Sexual humor and pro cuddling

Mark

This discussion was created from comments split from: Cuddle kit for outcalls.

 I bring a back scratcher, one of those brain tickler things you use on the head, my large assortment of Young Living essential oils and a mini diffuser,  fractionated coconut oil or other oil for massage (upper back and shoulders , elbow to fingers, knee to toes only) my small purple "pillow of protection to place between an erection", gum and mints, water bottle, mini fan in case the room is very warm, phone and charger, a change of clothes which are usually yoga pants and tshirt like the one of my profile *hug life*

Why not call it a " cushion to diminish his pushion"?

This is great!

I enjoyed reading your posts.

Thank you!

Because @sparklyblue-eyes  we have already determined, to the point of beating a dead horse, that an erection is a normal physiological response but that "pushing an erection into someone, grinding and humping"  is sexual assault,  is a violation of the terms of agreement of this site, and is absolutely unacceptable behavior. 

Would you settle for " a guard against something hard"?

No. and stop being gross. 

ok. 

To to help steer the discussion back on topic , maybe included with outcall supplies , an ice chest with one of those cold things you put in the freezer , for , putting somewhere , ( you know where )

Atreides

I have never had a cuddler use a small pillow between us that seems so odd to me.  But then I've never had an unwanted erection during cuddling either.   One of my old cuddler pros told me that was unusual but she loved it about me.   We could do any position and that didn't happen.  She said it made me easier to cuddle with.    
I would probably not cuddle with someone if they used a pillow between us because it isn't necessary for me.  

 This is a non-sexual and platonic service, so if you were the woman in this scenario who was always having someone press or grind or hump their erection into you I'm pretty sure you would feel differently. 

 Just because it hasn't happened with you doesn't take away from the experience of others. I am unwilling to be made to feel like an object or sexually uncomfortable when it is very clear that this site is non-sexual and platonic only.  Other people have rules and protection in place so they are not sexually assaulted or humped or have people pressing an erection against their body when they go to work, this should be no different... but sadly it has happened almost every time.  

 And in numerous discussions it has already been stated that a man getting an erection is not the issue. I've had dozens of conversations with other professionals, we are always talking about how disturbing  this kind of behavior is from a grown man. There are dozens of ways to reposition one's self so the cuddler and professional don't even have to have a discussion about it. It is a whole different scenario when someone starts grinding against you or humping you like a dog. 

 If a small travel sized pillow is that offensive and my comfort and feeling of safety is that unimportant, I wouldn't want to spend time in close proximity with that person anyway. It's completely disrespectful to not regard the other person's feelings and needs. 

 The pillow is small, very soft and completely non-intrusive. I don't feel comfortable having someone put their genitals directly against my body without the pillow and that is absolutely my right. 

Ive got an idea. Why not bring a supporter and cup and make the men wear that.  Would that work?

 I've got an idea, why don't we stop joking about sexual assault and inappropriate sexual behavior and start taking it seriously that this nonsense actually exists and it is a concern for women?

or

 Stop acting like it is a woman's responsibility to make men control themselves and their penis. 

Just a thought. 

 I shouldn't even have to bring a pillow. But it's cuddling... not humping and thrusting. 

 And the several people who have joked about it here are only showing how insensitive and immature they are.  We were talking about what we bring with us to cuddle.  

Morpheus

I just want to apologize to @sarahsnuggles She's new here and was trying to make a cute post. Sorry about the people that got carried away and hijacked your post. Although they are talking about a serious topic, it should have been done elsewhere. Your list is awesome :-)

Fire I thought your rhyme was funny I just had to take it ... Anyhow I wish you a prosperous cuddling summer .

 Joking about this topic is not funny.  I'm simply astonished by how many men have an issue with women voicing concerns over their safety and comfort on this site. 

Can we all agree that it's not funny when someone is degraded by humping, or being sexually harassed or assaulted, and quit joking about it?  It's ridiculous. We've had enough of these threads that it doesn't need to still be something women need to ask men to stop joking about. 

The pillow works. Others agree. Be respectful of the women who are hoping to bring healing and comfort with cuddling enough to understand this is an issue we deal with often. And it's not ok.  The thread is about what we pack in our bag. I listed so many other things but none of them were joked about, it just goes to show how little respect is given when it comes to this topic over and over again.  

 or maybe I should pack a dildo in my cuddle bag and press it into the client's back or thigh the whole time and then we are even?

 There is this amazing thing called empathy and trying to put yourself in the other person's position instead of always denying their concerns.  

 I forgot something else I pack in my bag… My dignity and self-respect, and I like to leave with those just like I had when I arrived. 

Mark

I can understand why some clients might find a pillow slightly demeaning but isn't the most obvious solution here to switch positions and have the Pro go big spoon until it's resolved? Am I missing something?

Mark, what is demeaning is that a few women on this site treat all men as if they are registered sex offenders.  I've asked a few of the women on this site about what kind of a problem this is and all have said it can be an issue, but that most guys are totally fine. 

The ranting and raving needs to stop. All it will do is chase people sway. 

Mark

I have a different perspective from seeing all the reports. I do think it's reasonable for Pros to always be on alert for clients that will try and push the boundaries. It is not a rare occurrence as some people seem to think.

But it's also important Pros don't allow that precautionary stance to be expressed in a way that could be taken as disrespect to the client. As you say, most clients are good and deserve to at least feel they are being given the benefit of the doubt.

Atreides

I've never worn a supporter cup in my life.   
If a cuddler pro has so little trust in me I won't cuddle with her.  
That doesn't mean I'm belittling her fears or whatever.  If im paying for a pro cuddler I don't want to be treated like a piece of meat waiting to bone her.   I'm not like that.  

Mark

I think it's reasonable for a Pro not to trust a client at first. I think this all comes down to how you avoid expressing that mistrust before it hopefully grows into a trustful arrangement.

Saying to the client (not saying this is the case) you are going to get out your "pillow of protection" is potentially offensive and demeaning instead of, "I would feel more comfortable with a pillow for the moment unless you're ok with me being big spoon for a bit?". The latter shows more understanding of the fact erections while cuddling is completely normal and has nothing to do with what's going on in that person's mind.

Atreides

Agreed !   Earning trust can take time and once you do earn that trust the cuddle sessions are so much better !!! 

 I have plenty of those discussions like @Mark suggested with my actual clients, and the process that I go through getting to know them and talking on the phone before we meet is much different now than in the beginning... after learning quickly how some people have different ideas about what this site is about and what they may expect if they are paying.  I've made changes.  And not all of the professional cuddling I do it through this site only. 

But this is a message board that hundreds (if not thousands) of people read. And it IS important to acknowledge this IS happening. And frequently.  So discounting it or brushing it off like nobody wants to have a discussion about it is irresponsible. 

 I appreciate Mark voicing concern from both sides, and I think most of the people here are not the type to engage in these kinds of behaviors, but this tendency for people to think everything is personally directed at them is a problem on the Internet in general.  Don't take everything so personally. If anything, I read into the fact that a person posting is expressing their own experience and their own concerns, and use some empathy. Just because you wouldn't do it that doesn't discount the fact that these have been the majority of my experiences.  And I have not spoken to a single professional cuddler who has not had similar experiences. There are men who act in ways we must protect ourselves and be aware. 

 Jokes about "why don't you just bring a cup" is rude. It's not funny.  And the gentleman who have attended my cuddle gathering agreed that the pillow I have was a perfect solution.  Just because some people don't like it doesn't mean it's offensive to everybody. 

Everyone has a choice who they are willing to cuddle with and who they are not, but I also have the choice to not put myself in a situation where I'm going to have someone thrusting against me when this is supposed to a non-sexual experience. 

 Listening to both sides is the only way to have a reasonable adult conversation. And these are valid concerns I'm raising.   

My comment about the cup isnt any sillier than your idea about the pillow.  In fact, I think the cup would be more effective than a pillow as an erection would be quite uncomfortable while wearing a protective cup. 

I

@fireandblue I do understand this is an issue but you keep raising it up and you're posts bring such a negative energy. You do elude in your post that most men are doing these things and I don't agree after talking to numerous pros. Maybe it's your area?? If you want to use a pillow that's fine but calling it a pillow of protection to a cuddler starts the session with a super bad energy and makes the guy feel like crap. Also talking about childish, it is very childish to block someone from contacting you and then getting your friends to block a person just for voicing their opinion when they did nothing wrong. That's childish and immature in my book. Whatever your hatred is of men I sure hope you can get over it soon.

 So you're saying you actually think it would be my responsibility (or a professional cuddler's responsibility) to bring a cup??   That is insinuating that another person's erection is not THEIR responsibility alone. I'm not the penis police.  My responsibility is for me to ensure my own comfort and safety. The other person's  responsibility is to make sure that the interaction remains completely non sexual. 

Again,  and this has been said dozens of times already, the issue is not the erection itself it's being pressed or grinding or humping that's the issue. It's having it poke  and having the man make it an issue... THAT is the issue.  

Your suggestion is absolutely ridiculous. Not only is it disgusting and not hygienic ( would you share a community cup??!!) a travel pillow is something that is external and gets washed.  It can very easily and discreetly be placed without making a big deal about it, and that is exactly how it is used. A conversation is had ahead of time "i will put this between us in case anything were to arise or for close cuddle positions" and there has not been a single person who objected to having some kind of barrier even if it was a towel, comforter/blanket or this small pillow which is the least bulky and least intrusive of all the other options.  

Im finished with engaging in ridiculous conversations with people who can't act like a grown-up.  Get your own cup if you like.  Nobody has ever had any issues with the pillow. In fact, I've been told by many it's a welcome solution. Maybe you like pressing yourself against people but professional cuddlers don't have to deal with that.  It's not part of the job description and we have every right to feel safe/comfortable. 

Im not getting a cup. I dont have an issue.  Your personal insults are getting old though. 

Morpheus

The problem is that both sides aren't listened to so that resolutions can be made and understanding can be come to. People block others closing off direct lines of communication, they ignore and privately bad mouth others. Rather than showing love and acting in good faith, some Members find it easier to simply condemn others without giving them much of a chance. For true genuine change to come about, there has to be a willingness and from what I see from certain members, their minds are already made up and there is no willingness to make peace which will serve to help this community and site grow for the better. I am always willing and my doors are always open.

Poonie  I suggest you look up "centering"

CarlosHunt

So some find that a healthy male getting an erection when in close contact with a nice lady to be disturbing?  Can someone please tell me how they manage to stop the blood flow?  Is there a secret to it?

And I don't think there is a need to constantly remind us what the rules are - we can all read, and I'm sure we all agree on boundaries before sessions - I mean at the end of the day we are all respectful adults -

And the professional or cuddlee can always end the session at any time..correct?

 Getting my friends to block people? Don't assume that one person has that much influence and power over other people, especially other strong independent women, who make their own decisions. I don't "LOL" often but this seems like a good occasion for it. 

 Nobody ever said that an erection was the issue. It's the humping. Read the thread. 

 I'm a grown woman and I have every right to decide who I do and do not have communications with, especially private conversations. I'm under no obligation to be  available to private discussions when so much disrespect is going on right here out in the open. Nope.  There is a block feature for a reason. 

Not being ok with being treated as an object should be everyone on this sites concern. It's called having healthy boundaries. You can call it whatever you want but that's not going to change this is real (and documented) as @Mark even confirmed. 

 Also as a reminder, nobody can "make you feel" anything.  Ownership for your own feelings and your own thoughts is a grown-up thing to do. Stop blaming others for "making you feel" a certain way. As if it's anyone else's responsibility for how you feel, ever. 

This discussion is over on my part. I don't banter with people who refuse to take personal responsibility or show empathy. 

You make it very hard to show any kind of empathy the way you come across in your posts. You really need to work on your postive energy.