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EXPLANATION: If you don't actually care about people, don't pretend you do in your profile.
I’m guessing this is a dig at pros?
@Sheena123 it certainly seems like it. Which is unfortunate because even though it’s a service, I feel like the majority of us really do care.
People don't have breakdowns if their cashier or hairstylist doesn't call them on a Sunday, so what's the deal with pro cuddlers? Are they supposed to magically sprout feelings for you and bare you children? or hang out with you at a bar on a Friday night and neglect their life and family? what are the expectations, exactly?
Context missing
Ok I know it seems hard to believe. Even though they’re pros, you should be able to gauge who you’ll vibe with. Out of all the sessions I’ve had. Haven’t had a bad one. Most of them a good connection was formed. Don’t treat it like dating. Enjoy the company. You'll have a great time and get a different perspective
You realize that pro cuddlers aren't mental health therapists and it is indeed a service and you are paying for their time though, correct ? You seem like you are upset over a situation or event and I am sorry for that. I just hope you have realistic expectations. Sometimes cuddling isn't actually a good thing for people who have trouble with attachment and emotional conflict and boundaries . If you feel like you might have issues with any of these things , and I'm not saying you do, then you may want to consider not cuddling for a while .
@sc1994 you know, if @Sheena123 really cared she wouldn't have such a long @$$ intro page. I mean whos got time to read all that. Seriously
Reading sucks. 📚 🖋️ 📜 🗞️🥱
It is what it is broski. On to the next
@MrMadi well I’m really sorry that you’ve come across some bad seeds here. It’s hard to tell who you’re meeting on this site, so I hope you do have better experiences soon. I will say that I know so many pros that are here because they genuinely enjoy being here. And most of those people are the ones who are a little more active on forums. At least that’s my opinion.
And there are plenty of enthusiasts as well who you wouldn’t even need to pay who would love to cuddle.
Go out. Build community in real life. I promise there are people out in the world who won't see you as a dollar sign. It takes time to find them. Some of them are even here! But they have to pay for food and housing too .. just the water we swim in
The US abuses seniors to have shinier new toys. It underpays social service workers to make execs richer... There is no economy without environment, yet we're willing to sacrifice the environment for the economy.
These are completely disjointed talking points.
We won't survive until we've burned ourselves to a crisp.
This statement doesn't even make sense.
Some waiters care,some don't care - but if they deliver their service (bring food and your checks on time) then they've completed their service. I still don't understand what was missing from your experience? Did the pro arrive or host on time? Did they cuddle as required? Did they provide a clean environment/clothing/sheets? The caring part is extra - they're not paid to care, they're paid to cuddle. Some care, some don't. You can hire pros based on your preference. Please explain what was missing from their services? We provided dissenting opinions bc: lack of detail and the excess of regular threads that bash pros. If you can provide us with examples and details, perhaps you may get some more constructive and helpful feedback. Thank you.
@MrMadi Attitude is everything.
Well the truth is. It was and is naive to think you can pay someone to care.
@Minestrone101
The caring part is extra - they're not paid to care, they're paid to cuddle. Some care, some don't. You can hire pros based on your preference.
Let’s say this is true. I think part of the problem that was stated in the OP is that some pros are saying they’re going to give the extra caring part, and then don’t.
However, like with any other service, the responsibility is on the client to do their due diligence and research beforehand to sort this out. It’s juts like with any other area of business. You can see a commercial for something that makes a product or service look much better than it is. But some people will think it lives up to the hype and others won’t. We can have conversations about the ethics of false advertising, but it doesn’t change anything.
I looked into pro cuddling a good bit before coming to CC, and it seems like every cuddler I learned from completely disagrees with Minestrone101’s statement. They all said caring about the client is an integral part of the service and you can’t provide the service without it. For me personally, that is how I view pro cuddling.
I think that’s why it took me so long to learn that is not how many many people define it. They define it based on hie Minestrome101 defines it.
So, it’s my job as the client to figure out which pro is going to offer the service that I want.
I know for me, when I lay out what I expect from a pro cuddler, it may sound like I’m bashing a pro who doesn’t offer it. But I’m really doing it moreso for clients so they’re aware of all of their potential choices and don’t just pick the first pro they run across. But I’ve realized I have to let people do their thing and figure it out on their own.
It would be nice if it was always very clear what a pro truly was offering. But, I accept it for what it is and use my time and energy to find the right pro. Karma reviews can be very helpful, talking to the pro beforehand within reasons can be helpful, and sometimes it’s just a matter of trying different people. That’s what’s made my experience with cuddling with a pro extremely rewarding and satisfying.
And I think if all clients did the same, they would most likely end up being satisfied rather than frustrated, and the market would sort itself out and the pros not offering quality service would get no business.
But, that’s the problem with such a niche area like cuddling…unlike other markets, it’s so new that these things are still being figured out.
It's funny to me that on a cuddling forum, someone shows up with pain and what they mostly get is "prove it" and "you're wrong" instead of "help me understand" or "that must stink." And I'm not just talking about this thread.
Granted, a lot of people show up thorny. And no one owes anyone anything. All the pros I've hired have been lovely, lovely people I'd be happy to know in my real life. But I counted it up, and 9 out of 52 people who have dm'd me have been banned. That's 17%. A statistically significant number.
If I hadn't been burned in my offsite life enough, I might have paid one or two of them and had a bad experience here. Which is what seems like happened with the OP, though that's just conjecture.
So yeah, I can totally see why OP feels that some people here are lying about caring. And while it's true that no one is entitled to another's care, and people will disagree on what caring means, most of the pro profiles I have read state that they do this professionally because they do care about people. And many go so far as to say one of their goals is to leave you feeling cared for.
I'm not saying OP is right or is a good person or has communicated in a way that makes it easy to empathize/sympathize. I'm just saying these forums are not cuddly at all. Which is ok I guess.
I told my therapist about the patterns I've seen here, and she told me this is not a safe space. I've been around forums long enough to know that most of them are not very cuddly. For some reason, I thought this one might have been different. Luckily, I played it safe.
I think it's ironic that the same societal tendencies that drove me to seek out cuddling in the first place are just as present in this cuddle space. Luckily, I have also met awesome people here. Just like in the outside world.
And I think what @pmvines says is very wise: Sometimes cuddling isn't actually a good thing for people who have trouble with attachment and emotional conflict and boundaries.
Unfortunately I think that is probably the case with me. And it would be awesome to find more grace from the world with that shortcoming I have. It would be awesome to be able to really talk about this kind of thing with others so I can move though it and learn. But I wind up talking to my therapist instead. Paying for things that really should be a given if this were a healthy society. It would be great if we mostly helped each other.
@billiam I think you have to consider the fact that these forums have also been beset by trolls and other bad actors, and that is why you see some of the reactions you do. For all the lovely people you have met, there is a predator. Personally, I can't respond to the OP's post because they gave no context or description of what went on, so it is impossible to tell if their feelings are justified. Like anything else, it's caveat emptor around here.
But are your expectations practical , realistic , and fair ? Sometimes when we are feeling a certain way or have a certain experience it skews our sense of what is realistic for others to do and what our expectations are of others to meet our needs. You keep talking in circles about people not understanding what you mean and that because they didn't understand your point then they are just being negative , and they don't matter . Is it possible that you might be having unrealistic expectations and because these expectations aren't being met then you are blaming others ? In this scenario blaming pro cuddlers ? Emotions are a tricky thing and it's easy to lose site sometimes of what the role is of others in helping us to deal with those negative bad feelings . I want you to be ok truly I do and I hate to hear that you are going through some things . I just don't really know how a public interwebs cuddle forum is going to help you with that . I hope you have support systems and self care routines in place for yourself.
EXPLANATION: Don't lie about your personality on your profile.
But seriously, if the acting is good and flawless , does it realy matter? Also profiles are like resumes. Some have one just because they have to. And you know what we all do on resumes. I don't set expectations based on the profile and so far haven't had a negative experiance. Except for the first one ( but just because she barely talked).
My screening process :
It's possible for someone to be a caring person, yet have them not care for you. Without knowing what you were asking for and what they answered, not sure why you expect people to understand your experience.
I don't think it is for other people (besides moderators) to decide who belongs here and who doesn't, bunny guy.
The problem with the whole thread is that we’re all speaking generally, not about any one pro in particular.
And on these forums, people give the benefit of the doubt to the pro. There are a lot of reasons why that would take too long to get into.
So for any one given situation, without getting a ton of details, it’s impossible to say whether or not the pro is taking advantage of the client or if the client is expecting too much.
That’s why I always fall back on it being the client’s responsibility. The client is the one who is choosing to come here in the first place, and they are the one who has the choice of which pro they choose.
@billiam
I get what you’re saying. The vibe here is not particularly welcoming to new clients with good intentions who aren’t happy with their experience with pros. I totally agree this forum is not a safe space for those looking for that.
The problem is this site as a whole. The forums just reflect the problems with the idea of something like CC.
The issue is there is no formal kind of vetting of any kind for clients or pros. Anyone can be a client, anyone can be a pro. I’ve referred to it before as the “wild west” and I stand by that statement.
I do think there are formal official cuddle companies that offer a safer space for clients. While there’s no 100% guarantee of a pro’s quality, because the company has standards that they want to uphold to keep their business going, not just anyone can be approved.
But, there’s also a stricter process for clients, with their names on record and there is accountability. If the client does something wrong, they can no longer go there.
For those who are emotionally vulnerable and truly in need, those places are much better.
Unfortunately, I think what this forum has shown is that there are a ton of clients not like that.
This site gives everyone much more freedom. There’s no regulation. It gives everyone easier access, but way less security.
That’s why it gets so much more volume. It’s easier and more convenient for those who do have good intentions, and it gives those with bad intentions a much easier route with less accountability. People can be reported and banned, but it’s hard to keep the same people from coming back.
I think that’s what people often don’t understand about the site, and why it doesn’t have as much of “cuddly” vibe that some expect from it.
But it’s not to see those wonderful cuddle experiences that leave client and pro very satisfied and fulfilled can’t happen. It just takes more hunting, time, energy and research on the clients’ part to make it happen.