Men's Mental Health Awareness Month

OverTheMooon

June is that month. It was easy to forget, until someone told me. Suicide is the 2-3rd leading cause of death from ages 15-35. It's consistently higher than homicide. Which is nuts.
Men die nearly 4 more times than women from suicide. Less likely to reach out. And, in my experience, less likely to receive support from friends and family. Assuming men/women deal with the same troubles, then men aren't getting enough support.

I think we understand that there's a terrible stigma against men and mental health issues. It makes it more crucial to reach out to them, when you can.

I have scars, ya know? I struggle. Idk. I just think it'd be nice to talk about how life gets hard, and it's harder when you feel alone or isolated and you can't talk about it. Some of it is self-inflicted fear I suppose, but some of it is real learned behavior. Or being strong for their family
Thank you for reading

OverTheMooon

jr17

I really hope that this isn’t taken down. The awareness needs to be brought up. This needs to be taken more serious.

I’m sorry as a fellow man to you and all of the men that are heavily stigmatized. Loneliness, depression, everything that men know what the feeling is like yet people say men can’t feel.

Will564

I've been debating mentioning this on the forum since I didn't know where to mention it, but this feels like the right place.

After thinking about it for a long time, I'm going to start therapy next week. I only started cuddling less than a year ago, and doing so has brought out a lot of deep emotions and thoughts in me that I've buried deep down for most of my life.

I have a lot of mental difficulties. I've been doing a lot of pre-therapy type work, and facing these things has already started to make me feel stronger. But I've finally decided I need help. As a man, I've always struggled asking for help.

So to all men out there, you shouldn't ever be ashamed about being honest with yourself. You don't have to be strong all of the time. It's ok to need help.

OverTheMooon

@Will564 That's awesome.
I forgot to mention that this website has helped me tremendously. Im honestly so thankful that people do this type of service.
Thank you for sharing

Sheena123

@Will564 100%!
I know too many men in my life that don’t open up and talk to their partners or family members about what they’re going through. I’ve been pro cuddling for over 5 years now and I have heard some stories 🥺🥺 and a lot of them feel they have to be strong all the time and not vent. My husband knows that whenever he needs to let out some feelings or tell me what’s going on in his life, I’m always there and I would never shame him or any other man in my life for wanting to reach a hand out for some help.

Shake

There's a cuddler on here that has on her profile a banner saying "normalize men needing emotional support" and it's so true. Alot of us are here in the first place to combat our stress and anxiety. It's nothing to be ashamed of. We all need help at some point. Even Superman needs help sometimes. 🤗💗

IronicMaiden

@Will564 Congratulations and good luck! I know I wouldn't be the person I am today without therapy, and I mean that more literally than most. Therapy allowed me to start examining myself, learn how to stop masking, and figure out who I really am.

I don't know if our struggles are at all similar, but I'm always willing to help however I can.

sean2589

@OverTheMooon I thank you for posting about this. It's so important to bring awareness to.

@Will564 I think it's great that you're reaching out for help! As someone who struggles with clinical depression, I can't say enough how important it is to have a safe space to share what you're going through, and to have a professional guide you in your journey.

Maverick07

@OverTheMooon THANK YOU for this posting.

@Will564 I too was thinking about starting a new topic on Forum but wasn't sure about it... I wrote on a different discussion ("What made you smile, today?") that I had recently participated of an event for men's mental health and prostate cancer and there was no comment. I guess I should have taken it as a clue to be more vocal about it! 🤔

pmvines

Sadly, many men don't know where to start when it comes to their mental health and often don't even recognize when they are suffering. There is an undeniable cultural component to this that must be recognized and dealt with. Good thread .

SnugglyChelle

Wow. Those statistics are staggering. I did not realize that men committed suicide that much more than women.

IronicMaiden

@SnugglyChelle It makes sense when you think about how men are denied basic comfort and affection by societal rules.

TheFunCartel

Part of the problem back as recently as the 70s and 80s was seeing a therapist ran the risk of job loss, becoming a social pariah, and essentially having your “man card” revoked. The social stigma in seeing a therapist has largely been eradicated, which warms me to see. Now the battle is financially for many people. Many therapists no longer take insurance.

Despite the progress, this, as others have said, is extremely crucial to keep talking about. It’s ok to ask for help. Saying that runs counterintuitive to how many men were raised. Swallowing your emotions is like taking a slow release cyanide capsule. It will take its toll on your health.

Catoline

This is what I was referring to the other day that went over some people’s heads. The cultural component that requires men to hide their emotions or be called “gay” is called toxic masculinity. TM also forbids physical contact. It shunts all of men’s physical and emotional needs onto women, which is unrealistic, leaving many men feeling completely isolated physically and emotionally.

I think it will get better when male culture catches up with women’s rights. Until then, I fully support evolved-men, but I don’t feel safe supporting men who double-down on TM.

(edited for conciseness and neutrality)

Solaris

I leave this here for the men who blame themselves too much, and for the men and women who want to help their brothers, fathers, friends and partners - not because they have to or should, but because they want to help the men they love.

It is also relevant for anyone who just wants "to come together" with your fellow brother and sister, and maybe start to heal rather that escalate the blaming and shaming game.

Brene Brown meanders a lot here, but she's pretty on point with a crucial lesson I needed to hear to start healing, from about 15 minutes on.

It's about how shame relates to mental health. I'll leave it for her to say.

I do agree that we men have to save ourselves. No one will do it for us. But saying it's our own responsibility is not the same as saying it's all our fault. Blame and shame spread the cancer of mental health. Empathy kills it. You need to see that you are worthy of love in order to really start healing. Most of us men do not need further blaming and shaming.

And it is beyond sad to see that so many men have felt that their lives, and they themselves, are completely worthless to the point that they end themselves.

I also feel for all the men and women who have been made to feel like it's their job to save or fix this for them. My father and mother were both suicidal and both put their healing, their salvation, on me and my brother and sisters at various points in our lives.

I believe we can come together. Especially here. I think we need a cuddles only section in this forum.

Maverick07

Yes, @billiam - it's unfortune to witness how fast the topic changes from men's mental health to toxicity. Especially here.

IronicMaiden

Just a (hopefully not too) brief note before I go to work.

Saying it's your own responsibility to fix yourself (in whatever context) is NOT the same as saying you have to do it yourself. I say this not just for you, but for everyone around you.

There were plenty of times in the past I reached out for support (never to men, because that would have been showing weakness) . The result always seemed to be that people would be shocked that I'm not perfect and turned away. Or maybe it was something else. They never told me. Eventually I learned to stop reaching out. So it took a very long time before I felt I had a sufficient support network to see a therapist. And so what might have been fixable 20 years ago is now so deeply ingrained, I've been in therapy for 7 years now and there's no end in sight.

SnugglyChelle

@Unscented_Lemon - Yes, it does make perfect sense when you think about how society is set up. I'm glad it's being spoken about so there can be more awareness.

My grandfather struggles with severe depression, but he is proud that "no one would know" he's depressed because he's always trying to be positive and uplifting for everyone else's sake. He feels that it's his job not to bring anyone else down.

@SnugglyChelle i would say a lot of men feel the same way as your grandfather. We would rather do what is expected of us rather than show any weakness whatsoever for any number of reasons.

I think sometimes we fear being replaced or fear being perceived as weak so everyday we put on our bravest face or our fake smiles and play our part as society expects us to.

Solaris

@Unscented_Lemon
I hate to read that. I'm sorry those things happened to you. I don't know what they were but I'm sure you didn't deserve that. Seven years is a long time. I've been in therapy off and on for twenty-five, and have had similar experiences to what you describe regarding opening up to people, it going badly, and then me not opening up again. Disheartening doesn't begin to describe it.

I hope you find some relief and healing.

Solaris

@SnugglyChelle
That's so sad. An entire lifetime of severe depression. Life is so hard sometimes and I'm sure his depression rippled through everyone else in your family too.

cde123

This is SOOO needed. I've written before about volunteering with 2nd graders, and about how the little boys were marvelous, lively little beings. SOMETHING HAPPENS to them as they grow up that shames them into tiny, razor-edged boxes that only allow the expression of either rage or sadness. This definitely needs to change.

Thank you, @OverTheMooon for shining a much needed light on this issue. I hope the ones who need to, see this, and consider that healing is possible and help is available..

Please forgive the double post.. I finally remembered the phrase I heard, regarding the deeper reasoning behind many men's decision to end their lives: "Thwarted Belongingness."

There's a thread topic on here which asks something like "Would you want to be a man?" I remember thinking, "Hell no!" The loneliness, the danger, that weird "pecking order/insult" thing they do, and the lack of just genuine affection and being taught that, as human beings, they have worth made me almost shudder at the thought. <<That reaction made me post this here.. "Thwarted Belongingness"-- Youtube's got videos on it, too.

SnugglyChelle

@billiam The mental health struggles in my family are definitely real. That, and the mental health struggles of my grandparents had such a huge impact on their kids' childhoods. Untreated and unrecognized problems like that can cause a huge issue with bonding and caregiving... In her 70s now, my mother still can't help but be triggered by her father's "fake" happiness.

So, good job to all of those who are seeking support for their mental health! I'm happy for you, individually, as well as for your families! Getting support is not selfish or weak; it is strength and courage!

Will564

@OverTheMooon @Sheena123 @Unscented_Lemon @sean2589 @Maverick07

Thank you for your support. I would address each of you individually but my post would be even longer than normal.

@billiam

I really enjoyed your post. I agree with you that it is our responsibility, but like @Unscented_Lemon said, we don't have to do it all alone. That was actually one of my biggest problems. I don't ask for help because I feel like it would be a burden to others. I'm learning more and more that those who care about me don't view it as a burden and want to help me. But part of that help is talking to a professional about it.

I'm sorry that each of you has experienced so much rejection. I hope that you're able to find people that you can trust.

Unfortunately I think our society is moving in a direction that's making it harder for us to find genuine connection. But it can be done.

@lonelytauros

I think sometimes we fear being replaced or fear being perceived as weak so everyday we put on our bravest face or our fake smiles and play our part as society expects us to.

I agree. This is something I have been focusing on a lot lately, trying to improve. And I think I'm already starting to see some positive results.

ManOutdoors

Therapy is difficult for men, and most men who need it don't go. Here is a youtube channel I have gotten a lot of benefit from. It's done by a male therapist that discusses men's issues and he has a good way of speaking to men. Check it out if you are interested:

https://www.youtube.com/@psychacks

TheNewNovelist

My recommendation is to never be afraid to ask for help.

texzenguy

Last week my brother died by suicide. Our father died by suicide when we were teenagers. My mom passed away last fall. I'm now the last surviving member of my nuclear family, and two of the other three died by suicide. It is a lot to process.

I do think it's important for men to share their feelings, especially with one another. We have such constraints placed on us when it comes to sharing feelings and physical touch with other men. It is literally killing us.

OverTheMooon

@texzenguy I'm sorry to hear that. That's a lot of strife for one person. You must be going through a lot right now.
I think I've been lucky to have been in the military. Nearly Everytime Ive opened up to men (in the navy), it's been a supportive experience. It sounds like it must be different in civilian life.