Victim & Vulnerability

consciousseeker

From my experience, I felt being vulnerable is almost like presenting yourself as a victim and a weak person.
Be it a friend taking advantage of the kindness,
Partner using and misusing resources.
Abuse in the childhood..powerless..compromised..no awareness.
Developing insecurities & embedded flaws..

How can one be vulnerable without projecting like a victim?

How to navigate? Thoughts??

pmvines

You have to change your thought process. Something within you equates vulnerability as a weakness. It's actually very strong and brave to be vulnerable, especially as a man, because men historically have a hard time with that due to the way we are wired. Going against the grain of what feels safe and normal and easy is In and of itself a very badass thing to do. In fact, admitting this on a public interwebs forum is a pretty vulnerable thing to do, and is a big step towards change. I can't tell you why you feel this way or truly how to remedy it because not all interventions are universal. All I can say is good luck, and thank you for acknowledging this as a problem within yourself.

cuddlefaery

As @pmvines said, being vulnerable takes bravery and a leap of faith, to trust the other person not to abuse it. Especially if you have a lot of experiences having that trust violated.

The way I've worked on shifting from victim to survivor and kept myself open despite abuses is by reframing thoughts and learning how to have better, healthier boundaries. Boundaries are how you enforce what behaviors you will and will not tolerate. Abuse rarely happens as a one-off instant - there's almost always a grooming and buildup period where the person tests what they can get away with. Learning to recognize those tests and to push back or walk away is the best way to actually protect yourself.

Closing yourself off isn't actually going to protect you if you don't learn how to recognize, avoid, and walk away from potential abusers. You absolutely can be a soft, vulnerable, sensitive person with rock solid boundaries. I will forever prefer to be the person who cares too much rather than too little. It may mean I get hurt more, but it also means I can connect more with others who have also been hurt 🤷🏻‍♀️ Each hurt has become a learning opportunity and shaped me into who I am.

Jubal

I think I get what you're trying to say. I dont quite have the vocabulary for this, but yes, there's a difference between openness to being vulnerable vs constant vulnerability all the time ( i.e. constantly projecting as prey to the world).

Looks like you're getting good advice above

Huggycatbear

We are all vulnerable at times in order to fully take our mask off and be ourselves. And that actually lends us strength to be more comfortable as we are in the world. Want to be stronger yet? Find someone you can trust to be a sounding board during some of your vulnerable times.

Look up shadow work.