Do you contact people outside their preferred age range?

SunsetSnuggles

Hey guys!

I just read someone's profile whose age preference was set for 22 - 35. Since I'm 39, I immediately backed out of the profile, out of respect for their preference.

Had that preference not been there, I would have reached out, because we share common interests, and live fairly close.

It made me curious... Do you contact people outside their preferred age range? Why, or why not?

I have occasionally reached out despite being too young or too old, just to see if they are open to conversation. Other times I immediately check myself off their list and move on.

The flipside of this question would also be... Are you open to messages from all ages, or do you get offended if someone outside your stated age range contacts you, even if they aren't seeking cuddles?

This thread isn't meant to discuss why people choose their age range, or to discuss ageism. Simply communication approaches and preferences.

~ Sunset Snuggles

🫂 Enthusiast 🏞 Travel Junkie 📷 Shutter Bug

Comet85

There’s a good chance I wouldn’t notice someone’s age range preference, I guess I should check that more intentionally. If they set an age range, I’ll trust their judgment that it’s important to them.

I don’t have any age range preference, I’d be happy to connect with anyone who reaches out. I probably would be unlikely to reach out to folks under… maybe 30?

shecuddless

Hmmmm… I guess this is a good post. I because I don’t think I’ve ever payed attention to that section

JohnR1972

I read profiles (pro and enthusiast) very carefully before initiating contact. If I was outside of a preferred age range, I would not contact them.

ProfHermes

For me, I don’t mind it. I interpret the age range to mean a preference for cuddling, and not just in general. I would chat with anyone outside my set age range especially if we have common interests. However, I understand it if others view the age range preference differently and chooses not to chat with me.

WestsideMarc

@SunsetSnuggles if you’re really only 4 years outside of their “preferred” range, operative word “preferred”, I wouldn’t hesitate for a minute to reach out to them. Even if it was more than 4 years. Based on your scenario, unless they specifically say please don’t contact me if you’re outside my range, which I’ve seen only a very few times, I’d write something like this:

Dear _________,

Hi, my name is Marc and while perusing some profiles I came across yours and loved it. If I may though, let me first start off by saying that I realize I’m a few years outside of your range so I hope you don’t mind my reaching out, but after reading your profile, learning that we share these (name them) common interests, and seeing that we also live fairly close, I thought I’d take a chance and say hi.

If you’re open to it, I’d like to invite you to check out my profile and karmas and see if anything in there resonates with you too. If so, I would be delighted to hear back from you, but if you don’t think we might be a good fit I’ll take the silence as a hint and leave it there.

In any event, whether it’s with me or someone else, I wish you the best of cuddles and have a great day

Sincerely,

Marc

-
Even if they’re not interested, I can’t imagine them having a negative reaction to something worded as such…

waynewv

I never have done that. I will read there profile several times before I reach out.

NeedAHugOrTwo79

I would not contact someone if I was even one year outside of that range unless they wrote something like approximately when stating the range.

IronicMaiden

I wouldn't. I have this bad habit of believing what people say with things like that.

cuddlefaery

The only time I will is if it's for something completely unrelated to finding cuddle partners - like if I'm complimenting or thanking them for something they wrote in the forums, or for something interesting I saw on their profile.

While I'm sure it's not true for everyone, I imagine most people when they enter the age range in the boxes are meaning the ages they are interested in cuddling. If they mention something in their profile description about the age range again, or not wanting to be contacted, then I'll absolutely honor that. But for most people there's probably a big difference between "I only want to cuddle these ages" and "I only want to interact at all with these ages."

MonkeyNeedsAHug

I see many thoughtful people above see preferences as limits. But I use them more like bull’s eyes. ____In an ideal world, ____I’d like to find a cuddler within 5 miles of my house. But I’d be open to cuddle partners who live farther away.

Along these lines, I learned recently that most people fall squarely into one of two camps when facing situations like this.

In one camp, people assume another’s response would be “no”, unless or until there is an indication that their answer might be a “yes”. These people would tend to think that since the person has stated they’d prefer to cuddle someone closer to their age, that they’d prefer NOT to cuddle you. People in this camp tend to feel it’s rude or boundary-pushing to reach out in these circumstances.

In the other camp, people assume that it’s perfectly appropriate to ask for what they’d like, as long as they ask respectfully and are willing to take “no” for an answer. Even when they expect an answer will be a “no” these people tend to believe, “there’s no harm in asking.” I tend to fall in this latter camp.

It’s interesting to note how both approaches might be prioritizing consent, but that differing assumptions might lead to misunderstanding.

TD1964RGK

I do and have, but only with caution.

I generally note the preference and explain that I’m not sure whether is a preference or a hard and fast rule. 🙂

I typically apologize in advance if asking about this is in any way inappropriate, explaining my intent is merely to enquire.

I invite a reply if they are interested in exploring a possible cuddle even though I’m outside preferred range. I offer best wishes either way.

I’d say roughly 1/2 no reply, 1/4 no thanks and 1/4 we chat a bit and see. For some it’s a hard and fast rule, for others it is more of a general guideline — based on my experience.

WestsideMarc

PS - I modified my comment a few posts above.

Kaybloom

I tend to respect whatever age range someone has listed and won’t reach out if I’m outside of it. Funny enough, I get approached by younger men all the time. 😂 I don’t know what the algorithm is doing, but it happens pretty often! As long as they’re respectful, I don’t take offense.

TheFunCartel

If you absolutely feel compelled to contact them I would approach it this way:

“I see your preference is 30-50 years old. I am 63 years old but after taking an on line test it confirmed I had the mental attitude of a 30 year old. Ball is in your court.”

But that’s if I were you. I wouldn’t waste my time trying to figure out if the age range is a suggestion or literal. I take people at their word and honor it. So I would move on to the next profile.

great_pillow08

I wouldn’t contact anyone out of their stated age range just out of respect for their preferences. I also wouldn’t contact someone who says they only cuddle males (because I’m not male). There’s nothing wrong with having a preference! I wouldn’t judge someone solely based on karma either! Finding a good fit in a cuddle buddy takes time and patience. Respecting basic, clearly stated on their profile level boundaries goes a long way!

JustAGuy215

I'll pay attention to age ranges, sometimes if they're close to my personal ones by a couple years, I'll still reach out, but I don't mind being talked to by anyone and will welcome conversation. It's why I don't have a preferred range on my profile, but if they're too young, I will let them know that it probably won't be anything in person. That isn't a hard limit though, if the conversation flows well and we click despite the age difference, I wouldn't mind at least attempting it.

CSnMUS87

I usually will not message if I'm outside of their preferred age range unless they messaged me first. It already takes energy and some courage to try to write a message that has a good chance of not being replied to, and this would make it even less likely so I just don't message when I see that. Maybe I have done it in the past if I didn't notice the preferred age range on accident, but I usually try to remember to look.

As for myself age doesn't matter to me, I just set a preferred range of up to 20 years older than me, but it doesn't mean I wouldn't talk to anyone that wanted to talk who's outside of that range here on this site.

Lev136

It all depends on how each individual person prsents themsellves and how far apart inage we are, IF WE HAVE SOME COMMONALITIES i am more open to it.

MonkeyNeedsAHug

“I only cuddle people over 40 years old,” is a hard limit / boundary.

“I prefer to cuddle people over 40 years old,” could be a politely worded boundary or it could be a genuine preference.

“Reaching out” to someone to clarify whether the second statement is a preference or a boundary should not be conflated with boundary-pushing.
And some of the comments above do that, implicitly, by acting like the only respectful thing to do when a statement is unclear is to treat it like a boundary.

Obviously, it’s perfectly fine to do that. But your practice becomes problematic when you vilify other people who (when they aren’t certain where someone’s boundaries are) ask for more information.

TeamAsk, all day long.

Edited to add:

I never reach out expecting to cuddle anybody anyway. I reach out to get to know people. If we connect on a level that makes me think cuddling might be mutually desired, then I might ask if the other person wants to talk about that.

TheFunCartel

@MonkeyNeedsAHug We aren’t talking about statements and how they are worded. The question was about the categories someone fills out for their profile—the basic information. You can choose “doesn’t matter” like I did or an age range. What a visitor sees when they choose the age range is for example “30-60.” If it didn’t matter to them they would choose “doesn’t matter”.

mauvefox

@MonkeyNeedsAHug I like the mentality of reaching out to get to know people instead of an expectation to cuddle. It’s certainly how I prefer my messages with folks go. 😁

In general, I try to pay attention and I don’t reach out to them if I’m outside their stated age range. Unless as @cuddlefaery said it’s for something completely unrelated to cuddling. Like they have a cool profile pic, they said something interesting in a forum, etc. these folks are also usually very far away from me.

I get told of messages from people outside my stated age preferences. And I don’t discount them just because they’re outside it. I do have reasons for setting the ages the way I have but there can be exceptions to those reasons. So I will message back and see if it’s a good fit. 🤷‍♀️

MonkeyNeedsAHug

Hi, @TheFunCartel

That’s a fair point. But your position is weakened somewhat by the actual prompt, which asks people to describe their ideal cuddle buddy.

I suggest that there is plenty of room for nuance in how people interpret that prompt and how they respond.

Your position, (that your way of interpreting the prompt should be universally understood) is overly rigid. It also characterizes many good and equally mindful people as less respectful of boundaries. I don’t think that’s a position that is optimal for this site.

MonkeyNeedsAHug

Yes, @mauvefox

Sometimes nuance is called for.

I appreciate you.

TheFunCartel

@MonkeyNeedsAHug Ideal cuddle buddy doesn’t appear to a visitor. Just the age.

Your position, (that your way of interpreting the prompt should be universally understood) is overly rigid. It also characterizes many good and equally mindful people as less respectful of boundaries.

I don’t know where you are getting that from. I couldn’t give two sh$ts what someone else does. And it’s not rigid, I just don’t waste a lot of MY time on maybes. I was merely pointing out that it appears as only an age range, not a statement to be teased out for meaning like in a bio as you characterized it. Please don’t ascribe actions to me that aren’t true. Why would I care what someone else does reaching out to someone? Take a chill pill counselor.

JasonCuddles

I wouldn't contact them for cuddles. But I would contact them for other reasons, for example playing a game like factorio or something.

lovingspoonfull

Echo above; I don’t reach out if I’m not a fit, just out of respect. If they list it I assume it was on purpose.

There have been a few times when they initiated conversations after my visit and it has actually led to cuddles despite that; but I treat that as their judgment call.

I do interpret the age limit as for cuddles though; it has no bearing on good conversation and the potential for friendly interaction.

MonkeyNeedsAHug

Whoa,

@TheFunCartel

I respect you. And I didn’t mean to strike a nerve. I’m really not sure why you’re cursing at me.

But I will now take a chill pill, as you suggest. And I’ll see myself out.

I’ll check back in 48 hours to see if I owe you or anybody else in this thread an apology.

In the meantime, my DMS are open to you if you want to clarify anything.

TxTom

Respect folk's stated preferences; they've stated them for a reason. They don't want an invitation to explore outside of their comfort zones.

cuddlefaery

I think some of the clash we're seeing is between people who use CC primarily for meeting potential cuddle partners (and thus prioritize cuddle compatibility), and those who use CC for socializing/networking (so cuddle compatibility is less pressing).

trysdet

No. I respect boundaries