How would you ask someone you know if they'd like to cuddle (who isn't acquainted with it)

Curious if anyone has any tips. I feel like if you've gone to a cuddle party or have had a cuddle buddy before you 'get' it, and likely already have thought/pondered about cuddling, platonic cuddling, cuddle boundaries, etc.

I feel like the trick from there is either cuddling with strangers here (as that in general comes with some struggles, even without the cuddle aspect), but the other option is potentially cuddling with immediate family or maybe relatives.

Any thoughts on that? Though personally I'm not quite sure how I feel with cuddling with everyone (in my family), I do have a couple extended family members/relatives I am considering asking, but in general I haven't thought of a good way to bring it up.


  • I started cuddling through friends of friends. Maybe it is our age or more relaxed attitude since we were both women it was very easy for us to talk frankly about cuddling. Maybe it will end up being similar for you.

    I would say arrange a nice coffee or tea session at your place with the person you want to maybe cuddle with and tell them about your interest in platonic cuddling. Don't make it about soliciting them into a session but more juding their acceptance of the practice. It might be good to read through some of the more scientific studies to be able to best explain the benefits.

    If they seem to be understanding. Maybe say you are looking for a partner to explore the cuddle world with and would they be interested in exploring along with you.

    It will probably be a long conversation so leave plenty of time and use your judgement about the flow of it since you know your relatives more than any of us will.

  • I'm from an affectionate family, we're all huggers. Of my cousins, I'm one of the oldest and some of my younger female cousins will still come cuddle up with me on the couch for a short period when we're at family functions. I'm now 45 and they're in their late 20's I would however feel really weird asking them to come over for a one on one session.

  • It might be good to think on your own curiosities about their experience and feelings with physical contact in general. Asking questions on these topics would allow you to explore where they're coming from and what they like without any pressure.
    Being honest with your perspective would help as well, especially if you both want physical contact.
    Some people might not be wanting to cuddle, but might become more huggy and affection with you after having an honest conversation about physical contact.

  • edited January 2018

    Just reviving this thread ...

    I'm gradually introducing someone I met online to the idea of platonic cuddling, with positive responses so far. This is what I wrote to them:

    After getting divorced in 2009, I had many years without much touch from other people. Some people need touch more than others, and I am one of them!

    Last November I found a website to do with "platonic cuddling" (nothing sexual). I was very hesitant at first and prayed about it, but it seemed to be safe and OK.

    I'm very glad I found it, because it has been very healing and comforting to have cuddles that are safe and innocent, and meet the need for touch.

    It was a surprise to me, but affection and cuddles can certainly be separate from romance/sex, and it's been a very positive thing for me.

    How do you feel about the idea of cuddling someone in a non-romantic way?

    But I can still have friendships without cuddling! (And I know there would need to be a lot of trust first).

    They said that was a clear explanation, and said: "To be honest, I never cuddled anyone as a friend, especially a guy. But that would be nice to try. But I might need to feel more comfortable as a friend first."

    I also said that there is no pressure to (ever) cuddle, and gave them this quote, which they agreed with:

    "In our culture, the only experience someone has with this kind of touching has been in a romantic sense ... It's not always easy for people to switch their brains to simply being platonic about it."

    We haven't actually met in person yet, and cuddling isn't the focus of our friendship. But I'm hopeful about future cuddles together!

    When we do get to that place, I'm planning to just start with hugging, holding hands and things like that, no rubbing or caressing yet. It's a definite shift in thinking that something as affectionate as a caress on the neck or fingertips down your back can still be a friendship thing. I certainly don't want to give mixed (romantic) messages to them.

    Anyone else have a story about introducing someone from scratch to platonic cuddling?

  • edited January 2018

    Interesting, thanks for starting this and I look forward to reading up some. :)

    Although I know one or more aquaintances that I feel such a connection with, it's not so simple to introduce this especially given that Platonic touch is not widely known and most associated to relationships/.

    First step is to communicate however easier said than done. Second is learning effective communication.


    I love your advice and introducing it first as a question - to figure out their stance, level of understanding of the subject, - and without the pressure of stating you want it first.

    Thank you all for the input too.

    I want to actually some time get the power to try this with someone I know, hope I do it well and their reaction is good, even if they don't accept my proposal. I will do this even if once in a lifetime. :D

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