I'm starting the Cuddle Party Foundations of Facilitation training!

frankparker9

My partner and I, and a friend of ours, all got together yesterday and cuddled and started taking the online version of Foundations of Facilitation via the Cuddle Party org. It will probably take us several sessions, and this is the first of two trainings required to be a certified Cuddle Party facilitator, but it is also useful for facilitating any kind of event. I won't fill this post with lots of detail about it; you can Google it if you didn't know this was a thing (and one time I posted a direct link to a Cuddle Party and it was removed by a mod, so I'm not sure of the rules/etiquette around links). The training costs several hundred dollars, and it doesn't automatically make you a Cuddle Party facilitator (there is more to the certification, including the second training I mentioned), but it's a step, and the facilitators I know speak highly of the program. Every Cuddle Party event includes a workshop on communication and consent, and the "container of safety" that is created is a big part of what makes these events so special. I started attending them in 2017 and have helped with some of them over the years by providing a space or administrative support.

I'm excited to be moving forward towards hosting and facilitating more cuddly events, with two amazing collaborators, learning more about the factors that create emotional safety, what a facilitator is (and isn't) responsible for, and so much great stuff.

Also, on Saturday, a half-dozen cuddly friends will come over for my 40th birthday party, and I'm excited because I don't usually have a party. My birthday is on Christmas Day, and growing up, the holidays were so stressful that I prefer not to put any expectations on anyone as an adult to do anything. Usually my kids and partner sing me Happy Birthday at some point on Christmas morning, the kids go to their mom's house, and my partner and I go out for dinner. The invitation calls it a "snuggle birthday party," and everyone coming has been to cuddle parties (and/or facilitated them or been a professional snuggler). Only about half the people I invited could come, but I'm thinking maybe we'll just have another event next month and invite all the same people! (Assuming it goes well, which I think it will.) Maybe it sounds ridiculous, but I'm the kind of person who forgets that I do have friends, that people like me, that I've built up trust and social capital, though I'm only human and have my faults... and though everyone is really busy and not necessarily available for a lot, and I'm busy too... people get excited about the prospect of coming over and cuddling with me, my partner, and other friends.

I've also at times thought I could never be a facilitator. I do feel I am good at holding space and holding boundaries kindly but firmly, and being a parent has given me so much practice dealing with situations where someone is upset, and I have to walk the line of making them feel seen and heard (and loved, in that case!), not try to "fix" them, validate what I can, take responsibility for what I can, and figure out how best to move forward and help them to move forward, maybe to calm down or feel safe, while staying present and taking care of myself, and all that. it's just a lot of responsibility, and a lot of output, to do a Cuddle Party from what I've seen—hours of being "on," and leading or monitoring the room. Holding space for my partners or kids is one thing (and takes a fair amount of energy) vs signing up to do it for whoever is in front of me (whereas I know people who are drawn to that kind of work or happily dive into it, whatever their skill level). The thing is, Cuddle Party is near and dear to me, and I'd have co-facilitators. Solo facilitators working on their own tend to get burned out, anyway; that wouldn't be a unique problem to me, I'm just thinking ahead and being conscientious. And anyway, I'm not committing yet to hosting workshops for strangers, just adding to my toolkit.

quixotic_life

@frankparker9 ~ That's fantastic!! Go you and Happy Birthday too!! 🥳

Also, I love how you spoke to overlooking social capital. I do the same thing and appreciate having my attention called to it (I'm adding a note about this to my, 'stuffs to think about/work on appreciating' list). 🤗

stormydaycuddle

Hundreds of dollars and you’re not certified to facilitate? Hundreds… And there’s more training not included? I 100% am down for workshops on consent, holding events, dealing with handling sensitive situations. For free or a reasonable fee. Sounds a little off... I am happy it’s helped you so much and provided comfort. I’m not knocking the support it seems to offer or the idea. Just the price tag.

SunsetSnuggles

Congratulations on going after what you want! I do most definitely agree with @stormydaycuddle on the cost of these types of trainings, but hopefully it proves useful to you.

I hope the end result works well for you; I think you have a good chance, since you are doing it with co-facilitators. As we all pretty much know, solo male Pro's have a really hard time; but as a co-facilitator, I would think you would be a wonderful asset!

Do be aware that the site may require you to register as a Pro here, once you become certified. I heard they did that with another certified facilitator, and that it's the reason another facilitator is not on this site.

~ Sunset Snuggles

🦄 Enthusiast 🏞 Travel Fiend 🐘 Animal Lover

🎄 Merry Christmas to my homies! ☃️

pty1999

Sounds like a great plan! I wish you much success in your endeavors!!

frankparker9

I think it's kind of sad and weird for this org to remain anonymous in this thread, in case anyone has not heard of these events... they are the only snuggle events run by trained/certified facilitators. It is a non-profit 501(c)(3) organization, founded in 2004 (whereas CuddleComfort came along in 2011, according to the FAQ). They don't do a lot of marketing and don't make a lot of money, but they are a big part of the cuddling world (from my POV) and basically invented the concept of a snuggle party with rules about keeping things platonic, etc., and the whole thought process and culture about why that would be helpful and healing... I believe we owe it at least in part to them.

Facilitators are not professional cuddlers, and I don't think male facilitators have any harder of a time. There is a lot of need for events. There is the issue of gender-balancing (with respect to attendees), but that's a whole other thing. The most well-known snuggle event in San Francisco is run by a male facilitator, and I haven't attended it, but I hear a lot of good things about it, from men and women/other, and it is always fully subscribed. Edit: That said, I agree there is a lot of value in having female and non-binary co-facilitators!

Whelp, just keep in mind there is a whole world of cuddles out there beyond this site!

stormydaycuddle

they are the only snuggle events run by trained/certified facilitators. It is a non-profit 501(c)(3) organization, founded in 2004 (whereas CuddleComfort came along in 2011, according to the FAQ

So what I heard here was, “this site (the one you’re promoting) was first and a non profit and therefore better than CC.” Otherwise I don’t see in pointing out the dates they were created. Or that one is a non-profit and the other isn’t. In that regard you answered your own question. Why they won’t allow you to advertise a several hundred dollar racket on this site. It’s like the life coaching stuff. You may be gaining knowledge in some form but is the cost worth it? Like really? It read like an AD before the mod changed it. I seriously wondered if you were getting a cut for sponsoring it. I did appreciate that it helped you and you’re getting support from it (so I didn’t get sassy) but that was legit what crossed my mind when I read the original.

CharlieBear

I edited it in case it would fall under advertising, which is against the forum rules. Though once I hear back from the admins I will revert it if they do not see it that way. Not meant to be a slight against that site at all.

frankparker9

@CharlieBear I understand. I'm just enthusiastic. This organization is not paying for promotion. It's possible my post is still too ad-like, somehow (despite my intentions). I just want people to know about it as a resource.

@stormydaycuddle I think we may just be too far apart, my lived experience and your vibe-read... I can't convey how much respect I have for this organization overall, and I've seen so many lives changed first-hand. I just want people to know about it as a resource. Like if I recommended A A to someone, or AAA, for that matter, I wouldn't be prepared for someone to say, "I don't know what that is [that's fine], but it sounds like a scam and a racket." Something being old or non-profit doesn't automatically make it good or worthy of respect, but this is anything but a profiteering organization. Certifications usually cost a little bit of money. There is no professional cuddling license or certification, but my partner trained as a massage therapist, and that certification is not cheap. Because the training is substantial and massage therapists are held to a high standard by the organizations that certify them. Facilitating these workshops is a big deal (or is made to be, and I think that's a good thing). I'm not saying it's a bigger deal than professional cuddling. There are some professional cuddling websites where all cuddlers have gone through a certain training, and I think there is value in that, but I also see many professional cuddlers who have not had any training, and I think that's fine, too. My point in comparing the dates of founding is partly to say, I think CC might possibly even owe its existence to this organization, and to see it treated with such immediate disrespect and disdain (off of seemingly nothing except my enthusiasm and mentioning that certifications cost money) kind of hurts!

stormydaycuddle

The other question I have is this… so they’re a non profit.. a lot of things are (not terribly hard) but what gives them the oversight to certify people? Like seriously what would I be spending my $$$ and then $$$ again to get that gives any form of validation to my profession or enthusiast self (when I take breaks and cuddle for me) in a meaningful way.

Please keep in mind that I am certified by one of these training sites and I paid $$$ for it and while all well and good… to google consent practices, situational ethics, etc its free. Yes, you must undergo this of your own volition BUT you do for the training too.
There are plenty of great websites who certify… most of them are wonderful all offering the same thing and yet… no standards of education and all for shiny stickers. Different stickers.

People who want to become better cuddlers should start with google, learning consent and hopping in whether community cuddles or one on one.

stormydaycuddle

I wouldn’t call it disrespect so much as reasonable doubt to a few points. I did read it and appreciated the experience you wrote about (hence less sass from me).

Content Edit: massage therapy has a standard of training. Right now even the most well meaning site is selling pricy snake oil. They may not mean it that way.

20+ hours later for me could have been concentrated down to 1hr of google and a lot less $$$.

frankparker9

@stormydaycuddle It is not for pro cuddlers or enthusiasts (though I believe it would help with that), it is for people who want to lead workshops. The value is because it's really good. And being fully certified means you can use their materials, which are also great, and you are trained in that. To be certified, you also have to run three practice events and participate in group calls. And event attendees can report facilitators. In other words, yes there is oversight. Ideally you take the training as an in-person, 3.5-day event, which sounds absolutely wonderful, but they aren't offering as many dates/cities for that as they used to. If you pay for the online training, though, you can attend the live training for free (it is included), even if it is years later.

Anyone can take a dump on anything; I could say I'm taking a class in non-violent communication, or training to be a mediator, or a notary, or a life coach, and someone could say that doesn't or shouldn't require training, or certification, or money, etc. This is a very high-quality program, though, and cuddling related, and probably of interest to some people.

stormydaycuddle

And you don’t see where this is coming across a teeny tiny bit like advertising? If the enthusiasm is what it’s about why does it matter that the parts that came across as ADs are taken out? Wouldn’t you want it to read in more of a way that was giving value to your words and not have people wondering if you’re an affiliate for the site?

frankparker9

@stormydaycuddle The only thing taken out was the name of the org/event. I do care a bit about people knowing what the specific thing is (especially if, as you say, many certifications and things are not worthwhile). Like if this were a forum for general contractors, it would be weird to require me to say "I just bought a [drill company] drill and man does it work well." With the specific name, other people could say, "Yeah, I love that drill, too," or, "Maybe I should try it." I do hope people discover these events.

People at these events often don't know about CC either. I could be in a cuddle pile of 20 people, and probably only a couple of them know about CC, but when I mention it, they write it down. It just seems like everyone wins if people know about more high-quality cuddling resources.

frankparker9

@pty1999 Thank you so much!!

@SunsetSnuggles Interesting about registering as a pro, I wouldn't expect that and it probably wouldn't be ideal, but I guess we'll see. Thanks for the heads up.

stormydaycuddle

I do get that. I am taking issue only with the paid program not the thing in its entirety. And yep…a few more sites do the same. One of them is pretty darn well known in the cuddle world and yet (like with your example about people oblivious to CC) a lot of people don’t know the other sites involved making their stamps of approval non-transferable and not standardized.
I’m all for training (sat through hours and hours and hours) . I wanted to be a better cuddler with more credibility, and better situational awareness and empathy etc. and all I got was this bumper sticker (not a real one. That would have been cool)

Google or chat gtp are free. Experience comes with time. Paid programs no matter how well meaning at the moment are just air. And paid programs that are hundreds but without the certification which you have to pay more for? Sounds like a money grab.

Side note: it seems like this program doesn’t give you anything of value to cuddling itself not for pros or enthusiasts as you said. Just the right to host their events. How is that a useful resource?

Edit: @frankparker9 I'm really not against you or the other site. I just don’t see how it’s relevant to host another sites parties after dumping in hundreds and then more.

I’m off to bed. I know you’ve been on the forums for a bit so you may know that this was civilized for me. 😢 we disagree but I hold no I’ll will. 🤗🤗🤗

SunsetSnuggles

@frankparker9 posted:

"@SunsetSnuggles Interesting about registering as a pro, I wouldn't expect that and it probably wouldn't be ideal, but I guess we'll see. Thanks for the heads up."

For sure; the name being taken out of the original post seemed pretty expected, but I figured the Pro bit might come as more of a surprise, so I wanted to let you know, since this was brought up so publicly and you can't exactly go back.

"I think it's kind of sad and weird for this org to remain anonymous in this thread"

"It just seems like everyone wins if people know about more high-quality cuddling resources."

"I just want people to know about it as a resource."

I thoroughly agree; however, this is because you and I are viewing it as cuddle enthusiasts, not as business owners. This site is run as a business, and as such, they don't allow the promotion of competing organizations.

I do understand that the other organization is a non-profit; however, the facilitators pay the organization to get certified, the cuddlers pay the facilitators to attend the events, and from this site's perspective, those events are in direct competition of the Pro's here...because a cuddle enthusiast may choose to hire a Pro here, or to pay to attend an event, there. Whether the core organization is non-profit doesn't change how this site views it from a business aspect.

"CC might possibly even owe its existence to this organization, and to see it treated with such immediate disrespect and disdain ... kind of hurts!"

Removing the name of what the site views as a competing organization isn't disrespect or disdain, if that's what you're referring to - just a smart, albeit not community-driven, business tactic.

"if this were a forum for general contractors, it would be weird to require me to say "I just bought a [drill company] drill and man does it work well." With the specific name, other people could say, "Yeah, I love that drill, too," or, "Maybe I should try it.""

I think that's where the breakdown is - this site is not akin to a general contractor site, discussing two different drill brands. This site is akin to a drill brand, and we're discussing another drill brand. That's why the censorship is bubbling up. Unfortunate, but I think it makes perfect sense, from a business perspective.

"They don't do a lot of marketing and don't make a lot of money, but they are a big part of the cuddling world"

Given they charge about $700 for one certification and $1,000 for the other, from each prospective facilitator, I'd venture to say they do make a lot of money... Just because an organization is set up as a non-profit doesn't mean they don't actually make a profit (let's take television evangelists as a famous example of ill-spent "charities"). I'm not saying they are like that, just saying...they are charging an extreme amount of money.

Yes, I do agree for sure they are a big part of the cuddling world - their name is well-known. I think their values are phenomenal.

"Facilitators are not professional cuddlers, and I don't think male facilitators have any harder of a time."

I've not been to an official event by this organization, but I have been to many modeled directly after it in every way, and all facilitators have been Pro cuddlers who typically have their own websites or are listed as Pro's on this very site. But I can't speak for anything outside of my experience.

Even if the facilitators don't directly work as Professional cuddlers on their own time, I can understand how this site views them as competition for its Pro's, because again, they charge money for enthusiasts to attend their events, which is money those same enthusiasts might otherwise spend booking Pro's, here.

I agree, a male facilitator would be a great asset, as I mentioned in my initial post. 😊 I've never been to an event led by a male, but I think it would be lovely to have more gender balance in facilitators.

"just keep in mind there is a whole world of cuddles out there beyond this site!"

Absolutely! There certainly is, and to be perfectly honest, some of my most wonderful experiences, most respectful cuddle friends, and most meaningful friendships, have been with people I met through these types of events, rather than directly through this site, though there is certainly overlap (and, as you touched on, I always, always recommend this site to people I meet at those events, because I completely agree with you - the more resources, the better!).

Hugs to you, Frank! I find this a very valid and interesting topic, and I truly do agree with you and wish all of this were more accessible to the community.

~ Sunset Snuggles

🦄 Enthusiast 🏞 Travel Fiend 🐘 Animal Lover

🎄 Merry Christmas to my homies! ☃️

PixiePassions

I didn't read it as an ad, I read it as excitement over a new endeavor. But that's how my ADHD works, I see someone being excited about something first because we hyperfixate on things that excite us, so I see peoples' passions as what stands out to me the most. (I don't know if that made sense, but I hope it did.) Either way - very cool and happy birthing anniversary!
🥳 🎂 🥳 🥂

stormydaycuddle

@SunsetSnuggles 100%

@everyone see this is how I disagree with someone vehemently with someone who isn't prejudice. There is a difference. I respect @frankparker9 and even his message. He's a great member of this community and as far as I can tell hasn't spewed hate a single day. He's not treating anyone else as 'less than'. Sorry to use you as a reference Frank but you're kinda a good example. He's pure-hearted but I disagree (doesn't mean I'm right or wrong). And if anything came across at too sassy Frank I apologize. I usually only blow up at bigotry and sometimes dumpster fires. Your post caught me bleary eyed and a little more of my ODC tendencies were showing so I may have over responded.

Also, I think saying "dm me for more info" might be a better way to get people the site name. Not exactly sure if that's advertising but it may work better.

I also didn't say happy birthday which kinda makes me a ________beep_______. Happy Birthday Frank. I hope you enjoy it. Hope (aside from me being insufferable just then) that its everything you want it to be. Hugs (without sarcasm).

TheFunCartel

@frankparker9 Is Frank Parker your name or are is it a euphemism because you are an opinionated valet?

Happy Birthday dude!

cde123

Honestly, charging for this does seem eyebrow raising, especially since $700 is probably near the average take of a new female pro before she encounters her first difficult experience and potentially quits the business.

IMO what we need is simply a great series of YouTube videos which explain the basics of platonic cuddling, a series that will help set expectations for both pros and clients. On the pro side, specific trainings should be around safety — it's amazing how many pros have their full legal name on their CashApp/Venmo accounts for example, as if stalkers would never be a problem. This safety training should be free and aggressively pushed by all sites and communities — definitely not held behind a pay-gate.

Profiteering from pros who are often the least able to afford these kinds of training sessions doesn't seem right to me.

CharlieBear

@frankparker9
My question from the admins was answered and it is ok for me to revert the changes so I have done so.

stormydaycuddle

Sorry to comment again I just realized I should probably say I have direct experience exactly and stop beating around the bush. It doesn't help you be a better at your job, hobby or whatever cuddling means to you. They get money and in the end you maybe get to be a facilitator for their events alone. I'm sorry Frank but I've been through the training. I am SOOOOO HONESTLY glad that that site is there for you and helping you really... I was being delicate because I think your hearts in the right place BUT....

Nearly 2k!!! Non profit my ass.

^^ What @cde123 said about a pros pay. (And how you got that number so correct is scary.) It is around the 6 hundred-1k mark that people I know quit and where I thought about it.

In the case of the training luckily I have outside funds but it still is a HORRIBLE investment. Cuddling is one of the best jobs ever and yet... it is a job side gig or not a lot of pros NEED the money.

After a LOT of $$$ later and tons hours of my life I wont get back and nobody cares, didn't matter, hours of fluff. Hands on experience, google and people in THIS community have helped more.

And to be honest the parts that didn't feel like political indoctrination (and I'm a freaking hardcore liberal its hard to make me blush so to speak but it did) were basics at best and while its great to make others feel comfortable, check in and respect "No as no" and "maybe as no" (there you go that's 1/2 the course at least the viable part) CDE is correct we need practical overall training. Comprehensive guides that people can afford or that are free.

Save your money. Keep your politics your own. Find your info elsewhere. It was in essence a very pricey invisible sticker.

I know I'm going to get hell from that part of the cuddle community but honestly I don't care. CC is a wonderful hobby/side gig but I don't need to impress anyone in the cuddle world so I'll say it. That training is the worst racket and biggest praying mantis I've ever seen.

The few valuable parts there were are indeed wrong to keep behind a paywall. and the rest... why?

MissAdventurous

@stormydaycuddle you are not wrong in your sentiments. I have never done a course or paid for information/education in the cuddling world.

Having a psychology degree and back history with similar careers, I know that can be a foot up and I'm not here to say that these sites don't help people, because they can.

However, I'll take CC 15% fee any day over some nonsense that if you have half a brain and care enough to educate yourself before going into the deep end, which we should do in most things in life, you too can figure out how to navigate through platonic touch and the community. 💯

stormydaycuddle

@MissAdventurous reaching out and finding mentors is a great idea too. Hem... in my personal experience.

MissAdventurous

You're the best "protege" I've ever had 😂😂 @stormydaycuddle and a wonderful friend.

sillysassy

@frankparker9 I am so excited for you!!!!

I love that CuddleParty and Cuddlist have training options so that people can learn how to facilitate a whole group of people which is EXTREMELY different than one on one cuddling.

You will be able to learn a ton of stuff before you are in charge of a roomful of people and how all of that energy can work out (positively or negatively)

I know you have posted lots of fun stuff about cuddle parties where you know all the people who are attending and I just love that!!

Dealing with strangers coming to your space for a facilitated event takes you to a different experience and I think you have proven to be the kind of person who thinks ahead about the possible pitfalls. (Like people who sign up after some severe touch trauma and are therefore in need of a different emotional support)

You are amazing and I’m super excited for you!! THANK YOU for being willing to share your cuddle journey with us. 😊😊😊

AND HAPPY EARLY BIRTHDAY!!! 🌲

RadiantHugs

Congratulations @frankparker9 on starting cuddle party training, and for your upcoming 40th birthday!

As someone who is a certified cuddle party facilitator and has facilitated a number of official events, I’d say the training was one of the best values for money I have ever received. I didn’t do the training with the hopes of building any kind of career out of cuddling or facilitation - in fact I even completed the cuddlist training but all the time never intended to do even a single session I’d get paid for, though I've hired many pros from here and other places to get my own touch needs met. Heck I don’t even aim to do my group events for a profit - I look to break even and for money left over I donate it to support good local causes which promote love and community.

My objective behind doing the training was for my own personal growth - to heal from my own wounds around touch and to get the skills at offering to the world something which I believe had true healing power for me. In fact I was first introduced to the power of touch as a mode of therapy not through a cuddle event, or not through a pro cuddler even, but through a traditional psychology group setting where the psychologist was also a Buddhist priest focused on healing through applying the principles of loving presence.

You get more than a one time training with the fee you pay cuddle party for certification. For that fee you also get ongoing weekly support through mentor calls with a trainer. I’ve been certified for many years now, but I still dial into the mentor calls on a weekly basis to get support.

Cuddle parties are wonderful, and certainly one does not need extensive training to get a few people together in a room to cuddle. It’s the few times things could go really wrong when one’s training as a facilitator shines. The course content certainly covers what to do, and Google and/or chatGPT can maybe provide you that, but it’s only through the ongoing mentoring and community with other skilled facilitators where those skills are truly learned and honed.

sillysassy

Awwwww @RadiantHugs Well said..... Thank you so much for sharing this aspect of your experience. 💕

quixotic_life

@sillysassy and @RadiantHugs ~ Thank you both for stating so well what I was trying capture in my PM to @frankparker9 !!

I fully agree that hosting a whole group is well beyond different from 1:1 cuddling, and isn't the same as a meet-and-greet where individuals may or may not be able to get some of their touch needs met as a result either.

In fact, in consideration of the variety of mindsets who appear in this forum alone... I think it makes perfect sense for a facilitator/host of an intimate cuddle space event, to prepare as much as possible for them. From managing expectations, to potentially problematic behaviors, and working to cultivate the best of consensual outcomes, I don't think one could ever be over prepared.

From my experience, consistently creating safe space in an open sort of venue, is hard enough when touch isn't involved. So I say Kudos to the Parker Team for taking it on together and for being so committed to the well-being of those already in, and newly entering, the cuddle community ~ Thank you!! 💞

friendlyhugging

@frankparker9 , I do agree, i think there should be a thread to post about cuddle workshops. Someone explained to me on a previous post that the site shouldnt have to market other companies as this site is a commercial enterprise that allows us to enjoy what we enjoy. However, this seems, to me, shortsighted. More success for workshops could help the growth of platonic cuddling, which could help the success of this site. My pennies worth.