How can I be of assistance?
For one, don't refer to women as females...
There's nothing wrong with the word female. Depending on the context, woman, female, lady, etc., are all acceptable words.
Even a recent Amber Alert I received described the adult last seen with a child as "a 30-year old, white, female."
Carry on, Luvshaun.
Pronoun alert! 👮
I don't mind being called a female at all.
But what exactly do you think we need help with?
~ Sunset Snuggles
🦄 Enthusiast 🏞 Travel Fiend 🐘 Animal Lover
@SunsetSnuggles usually where to go for dinner or what to eat for dinner from my personal experiences 😂
@lonelytauros 😂 Oh, you don't hafta worry about that with me...I have strong opinions on food!
There's nothing wrong with the word female at all. But it's an adjective, not a noun. Using it as a noun is therefore an ugly turn of phrase. And because you are implying that a women doesn't deserve the dignity of being treated as a person, it also carries an overtone of dismissiveness. Which, given the way a lot of men treat women isn't a great start if you're trying to make some kind of connection with a woman.
Is it technically wrong to refer to women as females? Yes, since you are misusing the language. But lots of people in the USA do it.
Will it make lots of women, and some men, dislike you immediately? Also yes.
Is there any upside to saying 'females' instead of 'women'? Again yes, it helps other misogynists to spot a potential friend.
...implying that a women doesn't deserve the dignity of being treated as a person, it also carries an overtone of dismissiveness...
The word female can be used as an adjective or a noun.
Anyone seeking to be offended by interpreting a "lack of dignity" or "dismissiveness" by the use of that word is clearly suffering from much greater issues.
I've been referred to as a male many times in my life. It would never occur to me that I should be outraged by that, or that I'm being dismissed.
@TxTom Agreed. I'm a human of the female variety. I have never identified with the term "woman". It sounds old, and like someone who has it all together...neither of which define me. 😂 I have always identified with the word "girl".
As an active member of the group in question, none of the above terms offend me. There's only one that tweaks me out...the dreaded ma'am. 😭 I may have some silver strands, but dammit, I ain't no ma'am! 🤣
"Female(s)", and many iterations there of, is commonly used by misogynists, incels, and men's rights activists as coded language. It is expressly used to differentiate between "men" being humans and "females" being more similar to other animals. It is dehumanizing language that has widely gotten mixed into general vernacular without the ugly context.
Are there women who don't mind being referred to as "females"? Absolutely. We're not clones that all think and feel the same. But is there a large portion that have had enough bad experiences with men weaponizing the term to feel our skin crawl every time it happens? Also true.
A key point: if you use "females" to refer to women regularly but do not use "males" when referring to men with equal frequency, it may be worth examining why. If you truly believe we're all humans and equals, then you should be using terminology pairings that reflect that.
Language is not stagnant and evolves over time. In some contexts and cultures the use of some words may be acceptable while in others they may not. For contentious words, particularly those having to do with heated topics like race/gender/sexuality, it's generally advised to pick the wording most acceptable for your context unless the person in question has confirmed they're ok with other wording.
An example of this: "queer" has been reclaimed by much of the LGBTQIA+ community as a positive word, however there are still many (particularly of older generations) who find it extremely offensive. Thus, best practice to cause the least harm is to not refer to someone else as being queer unless they themselves have used the word in reference to themselves and/or have given you permission to do so.
Another example of code switching language usage based off of context is use of racial slurs as terms of endearment. Some communities have been reclaiming terms and so will refer to each other using those terms, but an outsider applying that term to them destabilizes the power imbalance again and so is best avoided unless explicitly given permission (and usually safest only in private with close friends).
Tl;Dr: yes, some people are fine using "female" to refer to themselves, but many are not and because it is highly weaponized language your best bet is to use more neutral terminology until you know that individual's preference and are in a better context than addressing a bunch of strangers.
@cuddlefaery I think part of the issue is that the terms, female and women are interchangeable for most men without any bad intentions it’s just part of our vernacular I know for me personally whenever I’ve used the term female I’ve never had any negative connotation behind it it was just another interchangeable term for women and I think for men it gets a little confusing because we have some women that are OK with being called females and we have some that are not, and as men we are constantly being scrutinized and being observed for our behavior so it gets a little confusing. Sometimes I think there’s a lot of men out there that don’t have any bad intentions when using the term females , maybe there are some that do but I don’t think there’s ever gonna be a universal way of addressing women using a specific term we try our best to be respectful and I think that’s the most important
Hey ladies....
Not a great thread title and first post to follow on. It doesn't provide the best vibes. When it comes to the community you should want to help everyone.
I'm not offended. I understood the intent. That's all.
le shrug I mostly say "guys" and "girls".
I also say "guys" when referring to both genders, and even for a group made up entirely of - wait for it - women. 😁
And just to be really spicy...I refer to everyone as "dude"...up to and including my own mother, depending on how playful of a mood I'm in. 😋
I think what's most important is context and tone. Of course, tone is harder to read, online.
My grandma used to call me Babydoll. It was the sweetest term of endearment, and I melted, every time. But a guy I used to work with also called me Babydoll...while standing inches from my face, hovering over me in a harassing, very unwanted, flirtatious manner. Same nickname...massively different tone and meaning. One was sweet, the other demeaning.
I see no reason to get upset over the same word in every context and every tone; I like to save my energy for those who are actually aiming to do harm.
@SunsetSnuggles I'm from NorCal...I also use "guys" and "dude" as gender neutral terms. But my time living in the south taught me that many women do NOT appreciate that, so I learned to adjust my language to context accordingly. We already do it, mostly unconsciously. Almost no one speaks exactly the same in every environment. You might use certain language (or refrain from) in professional work settings, or you might use different language among your friends than you do around your parents.
@lonelytauros while I appreciate the lack of intent to do harm, it is that automatic copying of words from those around us and uncritical use of language that is part of the problem. Our use of language shapes how we think and feel, and we cannot change our behaviors without changing the language we use around those behaviors. Reframing language is one of the key skills taught in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, among other social-emotional frameworks, because shaping our unconscious beliefs via our use of language is so powerful.
"Female" refers to sex and "woman" refers to gender, two separate traits. They are not actually interchangeable even if they are often correlated.
Beyond the issue of referring to other humans by certain traits in order to dehumanize them, and the problem of language specificity, the use of "females" to refer to "women" has also been used as a means to exclude and dehumanize transwomen. How people personally identify is not the issue - it's when the labels get applied to others and/or groups of people that the waters start getting murky. Context and consent become more important than intent.
Like it or not, language and symbols get co-opted by certain groups and unless we want to be associated with those groups it is worth considering if we are using language to have the impact we want so that it supports our intent. If male allies and generally those who are not misogynists don't wish to be associated with the very vocal misogynistic communities, then they need to consider what language they are using in certain contexts.
The OP asked how he could help "females", and I took it on good faith that he genuinely wants to help women. One way he can do that is by changing his language use so that he helps change his behaviors towards women and helps influence those around him to do the same.
@cuddlefaery I will try to summarize what you said in this meme I hope it’s correct 😅
@lonelytauros the irony of using the Drake meme
Also, I'll counter your meme with this one. This is what I picture and hear every time I read someone address/refer to "females" online...
@cuddlefaery I love it! 😆
Some people work too hard in search of issues to be offended by.
It doesn't matter what bothers me . What matters is what others think about what bothers me because , well , their opinions about what I think matter more than what I think about what I think .
Gotta go poops now