User Deactivated/Deleted Account Mid Chat - Does This Happen A Lot?

KingsportCuddle

Hi fellow cuddlers! I had something unusual occur and wanted to get some thoughts...

I'm going out of town next week and was looking for a cuddle buddy so I sent a message to someone. Several days later, they sent a reply that they were interested. So I sent a message to find out their schedule and to get a sense of how they like to cuddle and within an hour they deactivated or deleted their profile. I'm sure it's not unheard of but a little odd.

Now there are numerous reasons why this might happen:

• Maybe they were on the fence about cuddling with people they don't know and when we started nailing down details, they decided it just wasn't for them so they abruptly deleted their account. (I'm sure it happens and this seems like the most plausible explanation to me.)
• It was a scam/catfish of some type. Maybe they sent back an inappropriate reply that Cuddle Comfort automatically blocked and they got reprimanded by CC for the message so they deleted their account (seems unlikely as I would assume I would have gotten an email notification of a new message regardless, but I don't know how CC's moderation process works so it's possible I guess).
• Somehow they misread something I said and they decided to break off the chat and completely deactivate their account (it's possible although I'm 99% sure I didn't say anything that could be read as anything other than platonic and if that were the case, I'd expect them to block me, not delete their account, especially since I live far, far away from them and am just visiting their town for a few days).

I've attached the conversation (with their username and my personal info redacted). Am I missing something? Has anyone ever had someone deactivate/delete their account in the middle of a conversation? I've had conversations where the chat just kind of winds down of its own volition and nothing comes of a possible platonic connection, or one side simply loses interest (or had no initial interest) and "ghosts" the other, but not someone deleting their account out of the blue. In any event, I look forward to hearing some of your stories. Thanks everyone!

JoyfulHeart

@KingsportCuddle This has been known to happen from time to time. It's disconcerting and disappointing when it does.

It's impossible to know the reason why, but I agree that your first suggestion is plausible. Wishing you luck in your search!

SunsetSnuggles

Deactivating and deleting are two completely different actions.

Deactivating just means someone is taking a break and making their profile invisible on searches, and they can't receive a bunch of PM's while they're gone. Someone might do this for a special weekend, a busy work week, or take a full-blown hiatus for six months. But they will return.

Deleting means they're actually leaving the site (though even this can be undone, for a short amount of time).

Hopefully they'll be back! If not, flakes are no true loss.

~ Sunset Snuggles

TxTom

Has anyone ever had someone deactivate/delete their account in the middle of a conversation?

Yes. Welcome to the internet, the Age of Anonymity, and the gradual degradation of etiquette.

CuddleHugs01234

If it was a pro, maybe that chit chat was fine, but as an enthusiast, maybe not enough chat, maybe a little too fast.

It also seems you disregarded an article they mentioned, and you said anyhoo.

It also could have absolutely nothing to do with you.

AllAboutSoul

Was the person new? They may have been overwhelmed with messages and just needed a break. It may seem rude that they didn't tell you, but maybe someone else was arguing with them or they were afraid of the possibility. Just my thoughts...

KingsportCuddle

Thanks everyone.
@JoyfulHeart - it is a bit disconcerting but it does happen.
@SunsetSnuggles - Indeed. I put it as deactivating/deleting because it's tough to tell which they did. In the message thread it says "deleted" but under favorites it says "deactivated" so I'm assuming the latter but don't know for sure.
@TxTom Hahaha, yup!
@CuddleHugs01234 - Thanks. Just to clarify though, everything from Hiii to the picture was my opening message (i.e. I sent them the article not vice versa). I could definitely see how if they said hi and sent an article and I ignored it and said "Anyhoo" like I was being dismissive how that would rub them the wrong way though.

KingsportCuddle

@AllAboutSoul - thanks. That's definitely another possibility. Maybe someone else sent them a message that upset them enough that they decided to close down their account (completely unrelated to my conversation with them) or that they were on the fence or if they were new (not sure to be honest) that they simply got nervous as the conversation turned to actually meeting up. I appreciate the input!

CuddleHugs01234

@KingsportCuddle Okay, I see your picture is centered on the message. ✅

SunsetSnuggles

@KingsportCuddle I see, yeah I'm not sure which it would be, in that case. Either way, I really wouldn't worry about this, it looks like they barely spoke to you, so if they come back, cool; if not, really not a loss. Their deactivation or deletion likely had nothing to do with you. I'd just keep reaching out to more people in the area and hopefully you'll click with someone. 😊

@CuddleHugs01234 I read it the exact same way! 😆

~ Sunset Snuggles

KingsportCuddle

@SunsetSnuggles - True enough. All they said was "Hi I'm interested" so I'm not sure they were ever really invested in the chat or the process as a whole. I appreciate the encouragement. 😊 And haha yes, especially the way it was spaced I can definitely see how you all thought they sent the first message and I responded with "anyhoo." 😆

SunsetSnuggles

@KingsportCuddle No worries, mate!

~ Sunset Snuggles

tygerlilly

I’ve had this happen a few times recently. It’s definitely odd, but not unheard of 🤷‍♀️ My theory as to why this happens seems to match your first idea. 😊

stormydaycuddle

And here I’m going to say as a reminder that things sometimes have nothing to do with us. Arrogance is believing we must be the cause of the effect.

Most of that is directed at one or two commenters.

DaveFromSussex

Yeah I'm leaning towards your first reason too, at least in my experience. I've had a few, pro or otherwise, block me then delete their account a day or so later. Annoying but what can you do 🤷

PixiePassions

@TxTom - Well said as always. 🥴

Lithellyl

I always take it as the person is someone looking for more than cuddles and got banned because of it, but that's cause the ones that this happened to who messaged me were all low key kinda creepy

Minestrone101

Yeah it happens. don't take it personally. Keep trying. Don't get discouraged.

SunsetSnuggles

@Lithellyl Those who are banned have their photo grayed out, and if you click their profile or go to your messages with them and scroll to the bottom, it will say they are banned. It sounds like this person either deleted of their own accord, or else just deactivated their account to take a break. 😊

~ Sunset Snuggles

🦄 Enthusiast 🏞 Travel Fiend 🐘 Animal Lover

TheFunCartel

@KingsportCuddle The possibility that is the most probable is you will never know, nor are you entitled to know. Is it bad form not to respond? Depends. I have been shown the number of messages some women receive and it is mind boggling and overwhelming at the same time which makes it even more remarkable how many do respond given that most have a life outside this site. And life in all its forms—work, family, friends, bills, children, health, mental wellness, volunteering, etc.—trumps responding to a stranger out of some sense of obligation, duty or manners. We simply do not know. They may have deactivated because they walked out and were hit by a car and they are focused on walking again. The possibilities are endless.

With that being said, @stormydaycuddle is correct regardless of who she was indirectly addressing in her post. Sometimes no response has nothing to do with you at all. Deactivation is usually done as a result of life encroaching on what we would rather be doing. I deactivate frequently during periods of intense time restrictions caused by work or opportunities to spend time with people I am actually close to. And here is a shocking revelation: people sometimes deactivate to take a break from this site. Some deactivate because you failed to send $10,000 and the King of Nigeria is now in exile after he was overthrown in a bloodless coup. There are endless possibilities.

Yes it can sting, but your time can be better spent reaching out to other cuddlers rather than obsessing over the reasons why communication ceased known only to the person who ended the conversation. Worse yet, they may have had an emergency and were going to get back to you only to find you published their entire private conversation with you for all to see.

KingsportCuddle

Thanks all for the comments.

In terms of arrogance @stormydaycuddle, I don't know that anyone has said anything that came across as such. Speaking for me personally, I acknowledged early on that the person simply may have decided cuddling with people they don't know wasn't for them in general or that someone else sent them a message in that same time window that creeped them out. And of course it could have been a million other things. We'll never know. But I don't think it's arrogant to wonder if someone who sent a message expressing interest deactivates their account an hour after you send a message is related to your message. A wrong assumption? Maybe. But hardly arrogant. Given the short time frame of events, it's just human nature.

In terms of publishing a private conversation @BoomerSpooner, I also went to great lengths to conceal their identity. While it's possible, it's highly unlikely they'd stumble across this specific forum, or if they did, that they'd be offended, as all I said was that what happened was unusual. I never said anything negative about them, and of course, I'm sure we all agree that whatever their reasons, they did what was best for them, and that's 100% okay.

stormydaycuddle

@KingsportCuddle as my comment stated it wasn’t directed at you. It was directed at a certain notorious character for their comment. There’s a lot of back story into why which is why I made the clarification.

KingsportCuddle

@stormydaycuddle Ah gotcha, thanks for clarifying. 🙂

I have a different perspective, and after spending a few days on this site it's apparent I am in the minority #unicorn. Which is no surprise, because in real life I am also in the minority, and as such have an almost impossible time of finding someone willing to open their mind up enough to comprehend there are those that don't have the same life experiences as the majority. Every time I try to answer a question and explain my perspective, I am shut down by those that are misinterpreting what I say.

I'm interested in talking to people, primarily because I've forgotten how to just talk. For a majority of my life, people have just talked AT me, not to me, and definitely not with me. I want to get to know someone's character. I want to see if conversation flows between us, if we have a similar communication style, if there are enough topics we are discussing that conversation becomes easy and I look forward to getting their messages. IF messages between us get to the point where I find we both have a lot to say to each other, I might consider talking to them outside the platform - and it's amusing because even in the rules it says to restrict communication to inside this platform for safety.

However, the overwhelming majority seems to think to have a conversation, you need to meet in public or talk on the phone. If I don't know anything about you, and all you know about me is I'm socially isolated and touch starved...and your initial message to me is something along the lines of "hey, I read an article about touch starvation, are you interested in a platonic connection?" and I say, "Yes, I'm interested" only to have it followed up by "great, what's your schedule like, how do you like to cuddle, we should meet in public first" then you are only looking at life through your perspective and making assumptions about things. You don't want to invest the time to connect with me, you just want a superficial, transactional exchange.

Most people argue that they can't get to know me unless I meet them in person - meeting me in person will NOT help, especially if the only way you know how to get to know a person is by asking things like "what do you do for work/fun/hobbies?" "what is your family like?" "what do you enjoy?" "what are you passionate about?" - How do I know? Because I've spent the past few years TRYING to meet people in person, only to have someone staring at me while I search my brain thinking of something to talk about, only to have the silence extend until I wish I could just be "normal" and fit into this narrow mold of understanding the majority of society has, then I end up feeling worse about myself and spoiler alert that person doesn't make any effort to understand anything about me, and we part ways...and I'm back to my social isolation.

I had hoped this site would be different, and people would be more open minded. But this is just a place for cuddle "enthusiasts" so if you aren't enthusiastic about putting yourself in public situations where the other person is just interested in getting their own touch needs met....it's not a very welcoming place, and I'm not surprised she deleted her account.

KingsportCuddle

Hi @Concordiaesque - Thanks so much for sharing your perspective and heart with me. That was an intelligent, well thought out response with a lot of quality substance to it. From your profile, I see you're empathic. I'm not sure I'd describe myself as fully empathic, but as an INFJ, your heartfelt words resonated with me. (And if I were making an educated guess from your detailed message, you might well be an INFJ or something thereabouts as well.) In any event, I want to pay you the respect of responding with an equally thoughtful message. 🙂

First off, I'm very sorry to hear that so far, your experience on Cuddle Comfort has been less than ideal. It sounds like oftentimes when you offer your unique perspective on things, you're misunderstood and don't often feel validated which is most unfortunate. And when your normal life experience is being talked at, it's doubly hurtful to go to a site with the hopes of finding a "safe space" to remedy that feeling and having those on here make you feel equally dismissed. And as someone who often feels socially awkward myself, it honesly hurt my heart a bit and made me want to hug you when you said:

"Because I've spent the past few years TRYING to meet people in person, only to have someone staring at me while I search my brain thinking of something to talk about, only to have the silence extend until I wish I could just be "normal" and fit into this narrow mold of understanding the majority of society has, then I end up feeling worse about myself and spoiler alert that person doesn't make any effort to understand anything about me, and we part ways...and I'm back to my social isolation."

As to your assessment as to why she may have suddenly closed her account, you may well be right. Maybe she wanted someone who would chat with her more online first and seek a deeper connection before proposing a personal meet-up. But I had scarce little to go on from her reply which was simply "Hi I'm interested" So my natural inclination was to suggest that we get together and to start to get a sense of what she was looking for in our time together. My suggestion that we meet in a public place first was simply an effort to assuage any fears she might have about going to a random stranger's hotel room (particularly an out-of-towner) without having physically met them first. It's also for my protection as a traveler who'd rather not hear a knock on my hotel room door and find out I was being catfished and have her friends try to mug me. But maybe I should have engaged her in more conversation first before mentioning scheduling. That said, I'm only going to be visiting her town this week and since she didn't reply for a week after my initial message, in this specific situation there was a real possibility of us talking back and forth until time ran out so I jumped straight to trying to nail down the details of us meeting (which is the most common goal of folks on the site).

So to wrap up, thanks again for your message and for what it's worth, if you're just looking for someone to communicate back and forth with even if it's someone not in close physical proximity to you, you're welcome to send me a message any time. Hugs and best wishes to you! 🤗

@KingsportCuddle appreciate the response. You are right, she didn't give you enough context to go on, and as hard as it is to want to know why someone stops talking to you/deletes their account.

I completely understand the small window of time you would be in her area prompted you to respond how you did, and there's no fault in that. None on either side - but language is so limiting and it's easy to miscommunicate intentions. It is a disappointment and I think it's great you want feedback from others to try to make sense of things - I think we all want that in some way, to be understood and to want to understand why others react to us the way they do...but @stormydaycuddle is right - it really may have had nothing to do with you at all. Not taking it personally is hard (trust me, I know).

KingsportCuddle

@Concordiaesque - Absolutely! I find myself saying all the time, "Human language is sooo imprecise, especially the written word where it's more challenging to pick up on non-verbal clues to help provide context and intent." And you're right, it's not a question of fault on either side. She did was she thought was best and I'm cool with that.

There are a zillion reasons why what happened happened. For example, I remember one time I was on here talking with someone who suffers from general anxiety disorder (GAD). And when a person has GAD, they can suddenly find themselves feeling completely overwhelmed (to the point of being nearly paralyzed with irrational fear) over the smallest things and while they know in their mind they know there's nothing to be afraid of, they can't shut down the onslaught of emotions. So it could have been something along those lines. Or not. In the end, she's the only one who knows the motivations behind her decision.

I think initially the reason I posted a message was as a sanity check because I was concerned maybe I said something that was misunderstood because of the impreciseness of human communication and because when something unexpected like that happens, it's easy for us as humans to play "worst case scenario" in our own minds so I was looking for extra pairs of eyes to provide some different perspectives and to offer a little encouragement and validation that I wasn't missing something. I've found all the feedback I received very helpful.

JohnR1972

@KingsportCuddle - I once accidentally hurt someone’s feelings on here. I deactivated my account shortly before traveling to another state. My reason for deactivating was completely unrelated to someone I had recently met who lived near my destination.

When I reactivated my account a week later, she messaged me asking if I was trying to avoid her while I was in her area. I felt horrible and I apologized and assured her my deactivation had absolutely nothing to do with her, it was purely a matter of bad timing (she is a very gentle soul and I would have been happy to meet up with her but my mind was elsewhere in the days prior to that trip).

My point in sharing is that while something may feel personal and/or intentional, very often that is not the case.

quixotic_life

@Concordiaesque ~ I really appreciate your capturing of the sense of isolation that can come with trying to connect with others.

Also, I think you're spot on with thinking jumping to scheduling may be a bit forward - At least I took it that way and if it were me would appreciate if the 'want to schedule' came with a reiterating of how our time available for pre-meet convo was fairly short but they'd still like to make sure we're each comfy in moving towards said scheduling and getting to know eachother some too. Or something like that (even though @KingsportCuddle kinda did some of that with the dates and all, it was still a little 'eager' if that makes sense).

But as pointed out (and without knowing their profile) it's hard to know what they may have been looking for as a follow up to, "I'm interested"... 🤷‍♀️

Lovelight

I can't read the responses now, so I don't if this has more or less been already mentioned. Though my suggestion is that you might want to chill a bit with the questions, it might be fine with some people to ask several questions in one go. However, to others and maybe many, it may come across as you're rushing and there's a saying in Swahili that basically translated to rushing is no blessing.

In other words some especially in this dynamic who you don't know might take that as a red flag and feel bombarded or suffocated with questions. It can come across as you for some reason just in a rush to get the answers and not interested in taking some time to build rapport with this person.

While that doesn't necessarily explain why she deactivated, nothing really will, only she can answer that should she want to. Though, it could potentially be a reason if for her that was maybe the camel that broke the straw's back. As you can see I know not what I'm saying, so feel free to take with a grain of salt.

Now I'm not necessarily saying there's anything wrong with your approach as far as I can see. Though that's how it may come across to some and it's on you to dial back a bit or not. Anyway, I'd try not to worry about why and just focus on continuing with your search for someone who is interested.

Somewhat of a side note, I don't know if you got to see her supposed picture. Though maybe she saw you and said nope and that was the straw that broke the camel's back. It happens and I've had it happen to me quite a bit not necessarily just here and not so much with a photo, because at some point I primarily stopped sending photos to guys for this reason. I video call instead and at least that way we both see each other. I've had some guys who'd instantly hang up and be nowhere to be found and others who we'd talk or meet. Though to go back to the main point, I'd not worry about their reasoning much and just focus on finding the right people for you to connect with.

Speaking of deactivating, I'll probably deactivate as soon as I comment and reactivate who knows when, because of this and that which I got going on. Just saying it as a courtesy, in case you happen to visit my profile and find that my account is deactivated lol.

CuddleHugs01234

If I’m in a meaningful conversation with a person or with people, or chat with someone on a regular basis, and I make a change on my account that they will see and make them wonder, I do give a heads up to them just as a courtesy.

@KingsportCuddle On another note, one person that I’ve spoken with that cuddles when he travels states that it is hard to find an enthusiast cuddler on short notice. In the future, if you travel a lot, and know where you will be going, you can start a convo way earlier than a week before.

There is a person I know that does this (starting convo way early) and cuddles a high number of people.

Also, please make note that if you do schedule cuddles with travel, and travel plans change, let the other person know promptly, as it’s already on their calendar too.