Why men have to always pay for cuddles?

Ricky50b

This is a big question and also points out how men are exploited at many front and cuddling platform is not different.

If we all agrees that cuddling is beneficial for every human being irrespective of sex orientation then why only men are asked here to pay for cuddles? Are women not ready to pay for cuddles or are women ready to charge for cuddlea?

CuddleWho

why only men are asked here to pay for cuddles

You are free to sign up as a pro if you wish, and in essence "ask women to pay for cuddles."

The difference is they won't do it (with very rare exceptions). Men will.

netrunner

@Ricky50b
The shortest answer, because men are willing to pay for being cuddled as a service.
Another way to look at it is the same as seeing a therapist; Majority if not all men on this site need and would benefit from therapy, but you still have to pay to see a therapist for the benefits that come with it.

There are a few women who join the site and don't charge, I've met a few of them and some with repeat sessions until either of us had something in our lives interrupt it. It isn't the norm though as most women who join either;

• Already do this as business or side hustle and join CC as a way to advertise themselves more for new Clients
• They join and are suddenly flooded with 40 men asking what their rates are or offering them money when they originally didn't know they could or didn't plan to charge, but now do
• They joined because one of the hundreds of "side hustle" job recommendation sites listed professional cuddling and being able to make $80-150/hour and they eventually found their way here

EDIT:
I will add, if men didn't want to pay for cuddles, the option to cuddle with other men is an option... but that topic has most with extreme views for or against for one reason or another. The site has seen a rise in more men joining and opting to become Pros, which we've been going through them for those limiting saying they only cuddle women pointing out that goes against their contract, but there's plenty of other men who don't charge.

achetocuddle

If you are fortunate enough to live in an area with women enthusiasts and you can bring enough to the cuddle table, so to speak, you won't have to pay. It's unfortunate that you worded your question the way you did; it may put off some enthusiasts here. Especially since you just joined. I realize we would all have to know more about you to make any kind of assessment of you Best wishes on your cuddle quest.

xelda

Men are not required to pay for cuddles. No one is required to pay. Cuddling is not just the act of putting your arms around someone. The men here who have profiles that are thorough and descriptive, with appropriate photos, send interesting and personalized introductory messages, participate thoughtfully in the forums, self reflect, speak and behave in ways that clearly create safe spaces for women... those guys are putting in the time and emotional energy to pave the way for like-minded enthusiast cuddlers to connect.

If you don't have the time, energy, skill, interest, experience or desire to learn these things... you can skip all that and pay someone to put your arms around.

OhioMike

@xelda hellooo👋

Wow so much pure common sense thoughts there. Your post will make me smile rest of the day ! Thanks 😊

xelda

@OhioMike Aww, thank you! Of course, distance vs available local folks are a factor! I am literally the only female cuddler in a 100km radius.

xelda

What @achetocuddle is very on point.
@Ricky50b, you have nice photos and a decent profile write up. It's unfortunate that your first post on the forums is complaining about the exploitation of men on a forum where women experience frequent sexual harassment. When you come across as hostile and critical toward the very thing you are longing for, people will shy away from you.

Consider reading this helpful post: https://www.cuddlecomfort.com/forum/discussion/10731/how-i-found-happiness-on-cuddle-comfort/p1

Melancholy

@xelda ..it has become a lot harder to find a cuddle enthusiast. I've been on this site nearly 5 years and in that time I've seen a change in the cuddle enthusiasts that are here. Early on, I was doing the work you describe and yes I found cuddle enthusiasts who wanted to cuddle and meet in person. However, guess what....90% of them...nearly all of the ones I found either wanted sex, or wanted a full blown relationship. The worst one became obsessed with me and wouldn't leave me alone. I made the mistake of giving her a copy of my ID and she started saying she was going to stop by my house and workplace.
Now what I've found since then...is that I'm not finding those cuddle enthusiasts who want a relationship anymore....instead I'm finding ones who either want money, or just act very cryptic until they get banned. I'm not even sure they are real people...maybe they're scammers...or guys trying to catfish. Eventually they delete their accounts or get banned. I can find soooo many people in my inbox who are deleted or banned. Its almost comical.

So I know you mean well...but when you try to say that you can find someone just doing all those things you describe...its not really the case. Its become much harder. You basically blame us for not finding someone without acknowledging that despite our best efforts we may not find anyone. Especially in your area where you say there aren't any cuddlers in 100km radius...I mean what can anyone do about that?

xelda

@Melancholy you make valid points! Doing all those things might give you a better chance, but still not a guarantee for sure.

OhioMike

I am always bewildered when members have been on CC site for years, yet have frequent challenging / worse experiences. Having been here around 6 years myself I haven't experienced all these um, negative experiences.

It makes one wonder why they are still even on site if its so challenging as they say it is ? And it makes me wonder why peeps don't look for or try to mimic in part those successful profiles you mentioned ?

Anyways, @xelda I still think and believe your thoughts are 100 % on the mark and thank you again for sharing them with this wonderful community . Hopefully your advice sinks in sooner rather than later and everyone can be happy and successful here. 👍😊

CuddleWho

I’m going to take the exact opposite tack. I wish we could allow people to express their disappointment without this kind of criticism.

The fact is that coming to this site expecting to find someone to share platonic affection with, and then discovering that it’s actually difficult to find that, and that people expect you to pay for it, can be very disheartening. It should be perfectly acceptable for someone to express that.

It’s very silly for people who have abundant cuddle options (like most women, and apparently also @OhioMike) to be so critical of those who don’t.

OhioMike

I think this community and especially the CC forum niche community , allow people to express their disappointments.

The forums are absolutely loaded with experiences that things aren't going well. If anything, I think again that people and especially male enthusiasts who are remotely successful in connections here are kept quiet by all the overwhelming disappointment threads.

I have written many times over the years that yep it has to be challenging, disappointing, concerning etc. when joining the site to meet people because there are so many members that take the time and write about it daily here . If trying to assist them comes across as critical, well then Idk.

I think the only thing silly here is the thought that we are all having the same negative experiences. It makes it feel like there is only one narrative on this site. I just disagree with that. If having different experiences here is being critical, then well again Idk.🤨

achetocuddle

@CuddleWho I really get what you are saying. I've often wished disappointment/dissenting views/unpopular views could be discussed more here. I do so enjoy some of the group discussions here and there is so much potential to have even more and better ones if more expression of disappointment was freely permitted. The main reason I made the previous comment to the OP was I knew how it was gonna make him seem/look and I really thought that was unfortunate for him. It did seem to me he was just asking a question, not that it matters how I took it.

.

sillysassy

@Ricky50b WELCOME TO THE SITE!!! It seems like maybe you just joined this month but hopefully you will find some people that you can connect with here whether they are Professionals or Enthusiast. As you can imagine.... there are a LOT of people on this site with different views and perspectives.

I had to edit to give a warning...

LONG POST AHEAD.... READ IF YOU DARE

Just to be clear.... I AM SPEAKING FROM A FEMALE GENDER TYPE ENTHUSIAST and this is purely my perspective of Cuddle Comfort. There's no "right way" to be and there's not a SINGULAR experience that is better or worse. It just IS.

One thing that I think is extremely helpful in finding enthusiasts to cuddle is to read through the forum threads. There are 1000's of posts that talk about your question of paying for cuddles or not. Like @Melancholy mentions.... sometimes you get cuddles and sometimes you don's. NOTHING is guaranteed. (kind of like life)

OP said

This is a big question and also points out how men are exploited at many front and cuddling platform is not different.

You chose a very interesting word and shockingly enough you are not the first to have done this..... I grabbed a definition from the Miriam Webster dictionary

EXPLOIT verb
1 : to make productive use of : UTILIZE
exploiting your talents
exploit your opponent's weakness
2 : to make use of meanly or unfairly for one's own advantage
exploiting migrant farm workers

I am having some very big feelings in reaction to your choice of verbiage. I love the cuddle world and think very highly of the idea of platonic cuddles. Its really hard for me to see you think so poorly of cuddle professionals that they are mean and unfair to charge for cuddles.

I really appreciate what @achetocuddle said about demographic, geography, as well as how you present yourself as a person. And @xelda mentions the two sides of the cuddling coin.... I think they capture it fairly well!!

(Some cuddlers) are putting in the time and emotional energy to pave the way for like-minded enthusiast cuddlers to connect. If you don't have the time, energy, skill, interest, experience or desire to learn these things... you can skip all that and pay someone to put your arms around.

One of the biggest differences I have found between an enthusiast and a professional is how much effort you are willing to put in to make sure someone else is comfortable. No matter who is cuddling who..... this is a platonic site and there have been plenty of people finding cuddles for free but still choosing the convenience of cuddling with a pro. Without judgement. Without apology. This community lets people be exactly who they want to be. There is a lot of acceptance as opposed to judgement for your choices. I don't agree with people saying there is so much criticism about your choice. I feel like it is EXACTLY the opposite in my experience here. You get to be YOU! 😊 Whatever that looks like. No, of course you won't always get what you want but that is true of everything in this world. Its no different inside the walls of the cuddle world.

@CuddleWho mentions

You are free to sign up as a pro if you wish, and in essence "ask women to pay for cuddles." The difference is they won't do it (with very rare exceptions).

@CuddleWho I know we haven't always seen eye to eye about a lot of things.... but I am one of those "rare exceptions"
I have met a LOT of enthusiast males that have been great cuddles and I have ALSO hired male professionals. They are both extremely different and I appreciate both aspects of this cuddling world for very different reasons. (I have also met a lot of other "rare exceptions" who have experienced exactly the same thing.

@Ricky50b I think one thing to note is that men who are getting consistent cuddles don't spend a lot of time on here complaining in the threads, so the PERCEPTION in the forums is that there isn't a way to get cuddles for free.... because those are the people who are posting threads over and over again asking the same question about why its difficult to get free cuddles.

So many people of BOTH GENDERS take it for granted that this cuddling thing "should be given for free because every human needs touch" this is such a strange notion in my mind. We ALL as humans need LOTS of things that aren't free.

LIKE>>>>> FOOD>>>>>SHELTER>>>>>AIR>>>>>>GAS FOR OUR VEHICLES>>>>>ELECTRICITY>>>>>CLOTHES>>>>>MEDICAL HELP etc etc etc. The list goes on and on and on. ---------- Yet we don't hesitate to say its important to pay for the bread at the grocery store because they have to pay the farmer who raises the wheat to make the bread.------------- I don't think I've ever once heard someone say how ridiculous it is that we have to pay for electricity. INSTEAD they either find a way to pay for it or they decide to live off grid and buy candles and firewood.

WE PAY FOR WHAT IS IMPORTANT TO US IF WE CAN'T TAKE CARE OF IT OURSELVES.

What seems to happen with cuddling, is that some people believe Pro's are not doing a real profession and therefore EXPLOITING those people who don't have enough cuddles.
FOR EXAMPLE One of my female professional friends was messaging back and forth with a male enthusiast. After they had exchanged some messages he said "well now that we're friends can we cuddle for free?"

I can see how @achetocuddle is feeling sad for OP because the way the original question was stated brings up a lot of OPPOSITE reactions. There are a million posts that will agree with OP's perspective and then there are millions that will share a different experience. When OP decided to post with such absolutes.... It is challenging to not point out that its not ALWAYS the case. I don't see how anyone was being critical or dismissive of his feelings, instead it seems like everyone here is trying to help OP see that he doesn't HAVE to do anything. But like @achetocuddle points out.... when you write a post with such negative/accusatory connotations it winds up creating a negative picture for potential cuddlers of any kind.

@OhioMike I think you've hit on something.....

it makes me wonder why peeps don't look for or try to mimic in part those successful profiles you mentioned

There are a lot of threads that give insight to this as well. Thousands of threads really. (I spent my first year reading all of them..... sheesh! There's a LOT)

You can find people who relate to your experience and also cuddlers who can't relate. Both are completely valid. Plenty of people have had a LOT of success in the cuddle world. Whether they pay a PRO or connect with an enthusiast. Using words like ALWAYS or NEVER don't accurately reflect the truth of what happens in the cuddle community.

I want to send love and light to you.... and best wishes for your cuddle journey ahead and as always "May the Cuddle Gods be ever in your favor!!"

xelda

Thank you @sillysassy for your thoughtful, balanced and kind post. I read every word. I hope the OP does as well!

Melancholy

@OhioMike The passive aggressiveness is not necessary.
Let me help you understand why I am personally still here. There are a couple of reasons.
1) There is nothing else like cuddle comfort.
2) Once in a blue moon I find a great pro cuddler here.
3) I'm still hoping that my favorite pro cuddler of all time from 5 years ago comes back and this is the only site where I might see her again.
4) I get people messaging me who never post in the forums telling me that they are thankful for my comments and my point of view. I guess they are afraid to post because they've seen the way opposing viewpoints earns you a bit of a lashing from others and people like to gang up with a couple of "i agree" messages.

I think those are plenty of reasons...

@achetocuddle that would be nice, but not possible here.

OhioMike

@Melancholy I'm not sure you are using the definition of passive aggressive correctly. My comments were not to make you feel uncomfortable. I am sorry if that happened. (I would message you directly like you mentioned others have but you have me currently blocked.)

The OP asked why do men ALWAYS have to pay for cuddles? So am I not allowed to respond because my experiences is different than yours and others? Does it bother you that people here have different experiences than you? I am hoping not.

Another difference members like you and me have is the forums. I get messages regularly from members who don't post on the forums either. But unlike the example you have of them being afraid to, I get the message from non-posting members that the forums are primarily a place to vent frustrations, to only post when they have a problem, or simply the forums are a nightmare and they don't want that negativity in their lives. Nothing wrong in my opinion with differences.

Thank you though for listing your reasons why you're here . The list is interesting. I definitely can agree with you on your number one reason 😊👍

pmvines

Some people dont seem to get that you get back what you put in, and if you are a negative little booger and putting that energy out there then you arent going to have an easy time at all finding a cuddle friend.

Frankly, I am one of those who often criticize the woe is me posts. It gets really tiring to see the same complaints non stop coming from the same complainers. A wise poster said in another thread that maybe it's time to stop complaining about what you dont have, and start asking yourself why you dont have it. I completely agree with this. I would love to see more people post about how much success they are having, and I'd love to see others stop staying stuck in their self pity wallowing and do something to try to change their situation, instead of being upset and angry at those who don't share their mindset and experiences. I dont have much pity for someome who refises to make efforts to change, yet has all the energy and time in the world to spin their wheels with the same old complaints.

Steven4444

@pmvines people have the right to complain, if you don't like it don't comment, there are also pros always complain about time wasting etc and you say nothing, you like to shit on men, please say good or be silent, life is all about complain, leave complainers alone

Mike403

@Steven4444 - You can also ignore the advice if you don't like it. If you want to attract enthusiasts who don't charge for cuddles, complaining all the time is not the way to do it. Act like you have a purpose in life besides feeling throwing a pity party and people will gravitate towards you.

Steven4444

@mike403 well said, it's good to give advice rather than criticising is like bullying

netrunner

A reminder making a second account is not allowed and making them to troll in the forums will get you banned.

pmvines

@Steven4444 please dont go barking up at me son , I'm not that tree

Edit-i thought you seemed familiar , that was a record time banning. Good on you @netrunner I'm impressed

Mike403

Say what you gotta say on your main account... Unless you're a troll, then you'll be sent back to your bridge.