I’m new to this site and wanted to get some insight from more experienced folks the difference between platonic vs. romantic cuddling and how you set boundaries. What do you discuss with a potential cuddle partner beforehand?
When I was new here, I would've probably asked the same thing. But since then, I've learned that giving and receiving a hug is an extremely complicated affair fraught with peril unless executed with precise understanding of cuddle community norms.
You'd do well to brew a pot of coffee and start reading through these forums.
Intention is a large part of the difference. Cuddling between platonic friends has no goal of sexual gratification nor of initiating a romantic relationship. By contrast, when one cuddles with the intent of it leading towards sexual activity or a romantic attachment, it is no longer considered platonic.
Everyone's personal boundaries will vary as people have different definitions and comfort levels as far as physical and emotional intimacy with their platonic partners. It would definitely be a good idea to do as @TxTom said and read through existing forum posts - especially the stickied threads. At bare minimum, I would suggest discussing physical contact that is off limits (beyond the requirements of the site), potentially emotional topics that might be off limits, allergies/preferences in regards to environment and on your person, and what goals you both have for the session.
When in doubt, remember the basics of consent: a lack of a yes is a no, a maybe is a no, and anything but a fully informed and enthusiastic yes is a no. Don't assume without communication and you should be golden. Also - if you would not touch a minor relative of you in that way, it's not platonic. If you would not touch your best friend that way, it's not platonic. If you would not touch your parent that way, it's not platonic. Cuddling can be intimate, but if the idea of touching someone you consider off-limits sexually/romantically in the same manner seems wrong... It's not platonic.
While agreeing that it should be off limits and a bannable (is this a word) offense for CC, from a philosophical standpoint, there is no clear dividing line between what is platonic and what is romantic activity (though there is one for sexual). I've known a few people over my lifetime that will kiss friends on the lips, but this is not a romantic gesture - rather it is a platonic one (to be clear, all of these people were theater/drama people, so I wonder if that has anything to do with it). But there are cultures where such kissing also isn't a romantic gesture.
@cuddlefaery very well-said. It’s about intention. Our brains process to some degree what we are feeling before we act. Reaching for Platonic hugs feels very different than holding someone when feeling romantic.
Definitely picking up on key themes of boundaries and consent!
Was going to respond but she muted her account.
It’s easy to feel the energy of someone who is seeking arousal vs someone who is seeking platonic comfort. I encourage people to trust their instincts and act accordingly. Boundaries are so important, and they can be fluid… I would have stronger ones if I felt someone was attracted to me, because my guard is up higher. For someone who I truly feel a safe platonic connection with, I wouldn’t interpret their actions the same way. (For example, stroking my hair. Can go either way depending on the energy. I might allow one person to do so, and ask another not to.)
Everyone here has stated their points perfectly. (Admittedly, I skimmed, but that's the ADHD. 🙃)
And one more example I'll provide with how everyone's boundaries are different - a totally non-sexual body part can be arousing for some. (For me it's my hips.) So I let clients know that they can rest their hand or arm on my hip, but caressing it like they caress my back or arm would be off limits. Communication is paramount.