Women Enthusiasts: How is it going for you?

Drewski1138

Hey everyone!

A post in the professional board asking how it was going for male pros got me thinking. Men who go pro have their own challenges, but I think the same must be true for women enthusiasts. Let’s see what the other “challenge group” faces. So I am curious:

• How has your experience been as a woman enthusiast on CC?
• Have you had good experiences with other enthusiasts, or just pros?
• What are some things that make you respond to messages/set up a cuddle session?
• What are some red flags in profiles and messages?
• What would you as a woman enthusiast look for from a professional male cuddler?

I am curious about this both having been an enthusiast and as a budding professional. In my time on CC, I have reached out to several enthusiasts, but I have never gotten a response, and sadly most of the time I have seen them either just stop logging in, or they’ve deleted their accounts. It’s a rather sad state of affairs if people come to this site and can’t find what they’re looking for.

Hi @Drewski1138,

What an interesting question. As someone completely new to this site, I am open minded and curious, but it is continuously surprising to me how many users view this as a transactional experience. Complete strangers offer me their phone number, asking my availability, what positions I prefer and how I like to cuddle before even having a conversation. Most can't comprehend a different perspective or life experience that would make someone who is NOT a pro (someone providing a service for a fee) hesitant to exchange personal information and agree to an intimate and vulnerable experience with someone just because this is a site for cuddling and that's what we are all here for! without even attempting to see if we can connect/are compatible as human beings first.

With that said, not everyone I've interacted with is like that, especially in the forums space. I have not come across any male pros, I didn't think they existed, and I seem to be the only active female enthusiast in my area, so I think most users are viewing me as someone they can "hire" without having to pay?

I respond to all messages, but usually my response is enough not to warrant them continuing a conversation with me, as most can't comprehend I'm not interested in rushing out to cuddle a random stranger just because they ask.

I guess the only red flag for me so far are people that say they haven't had time to fill out their profile, even though they created it over a year ago, then insist we talk on the phone or video chat, instead of being willing to exchange messages with me here first.

CuddleHugs01234

It’s been good.

I originally was going to go with a pro, but then saw all the enthusiasts and did that instead.

I like to have a conversation and get to know them on here first, and make sure we are on the same page.

Red flags can be different for each person. Posting them on here would give someone a chance to manipulate, so I won’t post on here. Going with my gut also is essential. (The only red flag I see about your profile is the creepy black creature behind you in one of your pics.🤣)

Safety. Trustworthy.

Drewski1138

What an interesting question. As someone completely new to this site, I am open minded and curious, but it is continuously surprising to me how many users view this as a transactional experience. Complete strangers offer me their phone number, asking my availability, what positions I prefer and how I like to cuddle before even having a conversation. Most can't comprehend a different perspective or life experience that would make someone who is NOT a pro (someone providing a service for a fee) hesitant to exchange personal information and agree to an intimate and vulnerable experience with someone just because this is a site for cuddling and that's what we are all here for! without even attempting to see if we can connect/are compatible as human beings first.

@Concordiaesque This is a super interesting perspective, thank you! I can see how that comes about, if someone only talks with pro cuddlers. They probably get used to a certain way of talking and treating cuddles from CC. Ultimately we’re all humans here, just looking to have some safe, warm connections.

Drewski1138

Red flags can be different for each person. Posting them on here would give someone a chance to manipulate, so I won’t post on here. Going with my gut also is essential. (The only red flag I see about your profile is the creepy black creature behind you in one of your pics.🤣)

That’s a good point @CuddleHugs01234 . Didn’t even really consider it as a potential “how to” lol. (And hey! It wasn’t easy getting a picture with a live Sasquatch! It cost me all my beef jerky 😂 )

SunsetSnuggles

Ooh, there's so much to unpack, here.

Pro Ads

Firstly, you seem sincere and I like that you put thought into this thread... A lot of new female Pro's post thinly-veiled ads in the form of, "What's everyone doing this weekend?" and it's a really see-through attempt to get attention from prospective clients. Given that you are a Pro, this does still give one pause to wonder; however, I appreciate the amount of effort you put in, so I will take your thread at face value and respond to it as such.

Male Pro's vs. Female Enthusiasts

@Drewski1138 posted: "Men who go pro have their own challenges, but I think the same must be true for women enthusiasts."

Male Pro's and female enthusiasts have one thing in common - there are few of each. Let's break it down:

There are few male Pro's because there is an extremely small market for them. There is a massive gender disparity in the cuddle world; tons of men, very few women...the men are almost entirely enthusiasts, while the women are almost entirely Pro's. Thus the male Pro's challenge is convincing women who could cuddle nearly any man on the site for free, to pay him for cuddles.

There are few female enthusiasts because there is an extremely large market for female Pro's...thus most women see the opportunity to make money, and go Pro very soon after joining.

@Drewski1138 posted: "Let’s see what the other “challenge group” faces."

Since you have been here since 2017, I am fairly bemused that you would label female enthusiasts as a "challenge group", as most men (yes, there are exceptions) say that finding a genuine connection without the financial factor is the highest goal they seek, here. In other words, female enthusiasts are highly sought after, because those they cuddle with know that they are not there for money, but because they honestly want to be there, they genuinely enjoy their cuddler's company, etc. (I'm not saying Pro's can't or don't feel the same, I am merely quoting what men have shared in public and in private, here.)

TL;DR - Male Pro's usually downgrade to enthusiast due to lack of interest. Female enthusiasts usually upgrade to Pro due to overwhelming interest. (Sadly, both also have a pattern of simply leaving the site; again, the first due to lack of interest, and the second due to being so slammed by messages, cuddle requests, and perverts, that they just jet because no one has time for that.)

@Drewski1138 posted: "I have reached out to several enthusiasts, but I have never gotten a response"
This is a common complaint of many guys on here, for the reasons stated above. (For the record, as a Pro, you are only allowed to message first if someone has visited your profile.)

In closing, I have only ever heard one single complaint about female enthusiasts - that is that men can't snap their fingers and get a cuddle with them, the way they sometimes can with Pro's. Female enthusiasts typically want to message back and forth and get to know you more, and are sometimes paranoid about meeting. Pro's usually meet faster and without much chit-chat - either because they have been at this awhile and trust their vetting process, or because they are new and don't know how to vet. Some men see the getting-to-know-you process with female enthusiasts as an unnecessary burden or time-suck...which for me, says we would absolutely never be a good fit. I'm here for friends, so if he's just here for a warm body, peace out!

@Drewski1138's Questions

@Drewski1138 posted: "How has your experience been as a woman enthusiast on CC?"
It's been awesome, for the most part. I have met a wonderful community of cuddle friends, across a few different states. I've learned a lot about boundaries and consent, have become so much more confident on dealing with perverts, and have utilized this as a way to work on my social anxiety and improve my communication skills. It has actually strengthened and added to my relationship and cuddles with my boyfriend. It's benefitted my life in numerous ways. I choose to stay an enthusiast because I want to make meaningful connections all over the world, and if I get to cuddle with those friends someday, lovely! The idea of having to cuddle anyone willing to pay does not appeal to me, whatsoever.

@Drewski1138 posted: "Have you had good experiences with other enthusiasts, or just pros?"
Of course; all but one of my cuddles have been with enthusiasts. I've only paid for one Pro cuddle, and it was with another female.

@Drewski1138 posted: "What are some things that make you respond to messages/set up a cuddle session?"
A message that shows personality and curiosity. The ability to hold an actual conversation. A clear desire for friendship and to get to know each other.

@Drewski1138 posted: "What are some red flags in profiles and messages?"
There are countless red flags, and personally I don't like to plaster them here on the board because I'd rather not give people a manual for how to pretend not to be a walking red flag, if they are one.

@Drewski1138 posted: "What would you as a woman enthusiast look for from a professional male cuddler?"
I wouldn't. No shade to male Pro's, but as mentioned above, 98% of the guys on this site want to cuddle us for free, so we have absolutely no reason to go seeking paid cuddles. I'm not saying I would never hire a male Pro. If I came across someone amazing and genuine, and I felt their rate was reasonable for the value I felt they might bring, yes, I would pay. But I would never seek one out. I have a fantastic group of male enthusiasts who I treasure.

It's Sad

I fully realize that this post of mine may anger men because it is the exact opposite of their experiences here. I'm being honest about the way it is, but I feel bad and guilty about it, truly. The cuddlers I just met in Utah last week can attest that I bemoan the fact that there are not more female enthusiasts...I wish that less of us would jump to Pro status. I wish that more people were here simply for friendship, and to share freely, rather than those who hear about this as a side gig and want to make money. These cuddlers I met last week told me they had Pro cuddles with women who admitted they don't even like being touched or cuddled. This is why men seek enthusiasts...they feel that. They know there's a wall there, they know they wouldn't be having those moments of platonic intimacy with those Pro's, without the financial gain. It's sad.

Pro's

And again, I am not at all saying that all female Pro's are that way, or that they're only in it for the money. I've met some absolutely fantastic female Pro's who I adore. Some of them are regular posters on this message board, and that's one way you can tell who genuinely cares...do they put effort into the community? Those are the ones I look up to and appreciate! Also, some Pro's here have worked very hard to make this a professional, genuine business, to garner training and certificates and to be the best cuddle therapist they can be for their clients, which I think is amazing. Men can also feel that difference, and they will go back to those ones, again and again.

Much love to the genuine people out there, Pro and enthusiast.

~ Sunset Snuggles

I agree with both @CuddleHugs01234 and @SunsetSnuggles - telling anyone what your "red flags" are is absolutely an opportunity for some people to manipulate that. It makes it increasingly challenging to be open and share, knowing it may be used against you in some way. For every genuine person that truly wants to get to know you, there are at least 20 who would just use that information to take advantage of your vulnerability, trust and honesty.

Also agree with @SunsetSnuggles men (are frustrated they) can't snap their fingers and get a cuddle with them, and see the getting-to-know-you process with female enthusiasts as an unnecessary burden or time-suck.

Really appreciate these perspectives and conversation from all.

Drewski1138

Since you have been here since 2017, I am fairly bemused that you would label female enthusiasts as a "challenge group", as most men (yes, there are exceptions) say that finding a genuine connection without the financial factor is the highest goal they seek, here. In other words, female enthusiasts are highly sought after, because those they cuddle with know that they are not there for money, but because they honestly want to be there, they genuinely enjoy their cuddler's company, etc. (I'm not saying Pro's can't or don't feel the same, I am merely quoting what men have shared in public and in private, here.)

TL;DR - Male Pro's usually downgrade to enthusiast due to lack of interest. Female enthusiasts usually upgrade to Pro due to overwhelming interest. (Sadly, both also have a pattern of simply leaving the site; again, the first due to lack of interest, and the second due to being so slammed by messages, cuddle requests, and perverts, that they just jet because no one has time for that.)

So, funny story, I made my account here in 2017 and then forgot about it after a while until last summer when I was going through a pretty big emotional slump and time of loneliness. Then I remembered I had the account and jumped back in, finally taking the plunge to cuddle people from the site. It helped me so much to have the simple physical touch I had been lacking, and it was a huge confidence boost. Your mind can play awful tricks on you when you feel you aren’t even worthy of that touch.

@SunsetSnuggles thank you so much for the in depth reply! I find that your TLDR is pretty much exactly what I was thinking. Absolutely no hate from me. You’re just spitting facts. (Also I did not know about the guidelines for reaching out first as a pro. The enthusiasts I have reached out to have been in the time before I recently went pro, and I do have it listed in my profile that if I am reaching out first, it’s absolutely not to solicit you to pay me for my cuddles. I’m really not in it for the money.)

Thanks again for the amazing response!

Mirandadoll

I don't ask for much but read the profile. Since no one does that anymore and jumps right to, I'm in town tonight let's meet, it's already annoying after 2 weeks on here.

Drewski1138

I don't ask for much but read the profile. Since no one does that anymore and jumps right to, I'm in town tonight let's meet, it's already annoying after 2 weeks on here.

@Mirandadoll Ugh I’m sorry to hear that. I hope it gets better for you, and best of luck with enlisting in the army!

Drewski1138

((I saw this was moved to Pro Requests. I am not sure why that is, as this is a general question, not meant as a cuddle request. Can a mod explain the reasoning? A similar question asked to pro male cuddlers has been in the professionals general discussion area. And if appropriate, can you move it back to general discussion? Thanks.))

Mike403

^^^tagging the mods so they see your question^^^

@Charlie_Bear @Shake49 @netrunner

netrunner

@Drewski1138
while i can't answer why it was moved to the Pro Requests, my quick guess is because you're listed as a Pro someone may have mistakenly reported your thread as an ad for yourself which Mods tend to quickly move those to the Pro Request section. i can't confirm that's what happened but it's what would make the most sense to have happened

Drewski1138

@netrunner Thanks for the update. Any possibility we can move it back? The move kinda killed the discussion.

netrunner

Moving back to General as while OP is a Pro, the topic is an open discussion without advertising themselves, so putting in General.

Thank you @netrunner as I was curious where this conversation disappeared to. Welcome back @Drewski1138!

achetocuddle

Dear Drew,
Your thread is interesting and I'm inclined to treat your comments as sincere. If you are not in it for the money, why do you charge? Just genuinely curious; there's not a thing wrong with being a pro. It's just that most people who cuddle that are not in it for the money remain enthusiast. Of course you may be like me (not like most other people). Based on what I read, it seems a guy would have a better chance of cuddling if he did not charge. Your thoughts please. Thanks.

cudbud64

@ 1 - I've learned a lot about myself through cuddling, about what my boundaries are. The kind of respect that I want is not unwarranted. And it's made me more confident with interactions at work, and in other places where I interact. Definitely have gotten the oxytocin cuddle boost, it's improved moods. I've made some great friends, both local and far away that I probably would not have met if it wasn't for this website. I'm very thankful for Cuddle Comfort.

@ 2 - I've had great experiences with other enthusiasts. Very few negative experiences, but still have had negative experiences. I've met wonderful pros, through a meet up. No official cuddles with any pros

@ 3 - I need to feel comfortable like I know the person I'm gonna cuddle with. So it takes some time for me to get an idea of who they are. When I feel comfortable, I like to set up a public meet with just more conversation to verify they are who they say they are, picture matches the face et cetera. And not everyone is willing to put in that time. Unfortunately, I think there are cuddlers who come to the site and expect that they will ask someone to cuddle right away and someone will say yes right away. But cuddling is a very vulnerable activity that requires a great amount of trust, and In my experience, you can't trust someone super well if you don't know them.

@ 4 - I am less eager to respond to just a "hey how are you" , especially from a blank profile. I am much more willing to respond to someone who has written a thoughtful message that is clear they read my profile.

@ 5 - I'm not sure I'm in the Market for a professional male cuddler. I have made some really great connections with some local cuddlers so I don't see the need to find a professional. If I were to use a male cuddler. I think it would be because I wasn't able to relax with other male cuddlers and I needed a session to just be focused on me. But I have been pretty selective about finding male car cuddlers who are respectful and are as attentive as much as I am during a cuddle. So I've yet to really be disappointed.

In general, I think the greatest challenge with this site is people who are seeking genuine connections and have good intentions actually finding each other. There's a lot of people who don't have those same things in mind and are expecting other things or extras and they prey on newer profiles, which deters new folks from sticking around. I think we need to do a better introduction or education to the site and what it can be as people are getting involved, so that those who are not looking for the same thing just don't really continue on, but that's a hard thing to try and filter and teach..

softkate

My answers are very similar to yours, @cudbud64 !

How has your experience been as a woman enthusiast on CC?
Mostly very good! It's a pretty nice site and a pretty nice community, and I have had mostly positive experiences here. Like others here, I think being an enthusiast lets me set my own pace and rules for meeting/cuddling without the pressures of capitalism. I like to invest time so I can feel comfortable before I spend time with anyone in a private space.

Weeding through the low-effort messages is sufficiently tedious that I have considered becoming a pro. It is a bummer that the successful cuddlers may have to subsidize the presence of those that aren't as thoughtful. But my time is valuable, and I live in a populous enough area that dealing with my inbox can take time that I wonder if I should be compensated for.

Speaking of, I have had my location set to a few different places since I started my account, and location location location as they say!

Another thing I've noticed it that it can be harder to get non-pros to write karma/reviews, and I feel weird asking people to do that - but I like my imaginary internet accolades

Have you had good experiences with other enthusiasts, or just pros?
All enthusiast-enthusiast. My experiences have been overall very positive. Some folks and I have met for coffee and I didn't think the vibes were right to pursue a cuddle. Some folks I liked a lot but had logistical concerns (schedule, hosting issues, married folks who seemed to be doing this without the knowledge of a spouse - I make no judgements, but I would be uncomfortable with that). Some folks are easy to be around and relax with, and I've been lucky to have great cuddles, some even regularly!

What are some things that make you respond to messages/set up a cuddle session?
Showing they read my profile, a filled out profile of their own, showing effort and positivity in messages.

What are some red flags in profiles and messages?
"Hey" is a terrible message, especially if you have a blank profile! I am going to ignore you, and then you will land on the forums whining about no one responding to you. SIGH.

I mentioned my personal boundary about cuddling people who are married with an unaware spouse, so I am alert to indications of this being the case for someone.

If we've gotten to the point of setting up a time and place for a meet up, and they won't share a picture so I can recognize them? That's a red flag!

Then a laundry list of basic human communication red flags that I try to notice in any interaction with someone else, and that doubly applies to internet strangers, even nice and seemingly-genuine cuddlers.

What would you as a woman enthusiast look for from a professional male cuddler?
I would not consider a pro male cuddler, though I may consider a female pro in future.

PrettyLuv

As a fellow female enthuse, I’ll try to answer as best I can

How has your experience been as a woman enthusiast on CC? Fraught with hazard. It feels like walking through a forest to find a compatible cuddler. When you think you’ve found someone nice, you might meet them and find out they look nothing like their picture and the person before you isn’t appealing to you at all so what to do? Very difficult situation in those cases. Especially if you’ve developed somewhat of a rapport with the person and they seem like a nice person otherwise. So it’s a mixed experience. Other times there’s nuances that you just wouldn’t speak on with that person out of fear of upsetting them if it’s something they can’t change or are completely unaware of. I let most everything slide in the moment but afterward you’ll likely never hear from me again.

Have you had good experiences with other enthusiasts, or just pros? Only other enthusiasts. There’s been pros that have reached out to me to say hello and for all intent & purposes, they often look like someone I’d cuddle with but for the same reason I wouldn’t become a pro, is the same reason I wouldn’t cuddle one. So when they’d start discussing cuddling I’d tell them, I’m open to it but without the fee. Not to mention the fact that there’s so many non-pro men that want to cuddle. It defies my own logic as an enthusiast female on the site. In other words, if I were open to cuddling pros, I’d probably just become one myself.

What are some things that make you respond to messages/set up a cuddle session? A well thought out message that’s succinct, polite and structured. I personally love structure even tho my thought processes are often wild and sparse. Maybe that’s why I’m drawn to it. It just tells me there’s some organization there and that’s comforting. Now, of course, if the pic just isn’t up-to-par or non-existent even, or something in your profile is just out of place or contradicting everything in your message lol or a dealbreaker for me then it wouldn’t really matter how nicely structured your message to me was at that point. I’d likely already have decided not to cuddle no matter if I respond or not. If I respond at all at that pt, it’s likely with a question which typically means I’m on the fence. If I respond in kind then that’s a good sign. If a profile has no picture but pre-empts me by initiating a nice message with one or if the profile already has a picture but sends me one that’s not up yet, I like that. Especially if the picture is appealing to me. That’s like a form of transparency and it makes me feel like you’re trusting me with something that I consider to be private and that makes me feel secure too.

What are some red flags in profiles and messages? When a guy has no pics up of himself or hesitant to send me anything. Doesn’t have to be a full on pic but at least something to gauge personality, style - something. Or when he’s like playing games, like, “I’ll do this if you do that.” Tit for tat things like that make me gag, literally. When his message is too excited or sounds too eager. Exclamation marks and painting scenarios of rainbows and blue skies lol. Kind of a turn off. When he’s out of my age range, or hasn’t bothered to look at any of my preferences and asks me things that are already there. It prompts the occasional eye roll and I automatically put him on the back burner in my head.

What would you as a woman enthusiast look for from a professional male cuddler? As I said, I would never cuddle a pro male, but if I did, I’d expect etiquette, a classy male, caring, understanding, kind-hearted, respectful, relaxed, knows what he has to offer and bring to the table, confidence in that he’s charging for it kind of thing. A resilience to him, you know. But those things I wouldn’t necessarily expect from a guy that’s willing to charge a female to cuddle with him but, if it were really like that, those are probably some of the things I’d expect out the gate.

Drewski1138

Dear Drew,
Your thread is interesting and I'm inclined to treat your comments as sincere. If you are not in it for the money, why do you charge? Just genuinely curious; there's not a thing wrong with being a pro. It's just that most people who cuddle that are not in it for the money remain enthusiast. Of course you may be like me (not like most other people). Based on what I read, it seems a guy would have a better chance of cuddling if he did not charge. Your thoughts please. Thanks.

@achetocuddle That's a very good question. My intention with going pro (other than encouragement from a pro that I would make a good pro myself) is different than if I were a client or even if it were a mutual cuddle with another enthusiast (all of those things I would still hope to do). As a pro, my focus would be to give, rather than receive. All the attention would be on my client and what she would prefer, rather than it being for my benefit. I absolutely do not expect to make a profit here. It costs $240 a year to be a male pro instead of the 15% cut the site takes from female pros. If I can recoup that, great. Anything else will go back into investing in cuddling as a profession: learning, spending time with other pros to learn from them, etc. I hope that answers your question!

achetocuddle

It does and that's a good reason @Drewski1138 . Best wishes on your cuddle quest.

Drewski1138

In general, I think the greatest challenge with this site is people who are seeking genuine connections and have good intentions actually finding each other. There's a lot of people who don't have those same things in mind and are expecting other things or extras and they prey on newer profiles, which deters new folks from sticking around. I think we need to do a better introduction or education to the site and what it can be as people are getting involved, so that those who are not looking for the same thing just don't really continue on, but that's a hard thing to try and filter and teach..

@cudbud64 This hits the nail on the head so hard. I've heard some absolute horror stories, and it's no wonder many new cuddlers just nope right outta here. I feel if we could figure out a way to safely integrate new people into cuddlecomfort and avoid being bombarded by awful people, that would take the site to a whole new level...but how do you accomplish that?

Jova114

I recently had the honor of having a platonic dinner with a ProCuddler.
I asked her 'how's the cuddle business '
She replied with a story about someone pushing the boundary...then straight up crossing it.
And that saddens and angers me.
There are tons of sights for THAT kinda stuff.
There is no subliminal meaning here regarding cuddling.

Minestrone101

@Jova114 I was thinking of creating a vigilante renegade band to enforce the community standards on the boundary breakers. Nothing too illegal, just show them who's boss. lol (salt in their beverage, sugar in their tank, or an accidental shoulder check on the street lol).

Jova114

@cylee1180
Oooo I'd gladly join...though I can't promise that the salt won't accidentally be rat poison or the shoulder check won't be with a baseball bat lol

Minestrone101

@Jova114 Cheers! or Chairs! 🪑

Jova114

(I hope you get this reference)

@cylee1180 ....GET THE TABLES!!!!!

SunsetSnuggles

@Jova114 @cylee1180 Come now boys, you know all the pervs need to put them in their place is a friendly fondle from a fellow male. 😈 Fire with fire.

(Just kidding, no one shoot me.)

~ Sunset Snuggles

Jova114

@SunsetSnuggles
Ooo that Father-to-daughter's-new-bf-line
"Whatever you do to my daughter, I'll do to you😘"
Lmao

(I'm not kidding, @ me! Lol)

SunsetSnuggles

@Jova114 🤣 You can be my daddy. Clean your shotgun at the picnic table while I do my park cuddles. 😜

~ Sunset Snuggles