Cuddle buddies who are in relationships

Sideon

In my relationship experience, I don't think a primary relationship/spouse/partner is the end-all-be-all. No one person is or can be everything. Each person we interact with may or may not fulfill different aspects of ourselves. That said, and as it has been stated multiple times on this thread, cuddling related to this site is for cuddling's sake, not for dating or establishing a relationship. Whether someone is or isn't already involved is besides the point. How does their relationship status affect you in any way if they are or aren't if all you're doing/being is snuggling?

funandadventure

Dear All, Most of my young friends have or are in relationships, they need more than most the connection/cuddle or hug to feel alive, this is the point of this site to bring together people of like mind who need the energy another being can give and make you feel alive, I cuddle about 16 hrs a day on average and most are in relationships, these are theriputic cuddles and I give my energy willingly to help a person feel alive.
Love, peace and happiness John, Auckland NZ.

willmott2k10

I think we can all agree then that there are definitely circumstances under which someone in a sexual relationship may need a cuddle buddy just as much as someone not in one, appreciate the responses as it's interesting to see everyone's perspectives and opinions!

I personally have to agree with those saying that if you're in a sexual relationship and they're giving you plenty of attention and cuddles, it does seem a bit weird seeking a cuddle buddy on here, but hey if both you and they are cool with you being on here and having a cuddle buddy or maybe even more than one then I guess that's all good, at the end of the day it's all about respect and trust. I totally understand the whole argument of if you're looking for a purely platonic cuddle buddy then it shouldn't matter if they're in a relationship or not, but just remember people are going to have different boundaries in terms of what they are and aren't going to be comfortable doing depending on if they're in a relationship or not, even if whatever you have in mind is strictly platonic. I guess all of the above there plus the added pressure of keeping everyone happy in that scenario is a bit of a deal-breaker for me but the various comments I've read have definitely given me encouragement to maybe give having a cuddle buddy who's in a sexual relationship a go sometime, even if it's not right away.

I_am_Polylover

@willmott2k10  I'm glad to know that our opinions have helped you.  goes to show that we don't post in vain.
♥Jim

matthugs

Hi, im new. I hope its ok to weigh in. I am actually having this exact problem. I suffer from depression and anxiety. My two best friends (married couple) have been there for me for years. He won't even hug me and recently she has been going so far as to nap with me in my bed.  At first he didn't seem to mind especially because of how much it was helping me. The depression and anxiety just vanished, I thought I was finally going to be ok, but then for reasons I still don't fully understand now he is violently against me touching her in any way. This girl is like my little sister and now I can't even hug her. I'm so distraught that any attempt at a conversation with him turns into an argument and my nerves just can't take anymore so i've just stoped talking to him about it and now im all shaky and the depression and anxiety are back with a vengeance.  end rant.

Morpheus

Live and let live

I will share a couple of my experiences with cuddlers on this website.  One woman who is in her late 40s is married and her husband did not mind that she is a cuddler.  I was surprised, but they both believed that it helped others, so nothing could be bad about it.  Another cuddler was in her late 20s and she looked younger than her age.  She has a boyfriend, but she did not tell him that she is a cuddler.  She has a child with her boyfriend who she lives with.  I was her first customer.  We had a good session and we both agreed that we would put good karma on each other's profiles.  Apparently, she must have told her boyfriend about her new cuddling job when she got home because the next day, I saw that her account was deleted.  I think if a woman is a cuddler and in a relationship with a man, most men would not want their girlfriend or wife to be a cuddler and cuddling other men.  I don't have statistical proof about this, but that is just my belief.  If a man is a professional cuddler, would his girlfriend or wife be accepting of this?  I don't know, but probably not.  There are not many pro male cuddlers though, so it is hard to say with certainty.  

Depends how desperate you are haha.
But i really find it disturbing how there are people in romatic relationships that need to turn to strangers on the internet in order to fulfill their desire to be cuddled. How the heck is your significant other not providing you with that???

willmott2k10

Yeah if I had a girlfriend or wife or whatever, I would be hesitant about the idea of them getting a cuddle buddy, I can't deny that. Under the right circumstances I might be cool with it, but I would like to think I would be meeting her physical needs/desires in that scenario so the need for this would be questionable...

Interesting question relating to the topic for y'all, again curious to know people's thoughts: say you meet someone on here who you initially just meet for platonic cuddling and whatever, but after meeting a few times you both want to take things further, and soon after start a sexual relationship. Possibly depending on if you both feel you're getting your physical needs and desires met by each other, what would you both do about if you continue to have cuddle buddies or not? Would you want them to stop meeting people on here, would you be cool with not seeing people on here after that, or would you both maybe have some sort of arrangement where you can both have cuddle buddies as long as you don't do this or that with them? Essentially this question is going from being in the shoes of someone meeting someone in a relationship to those of the person with the person in the relationship but with the knowledge that they're on here and they might have a few cuddle buddies from before you started going out...

The cuddlers that I had sessions with who were in relationships were doing this for the money.  Maybe that was not the only reason, but I believe that was the main reason.  The husband knew about the older cuddler doing this and did not have a problem with it.  However, the younger cuddler did not tell her boyfriend beforehand and probably revealed it to him afterwards.  She was not making enough money in her primary job, so money was a motivation and she also needs money for her child. 

I_am_Polylover

@RScarf1 It all boils down to the type of agreements a person has with their partner. If their agreements say it is okay, then it is okay, and if not, then it is not. I strongly suspect that the younger woman you cuddled with had no clue of what their agreements actually were, and that her boyfriend only assumed an 'understood' agreement that she would not cuddle with anyone but him. IMNSHO the biggest mistake anyone in a relationship, whether polyamorous or monogamous, can make is to not have all agreements clearly stated, and it would be even better if they are in writing, so no one can misunderstand what they are.

I_am_Polylover

@vielspass If you read the earlier posts in this thread, you will see that there are various reasons for someone in a relationship to cuddle with someone(s) outside the relationship.

I_am_Polylover

@willmott2k10 What if your partner has a much higher need for cuddles than you are able to provide for some reason, for instance you are sick, disabled, or just working long hours and you are exhausted to the point of falling asleep when you get home? How would you be meeting her needs and desires then?

Regarding your question, under my current agreements, as long as we continue to love each other, we have little to no control over the other ones love life. That includes the love involved in platonic cuddling, other platonic relationships, romantic, and any other type of relationship. So yes, it is okay with us both for the other one to have cuddle partners.

Mike403

I believe it's one of the 15 commandments. On the stone tablet that Moses dropped and broke.

"Thou shall not cuddle with anyone besides your girlfriend/boyfriend/wife/husband"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oZA2mBntrHk

But what if the cuddler does not tell her partner that she is cuddling with strangers?  Then she tells him eventually and he probably won't be happy that she did not tell him before and he probably will not want her to do it.  

I_am_Polylover

They are probably breaking 'understood' agreements which brings me back to what I said previously. They should have had their agreements in writing. Or else she knows she is doing wrong and deliberately trying to sabotage their relationship, either consciously or unconsciously.

willmott2k10

@I_am_Polylover Well I did say depending on that sort of stuff, I agree there's definitely a lot to take into account and I realise what I asked is never going to be a straight yes/no question.

@RScarf1 Yeah you should definitely tell your partner if you want to find cuddle partners, it's what I would do if and when I find someone in the near future, or rather I would tell her I have them and would see what she would want me to do in terms of what happens next. I wouldn't blindly do as she says without question but I would of course respect her wishes as not every partner will be comfortable with who they're with being intimate with others even if it's just purely platonic. I'm a strong believer in holding nothing back from your partner and to do so will just cause chaos later on if/when he/she finds out anyway.

I_am_Polylover

@willmott2k10 You are right. Total honesty is always a good thing IMO.

funandadventure

Dear Jim. It is interesting that this new post has started again, if you remember we had this subject a whirl ago and it started a staff meeting at the hospital about being clear to your partner about your activities at work, as most nursing staff do hold hands, arm cuddle as in the photo on the front page of the site, the out come of the meeting, a memo was that all staff they must have the conversation with there partner. most partners simply said we do not think about it, it is just part of your work.
So I think it is a non issue with most people, where it is an issue is because some people do not understand what cuddling is about it is the giving and receiving of energy from one person to another and in age support, it is so needed.
Love peace and happiness, John and his trees, Auckland NZ.