Good therapy is often painful

Ripley54566

I've been doing some therapy lately, and taking a look at my life lately and my perception of things.

It's kind of like pouring disinfectant on an open wound. It sucks and hurts a lot in the moment, but I feel like my life becomes better for it.

It reminds me of this quote from one of my favorite shows, Bojack Horseman

TxTom

@Ripley54566 Good for you.

Bitter medicine is always the best solution. And the people who administer it are, despite initial appearances, the folks with genuine compassion.

On the other hand, being fed spoonfuls of sugar do nothing for you but give the one feeding it to you a temporary sense of superficial virtue and inflated self-importance.

MonkeyNeedsAHug

How to derail a thread in one comment.

OP: Good therapy is often painful

Fair enough.

First comment:

Bitter medicine is always the best solution.

Nope. No it isn’t. That’s just factually wrong.

🙈

(But hang in there, Ripley! You’ve got this.)

TxTom

Your therapist isn't your friend. Effective therapy contains some element of bitter medicine, otherwise it's not doing you any good.

MonkeyNeedsAHug

Me: I’m thirsty.

My friend: Oh. Would you like some water?

Me: No, man. I’m trying to cure this thirst. Don’t you have any bitter medicine for me?

MonkeyNeedsAHug

Me: My brakes are squealing.

My mechanic: it’s probably the brake pads.

Me: No way! Bitter medicine is always the best solution.

MonkeyNeedsAHug

Me: I’d like to spend more time with my kids.

My partner: Why not take some of that vacation time you’ve been saving?

Me: Two words, partner. Bitter Medicine!

MonkeyNeedsAHug

Smh

TxTom

Resolving thirst or squeaky brakes are completely irrelevant analogies to larger life issues that may require therapy.

A problem must first be acknowledged or accepted as existing (ie,bitter medicine) before one can attempt to resolve said problem.

Try to calm down @MonkeyNeedsAHug . Nobody is expressing hate. I don't know @Ripley54566 personally, but I'm glad to hear he thinks he's on the road to recovery.

MonkeyNeedsAHug

Nobody said you are expressing hate.

I just called out your assertion that bitter medicine is always the best solution.

It’s a silly and unnecessary generalization.

Postivityrules

@MonkeyNeedsAHug needsahug YOU derailed the thread

BoomerSpooner

It’s a silly and unnecessary generalization.

True and it’s illogical as well because it operates on the assumption that one method fixes everybody, therefore everyone is the same. Utter nonsense.

cuddlefaery

I agree with @MonkeyNeedsAHug and @BoomerSpooner . While unlearning harmful coping skills and unpacking thought patterns can be difficult, painful even, I think framing it as necessary "bitter medicine" is a bit too overgeneralized. It's akin to saying that everyone needs "tough love" in order to improve/grow, when the reality is many of us respond extremely negatively to those methods and end up regressing rather than the intended outcome. It's a case of impact > intent.

Doing the work to finally heal, take responsibility for our own mental health, and learning how to respond rather than react is tough and to be applauded. Especially since proper mental health care is still difficult to come by for many. I hope you're finding the "good pain" helpful, @Ripley54566 , and have all the support you desire on your journey.

sillysassy

@Ripley54566 I can relate and I appreciate your willingness to share. Thank you!

...taking a look at my life lately and my perception of things.

It takes a really strong individual to take a look at your life and to also be curious to know if you are functioning as well as you could be. I LOVE that you are willing to risk putting yourself under the microscope. Not everyone has the ability OR DESIRE to ask the question "Where am I right?" .... "Where am I wrong?" Kudos to you.

Good therapy is often PAINFUL!!! (Emphasis mine)

I completely agree with this!!! And I love the scene and the quote that it can get easier but you have to do it often. Just like flexing your muscle for exercise, introspection and self growth seems to be a muscle that needs to be flexed in order to find healing and "results."

It sucks and hurts a lot in the moment, but I feel like my life becomes better for it.

Goodness.... I feel exactly the same. From my own personal experience as well as a multitude of people who are on a journey of self discovery. EXACTLY the same.

I love the beauty that this quote from Anaïs Nin brings. When you are feeling the pain of growth/change, it is not always easy to remember the beauty that is waiting... Just around the corner. CONGRATULATIONS!!! Please don't forget to celebrate you and remind yourself every day how brave you are for going forth. 😊

SungSherBear

Bojack horseman is a great show.
I actually own a poster with that quote on it.

PeopleLikeUs

Yes. It gets easier over time as you grow. Life becomes more fulfilling and satisfying. It feels good when it works. If a therapist approaches therapy as though life is supposed to be a cycle of repeated painful experiences, don't forget, your paying money to have that done to you.

JET2024

I’ve been struggling the past few years; I’ve been unable to find a therapist who has helped. All of them so far have just put me in a loop of talking about what’s wrong or what’s happened in my life, then saying ‘that’s terrible’.

I know it’s terrible but I need to be fixed, not sympathy 😅

Good luck to everyone seeking to improve their mental health.

KozyKim

@TxTom i'll have to agree. That's why a lot people don't go to therapy. They're too afraid of seeing what's really there. If we are honest everyone needs help. @Ripley54566 proud of you for getting help:)

SnugglyChelle

I remember being a depressed teenager "shopping" with my mom for a good therapist. I tried several different therapists for a first appointment, and they were mostly boring. One or two "made me cry," and I ended up not wanting to go back to those because I didn't like that scary, vulnerable feeling. I thought they were "MAKING" me cry to prove some kind of a point. I ended up starting out with one of the more boring therapists, and it was not a good or helpful experience! Looking back, those therapists that had "made" me cry were the ones insightful enough to ask questions that actually touched on the issues that were bothering me under my shell. They weren't trying to prove anything, and I probably would have benefitted from talking with them more!

One of the most helpful therapists I ever saw, in my 20s, praised me for being willing to "put in the work," and all "the work" really was was being willing to honestly discuss hard, painful topics, being willing to cry if I needed to cry, and being willing to try out her various suggestions during the week to see if they helped me at all in my everyday life.

All of that to say... I initially wanted to disagree with the premise that good therapy is often painful... but, on second thought, I guess I agree after all. It's not exactly that the therapy is hurting me, but it's that I'm willing to feel my feelings and keep showing up to face them....

KozyKim

@SnugglyChelle that was very well said.

Vocalist100

@KozyKim I would disagree that everyone needs therapy

musicfortruth17

I can relate. I’m a trauma survivor so for a while now I’ve been allowing catharsis using different methods to release the hurt rather than stuffing it down. Analyzing what happened n seeing to for what it is. Seeing the truth. No it does not look pretty. It’s ugly work it hurts it’s uncomfortable to have to look at our issues n how we got there n what happened but because of God’s help how He has been with me in it He helps me see the Truth of it n I’m doing better than where I was as a result. It’s progressional.

TxTom

@musicfortruth17 I'm very happy for your progress.