Tips for Transference?

I looked through a lot of the discussions to see if there was something but didn't see anyone mentioned their clients "falling in love" with them. I worked in mental health for a long time that I do understand it's Transference, however in mental health the lines are a lot more clear-cut on dealing with it. One discussion then if the person doesn't change their behavior, they need to be fired as a client. Is that how it goes here?

So far I have tried setting boundaries, very often they are ignored then when I mention it's not ok the person says it's a joke. The cycle continues like a dog chasing its tail to where I've had to just cut people off which could have been regulars. They also reacted poorly to what they perceived as rejection but was actually me holding the boundaries they have been told many, many, MANY times & unfortunately sometimes they already had my information cuz this was after our cuddles.

Because of this I'm considering not hosting anymore. I've had a few people now not respect that this is a profession for me so they pursue me in a very unhealthy, disrespectful way that completely ignores my no.

Any tips appreciated! Especially if you are a cuddler who has gone through this & come out the other side successfully, please teach me your ways 🙌

Comments

  • edited May 27

    It's a widespread problem in the industry, it really isn't just you. The conventional wisdom is zero strikes and you're out: Reported and Blocked. The End. No jokes, no explanations, no excuses. Every guy who does this on CC knows exactly what he is doing and it's entirely deliberate. In many cases they are boundary-testing with a view to .... well potentially all kinds of things, none of which are cuddling. Yes of course there are exceptions, but they are uncommon and their first warning is also their last. And no exceptions to that.

    A comment in your profile about the importance of boundaries and the zeal with which you enforce them does seem to help a bit.

    Many cuddle professionals have a code of conduct which they require potential clients to sign. One good one is that of @touchunwind on her website. They are consistent with the CC terms and conditions.

    https://www.touchunwind.com/termsandconditions

    I don't follow this guy but he randomly popped up on my feed the other day:

    How to respond to 'I was just joking'
    https://www.tiktok.com/@justaskjefferson/video/7311500045625363755

  • If someone says a crappy thing and I call them out and they respond with “it’s just a joke”, I usually just say “what’s the joke? What’s the funny part?”

    Anywho, for me, I have a husband and it seems to deter a lot of my cuddlers trying to do anything with me. I’m friends with a lot of pros in my area so they cuddle the same cuddlers. They usually get a completely different experience with them. They would be awesome and respectful with me but then try to date the other pros or ask them out or push boundaries. I honestly think it’s because a lot of men don’t respect women, but they respect the man that “owns” the woman…. I have a lot of amazing cuddlers but a lot do have this mentality. And even I still get a lot that say “I wish I had a partner like you”. O think it’s normal for a lot of people that are lonely to latch onto someone that shows they care or give them a shoulder to cry on, or just simply have someone to be vulnerable with.

    No matter how much you remind them of your boundaries, just keep in mind that a lot of men don’t even receive something as innocent as a compliment to the point where when a woman compliments a man, they don’t know if it’s flirting or not…so of course, lying in bed with them and holding them is going to do a lot to them mentally.

    I just stay pleasant without the flirting, try not to use heart emojis and kissy type stuff and I do bring up my husband now and again throughout conversation.

  • @CuddleSum7 It doesn't sound like the men you describe are "falling in love," it just sounds like they're being stalkers and a-holes. That's not love.

  • Making yourself unavailable aka mentioning a partner / boyfriend / spouse usually puts some people in check but you may also lose them as a client. 🤷‍♀️

  • @LadyVel
    If they're only booking because they think you're single, that's pretty creepy/not a great sign, anyway. 😆

    I mention my boyfriend in the beginning of my About Me section, and later on (besides being listed as In a Relationship, since I'm an enthusiast).

    I also often make a point to casually toss him into conversation early on, to ensure guys are aware; and indeed, it causes some to wander off. I'm totes okay with that, as to me, it's their way of showing non-platonic thoughts/intent.

    It makes me especially happy when my cuddle friends are willing, or excited, to meet or spend time with my boyfriend. 😌

    ~ Sunset Snuggles

    🦄 Enthusiast 🏞 Travel Fiend 🐘 Animal Lover

  • @SunsetSnuggles I agree it's not a great sign but it's a good way to weed out those with less than platonic vibes.

  • @LadyVel
    Fo' sho'! 😁 Always nice when they do it for us.

    ~ Sunset Snuggles

    🦄 Enthusiast 🏞 Travel Fiend 🐘 Animal Lover

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