Public Displays of Affection

Renaissance_Man

I had a negative experience last night while cuddling and would
like to hear your thoughts on what happened.

I attended a free Saturday night summer concert in the park
sponsored by the city. I was cuddling with a woman I met through a Craiglist ad
had I posted. We were having a good time at the event sharing hugs, cuddling,
and dancing the night away. Our touch was completely “G-rated” in the sense
that we were fully clothed, refrained from kissing (no body fluids shared), and
did not touch or grope each other’s private parts. It was the first time we had
met in person but it felt natural to hold hands, embrace each other, and spoon.
For a few minutes, we decided to experiment with laying on top of each other
just because we wanted to see what it would feel like. It was all in good fun.

We were situated in the middle of the audience sitting on a
picnic blanket when somebody came up to us and expressed her disapproval of our
behavior. At first, I thought she was joking but she complained about how we
should “save it for the bedroom” so her kids would not see what we were doing.
I was dumbfounded by what I was hearing.

 In my humble opinion, we live in a world in which there is
way too much violence, hate, and intolerance. If a man and a woman are in a
public park enjoying each other in physical but nonsexual ways, I think we
could use more of this in our communities. We were not breaking any laws and we
were minding our own business. But this encounter reminds me of how many people
(Americans in particular?) are uncomfortable with public displays of affection.

Have any of you had similar encounters while cuddling and
sharing physical touch in public?

I_am_Polylover

I totally agree with you that there should be more PDA in the world.  I was at the grocery store yesterday when I saw a man and woman snuggling up  to each other while they were talking, and it made me smile.
♥Jim

Brandi

As long as it didnt look trashy or gropey/sexy in any way, that person could cram it! I agree with you, too much hate in this world and a couple of people cuddling in public isnt inappropriate or bad in any way. She must be a lonley hag lol

Was this an Amish or Mormon concert?

Renaissance_Man

Just for the record, it was a 70's tribute R&B band. The best songs were Pick Up the Pieces (by Average White Band) and Brick House (by the Commodores). Lots of people on the dance floor shaking it like there's no tomorrow.

I've never had the issue, but this can be seen from several different perspectives. You're at a concert enjoying your time "experimenting" being on top of each other, that lady doesn't know if you are fully clothed or doing something sneaky, she shouldn't have assumed or bothered you. Though experimenting isn't something you do typically in a public area. And none of us can give a specific answer to who is or was right or wrong, none of us were there. In my personal opinion I don't experiment outside in public, but everyone is allowed to form their own preferences and opinions and we as a whole need to learn to understand that.

mellow

I agree with the perspectives point. If you guys were laying on top of each other and spooning, while is still innocent enough it could look like something else to a bystander and while it would totally not offend me or bother me at all I can also understand how it would be uncomfortable to be near for a woman with children. I have been to concerts in parks before and have seen people sitting close together, holding hands, sitting close and embracing each other but I don't recall ever seeing somebody spooning or laying on top of each other.
Last but not least she could've moved, which is what I would've done if I had small children with me but I can understand where this lady was coming from with her complaint.

C8H7N3O2

I've never had this happen but I agree with the above perspectives point. It's not about what it was, it's about how it looked. I have seen people being quite affectionate in public and it has always made me and the people around uncomfortable.. to the point where we would share the "um can you not" looks. There are different degrees of pda,

Renaissance_Man

Thanks to all for your thoughts on this topic. I have a
slight difference of opinion from some others here but this is expected in such
a geographically vast virtual community.

For what it’s worth, I think fully clothed hugging and
cuddling is an acceptable public display of affection. In the situation
originally described, the venue was a Saturday night rock concert, an event in
which many people hug, twerk, and sometimes become partially naked as they
dance the night away.

I know some will disagree with my point of view and you are
welcome to do so. But if the sight of a man and a woman cuddling in public may
be off-putting to some people, can we really consider such behavior to be
vulgar, offensive, and indecent? From a strict legal point of view, fully
clothed cuddling is acceptable law-abiding behavior in the United States and in
most parts of the world. This remains true regardless of whether children may
be present or not. And although the sight of two consenting adults, fully
clothed, sharing nonsexual touch in a public park may make some people feel
uncomfortable, what about the sight of those who habitually spit on city streets,
read texts while driving, and spray-paint graffiti on historically important
landmarks?

Call me a “militant radical cuddler” if you want but I think
sharing nonsexual touch is healing and badly needed in these politically
divisive, technologically alienating, and ethically challenging times. As it
now stands, cuddling has become something of a grassroots social movement that
keeps gaining steam and is revealing of fundamental human experiences that are,
unfortunately, lacking in our everyday lives. Like it or not, the “cuddling
movement” has become global in scope as is evident from international members
of this website.

As members of a community of cuddlers, we know that cuddling
is not necessary sexual and that cuddling is not necessarily a precursor to
sex. We know that cuddling--and hugging--is enjoyable and therapeutic in and of
itself. If we choose to share nonsexual touch in public and other people wrongly
perceive our behaviors as sexual, then we remain law-abiding citizens
regardless of other peoples’ misinterpretations. (Yes, cuddling can lead to sex
but so can having a romantic dinner together.)

I think it is unwise for us to “play it safe” in public and
try to restrict our public behaviors to that which will pass the “approval” of
others. This is exactly what happens under authoritarian forms of government as
voices of dissent are imprisoned and tortured. On the contrary, our Founding
Fathers envisioned the United States as a place where we would all be able to
pursue “freedom, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.” They were relieved to
have escaped an oppressive British culture and hoped to lay the foundation for
collective freedoms not possible overseas.

Like the controversial issue of breastfeeding in public,
cuddling is poorly understood by those around us. But this does not make these
two forms of human interaction morally wrong or necessarily inappropriate in public.
On the contrary, these human endeavors are natural and necessary for nourishing
a healthy and vibrant community of human beings. (For what it’s worth, I think
adults sharing nonsexual touch is appropriate for kids to see and a lot more
and instructional, and valuable, for their personal development compared to
what they probably view online or on television.)

As it now stands, cuddling is a subcultural--and countercultural--trend mostly
in the industrialized world. Until more of the general public understands that
cuddling and sex are qualitatively different things, we will probably remain
misunderstood cuddlers. But, as cuddlers, we can consider ourselves to be
agents of social change and do what our hearts inform us is right and appropriate
(fyi: cuddling is not a sin). If some people are offended by our enjoyment of
sharing nonsexual touch in public, then so be it.

Life is too short and I, personally speaking, am not
interested in being restricted by the hasty opinions of other people (Remember
when we were laughed at for wearing an automobile safety belt?). Maybe, at some
point, others will realize that sharing nonsexual touch is important, valuable,
and necessary as an essential and definitive human experience. Hug anybody?

willmott2k10

Personally I see nothing wrong with being intimate with someone in public places like that so long as it's platonic and/or not going too far, and obviously here it was platonic. I personally feel a little uncomfortable sometimes at the sight of certain things, mainly couples kissing and women breastfeeding, but I merely look away if this is the case, I see nothing wrong with doing as such in public and I would have no issue doing these things in their position so I leave it at that. At the end of the day, yes maybe we should be mindful of what something looks like as well as what it is but, depending on what it is, if you don't like something that much you can just ignore it and keep your distance if you have children. At the end of the day, unless we go as far as refusing to even have a quick hug in public you're probably always going to have someone crying wolf so I say forget everyone else and do what makes you happy, within reason of course.

I was with someone I met on here on Thursday and we were cuddling up and going into all sorts of positions in a public park on this big grass field, if someone had come over and said we were making them uncomfortable I would've honestly told them to go away in possibly not so polite a choice of words. We were literally just cuddling up and having a laugh or several quite a distance away from anyone else and while we probably looked a bit weird to watch to other people in the park we honestly didn't care. I don't feel we did anything inappropriate and I have no regrets, all that needs to be said on that.

funandadventure

Dear All, this post is so interesting, say the couple were in the later years (70 to 90 ) and laying on a blanket in a park, would the mother have said they were acting inappropriately or was it because they were young. I often see my young friends cuddle on the garden benches, obviously not spooning just as the prime site photo on the site and alike. I have also seen there children being so offended by such a action. Interesting.
Love and peace john NZ.

HealingComfort

I'm on your side, renaissance man, she was not being merely prudish she had some other kind of problem if she thinks just sitting together, dancing, and hugging is what should be kept in the bedroom. Doesn't make any sense to me. 

mellow

Well, let's be clear. Renaissance man said they were laying on top of each other and spooning, not just sitting together, hugging and dancing. So I'll reiterate, I have no problem with that, nor would it offend me but I can understand where the lady with children was coming from. 
Also, I am reading a lot of strong statements that sound defensive. Nobody in this thread including myself have expressed criticism of the actions described but we don't live alone in this world and we should always be empathetic and see things from the other persons point of view rather than just say well if they don't like it we'll just tell them off and not in a nice manner. The juxtaposition of a person calmly and lovingly cuddling at the park telling off the first person to express any opposition is one that goes against what this community is about.

I_am_Polylover

@Renaissance_Man Very well said.
♥Jim

Renaissance_Man

I still have a difficult time understanding why the sight of me, and my partner, cuddling seemed so offensive to someone else. Your comments have me thinking more about the situation and I have a few additional thoughts to share.

First, I am an Asian man in my mid 50’s and my cuddle buddy is a pale skinned, green-eyed blonde, in her late 40’s. The woman who so angrily complained is a blue-eyed blonde Caucasian woman in her late 20’s to early 30’s.

As someone who has dated interracially my whole life, the concept of interracial dating seems natural and normal to me. However, I sometimes forget that this is not the case for most people. For better or worse, most people have no have first-hand experience with interracial relationships and so such a thing may appear awkward, strange, and just weird.

According to researchers at the massive OkCupid dating site (see OkCupid Trends), the patterns of dating they observe are separated along distinct racial lines. They find a hierarchy of dating preferences such that white and Asian women are the most highly desired while the least desired are black women and Asian men. Granted, this is not how things necessarily should be but it is how things are based on the online dating trends of millions and millions of single people.

If we consider, for a moment, popular stereotypes of Asian men (computer geek, math whiz, Kung Fu panda), it may provide us visual templates for how Asian men may be perceived by other people. For some, the thought of an Asian man possessing any semblance of physical attraction, sensuality, or sexuality, is unthinkable and, for some, just totally gross.

Like the incest taboo, the concept of an Asian male/white female couple sharing real physical intimacy in public may be upsetting for some people and, for some, repulsive and just plain wrong. It flies in the face of our dating hierarchy assumptions and is, in some views, contrary to the social order of things. (Fyi: Laws banning interracial marriage and interracial sex, known as “anti-miscegenation laws” have existed ever since the founding of the U.S.A. until ruled unconstitutional by the Supreme Court in 1967.)

My thoughts here are pure conjecture but may help us understand why the young woman was so pissed off at me and my cuddle partner. I think the complaint was directed less at me and more towards my cuddle partner who, in some people’s view of the relationship world, is negligently and selfishly disregarding our unspoken racial “dating rules.”

In the part of California where I live, Asian male/white female couples are occasionally seen but rarely do we witness such couples sharing physical intimacy in public. So I can understand why it may be a shocking sight for some people—such a thing has not yet become normalized. I think this has to change and you know where to find me – at a public park cuddling with other like-minded folks such as yourself. I guess this is an interesting twist on the political slogan that we should “think globally but act locally.”

quietman775

@Renaissance_Man, the theory that the reaction you received was due to racial stereotypes and/or discomfort with interracial dating on the part of the observer who complained is interesting conjecture --- but just pure conjecture, as you point out. When people feel they have been treated unfairly it is easy to reach for the "difference card" as an automatic explanation: "It's because I'm a woman." "It's because I'm black." "It's because I'm Asian." Attributing prejudice to others is an easy reflex, but may in fact unfairly disparage them. Perhaps she would have been just as upset about two blue-eyed blond Caucasians experimenting with lying on top of each other, because she viewed such a position as inherently not platonic. Heck, there were people in that position at Woodstock, they tell me, and it definitely was not platonic. ;-) Maybe she simply found that position suggestive, and the ethnicity of you and your cuddle partner had nothing to do with it.

Alternative scenario: Maybe one of her kids asked, "Mommy, why is that man lying on top of that woman?" And maybe the woman hadn't even seen or noticed you until that very moment. She simply glanced your way and jumped to a (not altogether inexplicable) conclusion about the nature of your activities. And we sit at our keyboards judging_ her_ for judging you, suggesting she's a prude, or a bigot, or a bigoted prude LOL Everybody jumping to conclusions.

Feeling like a culture warrior, like you are changing the world by "thinking globally but acting locally" is heady stuff. But maybe, in the end, you were just two people having fun in the park who, at that moment in time, appeared to be indecorous. Woman was offended and snapped at you for it. A little rude, but absent evidence to the contrary, it is likely that neither her comments nor her motives had sociological significance. Nothing to see here, folks.

BlueIris

Yeah, it was the laying on top of each other. You were fine up until that point.