Looking for advice for making a virtual cuddling session great. I am a newbie. Thanks in advance.
I don't know what virtual cuddling means. you mean like talking to someone over zoom ? they had something like this back in the last century. search for "Old Commercial Phone Companion" on youtube.
Virtual cuddling seems a bit like virtual eating. I've never satisfied my hunger by watching a McDonald's TV commercial.
@TxTom 😂 I love that!
People talk about how it counts as cuddling, but no one ever describes exactly what it entails, for them. I've tried posting this question, before.
I know there are various ways it could go... From nothing different than a phone chit-chat with cams, to hanging out with pillows and snacks as if you're having a virtual sleepover, to doing touch exercises where you imagine the other person is stroking your hand or scratching your head, etc. etc...
But I want to know what, exactly, people here, who do this regularly, personally do.
It's been asked dozens of times, however...I'm not holding my breath for anyone to give a real, informative, useful answer.
~ Sunset Snuggles
🫂 Enthusiast 🌄 Travel Fiend 🐄 Animal Lover
I tend to ask my client what they are looking for in a virtual cuddle, and then do that(if I’m able). Sometimes it is just video chatting, sometimes it is snuggling up with pillows and going through touch visualizations, sometimes a person will have a topic to discuss that they don’t feel they can share with anyone else in their lives and just need a non-judgmental ear, sometimes we do affirmations- almost like entering a meditative state. It just depends on what is lacking and if I have the mental and physical bandwidth to provide it. And if we have enough of a basis of established communication through chat that both of us feel comfortable. I don’t do a ton of virtual cuddles because I need to be home alone and I try to look slightly decent and not busy with something else. That’s the rare thing because when I’m home during down time I usually have my sweatpants on and my hair all piled on top of my head so…I can’t help it I don’t like to do a video chat when I look like something the cat dragged in.
How does one cuddle virtually? It’s basically an expensive Zoom call lol…
Over the years there has been a fair amount of discussion about virtual cuddling and there is a thread of links stickied at the top of the Professional Cuddling board. A vast amount of knowledge is stored there,
Virtual cuddling has little or nothing to do with online/virtual companionship except that both are video calls, and some professional cuddlers offer one, the other, or both.
Virtual cuddling is not a simple topic and is not susceptible to meaningful explantion in a few words. A good starting point is the understanding that cuddling is primarily an emotional activity, not a physical one. Most people think that cuddling is primarily physical until they think about it properly, and if you are at the stage I suggest you do that first. Understanding virtual cuddling is hard if you don't properly understand physical cuddling.
@SunsetSnuggles buried somewhere in that meta thread is a link to a post by me which, if I remember correctly, will at least partly answer your question. The key point is that a virtual cuddle attempts to replicate the emotional effect of a physical cuddle, using primarily physical techniques. Obviously the techniques are different for physical and virtual cuddling, although often similar or related. The various linked threads mentioned dozens if not hundreds of techniques, and I always meant to read my way through the lot and write a guide but never did. The urgency left with the end of lockdown.
...cuddling is primarily an emotional activity, not a physical one...
I disagree. Emotion is certainly a component of cuddling, but not the primary factor.
Emotion is a component of eating, as well.
@TxTom: I'd say that it is different things to different people. No one right answer. I'm not sure what for me is the primary factor--I'd say it is probably mostly emotional with a strong physical component in that virtual cuddling has no appeal to me, but cuddling someone I don't at least like or think I could like once I get to know them isn't something I'm finding I am willing to do, whether for free or for money.
I thought @SunsetSnuggles, @VitaminJ, and @CuddleDuncan explained what it means to them very well.
@TxTom I've been through this one many times before on this forum, I can't face doing it again. I was conveying a point of information, not opening a discussion. By all means come back to me when you've done some cuddle training and run a couple of virtual sessions acting as a professional, as I have.
Don't mean to be rude. Long day.
PS yes if you'd asked me ten years ago I probably would have said the same thing.
@CuddleDuncan I didn't take your comments as being rude. And I have read much of what you've written about virtual cuddling. I'm not trying to start a debate either.
My first 30 mins. or so with a new cuddler, or a cuddler I haven't seen in a while, is usually spent sitting opposite from one another on the couch--with no physical contact-- just talking and getting to know one another, or catching up. Just her being present in the same room is far more satisfying, I'll bet, than would be just seeing her on a computer screen. Yet even that pales in comparison to when we begin physically interacting. The feeling of euphoria is off the charts at that point.
An interesting hypothetical would be if CC had a mirror site that was only virtual cuddling (thus having the additional advantage of eliminating the threat of physical assault).
If cuddling is primarily emotional, as you say, would it fare as well as this site? If not, why not?
I get asked to do these a lot more lately and I’ve always declined because I truly don’t get how to do it. It feels very awkward. I’m not a fan of zoom calls if any sort for any job I’ve had. I’d like to also hear more examples of virtual cuddling sessions
Yea I don't agree with the idea that cuddling is primarily an emotional concept. No way. Cuddling is all about touch!! You need a lot of physical contact. You can't cuddle through a plexiglass wall for example. You can't cuddle if you're both wearing deep sea diving suits either. Calling anything other than physical touch cuddling is just making stuff up. Call it something else but it's not cuddling.
I don't know much about this, but I would think it depends on what the person is trying to get from the cuddle. A lot of people are touch-starved and a virtual cuddle wouldn't be much use to them... others might be simply human contact-starved so an hour or two talking with a friendly person and a sympathetic ear might be what they need. I sort of see it as being reflected in the site name ... some people need the "Comfort" as much or more as the "Cuddle."
I've always imagined it would be like facetime, laying in bed "together". Like a long distance thing you'd do with someone special. I wouldn't consider it worth it. But I can see how someone too far away would enjoy that. Like a long distance relationship, the dynamics of the late night face time is the same. Just chatting, looking at each other. Maybe saying affirmations. There's been times when I wanted to talk to someone who'd comfort me. Or to vent to
I offer virtual and have loved every session. 😎Yes, they are only for non-physical connection and I can see why this was implemented during C-vid as it's immensely helpful to allow connection when we cannot be in person. 🤗
My sessions tend to be like @OverTheMooon surmised: Friendly chat, venting, needing someone to lean on, needing some comfort, wanting some advice and even simply not having someone else to talk to. I would explain that it's like a virtual therapy session ....but with a friend. 😉
I happen to be the type of person who can talk to basically ANYone, about almost ANY topic LOL And am also in the beginning of my masters program to become a therapist....so what I charge for virtual is a super deal for getting your own friendly therapy chat without the awkward official part of it 😜
I'm seeing a trend, however, that more and more requests I get for virtual sessions are people expecting some sort of p*rn show or something....so most of mine don't end up happening because of that nonsense (plus, why on earth would someone think that I would offer that anyways....AND for only $35? Ugh🤦♀️).
So, I'm not sure I'll continue offering those....but I hate to cut off anyone who genuinely needs that type of connection or someone empathetic to talk to. 🫤 They are very helpful....but yes, they are not the same as physical cuddles. In person gives a much larger boost of those intoxicating chemicals!! ☺️😇
@RedFox16 -
Some pros stated they won't do virtual sessions because of what the guy might be doing off-camera.
@CuddleDuncan Yes! There can and often is a very real very intimate (yes, still platonic) connection with virtual cuddles. If you go into it thinking its a work zoom call, or teams meeting- already failing.
For me, its extra important to me mentally present and emotionally open and observant. When you can't touch your client you really need to be so incredibly focused on them.
I understand virtual isn't for everyone but they are so needed and helpful for people with crippling anxiety, OCD, and other issues. Sure. Just like in-person sessions you occasionally get a client who has seriously non-platonic ideas... But its even easier to end a virtual session and report if needed. I think they very much have a place.
I like @CuddleDuncan's point of view, maybe he understood something that we will get in the future. There are some things that make me think he's right, but only to some extent. Complaints like "she's there just for the money" should give us the point. The very basic point (I would say the entry level) is to look for the touch, no matter what. But I think it depends on how much touch starved you are. Then, you look for something more: a person which is not like a teddy bear, but with which you're comfortable with. Unluckily, I didn't study philosophy, but from what I get reading here and there, platonic doesn't necessarily start without erotic stuff. It's removed at a later stage (the arrival point, not the starting one).
OT: That's why I think it's mandatory to explain what is allowed to do in a session on this site, because many of us don't know what platonic means. Maybe I still don't after trying to learn it from different sources. But to those complaining "Do they know what platonic means?" when asked for sexual stuff, I say: "If you ask what platonic means to people on the streets, what do you expect them to say and what answer do you get?".
And if an analogy is allowed to me, cuddling and having sex is some that women can get more easily than men. I believe that's why they are more picky about both activities. They have options. Many men pay because it's the only way they can (legally) find to have them. Women usually just have to open their phone book. But unless taking advantage of that to make money (pros and pros-titutes! 😅), they look for best intimate connections, not only for touch (and I think it's the right thing to do if they can afford it).
In the eating analogy there is something similar too: first stage is to eat whatever you find to survive. When you can, you look for something more: food that gives you pleasure, not only calories. Would you eat astronauts food bags for all your life? Maybe not, having other options.
I can't embrace the virtual cuddles philosophy yet, anyway. For me, it's not touch vs emotion but touch and emotion.