I need cuddles... I will talk with people but then when I share my boundaries they bounce. 😔
They are respecting your boundaries by going away.
It's best to be up front with your boundaries and weed out that people who aren't right for you.
@Mike403 True dat!!
@Peony84 Better to speak your truth and let the creeps take off running, than water down your verbiage around boundaries and find out too late. The right cuddlers are out there, just keep being authentic...they're worth the wait.
~ Sunset Snuggles
🦄 Enthusiast 🏞 Travel Fiend 🐘 Animal Lover
"Be at war with your vices, at peace with your neighbors, and let every new year find you a better man." ~ Benjamin Franklin
Yep, I share mine on my profile and then I ask if they agree to them in our messaging. The kind of people you want are the ones that respect them. Keep on trying and you’ll find some good ones.
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Sounds like they do.
@CelestialTouch Sounds like you may need to report non-platonic behavior? As for your previous regular, I encourage you to reach out, again. There's absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to spread out your cuddles, in fact, it's suggested by many experienced people here on the board, to avoid getting overly attached to a certain one. If she's as great as you say, she'll welcome you back.
I’d argue the vast majority of men here are looking for s*x, especially based on how I see people discussing CC on other websites. The common perception is that it’s a cover for SW, and I can’t blame them for getting that impression
Who could forget that guy last year who was "researching" why some female Pros would violate CC rules. He wanted their contact info for his "research."
I find it difficult to have a conversation about boundaries without people assuming you intend something else. I interacted with a young lady and we seemed to hit it off well. I thought i might have found a cuddle in the area. But when we happened to start to possibly connect later in the day as she felt she needed to be held. i was traveling and would be passing her area, i mentioned I'd have considered it if i had the appropriate cuddle attire.
When she inquired what i meant by that, i thought id better clarify what she considered a cuddle to look like. I explained it could be many things. Some like public, some like them in there homes, it could be on the couch but many people consider laying in a bed the way. I never wanted to assume so i asked. I explained what i think most people express appropriate attire to be something like short and a tshirt. She went silent.
At this point i can only assume what she was thinking. But since we had such good conversation prior i think her silence was because what i mentioned was something that she wasn't comfortable with. I didn't ask for anything, and am/ was willing to adjust to her idea of it. Her being new to the site maybe hadn't read a lot or engaged in the forums. But i think just the mention of a bed caused her to think i had different intentions. But i wanted to know her boundaries and i asked. I always want to come into it with clear understanding so i can be comfortable along with her. I guess I'll never know, maybe she was like the many people who come in check it out and realize they don't like what's going on. Disappointed for sure.
@bobadevotee a large amount of my cuddle interests have steered toward sex, either subtly or bluntly. I only interact with women, so i could speak to what men want, but I'll tell you my experiences are a little different than what you describe. SWers aside, some enthusiasts as well want a " deeper" connection than Platonic. But actuall cuddling, i don't get to it much but I've tried and it seems to me my lack of engagement in those sort of convos have left me without.
@BashfulLoner Maybe she just got busy or overwhelmed with messages. You may yet find out. There are currently dozens of messages sitting unread in my inbox. One person recently asked if I ghosted them. It's overwhelm, and the fact I've been sick for twelve days, and was out of the state since before New Year's, until last night. There is usually more than one might assume, on the other end of the screen. I hope you hear back from her.
@SunsetSnuggles that very well could be it. I hope to find out, either way. But it's happened a lot.
On the other end of the spectrum, I was in the hospital with an afib over Christmas and had to go in and get myself shocked back into a regular rhythm two weeks ago. No one checked out my profile or sent me a message in that time.
Feels like a ghost town here.
Awww, I'm sorry to hear about your recent health issues @HeatinWinter . I hope you're doing better now!
Unfortunately that's how it can be a lot of the times, plenty of men/ around and on here for the wrong reasons.
Although you don't need to answer it, I wonder if those boundaries are more aligned with the general boundaries the site has set, or some more personal stuff... Even though either way your boundaries should be respected, if they are bouncing or crossing boundaries with you over you just reiterating the site's then they probably don't need to be here. Though that depending on the context may be difficult to pinpoint. I agree with @Mike403 , and I say their rejection is your protection.
@HeatinWinter Before I started my own practice, I used to be part of the team that puts you to sleep right before a cardioversion 😊 it seems scary but it’s most important that you don’t miss a day of your blood thinners. Sometimes one shock will do it but sometimes you may need more help hang in there ! Sending virtual hugs 🫂
THIS! THIS! THIS! 👏👏👏
@Mike403 Thank you! Yes!😁 They DO INDEED respect boundaries by going away, which I PREFER over them whining or insulting me🙄🙄 for having boundaries/safety precautions in place and standing firm on them.👍
@Katota - You always speak the truth, even in the face of profound ignorance. lol
@Peony84 As others mentioned, they are respecting your boundaries by bouncing. Better to continue being upfront rather having to cross that bridge in person.
There are people genuinely looking to cuddle, if you continue to be upfront like how you are currently doing you will find them!
That's super frustrating @Peony84 😕
The longer you're on here, tho, the more you'll actually appreciate those that remove themselves from the equation. Because having to deal with boundary pushers once you meet up, can get dicey really fast!
Good luck tho, and hope you get to meet some peeps who match up.tih you better! ☺️
Well said, @Mike403 .
It's worth stating, though: BOUNDARIES impact our own behavior. (I will/will not statements) RULES impact the behavior of others. (You will/will not statements) AGREEMENTS happen when multiple people communicate their boundaries/needs and agree to abide by certain rules in order for all parties to mutually benefit. (We will/will not statements)
A lot of people use the term "boundaries" and then try to enforce them upon other people, when that is not how boundaries work. As a general rule (no pun intended), we cannot change the behavior of others - only our own. Trying to impose one's boundaries as rules upon others generally does not work very well. Instead, life becomes a lot easier when you focus your boundaries on changing your own behavior. At that point, people "respecting your boundaries" becomes more about communication, consent, and agreeing to mutually respect stated needs rather than people trying to guess/assume what is appropriate or not.