Being Rejected!

NomadNest

Hello cuddles,
This really breaks my heart, so I felt the need to share it with my cuddle buddies, because right now I feel very broken.

I’m new here, and I approached a cuddle partner who wasn’t a pro. We started talking here and eventually exchanged numbers. For two days straight, we talked day and night. I was completely myself—polite, gentle, funny, and caring. She seemed to genuinely enjoy talking to me and gave me many compliments, calling me a gentleman, soft, gentle, and someone who truly cares about others.

We also talked about cuddling, strictly platonic of course, and she loved my ideas around it. I suggested meeting in a public place first before jumping into cuddles, and she appreciated that I was mindful of her safety and nervousness. I even offered to pick her up from work since she takes the bus and doesn’t have a license, and I offered to help her practice driving in my car someday—always with good intentions and respect. I truly tried my best to be as kind and considerate as a man can be.

After two days of nonstop texting, we decided to meet. I suggested giving her a ride while she finished a task. She asked for a picture, and I politely said she could see me in person first—if she didn’t feel comfortable or didn’t like me, she didn’t have to ride with me. I even joked that she could think of me as her Uber driver. She responded warmly, saying she always treats Uber drivers with love and that I didn’t need to talk down about myself. That made me feel happy and reassured.

But at that exact time, she blocked me on CC.

When I realized it, my heart sank. I immediately thought she was upset because I didn’t share my picture right away. I sent my photo to her number along with an apology, explaining that I’m insecure about my looks and that I’ve been rejected before by cuddlers because of them. She had loved me as a person, but it feels like my appearance ruined everything—again. This is the second time this has happened.

I understand that professional cuddlers don’t mind how you look because it’s their job. But enthusiastic or non-pro cuddlers choose based on personal preference, attraction, and appearance—and I don’t blame them. Everyone has the right to choose who they feel comfortable with.

Still, receiving so many compliments, being made to feel like you’re on cloud seven, and then suddenly being blocked and ghosted—it hurts deeply. It makes me feel miserable and unworthy.

Sometimes I wish I had better skin tone. Sometimes I wish I were white, so my appearance wouldn’t be such a barrier.

I never mentioned any name so have no intentions to be personal. I hope my cuddles family would help me and suggest me something, how to deal with this unworthy feelings.

BlueIris

I'm sorry you had a disappointing experience. You're not alone.

I can see several possibilities here. First, most women are uncomfortable when a potential cuddle buddy refuses or resists sending a photo, which is a reasonable request. We want to see who it is we're meeting. That may have been a red flag for her.

Second, do not ever offer a woman you don't know a ride. To her, that's a sure way of ending up dead. You may know that you're trustworthy, but someone who has only known you from two days of texting doesn't. That's red flag number two. Keep this in mind: Men are afraid women will laugh at them. Women are afraid men will kill them. Safety is always the biggest concern for women. Riding in a car with a man you don't know is a huge risk for a woman.

Third, you may have come off as pushy. She said she was new and nervous, yet you were angling for a meet up after only two days. When I was new, I wouldn't meet anyone until after I chatted with them for several weeks. When cultivating a new friendship here, take your time. Men are often impatient and want to meet up right away. Women are often the opposite. It's that old pesky ending up dead thing again. So that's red flag number three, and for some, that's too many. Women often receive hostile, aggressive and profane messages if they indicate any disinterest or say no. For her, it was easier to block you when she got uncomfortable.

Fourth, you're new on this site, so you have no one on your Friends list and no karma. Not having anyone who can vouch for you makes some women nervous, cautious or skeptical. For some it's a red flag, for others it's a caution, and for a few it doesn't matter. Once you make some friends, hopefully you'll have an easier time connecting.

Participating on the forum will also help your success rate. I know (and have cuddled) someone who's been here for 8 years. He lives in an area where there are few CC members. It took him several years to get cuddles and karma, but he likes participating on the forums and has good advice to share. He didn't get discouraged, just continued to participate on the forums, gained a good reputation, and now women go out of their way to meet with him, even women from other states. He now has a couple hundred people on his friends list and nearly 100 karmas.

Women in general put less emphasis on looks than men. Men who get rejected don't believe it. I've seen on several social media platforms men asking women for advice as to why they're not successful meeting women, then pushing back hard or disbelieving all the advice women give them. Don't be that guy.

If in fact that woman is a racist, be grateful you dodged a bullet.

Based on your post, you do seem like a thoughtful and nice guy, but you probably are not used to seeing certain things from a woman's perspective, even though you're trying to. And that leads to mistakes. I'm sure you'll get plenty of advice soon. The women on this forum are very helpful. If you cultivate some online friendships here, then you'd be able to ask questions in private of the ones you feel offer the best advice.

Good luck to you!

TxTom

Great advice, @BlueIris. I, too, was going to suggest easing up on the car thing.

The only thing I'll add, @NomadNest , is invest your emotions in people you know in real life, not internet profiles or text messages. You never know with whom---or what---you're talking to until you meet them.

And be patient. It's very easy for us guys to get overly enthusiastic about a new, potential connection. And that makes getting our hopes crushed extremely likely.

Good luck to you.

Katota

Sometimes I wish I had better skin tone. Sometimes I wish I were white, so my appearance wouldn’t be such a barrier.

😬

@NomadNest Ummm, perhaps work on developing a healthier attitude about yourself as a person BEFORE seeking out a cuddle partner first... Especially based off this comment of yours about yourself! 😌

Both @TxTom and @BlueIris has wonderful sound advice I suggest you heed them both. Sorry about your bad experience and I do hope it gets better. 🙂👍

NomadNest

@BlueIris
I can’t be more grateful to you. I surely didn’t see this coming. You highlighted things which I never noticed. I’ll surely work on these things. I am really grateful to you for explaining all the little details.

NomadNest

@TxTom
Thanks for the advice, I will surely try investing my emotions to the people around and near mw! It surely is a good advice. 🙃

NomadNest

@Katota
I would love to do that, but when you are about to meet someone you like talking and suddenly the other person blocks you!
It does fee rejected.

As a woman, I understand how she may have felt because if I didn’t know what you look like, and you weren’t willing to share that it would be a pretty big red flag to me. Even Uber drivers have to show their little profile picture as they’re driving to you. So somebody that’s about to cuddle with you I would think it would be appropriate for you to send her a picture whether you feel inadequate or not, that’s for her to decide. I’m new to this platform so isn’t their profile picture already on your profile? And I uploaded like six pictures I believe but there’s a lock on mine so how does one go about getting those was viewed?

Cuddla89

I know OP got banned but for anyone else in the same or similar circumstances I also struggle with my body image. I've never taken a photo of myself and liked what I saw, but after a while I chose to upload one anyway. While it may or may not be the reason other enthusiasts are choosing not to respond or meet up it's still easier, for me at least, to get that rejection up front than after thinking I've made a connection with someone.
I will also acknowledge that I'm a bit challenged socially which is probably also part of the reason but I am still reaching out to try and improve my social skills.