Guys, what are some lessons have you learned after being on the site for a while? If you don't feel you can respond honestly in the forums, please DM me your thoughts.
I’ve learned: woman>female Bear>man My music>everyone else’s
Cuddlebubble is a bubble.
Respect the bubble or you're in trouble.
Case in point: Is this thread only for "Guys" or can "Gals" respond too?
Trouble is a-bubblin...
That the Internet can be a very scary place...but that there's also lots of kind hearted people out there. ☺️💖
I've learned a lot. I'm going to be honest i cannot articulate it all right now but I can tell i can recognize butthole behavior in myself and others more often
@lonelytauros love it!
@1_teddybear I’ll pm you.
Is this guys as in males or guys as in everyone?
I've learned that Cuddle Comfort offers a ton of opportunity to cuddle, even if it's mostly with pros, especially compared to most other cuddling sites. But, along with that comes a "wild west" sort of mentality, both in terms of clients and pros. It puts a lot of responsibility on both clients and pros (and probably enthusiasts as well) to do their due diligence.
It has opened by eyes to just how prevalent boundary crossing and disrespect is. I had kind of always known that kind of thing was there, but to read so many different accounts of it hits hard and on another level.
I've learned that my view of what pro cuddling is is very different than what a lot of people view it as. So many other places I've read and watched videos about pros does lot line up with what a number of clients view it as, particularly on this site. I still don't know how unique my own reasons/needs for pro cuddling are, but I now know much more about how many people do look for a very different experience.
(and along with that, I've learned that me projecting my own beliefs about it onto others can rub them the wrong way, so I've tried to become more open minded about that. It's been difficult, but I think that's because I do have some strong personal needs that pro cuddling has met in such an incredible way and I honestly want others to feel that same joy from it that I have, and that kind of puts some blinders on me that I need to be aware of).
I've learned more about controlling my emotions particularly when I'm in an emotionally vulnerable state.
I've learned that cuddling can be one of the most powerful ways to experience and enjoy life, and I'm very grateful that this site has opened the door to me getting that experience.
@Will564 I very much appreciate your thoughtful insights. Thank you.
@Morpheus I was going to clarify, but I think it better that people interpret the audience however they want.
I learned if you are meeting at a hotel/motel and you are paying for the room, wait for your cuddle partner to show up before paying for the room
1) Giving and receiving a hug is a very complicated affair.
2) Some people get very upset if you don't participate in their make-believe.
@1_teddybear I echo @Morpheus' question. To me, since you repeat the word "guys" a second time in the body of the message, it seems directed at men. Thus, I hesitate to answer. But knowing you, I would assume you are open to hearing everyone's experiences. 😊 From a personal standpoint, when I say "guys", I mean "everyone".
Here are my initial thoughts/things I learned.
I will have to contemplate what I have learned, since then. Lovely thread idea!
~ Sunset Snuggles
🦄 Enthusiast 🏞 Travel Fiend 🐘 Animal Lover
The social aspect over a shared activity has been interesting. It's just cuddling , not really that deep . But it's almost like a club and social identity for some . Which is not something you see too often with a leisure activity like platonic cuddling . Not judging at all, I think it's quite interesting and I'm obviously in on the appeal. Just something I notice. I like to cuddle , love it if it's with the right person, I'm just not a fanatic and I try to not overthink it or turn it into snake oil .
@SunsetSnuggles wow, you have had quite a journey. Thank you for sharing/reposting.
@pmvines I appreciate your perspective.
I have learned that there are interesting subdivisions within the cuddlesphere that seem almost impenetrable to one another. I came to CC already familiar with platonic cuddling from other contexts/platforms, but it seems like for many here this is their only experience with it. And my experiences within the CC-verse are vastly different from those I've experienced outside of it.
I'm hopeful that as platonic cuddling continues to grow and become more mainstream that people will get more exposure to the wider diversity outside of our little world here.
(Edit for clarity: not saying one is better or worse, they're just different and I think broader experiences can only help individuals and the community as a whole.)
As crazy as it sounds, this site has helped me establish boundaries. I never really had clear boundaries. Sure, I read the rules. But personal set boundaries are different and can vary. At first I was so excited to be a pro cuddler I was ready to invite anyone over that "picked me".. Now, after having some not so decent conversations and experiencing someone not so fresh 🛁 I now know my worth and have the respect for myself to communicate these boundaries before during and after my appointment. (everybody's story is different) I'm so thankful I've learned from being here. 🙏
It’s been 9 years. I think the most important lesson that I’ve learned is how to be in the moment with a girl and then completely let her go.
@1_teddybear Thanks for reading! 🤗
~~~
TL;DR from my early experiences cuddling in July of 2022:
"This experience has helped me feel more confident, listen to my boundaries and think before saying "yes", be hyper aware of asking for consent from others, truly experience how age is just a number, become comfortable not caring what strangers passing by might think, reconsider some of my judgements about married people, reverse some of my brainwashed upbringing about gender, and even broaden my personal identity. I do not attribute any physical healing properties to cuddling, but I can unequivocally say that this has deeply impacted me on an emotional and social level."
There’s some decent people left still out there!
@TxTom you learned #2 for the first time, here? /s 😉
In regard to your #1, I actually identify with that a lot.
I'm gonna get a little vulnerable here - I'm not proud of sharing the following thoughts, they're not the place you want your mind to be as a cuddler. But maybe some will identify, and others may have some advice for navigating these.
I'm a pretty passionate person. A couple things I'm having to learn are how not to get attached to a person I cuddle with. ( @respectful addressed this here.) @Sheena123 was gracious to give me some wisdom about this recently. Second, how not to get too attached to cuddling in general. Kinda hard when I've been touch starved most of my life, and touch is my top love language.
On one hand, I see the idea of platonic cuddling as beautiful and exactly what many of us need, and look forward to doing it with like-minded people. At the same time, at least initially, I'm having to repeatedly fight off over-attachment to individuals, and to cuddling in general.
So, suffice it to say that navigating my own emotions in regard to hugging has been unexpectedly complicated.
What have you found complicated?
Don't eat yellow snow 🤢😵
@RedFox16 you learned that on CC? lol
@RedFox16 What do you want for nothing? A rubber biscuit.
@Morpheus, just noticed your comment about learning to let someone go after cuddling. Would love to hear any advice you might have on how you learned that and how others can work to learn that.
Always check a session is going ahead at least the day before, as opposed to the same morning. Or at least before you've travelled.
Sigh.
@donhulio thank you for your comment. Maybe I should have clarified. I wouldn’t say that I’ve learned how to let people go after cuddling, it’s been more so that because of cuddling, I’ve learned how to let people go. I met my very first pro cuddle buddy on thesnugglebuddies. This is maybe 10 years ago if not more. I would only cuddle with her. We became friends or at least that’s what I would have called it at the time. At first it was, I’d pay for an hour and I would get an hour, then she started staying off the clock. We would text and talk in between sessions. Then it turned into social outings off the clock, free sessions here and there in between the paid sessions. I became attached to her. She eventually moved away and I stopped seeing her. We still chat here and there but I haven’t seen her for years. I became sad when I couldn’t see her anymore and had a hard time understanding what happened. I stopped allowing myself to become attached in that same way not just to cuddle buddies but to anyone. That may sound sad but it actually isn’t at all. Years later as I look back on it, I understand that she was just a girl that felt safe and comfortable with me. Our time ended and she moved on and that’s all okay. I’m more in the moment now than I ever was in the past because of my experiences here on cuddlecomfort. That doesn’t mean that I’m cold and distant, I’m still very warm and loving. I just enjoy the moments now and then I let go.
Thanks for that insight, @Morpheus.
Stopped allowing myself to become attached in that same way
This here is the crux, I think. I've attempted and temporarily succeed at that a couple times already, and then lost it. It's a mental gymnastic.
@Morpheus I actually learned a similar way of relating to people, though through a very different journey. I have always cared "too much" about people, gotten too attached too fast, not even just to romantic partners but to friends, teachers, mentors, etc. Now I can recognize it for what it is: partially a fawning trauma response from childhood and partially just being highly empathetic. But for a long time I let it constantly hurt me, getting my hear broken repeatedly when people didn't care as much about me or inevitably we grew apart.
It was actually when I started practicing ENM that I was able to start realizing that I was making my feelings conditional on my expectations of the other person, rather than just appreciating and caring for them for who they are as a person. Once I recognized that, I could start letting go of the anxiety more. It's ok for me to care "too much", as I'd rather care too much than not enough, and it's ok if I get hurt - that's normal and human. But I don't have to make myself suffer more by holding on to attachments so tightly that there's no breathing room for either of us.
So in a way, ENM helped prepare me for delving into cuddling - which was a good thing because I first approached it with a ton of touch trauma and severely bruised boundary skills.
Just found an interesting video that addresses the attachment topic.
Boy, I really am processing all the thoughts tonight. 😄
I learned we all need the Human Torch.