And then lets throw in neurodivergence and the inability to read signals into the mix, and we have a massive mess on our hands. The world is a messy and often times confusing place. I do think places like CuddleComfort, when used properly, can help a lot. But it do be rough out there.
@Jova114 You go to taco bell at all?!? Hopefully not before a cuddle sesh.
@Jova114 Yes, that's exactly my point - people are taking what they learned from unhealthy boundaries in dating and that's spilling over into this site, sadly.
I think identifying what's negative in culture is one step in changing it - maybe, I don't really know for sure honestly. Luckily, mental health and boundaries seem to be a lot more important to Gen Z ers. So hopefully it will continue to get better over time as long as the importance of boundaries is strictly educated to the new generations.
@sunnysideup you are right my friend. Identifying the problem is the first step to changing it. It's a big hill to climb but the more people that join the cause and help male a change. We are in 2023.
@Drewski1138 lol nooo not before a cuddle session. Usually when I know I'm not leaving the house for awhile
@Jova114 I feel so attacked! (please don't push me through a table :P) Also, you not going to taco bell for hamburgers is probably the reason they took it off their menu https://tacobell.fandom.com/wiki/Bell_Beefer
@sunnysideup I know I'm definitely not alone, but it's still disheartening to realize so many people truly don't understand the word platonic...but these outdated methods of thinking and interacting with others is so imbedded in our culture, it's kind of hard to change...not everyone that knows better necessarily does better and all it takes is a few bad apples to spoil the bunch. As you said, for every decent message received, there are way too many...other....messages received.
@Concordiaesque Dang it I try to make an analogy and this fat country makes it impossible lol
@Jova114 hahhaa, sorry :P
Well, tacos are just crunchy versions of a hamburger if you put a lot of useless thinking into it...Which I just did!😜😄
Okay fine, tacos required (okay not necessarily, but it does for me😋) salsa while hamburgers requires ketchup. Both condiments come from tomatoes, and then there's the question of: "Shall I put mustard on my taco?"🤔
Lol. Yeah way too much useless thinking going on with me here.😆
@Katota I...uhhh....but...... I don't know what to say
I agree with @Katota. We had some lasagna meat and sauce leftover the other day, and I put it on a wrap. It was a delicious soft shell taco. Cumin is the only thing that makes taco meat be taco meat. 🌮
@softkate Thank you for mentioning that asking for karma is awkward. After reading that, I decided to put a note on my profile promising a karma review unless it's unwanted.
@SunsetSnuggles In my opinion, you have no reason to feel guilty that you're a rarity as a non-professional. That's not your fault in any way. In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if you've persuaded others to stay enthusiasts.
@Hugginsworth Actually , @SunsetSnuggles is medium rare bc parasites.
@Jova114 Knives are sexy. And yes, guys who are here for just one thing typically wouldn't have any interest in the message board, whatsoever.
@sunnysideup Regarding contact info, I wish all men would just stop sending me their phone numbers. Those that do so unprompted will almost never receive mine. If I want to have real-time contact with someone, believe me, I'm not shy about asking for it. (And peeps, if I PM back and forth with you and have never asked for your number, please don't take it as a bad thing; I may think you're the best thing since Uncrustables, but if we don't have the kind of frequent back and forth where texting would make my life easier, it's unlikely I'll move there.)
@Concordiaesque @sunnysideup As far as the yellow/orange/red No's and s!uts vs. prudes, yikes, that's definitely a disturbing culture. The latter sounds more like the 50's to me, but either way, it's disturbing that women aren't acting in accordance to their true desires, and that men are ignoring womens actions. Freaking dangerous, especially to those of us who genuinely are acting in accordance with our desires, and would be traumatized if boundaries were broken.
@Concordiaesque Please do report those creepers who are PMing you inappropriate crap.
@Hugginsworth You are very sweet, thank you! As for persuading anyone else to stay an enthusiast, certainly not to my knowledge. I think if women come here looking for a side gig, they'll do it, and if women come here wanting to make friends, they'll do that. Most don't seem super on the fence...that's why the vast majority of Pro's look more like influencers, models, and um, other things, whereas the enthusiasts like me look like the girl next door...the Pro's often came here specifically because they intended it to be for income, as they already are in the market of using their looks or bodies to make money, in one way or another. (Not all Pro's, don't come at me, for you genuine lovely ones, out there! ) I guess what I'm trying to say is, if you see a chick with professional model photos, she ain't here to be an enthusiast, and there will be no convincing her to stay one. (Yet another clarification - I'm not at all trying to imply that Pro's are attractive while enthusiasts are not, I'm strictly talking about women who are in the model industry in some way, as opposed to your typical selfie-taker in their bedroom.)
@cylee1180 That may be the strangest compliment I've received, muhaha!! hugggggs
~ Sunset Snuggles
@SunsetSnuggles I agree with so many things you've said, not just in this thread, but....all of them. I really wish ppl would stop initiating conversations by giving me their phone numbers as well, lol. I think social media/dating websites/our culture in general has stunted most people's ability to just have a conversation. If this site were filled with more people like you, this would be a great place to invest energy in. You have a great way of expressing your boundaries, and I think I could learn a lot from hanging out with you and others like you. Thank you for continuing to post your thoughts and ideas
@SunsetSnuggles grill, you know it's true!
@Drewski1138 How has your experience been as a woman enthusiast on CC? Overall great and has been just the addition to my life I needed!! (except one...)
Have you had good experiences with other enthusiasts, or just pros? Just other enthusiasts. Though one got his pro status approved the day after we'd met (he's actually the only bad/negative in-person interaction I've ever had with someone I've met through here)
What are some things that make you respond to messages/set up a cuddle session? A sense of humor, a splash of humility, showing they clearly get "it", are relatable, etc.
What are some red flags in profiles and messages? Too many to list, but I learned early that "I don't have boundaries" is code for "I don't/won't respect boundaries" (unless they fully clarify what they mean by that unprompted - but even then...?? 🤔)
What would you as a woman enthusiast look for from a professional male cuddler? A well written bio, images that capture multiple aspects of who they are/their interests, the outside and inside of their host space, and having an understanding of (and are capable of navigating) apprehensions/non-committal.
@SunsetSnuggles The dating culture and what is widely regarded as "somewhat okay or this kind of stuff just happens or this is how you need to act in order to get any affection or to win over a girl" severely depresses me. Another sad one for you: I've been told that verbally asking for consent is a mood killer There's a mix of people with healthy and unhealthy boundaries (and communication styles), and you don't know who is who at least initially. The unhealthy people, if they have any influence, are poisoning the minds of others.
@sunnysideup Totally get that. 😔
🦄 Enthusiast 🏞 Travel Fiend 🐘 Animal Lover
Just gonna paste your, @Drewski1138 , post here to make it easier for me to respond on my phone:
"A post in the professional board asking how it was going for male pros got me thinking. Men who go pro have their own challenges, but I think the same must be true for women enthusiasts. Let’s see what the other “challenge group” faces. So I am curious:
How has your experience been as a woman enthusiast on CC?"
I've lately been thinking about that, not just on CC, though platonic cuddling in general. Though let's start with CuddleComfort.
The gist of my experience here over the years were that, unfortunately, quite a lot of men be it online or in person were not here for the right reasons. Though at least the moderators in my experience have been amazing at dealing with that, which is much appreciated! I love the way the site runs for enthusiasts and the idea behind it too.
Unfortunately though, it doesn't seem the public, and especially men I think for the most part, take to it respectfully. I think a lot of men or at least one too many sadly see it as an easy access to women for their attempts at hookups when they don't have luck on hookup platforms, or they see it as a way to fulfill their perversion mentality. So we as women are constantly made to be on guard and put all sorts of safe guards in place. They make it harder for everyone.
Platonic Cuddling in General:
I've recently come across a video talking about male loneliness and whatnot. Due to said experiences, I actually struggled to feel sorry for men going through it at first. Because I felt, if men, (not all men), would just stop sexualizing anything and everything, if they could all respect boundaries, then I'm sure life would be so much easier for everyone. Though I had to make a conscious effort to remember that while the bad guys themselves are out here playing the victim, there are also good men who are similarly to us unfortunately caught in the middle and suffering too. I doubt life is any better for the bad guys, though that's definitely a problem for them to fix for themselves and has nothing to do with us. So I can't really feel bad for them.
Fortunately, I also had some pleasant meetings with men and I got to chat with some nice folks too. So I am hopeful that I'll continue to find people who are kind and respectful of my boundaries when I'm ready to look again.
"Have you had good experiences with other enthusiasts, or just pros?"
So far, just enthusiasts. Hiring a pro crossed my mind here and there. Though it's probably not something I personally want to do.
"What are some things that make you respond to messages/set up a cuddle session?"
Whether or not the person puts some effort into his message to me. If he shows that he's understanding and respectful. Or at least doesn't throw red flags. Not messaging me at like 12 am talking about "let's meet, I really wanna cuddle you" or something, ew. I think just basic etiquette, understanding, and caring about the challenges women go through in this space goes a long way.
"What are some red flags in profiles and messages?"
Too many to count, how much time we got? Seriously though, I think it's better and easier to talk about the green flags: Someone who has read and respects the Terms and Conditions of the site would be a great place to start.
"What would you as a woman enthusiast look for from a professional male cuddler?"
I never booked with a professional cuddler. Though should I book with a professional male cuddler, I could say much the same about a female professional cuddler, the following are some of the things I'd look for:
• Respects my boundaries and the Terms and Conditions of the site. Is punctual although I can personally have grace with a little delay if need be, provided he's apologetic about it. Must be a non smoker. Preferably single, I just wouldn't really feel comfortable cuddling with someone who is taken.
• Is cool to cuddle in public such as a park should I want to.
• Pleasant, friendly, clean, good conversationalist, and comforting. It doesn't necessarily mean I want to converse, though should I want to, I'd like to know that I've some common interests with the person and that he's happy to talk with me. Not just there to get paid while he makes me feel like he loathes me.
• Probably puts more emphasis on my cuddle needs than expecting me to cater to his to the same degree that I might for another enthusiast. Unless I wish to cater to his too due to it improving the experience for me.
• Someone with whom I can find common ground with on the music or movie we watch is a plus. Or who is at least quite open minded and who I wouldn't bore. As much as I'd be paying the person and the focus should be more on me, I'd still like to know that he too is reasonably enjoying his time with me. If he's happy that only adds to me being happier.
"I am curious about this both having been an enthusiast and as a budding professional. In my time on CC, I have reached out to several enthusiasts, but I have never gotten a response, and sadly most of the time I have seen them either just stop logging in, or they’ve deleted their accounts. It’s a rather sad state of affairs if people come to this site and can’t find what they’re looking for."
I'm sure you've seen the post of the "professional board asking how it was going for male pros" so I don't think it's necessary for me to respond to that and I don't think that's the focus of what your post is about. So I'll leave that be.
@SunsetSnuggles
That sticker/photo/meme “Consent is Sexy” cracked me up with the irony and mixed message here on Cuddle Comfort.
@CharlesInWI It was my fault for bringing up the topic of dating, but in an earlier post I was trying to say that I think the bad behavior during cuddling from some guys is coming from dating culture.
@CharlesInWI 😆 I knew someone was gonna say that. Dude, it was directly in response to @sunnysideup's "dating culture" comment. 'Twasn't about cuddle consent. 😄
Heeeere's the one for cuddles. 😉
P.S. In fact, I love this one so much, I think I'll add it to my profile.
@sunnysideup
Mindfulness is difficult.
Controlling baser impulses is difficult.
Self-control is a never ending task.
@SunsetSnuggles I tried to respond and take the blame for it
@sunnysideup haha You're sweet, no worries, @CharlesInWI and I be coo'. 😎 We's is homies, dawg.
"I wish that more people were here simply for friendship, and to share freely, rather than those who hear about this as a side gig and want to make money."
By more people, I take it you primarily mean women as they are mainly the ones becoming pros and having more success with as opposed to men. So it's female cuddler perspective that I'll be responding.
"These cuddlers I met last week told me they had Pro cuddles with women who admitted they don't even like being touched or cuddled. This is why men seek enthusiasts...they feel that. They know there's a wall there, they know they wouldn't be having those moments of platonic intimacy with those Pro's, without the financial gain. It's sad. And again, I am not at all saying that all female Pro's are that way, or that they're only in it for the money."
Definitely and such pros are here for the wrong reason if they aren't genuine about the work they are doing. I too, as in sure you do, wish it wasn't the case.
Though unfortunately as I've also quoted a couple relevant comments to what I'm about to say, I think many women in this space go through so much and risks, that probably many think I might as well get a bit of compensation for it. Which in a way can also cause an issue if they don't have what it takes to be a pro such as being giving and catering more to the cuddler's needs rather than their own. If a woman needs the cuddle herself then she might feel used even if she's getting paid for it and not come with the right energy either. Then there are those who like you said don't even enjoy cuddling to begin with.
Though overall, I think if women didn't have to left and right deal with having to dodge creeps and time wasters, they'd be more of them to just be enthusiasts. So as I'm sure you're aware of and as also told by many listed below, I can understand why many women become pros. Personally due to personal preferences and some limitations, I don't feel much of an interest to become a pro. So there are also benefits to being enthusiasts, it's primarily just a matter of what best meets each person's needs.
Also pro, especially female, cuddlers aren't except from running into creeps and time wasters, though I think they at least feel a little compensated for. Like not many want to be police officers, though even less would wanna become officers for free. Sure officers make many stops risk free and wave people on their merry way. Though there's always that risk of stepping on a metaphorically speaking minefield of some sort and all the energy spent trying to navigate that. So who in their right mind would really want to go through it for free if they can at least get a bit compensated for it.
I also get that not all pros who do their work right necessarily do it all for the same exact reasons and that the issues I raised might feel like the good guys are having to pay for the issues bad guys create. Though at the end of the day good guys want to cuddle with women and the women want to feel more protected. So in that sense, I find it evens out for anyone interested in hiring a good pro female cuddler.
@Mirandadoll
"I don't ask for much but read the profile. Since no one does that anymore and jumps right to, I'm in town tonight let's meet, it's already annoying after 2 weeks on here."
@softkate
"Weeding through the low-effort messages is sufficiently tedious that I have considered becoming a pro. It is a bummer that the successful cuddlers may have to subsidize the presence of those that aren't as thoughtful. But my time is valuable, and I live in a populous enough area that dealing with my inbox can take time that I wonder if I should be compensated for."
@Jova114
"I recently had the honor of having a platonic dinner with a ProCuddler. I asked her 'how's the cuddle business ' She replied with a story about someone pushing the boundary...then straight up crossing it. And that saddens and angers me.
There are tons of sights for THAT kinda stuff.
There is no subliminal meaning here regarding cuddling."
@SunsetSnuggles and @sunnysideup
I am truly sorry if I implied I was upset at the altogether wonderful SunsetSnuggles.
I’m absolutely not.
I really did find that ironically funny.
Cuddle Comfort is an interesting place, and like all spaces that deal with human needs, human interaction, and human behavior, it can be a minefield planted on a trampoline inside a carnival funhouse.
But, as she explained, SunsetSnuggles and I are all good.
@CharlesInWI You're so sweet. I knew you didn't think anything negative, hence all my giggling smilies. 🤗