Is the pro faking it?

gar1010

I've used a pro cuddler a few times. The pro acts like they are enjoying it as much as me during the session. I cannot help but think its not real, because the only reason they are there is because I am paying them to be there. If it felt so good to them as well, why would they run out the second the session is up? Why wouldn't they still want to continue feeling so good (if true), even after I have paid for a few hours and cannot pay for more at the time?

Sheena123

I have a cuddle session booked tonight. I’m so excited 🤩🤩 I absolutely love it. And I love that I can have a job getting paid for something that I enjoy (as long as the cuddler is respectful of my boundaries). I don’t leave immediately when the time is up but I keep it pretty close because I either have another one lined up or I don’t want to push past our professional boundary. Unfortunately, I’ve had plenty of cuddlers that took advantage of me staying a bit longer than usual and it suddenly takes away the line of cuddler|professional. It muddies it and sometimes makes the cuddler think I have romantic feelings for them.

Staying professional is always important and that means staying close to the deadline that is placed time wise for the cuddle. That doesn’t mean they don’t enjoy the snuggle! I know there are some pros that hate doing this. They shouldn’t be pros. Period. If you don’t love snuggles, you shouldn’t be a pro. That energy feeds into your cuddler. I make sure my cuddlers know I’m excited and loving every minute!!

gar1010

Sheena, thank you for the explanation. Your explanation about maintaining cuddler/pro line makes most sense. My 2 experiences were nice. They did not run out exactly on time, but within a few minutes and were very nice about it. I just started thinking after the fact that it must have been fake that they were enjoying it since they left.

AllAboutSoul

Paid cuddlers may also have a check-in buddy, who's awaiting an "all good" text or call after a session ends. That might be why they're leaving so quickly, too.

CuddleDuncan

Boundaries are very, very important in professional cuddling. Breaking them frequently leads to tears, or worse. Most if not all of the professional cuddlers I've encountered enjoyed the cuddles. (It's a hard enough job to do if you like it, it must be nearly impossible if you don't like it.) That doesn't mean that they aren't working though: a good professional is making sure that all is well with you the whole time, and that's hard work. It may be enjoyable work, but it's still work.

It's normal for a professional to leave quite quickly after the end of the cuddling time. Usually it's because they want to cuddle as much as possible, and so minimise the 'bookend' times.

Some professionals say that the client pays for the time, energy, preparation, admin, expenses, risk, etc. ..... but the cuddles are free.

Just because you quite enjoyed the eight hours of double-entry bookkeeping that you did at work today doesn't mean you want to do another few hours unpaid.

notFromOhio

Respect for each other time is the most basic expectation for a professional relationship, but it's bidirectional.

The basic premise of hiring a professional is you are exchanging currency, and asking them to carve a slice of time and give you their full time and attention to your needs.

Beyond that slice of time, though, their time is their own - and I'd assume they have their own schedule full of other needs and obligations (other clients, work, family).

This applies to any profession - lawyers, plumbers, psychotherapists... the latter is probably a good comparison, because the emotional dynamics are more similar but you should expect your therapist to stick to a precise schedule.

E.g. I could be friends with my financial advisor, but if we are in an appointment they're on the clock, and once our time is up they're not scrapping their schedule to hang out and talk about movies. If I need more professional time than scheduled, we make another appointment - even if we're neighbors and good friends and could talk about movies all day, a professional appt is neither the time nor the place.

CaringPaws

I wouldn't say us pros are faking it, some of us just need time to decompress from it all. Cuddling can be vulnerable, and though platonic, an intimate experience. I know I need a bit of alone time to process how I'm feeling and put my 'non-cuddler' head back on!

Hugging can release a hormone called oxytocin in your body. It destresses your body and feels very calming. When the session is over though we might have to get back to busy public transport, loud spaces and a hectic world. If we seem like we're running off, it's probably to separate those two worlds a little bit.

beaubliss

One cannot generalize. Some pros are definitely doing it to put bread on the table (as one pro admitted to me right before our 1st and last session ), while others truly love it, even though it is transactional. But I would say that virtually all pros are "faking it" to a degree, insofar as they are playing a role. All actors on the screen are faking it too, but we enjoy their performance, assuming that they are really into it. Pro cuddlers need to prepare for their role with us, to leave their day-to-day behind, to serve the client, to bring their physical and emotional skill to bring comfort. So "faking it" as a term is broad in its application. If you mean by faking it not wanting to cuddle and not liking you but pretending, well, that's definitely faking it, and most in this community are not doing that. But playing a role that's different from the rest of their life, serving us.....bringing comfort, affection, and interest, that's usually authentic, at least with the cuddlers I session with.

Ladi_28806

Gar1010-
What specific behaviors would suggest that they are “faking it?”

What does “not faking it” look like to you?

KingsportCuddle

If it felt so good to them as well, why would they run out the second the session is up? Why wouldn't they still want to continue feeling so good (if true), even after I have paid for a few hours and cannot pay for more at the time?

Many excellent points have been brought up in answering the OP's question. I'd like to offer another even though I'm not a pro. The other danger of a pro cuddler staying a significant time longer than the appointed time is that it can create a situation where the client "expects" extra time in future sessions. So let's say I book a pro for 2 hours. And we've just got such amazing cuddle chemistry that we end up cuddling for 3 hours. Absolutely nothing wrong with that. But then the next time we cuddle, she may worry that I "expect" her to stay extra every time. So there are a lot of dynamics at play here.

Sheena123

@KingsportCuddle I’ll add on to what you said by saying it’s important to stick close to the scheduled end time because giving that extra free time could potentially have the cuddler thinking stronger feelings are happening. I’ve had some cuddlers I’ve had to stop being with because they assumed the extra time I was giving them meant that I was having feelings for them romantically.

As much as we enjoy the cuddle, we have to keep that professionalism because if we erase that line, that gives way for inappropriate thoughts. I’ve had quite a few amazing cuddles that had me wishing I could just sleep in their arms all day or night but knowing there’s a chance they could take that the wrong way makes me stay strong to boundaries.

KingsportCuddle

@Sheena123 All quite true. In some situations, a cuddler could definitely get the wrong idea. Although I would say that in such cases, most of the time the client had probably already developed romantic feelings for the cuddler. And they're taking the extra time as a sign of something they were already hoping for. To put it a different way, I'm not sure if many enthusiasts have gone into a cuddle with platonic intentions, then when they got some extra time, it caused their platonic feelings to change into something romantic because of the extra time (though I'm sure it's not impossible). But I completely get what you're saying and because there's no way for you as a pro to know what's happening inside a client's mind, it's good and necessary for pros to establish any number of clear-cut boundaries that leave no room for awkward misunderstandings.