Addressing the current sentiment

Mark

There is growing tension on this sub-forum between clients and pros and it must be resolved. I strongly believe in freedom of speech when it comes to forums and how you have to take the good with the bad as a result. But of all forums a cuddling forum really should be a harmonious environment.

There are people who read this forum before deciding whether to join the community and participate in the cuddle movement. It's important to remember those people are often going through a difficult time in their life and feeling fragile. The last thing we want is to scare them away.

On a personal note, my email inbox is becoming more active by the day and that's a great problem to have as it shows a growing community. But I am also receiving an increasing number of forum reports that come from both sides with similar complaints about the other. I currently do not have the resources to get involved in each of those disputes and complaints.

It is perhaps time to find a neutral member to be assigned a moderating role in order to enforce civility. But please can we first all try and make a real effort to show respect to each other and stop with the sly and passive-aggressive comments and the needless promotion of disgruntled sentiment. This sub-forum is incredibly valuable due to the contributions from both perspectives and I would really like to think it's feasible to have that continue. 

Thank you @Mark!  This comment is what I know a lot of people have been waiting for.  

Well said, Mark. There are times when we would be wise to let certain things go and move on, myself included. However, we are all human and sometimes respond to situations in ways that aren't productive in the long run. I could not agree more that we don't want to end up scaring off members, whether current or future.

It's not as bad as it used to be if you ask me. It was way worst back when brains was around.

pmvines

I came on here thinking "gee, cuddlers must be some very chill and peace loving fellas and gals". ha ha ha ha !

seriously though, we are all perfectly flawed, and are not all the same. I know I have even been guilty of raising an eyebrow or two myself. I just want to say that I truly have no ill will against anyone on here, even those that don't always fight fair, for we are all expert critics of all once we get to typing lol! Just find something warm to cuddle even if its yourself, and try to think happy thoughts.

As long as Fire and Pirate aren't made into moderators. Those two like to pick up fights with me, Morpheus and others. @Mark have you considered a bot to moderate the sub forums? 

Mark

@CuddleBandit We need more positivity here and looking at your posting history, you alone could make a big impact there.

I didn't realize pirate has been picking fights with me. I don't think I've ever even said one word to him. What else have I been missing?

How about rather than being silly, arguing and blocking people, we talk it out and fix the problems. That's a much better accomplishment than what's going on now. There are obviously two sides that don't agree but we can also come together and create some synergy. Whose willing?

Mark

From what I've been able to spot, top of the list are sly comments from both sides. So there needs to be more transparency when it comes to expressing disagreement rather than pretending to be respectful while subtly sending a message to someone you dislike.  And another issue, which is more one sided, is sarcastic jokes in order to bait. That should be an easy one to fix if there is a willingness to do so.

@Mark Got it Mark. Thanks for the feedback! 

 I am absolutely willing to call a truce as long as all parties are on board, isn't that how grownups settle any disagreement?

In the beginning I didn't have any issues with one or a handful of people in particular, but as time went on it just became borderline absurd. just as an example: the posts about the age a professional cuddler should retire, turning into calling people grandma? Slamming someone because they don't wear a certain type of clothing?  Continuously saying over and over that professional cuddlers are only interested in making money, which for a good lot of us I know for a fact is simply not true.  I've cuddled with dozens of people and only been paid by two people, I promise you this "profession" is not paying my bills.  Tagging people in comments just to instigate. And the silly nonsensical things like a restaurant jingle about baby back ribs… 

@Mark  I don't have a problem with being respectful with anyone, I never have at any point in my life, until or unless someone shows disrespect or disregard directly at myself or someone I care about. And then I am a protector by nature. I will stand up for myself if I feel like I'm being called out and will back my friends in like. I've made real friendships with people from this site, so while I genuinely apologize for  my part in the back and forth on these forums, I can't sit back and ignore there is taunting and instigating going on. 

I much more interested in getting along with people than I am having odds with anyone.  But right here in this thread "as long as FireAndBlue or VIPirate aren't going to moderate" ( I would have zero interest in that) or tagging my name this morning because I blocked people after the announcement was made that feature was now available.  

 I am open to a discussion to smooth things over, but if cheap shots are taken, as they still seem to be, that is something I would have no desire to take part in. 

I'm pretty sure everyone can agree life is stressful enough. This place for calm, comfort and meeting like-minded people should not be a stressful arena. 

Mark

I also think there's an understandable lack of appreciation of the emotional complexities of the profession. The clients on this sub-forum are the best of the best and so from that perspective there might be an inclination to think that being Pro is easy. But what I'm starting to realise is that many Pros regularly have to deal with clients that lack the discipline of platonic cuddling. The problem is you just wouldn't know it if you thought the forum is representative of typical clientele.

And on another note, let's be honest, we all appreciate money. You can absolutely do a job for the sense of inner fulfilment while also finding that the money is a significant motivating factor. That's what I call a healthy occupation.

@Mark, I'm going to take a look back at my posting history to see if I can do better. Certain types of arguments are triggering for me, so while brain says leave it alone, emotions say otherwise. I'm willing to work on better communication as well. As for any blocking that I've done as of recent, it's not necessarily meant to be permanent. I'm just attempting to limit those triggers to the degree that I can. I want to help foster positivity here, too. As much as we've mentioned having limited options for a good community feel elsewhere, it is best for everyone to make this one the very best that it can be. As long as we're nominating anyone, my vote goes to @pmvines and @funandadventure for their kindness and level-headed interactions, should they be interested. I hope that neither gentleman minds my naming them.

As my first show of good will, I've unblocked everyone I've blocked in the past so that we can maintain an open line of communication. I challenge everyone else to do the same.

pmvines

Thank you @VIPirate, and let this also be an example that two different personality types can both be on a site like this with no issues, as I am more stand offish then the typical cuddler, whereas @funandadventure would probably hug a hive of angry bees if he coule lol. But he knows I love him, and I'm sure he loves me too!!

 I am also reading back on a lot of my comments and reactions, I come from a history of experiencing phenomenal loving relationships, and one horribly abusive relationship, a lot of which was emotional abuse. I admit that I am more sensitive than most when it comes to emotional triggers…  and specifically feeling "picked on" I also watched ex-husband taunt my children, so I can tend to be defensive and find that certain type of behavior as "abusive" where others may think it is funny or not a big deal. We are all a product of our experiences.

Even though I have had years of PTSD therapy and I am now a coordinator and facilitate healing workshops for those who are healing from PTSD and c/PTSD, all of that training and therapy doesn't make a person immune or perfect when it arises.  So if I have come across as usually defensive, that may help explain why. 

 I have a cuddle at 6 PM and I will join this conversation later this evening. 

 Hopefully there is a group hug in the near future.

Mark

For those wanting to easily look back at your posting history, click here.

funandadventure

Dear All, This is good stuff, calming down, take a breath, @mark, I know how busy you are and tch problems should come first
Thank you @pmvines yes I do love you man our spat was about the different worlds we live in and how countries have different views to each other. Touch Therapy is way more important than a few words on a forum. my driving force is to get it accepted as a common medical procedure, which it is in some parts of the world.
I have far to much on to take on any more work and an accomplished wordsmith is needed, as you can see from @mark.
Love you all, from John and Ruth. Auckland NZ

funandadventure

@pmvines, Your comment about bees, yesssssssss I did and man did I get stung.

I got stung on my ear a few months ago, hurt like hell.

pmvines

@funandadventure, Winnie the pooh comes to mind

funandadventure

You got in one I was after the honey, thought I had settled the hive with enough smoke but I wassssssssssssssss wrong, man did it hurt, little bastards got under my shield, still I lived.
Have fun and get a pro when handling Bees. John NZ

@Morpheus, I have also removed all blocks and am happy to see things getting back on track. Peace and love to all.

Thanks Pirate and thanks for trading messages with me and working to bridge the gap.

Just throwing this out there, there are still three people that have me blocked. One of which who is the person I care about the most, I've already talked to via text but the other two, I can't exactly make peace with you unless you unblock me. 

 I will chime in that I am one of the people who still has three individuals blocked. For my own personal reasons because I have a lot going on in my own life right now... I am on call for a very emotional birth with one of my best friends who is carrying a stillborn, my father is struggling with end stages of cancer and my partner is deploying, again...  among other things so as you can imagine I have quite a full plate. Plus normal activities with my children. 

I am letting peaceful discussion play out here in public and when I have time and availability ( and most importantly, the emotional energy for anything in addition) I will unblock so a private email discussion as possible.

 I'm asking for patience, understanding and respecting that boundary for right now. But I am absolutely willing to have these peaceful bridge-building discussions here in the forums. 

Seem fair?  I have been very candid and shared tons of private information about myself so I would hope by now people have an understanding that I'm just looking for  respectful boundaries until I am ready and able to discuss. 

Thank you for being empathetic. 

Mark

I think it's understandable that some people might prefer to simply avoid crossing paths instead of actively pursuing a friendship or acquaintance. The main thing is people make an effort to be civilised. 

greenearth2

I don't mind being blocked. If it makes someone feel better they should keep doing it.
But will make every effort to be positive in these forums as mark has suggested.

I think we should set aside our differences and find peace with one another. Together we can make this Cuddle Comfort website a better place. We should instead join forces and do something about the inactive profiles that plague CC. I have noticed a trend in new users that join and then don't log back on ever again. BTW, I have unblocked Fire and Pirate. After reading some of the things that she has gone through in the past I have gained a new respect for her. Fire, you are a strong woman having risen above it all and you provide a great service to a lot of guys here that suffer from loneliness.  Pirate, you're alright. 

Inactive and questionable profiles are huge area that need to be addressed. I have had to report a few profiles. I am a guy but still view my safety as a concern too. One thing about visiting a person profile I know on my phone when scrolling I have hit the link accidentally and there is a profile view then.