Time out

cuddlyDavid

I am just back after a two week Timeout. I apologise to anyone I may have offended. Everything I said on 'that' thread was sarcastic and tongue in cheek. None of it was in black & white'. I meant no malice whatsoever despite the vitriol I received. I said nothing I wouldn't say down the pub to my mates.

I have revamped my profile and added a few more pictures which I hope will engage more 'enthusiasts'.

I wish everyone the best and I will bail out of using this Forum any further for fear of upsetting people.

Dave

@cuddlyDavid I wish you much success in finding cuddles. Keep in mind that pub talk isn't necessarily a good fit for a post on a platonic cuddling site thread.

CuddleDuncan

No idea what you did but don't bail. Stay.

You did the crime, and you've done the time. Your task now is to learn the lesson, and apply it. Doing so will make you a better and happier person. It's not necessarily easy or quick, but it is a good investment of time and energy.

Do be cautious in your posting for the next couple of weeks. Don't take it down a notch: take it down three notches to be on the safe side, and then see how you go. Your old way didn't work here, so you need to find a new way. Replacing something which doesn't work with something that does is very rarely a bad trade.

Edit: the reason you're talking about bailing is probably a psychological defence. Staying is associated with pain, which is difficult to bear. It's easier to leave, because then you avoid the pain. But then you also avoid the benefits this place might bring. Sitting with the emotional difficulty and working through it is a classic little-bit-of-pain-now-for-a-much-bigger-benefit-in-the-long-run situation. Obviously I have no idea if that is actually what is going on with you, but it is very common and it does happen to everybody at some time or another.

Darkeyed_male

Walking the edge in the forums is fun but you want to keep from alienating people at all costs, cause when you slip, you want folks on your side.

I'll be here rooting for yours and others opinions because we are free. I may not agree, it may be unique, but we can, by example, show others that we can all get along if we really, really try.

We are happy that you have returned.

BrianOcean

@cuddlyDavid

If it is the thread I am thinking about-where you invited some of us to the Pub in the UK- then I find that timeout extremely alarming.

It is truly ridiculous if you were put in timeout for that thread.

Who ever was "offended" enough to flag you and suggest you be penalized should know I find their behaviour offensive.

Maybe some people should be put in timeout for constatly flagging those who's comments they don't like or agree with.

There are those who just can't ACCEPT that all of us are different and speak different -have different opinions and are obviously "offended" at very different levels.

Over Flagging and putting people in "timeout" because a few members are constantly offended is not a good look for these forums.
What if we all started to do that? Flag any thing we don;t agree with or like.

We should be able to do better and let people speak their mind.

In some cases that "Let people be themselves" mantra is pushed and celebrated and in other cases it apparantly does not exist.

Be yourself and speak your mind-Unless it offends me-seems to be the mindset of those who can't wait to flag someone while claiming all points of view should be heard.

Comical.

achetocuddle

I find several of the timeouts alarming. Perhaps a sign of the times.
@BrianOcean Yep.

Mike403

A thread about Disney movies was locked because somebody used the word "woke" to describe some of their movies(and it wasn't even the OP). I can understand that it feels like you're walking on eggshells when posting on the forums here.

pmvines

Yet poops and boners prevail

I think a Piss and Moan Hall of Fame is in order.

Sooson

Yet poops and boners prevail

..and panties.

Sooson

@BrianOcean The mods are aware of the serial flaggers. And yes it was the thread you are referring to

BrianOcean

@Dance_Culture
I am not directing this specifically at you- this speaks to a larger problem and you are clearly not the only one with this view.

Walking the edge in the forums is fun but you want to keep from alienating people at all costs, cause when you slip, you want folks on your side.

I can only speak for myself but I find it really sad that any one would feel this way about posting a comment on a Forum.

If someone shares an opinion I don’t agree with-they should not be concerned with “alienating me.That’s on me if I feel “alienated” because of their opinion.
They are not harming me-just speaking their mind-if it is not blatantly trying to insult or be nasty-They have a right to say whatever they like.

When we slip-apparently it means when we say something a few “Flaggers” don’t like.

want folks on your side- this is a forum-not a gang fight-I don’t need anyone “on my side” and it is really disturbing that some obviously feel that way here.

If you are walking on eggshells-That unfortunatley speaks volumes about the tone of the forums.

I don’t walk on eggshells and I don’t advise it for anyone. If you do-you won’t help the forum in any way.

Life is much more exciting when get out of the echo chamber and hear things you don’t agree with or maybe have never considered.

achetocuddle

I say yep to Brian's comment, generally speaking.
And I really do not want everyone here on my side. If everyone here was on my side, something would be wrong with me.

If I recall, he was suspended for baiting, which violates forum rules. Had he not been suspended and kept on the way he had been, he likely would have ended up banned. It seems that by taking a less severe step, the mods helped him avoid that.

CaramelNotes

Under what circumstances is someone placed on a timeout?

Who are the group moderators?

CharlieBear

I don't think I have ever put anyone in timeout here. Or maybe once or twice, but it would have had to be extreme. Also there have not been nearly as many flags lately (or I haven't noticed). Also, getting flagged doesn't really mean anything other than a mod will look at your comment. There is nothing that tracks how many times you have been flagged and it has absolutely zero impact on your account. The software for the forums and main site are separate so getting flagged is not the same as getting reported on the site. And besides, most flags are skipped anyway because they are frivolous.

CharlieBear

I think I was on hiatus during that time.

SeekerInVA

If anything, the frivolous flagging is what should get people timeouts. Don’t be a Karen.

Kense

Welcome to the club!

TxTom

Serial flaggers are just petty little tyrant wannabes with no real power.

Hopefully it stays that way.

Carrie_Anne

@SeekerInVA
Please tell me your definition of a Karen because I find that term has taken on a new life. I’m an older white woman who happens to be liberal, pro a women’s right to be treated with respect, I am accepting of all who treat others with kindness. But according to the original definition, I think I’m supposedly a Karen? Without anyone knowing me. Yes it’s just another kind of prejudice.
⭐️Please don’t feel the need to flag this because I’m not trying to stir things up, but it kind of hurts whenever I see someone referred to as a Karen because I know they mean it in a derogatory way.
It seems to be just another way of judging based on skin color and age? I really hope I’m wrong but I need enlightenment.
I have a close friend whose actual name is Karen and she feels she’s being called something very hurtful when she hears that from people who know nothing about her.

achetocuddle

@TxTom Yep.

pmvines

Being timed out is not a liberal conspiracy no matter how many people on here might think there is some sort of agenda. Silliness.

SeekerInVA

@g_w_t_w someone of any gender that complains incessantly about what other people think or say. If you don’t like it, just be an adult and move on. The frivolous flagging is just silly.

ReltvlyCanshes

@Mike403 i was highly perturbed when that Disney thread was locked. I was irritated by the childish turn it took but also that we couldn't discuss like adults and things from childhood or appeal to child like sides of us. Any way, there's that.

Carrie_Anne

@SeekerInVA
💯 I agree with what you say!
I was lead to believe in the past that it meant older white women who expect entitlement and special treatment and that’s never been me, nor any women I know personally. I’m entitled to Nothing honestly.⭐️ I only get what I earn. I get tired of the name calling and ridiculous generalizations of people we don’t know personally. Aren’t we all just really trying to end that way of thinking? I’m trying to never be that way and shame on me if I ever seem to be.

Darkeyed_male

@BrianOcean I think I understand what you are saying (to me)..the key is the second half of my post..it resolves the first paragraph.

My first paragraph is an example of the way things in certain circumstances, could be perceived. It also shows that our current social environment mindset needs work.

==I'll be here rooting for yours and others opinions because we are free. I may not agree, it may be unique, but we can, by example, show others that we can all get along if we really, really try. We are happy that you have returned.==
(This paragraph is the overall message and the meat of the post)

Darkeyed_male

My suggestions for creating a better social environment: ( these are not attacks, but observation based.)

1. Assume all comments are opinions, and know that anyone posting wants what's best for everyone
2. Forget your past to help you see others as caring individuals
3. Forgive someone in your life and carry that energy here
4. Reach out to someone that seems to need it and actually do something for them
5. Allow yourself time to process a statement or opinion
6. Ask yourself, in your process, what if I am wrong?

I believe that balance is key and in using that energy, we reveal what is best about us.

TheFunCartel

@Dance_Culture These are great suggestions especially the ones about forgiving someone but as you can see from the past few hours that people on the forums can’t even forgive a preposition at the end of a sentence or a misspelling.

Darkeyed_male

@TheFunCartel
But we can lol, Christmas is coming!

interalia626

@TheFunCartel I forgive @Dance_Culture 's comma splice.