SF event report: Relating in the Dark - cuddling blindfolded?!

botheringfun

So, for context, I am partaking in various social sensate events, to catch up after so much work and school this year. I only mean to encourage others to share their cuddle-ajacent interests.

Recently, I attended Relating in the Dark, a blindfold experience led by Lurie (?), at the HeartLab in SF. I'd never been to this venue but it's where the end of your cuddle event will be held, so it was a nice preview of their beautiful but small space. The event's over but the link is still up, at https://www.heartlabsf.com/upcomingevents/relating-in-the-dark

It was surprisingly awesome and I laughed about half the night away. It gave me ideas for incorporating blindfolds when I next cuddle. In short, being blindfolded is not the same as closing your eyes. The physical restriction activates a different awareness or survival strategy because the lack of sight is no longer a choice - you're no longer in control.

Okay that's me being deep but in the end it was hilarious fun trying to be social while blindfolded. One exercise involved asking questions of a random partner. I happened to have this Chinese guy who responded minimally for about 3 minutes, so I finally asked if he had a question for me. In broken English, he asked, "Are you a woman?" I laughed so hard for so long that the whole room joined in not knowing what all the fuss was about. That guy was my best friend for the rest of the event.

It was well facilitated and with just the right number of people. There was some (attempted) dancing, holding and hugs - I even did some fancy assisted stretching and gave shoulder massages on request (word got round about my hands). Like any good event we arrived strangers and departed friends.

Conversing while blindfolded is something I might try in my next cuddle. There's something about speaking into the void - i.e., having no feedback. You hear yourself clearer and every sound seems to hit your body more. Highly recommended, on your own, with your partner, or next time it's hosted in SF.

Thanks for reading all this. Admittedly, it's more appropriate in a personal blog but that's another feature for the admin's backlog. Others are welcome to share whatever you're up to that's inspiring your cuddle sessions. Oh! The facilitator had us do fire breathing to start off, too, which was my first time doing it.

I'll try to notify folks early about any SF events I discover while I've got time to play. Be well, all!

AMF

I hadn't heard about the event but it sounds like fun.
I mostly have only been blindfolded while playing party games as a child, (like Pin the Tail on the Donkey). I don't think that people play that any more.

SunsetSnuggles

@botheringfun
I'm delighted that you had such an amazing time at the event!

Personally, I would never get blindfolded with strangers in a touch-related situation...waaaay too easy for anonymous unwanted touch. Guys already pretend they have no idea their hand is on your hip about to grope your butt, and not on your waist - with their full sight. 😑 I can't imagine the liberties that could be taken when no one can prove who did anything and people have the excuse of not seeing. Definitely a hard pass for me.

But it sounds like your experience was entirely positive, and I think it's awesome to try connecting with people in different ways. This is something I would be willing to try in an established cuddle friend group. 😊

@amf
Last month I witnessed adults playing pin the feather on the turkey. 🦃😄 It's still out there!

~ Sunset Snuggles

🫂 Enthusiast 🐄 Vegan 🏞 Traveler

cheeseboy

I think being blindfolded with strangers around is a huge exercise in trust and trust building - not a bad thing in the right circumstances. Having the event be structured with a facilitator sounds like the way to go though.

If it didn't include having a sighted person that you've just met guiding you around a room (using only words) while blindfolded to avoid others and obstacles, that would also be a fun exercise.

MeltMyWay

I love this. I incorporate a lot of sensory therapy into my sessions ... But never thought to blindfold someone although I have tried it myself in other social situations. But I always had someone I knew and trusted attending with me ... This would require a huge trust from client to do this. Very interesting though

cuddlefaery

I'm so glad you had a good time and that there's a venue providing the space for such an experience. I agree with others above that it absolutely takes a huge leap of faith to trust those you're around that way, but a fascilitated event does sound the way to go!

botheringfun

Hey all, just want to make clear this was a facilitated event with zero hanky panky. Agreements were made beforehand similar to the cuddle agreements here about consensual touch.

None of you are wrong about requiring trust beforehand. Just want to be clear that trust was established at the start of this event and responsibly so.

botheringfun

Yes @AMF , it was all positive. At our closing circle I commented that being blindfolded was easy because the rest of my senses and use of my body simply shifted - I didn't constantly feel like I couldn't see but began to "see" with my ears and the aid of those around me. I felt way more engaged with the group because the instant judging and assessing from sight was dampened... a bit. 😜

With the holidays being what they are, I'm definitely on the hunt for some socialized fun while I can get it. Regarding pin the tail on the donkey, I think I played it more as an adult than a kid!

In the end, I'm going to buy one -er, two - off Amazon and add it to my sensory toolkit. Lots of fun and highly recommended!

Thanks for the attention @AMF

TheFunCartel

Let us know when the walking over hot coals while blindfolded event occurs.

botheringfun

You know @cuddlefaery , I used to live in Oakland and there seems to be so many more venues for somatic exercises and experiential games. HeartLab is awesome but the rest are bdsm related - though StopGap had an awesome task party earlier.

Half my goal is finding a community of communities to keep this going when cuddle partners aren't available. If you know of any in SF, do share or DM anytime. Thanks for the attention!

botheringfun

My father did that @TheFunCartel He described the pain - if you did it wrong - as 'blindingly hot!" So, no blindfold needed! 🥵

Thanks for the attention!

botheringfun

Ah, alas the space wasn't big enough and would have been too loud if we all tried that. But that would have been a lot of fun to do with one person blindfolded - the group could lead them around like marco polo!

If I can find the facilitator on Instagram, I'll pass along your idea. Thanks for sharing @cheeseboy !🤗

TheFunCartel

@botheringfun But walking over hot coals with a blindfold on after spinning around a baseball bat is entertaining to fans of trust exercises who enjoy watching.

botheringfun

Yes, it was definitely a leap of faith, twice over, @SunsetSnuggles . Once for going and twice for staying. Much as I had hoped to engage some female energy, it was mainly a male group. However, I trusted the process and was rewarded in the end. The facilitator was powerful and it was designed so whomever you were partnered with was perfect.

Thanks for the attention! 🤗

botheringfun

Username checks out @thefuncartel 👍🏾

botheringfun

Now, @MeltMyWay , I need to know (1) about your therapy sessions and (2) those exact social situations involving a blindfold.

Seriously though, it's interesting how many assume the worst of others when it comes to treating those who are less able, perhaps especially when they choose to experience life that way versus never knowing a sense, like sight. It reminds me of the ring of Gyges that lets you become invisible, which I just learned about in philosophy class. (Yes, it's the archetype for the Hobbit.) In the story, the user seduces the queen and kills the king, etc, etc.

Many argued they would use it for good, but the idea of escaping scrutiny seems a common temptation of humanity - at least, the Western European kind. I argued that people are more compassionate, and would help those without, in lack of in need. History doesn't bear that out, and I've had my moments, but maybe I'm different that way.

Whether it's a ring that makes you invisible or everyone's just blindfolded, there is the factor of trusting yourself as much as the next person. Of course, our class had no resolution on the matter, besides understanding that our decisions are personal and we would have to live with our actions and consequences.

Whew! Thanks for making me go deep, and getting a tad lost, @meltwithme ! Gotta go to work, all! 👋🏾

Sunrise_Snuggle

Oh hell no! I would never be ok with not knowing whom I'm touching or who's touching me.

FluffyTail

Very interesting, thanks for the report @botheringfun !

I had a similar line of thought when I saw an advertisement for a restaurant that served the food in a pitch black environment. The ad said that it made both the social experience and the food complained different. So then I wondered how cuddling in a pitch black environment would be different. It seemed hard to find such a space, but now that you mention it, blindfolds seem like the obvious solution.

Please do report back if you try it with platonic snuggling.

theHugAlchemist

I love this. I blindfold myself almost every Sunday for our weekly ecstatic dance. there was an older woman with her cane who would come by and help me find the exit when I got lost lol

botheringfun

How awesome @theHugAlchemist ! I think that's one example that favors my argument for compassion.

However, ecstatic dance gets a little dangerous with full vision (e.g., arms and legs swinging wildly). Were you the only one blindfolded, in an area by yourself, or did everyone know and just kept a lookout for your swinging parts?

Tres cool and thanks for the share! 👍🏾

botheringfun

You're welcome @FluffyTail ! I was lucky enough to find an enthusiast for tomorrow and will definitely see if they're game. We met during the day last time and I recall gazing and commenting on their lovely home and decor. All of that is fine, but I'm excited to discover what we talk about and say when we can't use such things to distract from what we're feeling. Eww, I'm excited to try it now!

Also, while I don't want give away the facilitator's whole course, there was one exercise where we told each other what we noticed about ourselves to our partner. So, while either positioned near you or holding hands, I would say, "I notice that I'm cold. I notice that I want to squeeze your hand." It's a self inquiry that doesn't require blindfolds per se but it felt so much easier to notice my sensations and thoughts.

Thanks for the attention and suggestion! I'll definitely report back, whether we try it (with socks or something) or not! 🤗

botheringfun

I get what you mean @Sunrise_Snuggle and am glad you know your limits! What I did was certainly out of the norm, but as a great teacher once said, "you're not growing if you're comfortable." It wasn't painfully uncomfortable but my laughter, at times, certainly belied my anxiety. It took a while for me to calm down and be centered.

I can also safely say that, even after introductions and the group warm up (fire-breathing), no one knew each other well. However, there was enough camaraderie present for us to trust we'd keep to the consensual touch agreement, were in this together, and that was enough.

People's requirements for safety are different, but the idea of group work is to find enough overlap (amongst strangers) that they can meet in the middle, gain from and contribute to the experience. In this case I did both. With the right facilitator, context and enrollment on your part, I'm sure you would as well.

Thanks for the attention, @SunriseSunset ! 🤗

DaveLaughs

Don’t wanna be a downer (my username would not check out if it were not so 😛) but the poll in itself (and not the content of your post) could possibly trigger one or two people.

botheringfun

Thanks for the observation @DaveLaughs It's not a downer to recognize potential harm. If someone is triggered by the poll or the topic of being blindfolded and would like me to take action, they're welcome to message me. 🙂‍↕️

cuddlefaery

Edit: spoilering this because it got longer than I intended 😅

I too have done blindfolded or complete darkness dance jams (ecstatic, contact improv, or even just intense ballet rehearsals 😂). Back when I was in high school, the ballet company I was in did a recreation/interpretation of Space Mountain (the roller coaster in the dark at Disneyland) - complete with dim black lights, suspended UV painted planets & stars, and all the dancers in full black bodysuits & facepaint so that we were barely visible 😂

Dancers of any sort tend to develop (or have naturally) very strong proprioceptive and vestibular senses. Everyone always talks about the "5 senses", but there's a good number of other senses that get overlooked. Your vestibular sense (driven by the inner ear primarily and aided some by visual cues) helps you orient your body vertically in space, and proprioceptive nerves in the skin sense minute changes in the environment to help build an internal map of your body and the environment around it. This, along with tons of practice, is how dancers are able to move without smacking into each other all the time or do astonishing numbers of turns without getting dizzy or falling.

When I did the blindfolded and dark dances, or even just dance with my eyes close, I'm better able to tune into my other senses as others mentioned. I can feel air move, temperature changes, pressure sensations, hear people moving and breathing. I can sense someone behind me without looking, feel their presence and even know who it is if I simply pay attention to the cues.

But yes, there can be collisions; however, more often than not when you have a group of people moving with common intentions, they're able to do so without colliding. Think of how massive crowds walking the streets or attending raves are able to move seemingly as one without always paying attention to where they're going. Subconsciously, their other senses are guiding them to avoid painful or disruptive contacts. Otherwise, the streets of NYC would be comical and downright painful to observe, instead of seeming akin to schools of fish moving fluidly around and between each other.

Really, though, any person can develop the skills to recognize the sensory inputs they subconsciously tune out. All it takes is attention, patience, and a lot of practice. It's why I firmly believe anyone can learn to dance, no matter how bad they think they are.

I'd be SO down to explore blindfolded cuddling, with the proper safety measures and expectations in place. Heck, I'd even be interested in fascilitating the experience for others, given my experience with fascilitating various forms of conscious touch & movement already 😁 Would have to find a comfortable venue and willing participants, though.

botheringfun

That is a beautiful and apt description of our perceptive capabilities, @cuddlefaery . Never knew about vestibular but learned of the proprioceptive as a tween, and loved that it explained how we negotiate our environment.

I agree that our senses exceed the known five. One that has always intrigued me is knowing when we're being watched. That feeling when someone is watching you remains electric and mysterious .

Sorry to have missed the recital, by the way! Sounded like a serious undertaking for highschool... seniors, right? At that age, coming into our sexual being and finding our place in the world, the most important growth was our sense of self.

Thanks for sharing, @cuddlefaery and go for it regarding your own workshop! 🤩🙌🏾

DaveLaughs

😂 I’m more curious about the 12.5% that voted “Regularly”… 🤭

TheFunCartel

My blind friend wants to know where the always choice is on your poll.

GuyverGordon

One time I was blindfolded ... but I couldn't see the point.

MeltMyWay

@botheringfun I really enjoyed reading this ... you have a knack for noticing the interesting parts most people skim past. And yes… the difference between choosing to close your eyes and having that choice removed? That’s where things start to get a little intriguing. Everything sharpens, deepens, and asks you to pay attention in a new way.

In my cuddle work, sensory experiences are always rooted in intention, awareness, and agency. Some of the blindfolded stories I’ve shared come from earlier explorations and definitely don’t live in my Cuddle Comfort sessions — they sit in a more personal, reflective lane. 🫣

If you’d like to hear more about what my sensory therapy sessions do offer, my DMs are always open. I don't want my reply to come off as an advertisement for a cuddle experience.

Thanks for the thoughtful (and fun) reflection — you gave me a few things to smile about. I do enjoy conversations that linger a little. 😉

botheringfun

@DaveLaughs , @GuyverGordon and @TheFunCartel. Gentlemen, we have arrived. 🤣👍🏾