My son is on the spectrum but in his case , he was overly social and overly touchy to the point where boundaries were an issue . Everyone experiences those touch sensations differently , and also important to realize that those sensations are not always going to elicit the same types of response . It's not all black and white . A mistake a lot of people make is to assume that if you are a person with autism then that means you are going to be exactly one way or exactly the other . Lots of in between, which is why it's referred to as a spectrum disorder .
@pmvines What you are describing about your son is so much like my grandson! He seems to get overstimulated very easily. You are giving me this new awareness and a lot to think about. Was your son diagnosed at a young age? I’m afraid if I bring this up in the family, it would upset everyone. There are already so many issues with all of us, lol I have learned that on the spectrum, behavior, various sensitivity and experiences are so different And it’s kind of overwhelming. Easier to just sit back and see what happens but that seems unfair to him. The thing is no one else in my family In tune to any of this or interested in checking it out. You’re giving me information I didn’t have before!
@carrieanne no, everyone is not neurodivergent in some way - the vast majority of people are neurotypical. It varies by population but has held fairly steady overtime between 1-4% of the population having ADHD and the numbers are similar with ASD and other neurodivergencies.
While it is absolutely helpful to start thinking about humanity in a more inclusive way, considering the diversity not as pathologies but as natural variations, we have to be careful not to fall into the trap of then seeing small similarities as meaning similar experiences. People saying "everyone is a little ADHD/autistic" is hugely invalidating to the lived experience of actually neurodivergent people whose entire lives and identities have been shaped since birth by something they had no control over. It's kinda like thinking that having had the flu before makes one fully understand and the same as people with major chronic illnesses like cancer or HIV.
There are a lot of other conditions and environments that can cause some of the symptoms common between ADHD and ASD - childhood trauma being a prime example. CPTSD from early childhood experiences in dysfunctional families can cause executive dysfunction, social problems, mood dystefulation, personality disorders, etc. Childhood trauma is FAR more common of an occurrence and also exists on a spectrum, as everyone's childhood was different and everyone reacts to trauma differently.
Part of the reason why getting diagnosed with ADHD or ASD as an adult is so difficult is they have to rule out other, more common, causes of the symptoms - like mood disorders, trauma, sleep disorders, brain injury, etc. The problem is, going undiagnosed and having no support as a neurodivergent person can lead to childhood trauma/PTSD, anxiety disorders, mood disorders, sleep disorders, and so on. We end up having the smoke treated instead of the flames.
@carrieanne with your daughter,
I know for me the overwhelm of trying to cope, not being able to "adult" properly, led to severe treatment-resistant depression, insomnia, PTSD from all the negative experiences built up, and a hefty guilt complex that I was somehow defective/lazy. That I "should" have been able to do all the things because I was otherwise a high achievers and I "hadn't been living up to my potential" (heavens, if I had a nickel for every time I've heard that phrase...).
If your daughter is neurodivergent, the best thing you can do for her is to try to meet her where she's at. It's obvious you love her and are a great mom, but sometimes that can get lost in translation when parents try to "help" or "fix" their kids problems their way instead of listening to the kids and what they actually need. I've butt heads with my dad many a time because for all his good intentions, he makes me feel worse a lot of the time when he tries to help because what he is doing is not what I need and him feeling like I'm ungrateful just adds to the giant guilt and shame pile. I'm not at all saying you do this, but just pointing out a very common experience for neurodivergent folks when dealing with their parents. And even if your daughter's issues are caused by something else, learning to see the world through her eyes can only strengthen your relationship.
If you ever want to talk more about neurodivergency, either my experience as one or my resources as an educator, I'm happy to share
@cuddlefaery All of this information is almost overwhelming. I know many of you have provided details and some of it goes beyond my ability to absorb. Does that make sense? My brain hasn’t been trained over time to be able to process but I’m working on it a little at a time. You give me a lot to think about. My family is mostly older generations, these are topics never discussed. My daughter would completely shut me out if I tried to delve into something so complex with her. She has extreme anxiety and doesn’t want to find answers. That’s another topic. She is just trying to get through each day and raising a child on her own. Maybe in time. I feel like bringing up any of this would divide us. Knowing resources are available when she’s ready is so helpful. So thanks for giving me a lot to consider. This thread is so full of information I can use!!