What is your ideal cuddler like?

Laylagirl098Laylagirl098
in Professional Cuddling

Hi there! My name is Kate and I’m new to the site! I’ve had a session before but just dipping my toes in! Cuddling seems to be pretty self explanatory.. but as someone who likes to be cuddled, please tell me what I can do as a cuddler to provide my clients with the best of experiences!! :)

Comments

  • tacpmurgtacpmurg

    Please be more active. Stomach, sides, back, neck, hair... so often I feel like pros assume their job is to lay there and be touched, and do very little of the cuddling back. I certainly enjoy holding someone, but a client is paying because of a TOUCH need.

    I've yet to determine if this happens because of a healthy fear of boundary pushers or if some pros just don't want to/know to reciprocate touch.

  • ViancaVianca

    @tacpmurg My theory is those pros are in it more for themselves than to provide a comforting experience. Hopefully karma works.

    I believe the ideal cuddler is also self-explanatory: ask questions and listen to those you cuddle. They often will tell you their needs whether that's a light back rub while holding them or a specific position they prefer. Sometimes ppl will be shy and not share this information so directly asking them and verbally checking throughout the session may help.

  • JohnR1972JohnR1972

    100% agree with @tacpmurg

    I’ve been blessed to spend time with some fantastic pros (and enthusiasts). The amount, variety, and quality of “active touch” (for lack of a better word) is one of the key differentiators between a good cuddler and a great cuddler.

  • lonelytauroslonelytauros

    Yeah I agree with @tacpmurg
    You can book the most beautiful cuddler but if they’re not really cuddling you back or showing some sort of interest/affection it can be a lackluster experience

  • CuddleDuncanCuddleDuncan
    edited January 2023

    Welcome, @Laylagirl098. I appreciate that cuddling can look self-explanatory when you start, but in fact it isn't. At all. It's fine with easy clients, sure .... but sooner or later you will start to run into more challenging clients. If you don't understand what you are doing you can inadvertently do real harm.

    The single best thing you can do to help your clients is to do a training course. There are several, and there is a somewhat old thread on the Professional board about this. If you haven't read the stickies on the Professional board, there is a link to it in there somewhere.

    If, for some reason, you can't do a training straightaway, then hit the internet and learn about boundaries and transference.

    @tacpmurg quite right. This is a real problem, particularly with young untrained professionals. I'm not sure what's behind it: I suspect it's no more than ignorance of what they are supposed to be doing.

  • PinetownCloudPinetownCloud

    Whats something I can do in the client position for my cuddler in my first session that would help us connect? I'm super excited though slightly nervous

  • sunnysideupsunnysideup
    edited January 2023

    I’ll also echo what @tacpmurg said. I also agree it’s just a lack of awareness thing, and the client too shy to ask for a more active cuddle, where the pro might be expecting the client to come forward with their needs. I suspect it may also just be pure laziness among the pros that aren’t suited to this industry.

    I’m one of those that’s too shy, but when a cuddler more actively engages, I try to let them know that it’s greatly aporeciated.

  • josebonitajosebonita

    sweet

  • WiserGuy3000WiserGuy3000

    @tacpmurg is so right. “Active” cuddling is the best. I’ll also point out that for new cuddler, sometimes we’re not aware of all the wonderful positions available. Make suggestions, maybe not all will be favorites, but good to try different things!!

  • snuggzzsnuggzz

    My ideal cuddle partner is attentive and communicative. I’ve been in situations where they paid more attention to the what was on TV and just went through the motions of touching and caressing. Which I didn’t noticed at first but once I noticed, I felt so much more alone. At that point the whole thing felt transactional. Which it ultimately is a transaction, but it just didn’t feel good.

  • TheFunCartelTheFunCartel

    @snuggzz i always say a hard no to a tv but I did get caught in a situation with one that just zoned out to the tv the whole time—not even conversation. She was banned a few weeks later for some reason. Can’t imagine it was for propositioning someone. That would require effort.

    So yes.attentiveness is such a requirement..

  • MrAdmirerMrAdmirer

    Cuddle like you mean it! I would like to think that anyone who cuddles actually enjoys it.

    Obviously this will differ by person, but the cuddle clothes are important to me essential. Cuddling is good year round but these cold nights are my favorite. My most recent cuddler was a boss! She came dressed to cuddle Her plaid flannel pajamas sent me a direct message that it was about to get real. Even in the warmer weather I prefer clothing to more skin. Getting under blankets are good too. The heat generated is healing.

    But, as others have stated, touch is important. But, it has to of course respect boundaries and feel real. Don't overcompensate. To me, the very small shifts of a hand or leg when wrapped up is such a natural and wonderful feel when it occurs and the feeling of joy lasts. If they are ok, light massage on the arms or back are good too. A temple rub is also great at the risk of making your partner fall asleep. I can make anyone fall asleep that way.

    I think cuddling is a very natural flowing and organic experience.

  • pmvinespmvines

    Dont really have one , all experiences are unique and hit different

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