How much older of a person will you cuddle with ?



  • [Deleted User]Unknown (deleted user)
    @Markcuddles so I read your profile and Iike me, you are a straight male. That being said, would you cuddle with another male?
  • [Deleted User]markcuddles (deleted user)
    Not for me, Morpheus. 
  • [Deleted User]Unknown (deleted user)
    @Markcuddles yes my friend, I agree. So going by much of what I have read above, @Sunflowerfield would also not cuddle with you because you're old and don't cuddle with men.

    I'm going to go ahead and stop right there. I still don't get the argument and yes everyone has the right to their own opinions. I'm just glad that I have an amazing cuddle life and I am not judged due to my age or cuddle partners gender lol
  • [Deleted User]Sunflowerfield (deleted user)
    edited March 2017
    @Morpheus, I didn't say I definitely would not cuddle someone who is a 45+ single male in my area who only cuddles women. You have misconstrued and misrepresented my words a number of times, which is quite rude and dishonest.

    If I had two men of the same age contacting me, and one was a guy who cuddled all genders and the other only women, I would probably give preference to the guy who cuddles all genders. I have quite a few friends from the LGBTI community, and I like it when the people I cuddle are LGBTI+ friendly. However, I take each person and situation on a case-by-case basis. I trust my intuition and gut instinct.

    Also, I already have two cuddle buddies who are good friends and not people I pay. One is a woman, one is a man. So when I am looking for cuddle buddies, I am looking for people I can establish a friendship with. I like a bit of friendly conversation, so having a few things in common with the other person would be a big plus for me, no matter their gender.

    It seems to me that if more men were willing to cuddle each other, they would be more likely to get free cuddle buddies and not always have to pay a professional. I guess that's why I think it's kind of a shame a lot of straight men
    only cuddle women, because it's so costly. However, to each their own.

  • edited March 2017
    @Morphueus: This is true. And something many females don't acknowledge. When I read that some females are uncomfortable cuddling with males who only cuddle other males, I feel they're really asking  why men can't be more like women. While I hate to generalize, it has been my observation that most women are far more physically intimate with each other than are most men. It's not an issue of right or wrong, superior or inferior, fortunate or unfortunate --- just a difference, a difference that is hardwired for most people. I belong to a boxing gym. When guys arrive, you'll see any combination of handshakes, high fives, chest bumps, and "bro hugs" lasting two seconds or less. (Generally less! LOL)  These guys like each other well enough, but the idea that any of them would climb onto a couch or bed and cuddle with each other --- not gonna happen. Beyond the aforementioned greetings, I feel any guy who is inside the range of my left jab is too close. To have a woman decline to cuddle with me because of that is a little depressing.

    On the other hand, I totally get that cuddling with strangers is a risky undertaking for a woman. I mean, if she meets a guy on a true dating site, her first interactions with him will be public: at a Starbuck's for coffee, or dinner and a movie somewhere. He's not likely to see the inside of her residence until they've already spent hours together. Probably not on the first date. So there is a margin of safety there. Over time, attraction happens and cuddling (of the romantic type) follows. By contrast, a guy she meets from a cuddle site has the expectation to get supine on a bed with her five minutes after laying eyes on her for the first time. This feels rushed, unnatural, and more than a little bit dangerous for her. Which it is. There really ARE predators out there.  So she has her threat radar up, and is consciously or subconsciously looking for reasons to decline platonic cuddle requests: too young, too old, wrong relationship status, wrong ethnicity, wrong SOMETHING. "Doesn't cuddle other men." It's just safer for her to say no, whatever the reason.  And maybe that fact is what will doom this otherwise wonderful concept of platonic cuddling. Guys already greatly outnumber women here, and most guys will find themselves frozen out for one reason or another.  I can't blame the women; all those sexually suggestive notes they receive here just reinforce the risk to them.

    So guys like me are left with pro cuddlers. I have an ongoing two-year track record with a pair of cuddle pros in my area. And a third one from another state whom I see a few times a year when traveling on business. They want to make money, so they are not looking for reasons to say no to cuddle requests.. We know each other well and have developed a friendship of sorts, so everything feels very relaxed and natural. At the same time, they know I'm not going to fall in love with them, or look to push boundaries. I joined up here becasue I was entertaining the fantasy that I might save myself some of the money I spend on cuddle pros by finding a non-pro who likes cuddling as much as I do. Threads like this remind me of why that's probably unlikely.  :-/

  • [Deleted User]Sunflowerfield (deleted user)
    edited March 2017
    @quietman775 I have come across a number of straight men who will cuddle other guys. They may prefer to cuddle women, but there are guys who are open to it - believe it or not.

    Also, this difference between men and women is culturally conditioned, not hardwired biologically. Straight men in other cultures are FAR more affectionate with each other, even holding hands in public regularly. Even in Western societies, this used to be far more prevalent historically:

    "In addition to using affectionate language with each other, men during the 19th century weren’t afraid to be physically affectionate. Many men would give no thought to draping their arms around their bud or even holding hands. And while it is quite foreign to our modern sensibilities, it was even common during this era for men to share a bed to save money. For example, The Great Emancipator, Abraham Lincoln, shared a bed with a fellow named Joshua Speed for a number of years. Some scholars have concluded that this means Lincoln was gay. That’s where we get the term “Log Cabin Republican.” However most scholars conclude that there was no nookie going on between Abe and Joshua; they simply enjoyed a close and comfortable man friendship."


  • @Sunflowerfield, Yes, I believe you. I didn't claim it's a rule without exception. I was only agreeing with the assertion Morpheus made that the "majority" of heterosexual men will not cuddle other men. I don't know if that majority is 95% or 51%, but I do think it is a majority, at least in 21st Century USA.   By the time my post appeared, several other replies had already popped up, so it might not have been clear what I was agreeing with. We'll never solve the nature-versus-nurture debate; how much is cultural versus how much is biological. I probably chose a poor word when I said "hardwired."  Perhaps "ingrained" would have been a more accurate choice. My main point was that it's disappointing (but understandable) to know there are so many reasons/ways that a guy will be disqualified by a potential non-pro female cuddler. But that's life. At least there are pros to fall back on.

  • [Deleted User]navyvet76 (deleted user)
    Quietman, i agree. I have gay friends of both genders. I might give them a hug just like anyone else, but not cuddling with another guy. I would not find that to be comfortable. If someone else does so be it. I would also only meet in a public place first before having a cuddle session. Guys should think about safety as well.
  • @Sunflowerfield. There is a feminine energy and a masculine energy. Someone with feminine energy is much easier to cuddle with than someone with masculine energy. So of course, it is much easier for you to cuddle with another woman, whereas it would be much more difficult for a man to cuddle with another man. So expecting men to be willing to cuddle with anyone is a lot different from expecting a woman to be willing to cuddle with anyone. I just wanted to give you my perspective on it.
  • [Deleted User]Unknown (deleted user)
    I still don't get it... so it's weird to cuddle with a girl half my age but not weird for me as a heterosexual  to cuddle with a man? I'm so confused that I don't even know what to think anymore. 
  • [Deleted User]Alternis (deleted user)
    Good thing im in my 20s so I can cuddle all the young cuties and nobody thinks its weird. Right!? No...

    What if I cuddle someone in their 40s like I did Bella or even older like I wanted to floweroflife. Wuuuuut.
  • [Deleted User]Unknown (deleted user)
    If I cuddled @Alternis whos is half my age, would that mean he has daddy issues?
  • [Deleted User]Sunflowerfield (deleted user)
    edited March 2017
    @I_am_polylover I do find that some men have a strong feminine, nurturing energy to them. And some women have a strong masculine, protective energy. I think that every person has a mix of masculine and feminine energy. Of course, it's likely that more men will have greater masculine energy, and more women will have more feminine energy. Yet I find there is a great deal of nuance and variation among individuals.

    Not only that, I have come across a lot of gender diverse (e.g. trans, agender, genderfluid and non-binary) people in my platonic cuddling experiences, so it's likely that there will be a high proportion of people who break society's gender norms in this context. Interestingly, I feel like the woman I cuddle with has more of that
    "masculine" protective energy than the guy I cuddle with, who has a more
    "feminine" energy as he is quite a sensitive, empathetic person.
  • [Deleted User]Sunflowerfield (deleted user)
    I would also add that I understand the majority of heterosexual men in Western countries will probably be hesitant or unwilling to cuddle other men, because it's culturally ingrained in them. But it's also culturally ingrained in women that it's not normal for a 20 year old woman to platonically cuddle a 55 year old man. It seems like you want to have it both ways... you want women to transcend cultural norms and cuddle much older men, but you don't want to transcend your cultural norms to cuddle other guys.
  • Interesting to hear different perspectives. I don't think these are even always hard and wired rules. Most of the time merely preferences.

    People r sharing their thought processes on why they choose who they choose.

    This could be useful information to us all even if we don't understand/ agree with the thought processes. Which we won't as we each individuals.

    One thing I would say I'm curious about is those of us who choose buddies based on attraction (say physical attraction) even though it's platonic cuddling. Can you elebarate further .. ..

    (I was thinking if my preference for taller and bigger size sorta of falls into it. As I think that affects the experience of a cuddle)

  • I would cuddle with someone of any age practically, as long as we've exchanged a few words and they have or can provide a picture before our meeting. I've had someone that wanted to jump straight to cuddling and he came off demanding and that's something that made me iffy about cuddling with him. I've had people not want to send a photo because they had certain jobs. The way I see it is I'm only asking for safety reasons, I'm only here for platonic cuddling, if you're a nice person I don't see why you'd have to worry about sending a picture, it's not like I'll be sharing it with my friends or social media.
  • [Deleted User]markcuddles (deleted user)
    Good point, Annie . To go along with preferences , it would seem there are prejudices as well. I guess we are all human :)
  • not wanting to cuddle with the same gender says nothing at all about you as a person, cuddler, human, etc, it simply means you have a preference that lies within your comfort level and that should be respected and not criticized. nobody is criticizing others for cuddling with same gender, as an adult do whatever you feel comfortable doing. It has been said multiple times by multiple posters that cuddling can be very intimate, and you have to have a good connection and chemistry for it to work and be satisfying. Obviously wont work if you are trying to force something that doesn't feel right, like circle in a square peg.
  • on the topic of age, I actually prefer people my age or close to it. Mostly about relatability, I don't feel I have much in common with a 22 yr old. As a 42 yr old, I would likely feel I have more in common with a 60 yr old. As far as attraction and how it ties in, I think its impossible to rule out looks when doing something like cuddling but its not a big issue like if you were trying to date them. Honestly I am attracted to women that others may not really find that attractive, and personality and brains are a huge component with attraction for me. But in the context of just cuddling, appearance isn't too big a deal for me, but have to connect on some level.
  • I will also say that I do prefer women who are on the heavier side, and not so vain and caked in make up. So my ideal cuddle buddy has a larger body type. and is hopefully not self conscious about herself. If she is self conscious hopefully would change with all my attention and affection being given to her at least.
  • @roxypelagio333. Dear Roxy, it is good the hear your thoughts and welcome to the site, I would like to ask how old would you cuddle and can they be men and women, I know you a pro and that dose change some things but at what age would you say not for me.
    Love you all, even the trees John.
  • Attraction, interesting, my problem is I am attracted to all living things then, but then I am very strange, I see cuddling as a way of giving energy to a person like feeding them, as some of you know most of my young friends are very, very senior.
    Friend from New Zealand John
  • [Deleted User]Sunflowerfield (deleted user)
    @pmvines I agree with you that no one should be criticised for their preference for cuddling with a certain gender. But why should we women get criticised for having preferences regarding people's age?
  • @I_am_polylover. Dear Jim, you are so right, energy comes in all sizes and colors and what works for one person do's not work for another. If you believe in life aura and I do, you can see color changes in the aura as a being changes from adsorbing energy to giving energy, I have an interesting true kirlian photography set up and use it to see life energy/auras, every one is so different, I can prove one persons attraction for another by photographing them as there light intensity and color change, the most well known photo/video being a mother holding he young child. was on Utube a while back.
    So attraction is real and can be measured.
    Of cause as @Sunflowerfield said she knows what she likes and can feel attraction the old fashion way, making the science totally unnecessary.
    ' Nice to see you have come out Jim giving your true name can be a bit of a worry but at our age who cares'
    Love and color. John NZ
  • @Sunflowerfiled, you are correct that you should not be criticized for your preference re age. It is your life, your comfort, your space, and your time. Make your own rules, it is for your happiness and not others, so it should not be subjective to what others think about it. Too many people think their opinion of what they feel is right should take precedence over others, and that's just plain wrong. If you aren't harming others, do as you see fit !! You seem like a wel intentioned person with a strong head on her shoulders, don't let other peoples opinions hold dominion over you. You know what is best for you.  
  • @ sunflowerfield Dear sunflower, I agree totally with you we should live and let live, all have there own preferences and no one should be criticized for that, I do think it is useful to hear other peoples idea's and thoughts though.
    Love you all John NZ
  • @Sunflowerfield

    Thank you for providing the female perspective. I try to be cognizant of the potential dangers, and resultant fears that women face. Honestly, without feedback like yours, I would be completely ignorant of those fears. Harming or forcing myself on a woman are simply not something that I really consider, it is an alien concept to me. But, that isn't the case for all men, and I have to be aware of that.
    I try to meet women in places that they feel comfortable, and not get in the way of the exit so that she doesn't feel in danger. I also attempt to give off a calm and peaceful vibe.

    Would you mind taking a look at my profile, and advising me in a PM about things that I can change/improve? Please be gentle :-)

    For me, I prefer women because I feel that I can be more emotionally open to them than men. I don't have many friends, since I am an introvert. I like having a select group of people that I know and feel close to.
    As for age, I have met, and cuddled with, a woman that was 10 years older than me. She lived quite a ways away from me. There are not many women that are close to my age, where I am, on here. Either they are (mostly) 10 years younger, or older than me.

    I also feel more comfortable with physical closeness to women because of some experiences when I was younger. I grew up in a conservative family, where cuddling with my brother made our parents question our sexuality. There was nothing sexual about it, but I heard their whispers. It formed quite a mental block. Such that I am repulsed by the thought of cuddling another man.
  • Sorry for the double post, but I got to reading the second page, and I wanted to wade in.

    As for attraction, I think that some level is required in order to get physically close to someone. I don't consider it as much when I am considering a platonic relationship, but it is there.

    Simply put, we should not judge each other for our preferences. Relationships of any sort are all about who you feel comfortable around. We shouldn't make people feel bad for choosing to be with someone they feel comfortable with.

    That said, I think most of what both men and women are expressing is frustration and loneliness. I know I feel frustrated because it feels like people are unfairly judging me, or putting me aside for (what feels like) petty reasons. It is hard to think clearly when you ache for closeness, but can't seem to find a salve for it. Having people close, but not available feels like an oasis on the other side of a fence in the desert.
  • [Deleted User]markcuddles (deleted user)
    BenMac - great post - thanks. 
  • @rollypolly thanks for your understanding on women's perspective.  I have received lots messages from men who want to cuddle yet get offended for me being cautious.  Some won't even show pictures of themselves or tell me their real names.

    In terms of cuddling with someone you are attracted to or not, I find it easier to cuddle with someone you are attracted to. I had cuddled with someone who's less fortunate looking and overweight but much younger than me.  I did it because I felt sorry for him that he never even had a girlfriend in his life. I know I can never be a pro because I am not so accepting to just anyone.

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