Boundaries

jayson77

I don’t understand why some women use this site for dating and then when I set boundaries to strictly cuddling I get gaslighted for having emotional problems. I’m literally on here looking for cuddle company and friendly chats not to go out to the movies and dinner. Am I the problem?

WriterGF

There are actually a lot of people, men and women, who like to add some kind of an extra social component to the cuddling experience, be it meeting for coffee, dinner, etc. As long as it doesn't involve being non-platonic, I don't think it's a violation of TOS. It might just be about building up a comfort level with someone before getting physically intimate in a cuddle. If that's not for you, that's cool. Look for cuddlers who aren't asking for that.

cde123

The boundaries you have are completely normal and actually what most pros I’ve met are looking for - no idea why anyone would gaslight you for that, because it’s explicitly what this site is about. I would drop these cuddlers immediately because gaslighting is always a dirty tactic. Assuming these are pros of course.

I like spending extra time with cuddlers but if I detect they are doing so to manipulate me, it’s a hard no.

WriterGF

I have never run into a pro asking for more than a preliminary meet for coffee in a public place. These sound more like enthusiasts.

SunsetSnuggles

@jayson77 Are these Pro's trying to offer to be your "date" by having you pay to take them on outings, or are these enthusiasts wanting to do these things together?

Pro's do offer those services. Sometimes it's innocent and is in combination with cuddling, which is allowed. Sometimes it's more like rent-a-friend or borderline escort behavior and is jumped on by the mods. In all cases though, it should be something the client wants, not something the Pro is pushing.

If it is enthusiasts, this is either chicks trying to date you, in which case, just tell them you're not interested, or it's perfectly innocent friendship.

Sharing meals and going to the movies are totally normal friend activities. I have done all kinds of fun stuff with my cuddle friends, because they are my cuddle friends, not just someone I cuddle. We've visited tourist attractions, gone snowshoeing, hit up art museums, seen movies, gone shopping, taken scenic mountain lake drives, etc. etc. Anything you would do with a friend, you can do with a cuddle friend. It doesn't have a correlation with dating unless there are feelings/actions that go that way. 😊

~ Sunset Snuggles

KozyKim

I agree with @SunsetSnuggles. Most of the time I want to either do a quick video chat or meet the person for a coffee if they’re not too far away. Of course, I’m always hoping that some of my clients will go out to dinner or go for a hike etc before meeting for cuddle, like in a discount public cuddle. I would never consider it a date. But a lot of people only have money to cuddle and I appreciate that and I just try to meet them quickly before.

If I was an enthusiast, I would definitely have to meet you a few times before an actual cuddle. Which would be just friends meeting, not dating.

carrieanne

@jayson77
Actually i have had a few variations of what you describe. And I’m a Pro.
There were some changes to TOS for Pros recently. They stated that Cuddling had to be part of any time spent together as a Session.
I’ve learned there are Pros who do include some social experiences as part of a session, especially for those who might feel uncomfortable being private - due to past trauma.
In my case, I have had a few Cuddle clients ask to spend unpaid outside social time together like a date.
I did attend an event with one.
It didn’t go well! I don’t plan to again!

• I apologize if I didn’t explain the new policy correctly.

Briiyan

Well, everyday here is a learning experience for me. I thought 97% of the Pros and their clients respected the expectations in the TOS.

I look at this like an Uber. You agree to a time, place, and fee before booking the transaction. Once we get to the destination, our interaction has ended. You wouldn't ask to go with them for a few more rides around town...

sage91436

@jayson77 are you referring to pros or enthusiasts?

JohnR1972

@Briiyan - I understand your point but respectfully disagree with your analogy. An Uber transaction is just that - a pure transaction. You may have a pleasant conversation with an Uber driver (I have had many with my drivers) but there is ZERO expectation of it being anything other than a business transaction. The Uber driver’s sole job is to safely and get you from point A to point B.

While there shouldn’t be any expectations of a cuddle (especially with a pro) being anything more than a cuddle at a specified time for a specified duration, the nature of the “service” is fundamentally different than that of an Uber driver.

For starters, there is no screening / vetting process on behalf of the Uber driver or passenger. The passenger requests a pick up and a driver accepts the request. I personally don’t care if my Uber driver is a man or woman, but I only cuddle with women. I’m guessing no Uber driver cares if their passenger is in a relationship but that is a recurring point of contention on the CC forums.

In my opinion, the crux of the issue relates to the intersection of the “social world” and the “transactional world”. Dr. Dan Ariely wrote about these two worlds in his book, “Predictably Irrational”. There are times / events where people would be offended if you offered them payment. Dr. Ariely used the example of the reaction you would get if, after eating Thanksgiving dinner with your in-laws, you pulled out your wallet and asked your mother-in-law how much you owed her for dinner. She would likely be offended because she prepared that meal out of love (or possibly a sense of obligation) but she did not do it for money.

Dr. Ariely points out we all live in 2 worlds, one governed by monetary transactions (hiring an Uber, eating at a restaurant, hiring someone to mow your yard) and the other governed by social norms such as helping a friend move or picking a friend up from the airport. In my opinion, cuddling is prone to blurring the boundaries between these 2 worlds because of the deeply personal nature of the service.

Again, I am not saying there SHOULD be expectations beyond a showing up for a scheduled cuddle and behaving appropriately, I am simply saying there is a huge difference between hiring a cuddler and hiring an Uber driver.

Minestrone101

Agree w @SunsetSnuggles bc she's the 🐐.

@JohnR1972 Nice points !