and taught preschool in two states and I currently work with middle schoolers.

What am I doing wrong?

If you are doing ANY of this in order to attract someone then I feel like its a waste of time. You have to do what YOU love. When that happens you get to connect with people who love that as well. If YOU love music... you wind up meeting music lovers. If you love dancing... You wind up meeting dancers. If YOU love creativity and kindness then you wind up meeting like-minded sorts of humans. If YOU want someone to decide your self worth, then you will find plenty of people who will wish you to be something different so that it benefits them.
I feel like there are two types of people in this world.
Some that believe in INTRINSIC value i.e. "You as a human being have value just by being human" and...
Some that believe in EXTRINSIC value i.e. "You have to own/show/be/look like something that creates value from an outside source."

You can attract either kind of person depending on YOUR preference. If you're looking for someone else to tell you that you are amazing, then continue on that course until you find someone that likes those things and values them and hopefully they won't ever change their mind. (i.e..... "I like financial independence in a man... but wait a minute that makes you work too many hours to be with me as often as I like" kind of thing)

I suppose all of this blathering on from me is to share an "A-HA moment" with you. I finally realized that I am NOT going to be everyone's cup of tea. The shift in MY thinking came along when I said it is more important to be wholly in love with who I am FIRST instead of constantly trying to recreate myself in order to have someone else say that I am worth loving.

I never had much luck dating. I've been used, cheated on and laughed at to my face for having the audacity to even ask a woman to a local carnival. I've been told multiple times to my face that I'm just not enough. I mean, I know words are just words, but after the third time or so ya start to maybe think they may be true. I don't get it. I know I'm not a model, but I would hope that I look at least decent enough for someone out there to find me attractive.

The beauty that I have seen is that you don't have people wasting your time. If THEY believe you or I am NOT ENOUGH then "thank you very much for your honesty" because why in the world would I EVER EVER EVER want to be with someone who thinks they have the ability to decide my worth. F*&K that SH!T no matter if its for a cuddle, a date or a cup of FU$K!NG coffee. Thank you. NEXT!

Originalirish

@PrettyLuv @EarthaR @CuddleWho @czechsmix86 @sillysassy Thank you all! I really appreciate the help.
Honestly, I was really in my feelings when I made this post. I was canceled on by three separate people the same week (not all from CC) and many more the last couple of months, and it got me thinking way too much about my past. I've trimmed down my profile a bit and added a few things as well to reflect some of the advice from here. Thank you all again...I appreciate you all more than I can communicate in a simple thank you

PrettyLuv

Lol @sillysassy love “F*&K that SH!T“ haha

Sheena123

@czechsmix86 excuse me but I would like to point out something you said that is absolutely incorrect! You said a whole bunch of stuff about “what women want” but proceeded to say a whole bunch of stuff that myself and almost every woman in my life would absolutely hate. Saying women like a dangerous man… nope. And we do like a man that’s incredibly nice. But I’ll ignore that.

You said “don’t ask women what they want. They don’t know what they want”…. I’m sorry, what? That’s so rude to say. I feel like you’re the kind of person that says “don’t ask a fish how to catch fish”…. This is a gross observation on your part and not that this is a dating site, (which means dating advice is useless), but the best way to know how to connect with women is to actually talk with WOMEN.

Originalirish

@Sheena123 Gold!

czechsmix86

Hi @Sheena123

Yes that’s right, I said women often don’t know what they want. I also said men can be confusing as well, and that we’re all complex. But no where did I suggest he should never ask women what they want. That would be ridiculous. I said “don’t necessarily trust the opinions of women giving you dating advice”, and I gave him recommendations on getting in touch with his masculine side. If you don’t like the qualities and attributes I described that’s fine. You’re entitled to your opinion like we all are.

There is a difference between being kind and being too nice to everyone/passive.

cuddles_ndream

@Originalirish although I hate to agree with it, @czechsmix86 spoke a lot of truth.

garymoore

@orginalirish Just my take, but from your profile and your initial message on here, all you have written is what you like to do and not so much about how you are as a person... how you feel, why you enjoy cuddling, what makes you tick...Just my 2 cents.

Cuddle_RN

@Originalirish, I looked at your profile and read everything in this thread. You seem great to me. I have 2 recommendations:
1. Look for a nurse. A few of us are completely crazy but most of us are givers and the single gals among us have been treated exactly as you describe. You seem like a giver and a union with another giver is a good thing.
2. Pray. I don't care what you believe in (God/The Universe/The Flying Spaghetti Monster) or don't believe in. Developing your spiritual life is a good thing. And I personally believe that prayer changes things. It won't hurt and it may help.

Good luck to you. It isn't easy to make this kind of post and I admire your courage.

achetocuddle

I agree with @cuddles_ndream.