Screening Tips for New Pros

BlueIris

I have friends who use pro cuddlers a lot who tell me that the pros they've cuddled with from CC do little to no screening. I can understand that if a guy on here has a profile that's even minimally filled out, has a friends list, a little karma and some forum postings.

My question is, how do pro cuddlers screen potential clients from sources where they have no profile and no information on the potential client whatsoever? What questions do you ask them? How do you get to feel that they are safe in a short amount of time?

PlushyProzac

I ask what their cuddle expectations are. We chat on skype, do a video call and then a meet and greet in a public location.

LovelyCompany

Here a series of questions I have gathered here and there from different sources including CC, Pro cuddlers' webistes, etc.

New Client who has NEVER cuddled before (extra questions) or a few

• What do you understand by Platonic Cuddling? / What does platonic mean to you?
• Since you have never cuddled before, what do you expect from me as a Professional Cuddler?
• What are your reasons for cuddling and what do you hope to get out of it?
• Do you want me to send you examples of cuddling positions we can do? (aka a link from the Cuddle Sutra)

New Client with previous cuddle experiences – Non Pro Cuddlers

• You stated in your request that you've cuddled before; was this through a professional service? 

• Have you ever cuddled with a pro before, and if so what was the experience like?
• What is your favourite cuddling position?
• What would you prefer: to lead or be led?
• Do you like [specific scent]?
• What do you enjoy the most?

Cuddled experience with previous experiences – Pro Cuddlers

What was your experience with that and what are you looking to gain from a session with me?

Questions for all clients - from none to experiences with Pro Cuddlers

• Have you read and understand the Client Services agreement? {provide the link from CC or you DropBox/Google Doc}

  If you feel unsure, ask what s/he understands from the contract

• What types of non-sexual touch have you experienced in your life that have made you feel supported, loved, relaxed, or safe?

• On the other hand, are there any forms of touch that trigger you in negative ways?
• Are you able to have a shower before the session?
• _If the person is travelling the day of the session or coming after work: _ When will you be able have a shower/refresh yourself?
• How do you prefer to pay? Cash, ..., or ...? OR Are you comfortable with ...?
• Are you allergic to pets? (Some people are allergic to cats) The person may also express a liking or aversion for a certain type of animals

Focusing on how the person is answering and what you feel regarding those answers is a natural filter.
When in doubts, asking more clarifying questions, asking for a short meeting in a public space, or a Skype with camera prior to the cuddling sessions will give you a general feel.

Other criteria:

• openness to speak about cuddling fears or past experiences
• transparency about motives
• attitude if you say 'no' to something specific: is s/he accepting or pushing?
• no flags (see forum for flags)
• clarity of the answers (opposed to vagueness, ambiguity)
• firm answers (opposed to someone who changes his/her mind constantly, no matter how flexible you are)
• your overall level of comfort when dealing with that person (from 1st interaction to the last conversation/meetup)
• the person willingness to share a piece of ID
• know thyself and what can reassure you: and look for those cues during the conversations from the prospective client (defining what would be your ideal client helps heaps to quickly assess someone, and it does set natural boundaries–how far/close this person is from your ideal client)
• words/questions/comments said by the prospective client which are 'deal breakers' to you no matter how nice s/he seems to be

How to 'rate' a person - pre-cuddling session evaluation:

For intuitive people: intuition is always right, follow your guts when you listen to one's answers. If any doubt, you should probably say 'no". Safety first.

For others, a more analytical technic: get your grid ready (table with questions, with space for ratings and comments or your own profiling doc), rate each answer from 0 to 5. Fill up during the pre-session. When the pre-session is over, add extra comment/ observation, review ratings. Decide based on the final score against the score you consider a pass.

Scarlette

Wow that's a lot! Even I got lost in it! Questions are good but it's about how and why they are asked.

Morpheus

I can see the value in screening especially for new pros and or new clients. Seems a bit much though.

Scarlette

I think aside from safety vetting and getting to know each other a tad, most of these questions can be talked about quietly during the cuddle. When you're wrapped up with someone you can really get a feel for what topics they are comfortable with and which ones they aren't. So much info can be gathered by feeling even the most subtle response to your touch. As a pro our senses have to be heightened to pick up on these cues. The tensing of a muscle or the change in a clients breathing provides more info then a questionairre.

I'm also not comfortable "scoring " clients based on a pre-session.

To each his own. Do what's right for you.

I will always infinitely prefer the gut/instinct/common method of @BlueIris because that's what I use as well.

Everyone has their own method so there is no wrong method, just personal preference.

Questions? Good.

Getting grilled like I stole some JuJuBees from 7-11? Not so good.

Scarlette

@chococuddles ... true! You can never go wrong with your gut.

BlueIris

@chococuddles - My screening method has been compared to the Israeli airline security method, which I took as a high compliment. It's partly gut/instinct, but it's instinct which has developed over time with careful observation based on behavior and on avoidance of answering certain questions. It's also a bit of profiling based on personal experience. I've learned that second guessing myself and giving many people "the benefit of the doubt" is a mistake once certain behaviors or red flags come up. I've also read six books on how to spot deceptive behavior written by members of the CIA. If it works for Israeli airline security, I'm fine with it.

Scarlette

@BlueIris . I'm sure you're not that bad. I tend to be more of a Sherlock Holmes than Israeli airline security . Give me a little info and I can create a whole profile. The internet is a beautiful thing! Knowing people in high places ain't too bad either!

And...1,2,3.... here go the users that think that's over the top and want to be victims and plead that they are being violated. I know who you are lol

quietman775

Old saying: "Theory and practice are the same, in theory --- in practice, they're different."

@LovelyCompany, I have to wonder if some of those questions are derived from blog posts and how-to seminars that sound good to an audience of pro cuddlers but don't produce good results with real-life clients. I've met over twenty pros and have never been put through a list of questions like that. That reads like an interrogation.

By contacting a pro here, clients aver that they have read and agreed to the Client Agreement. I would feel it condescending to be asked to explain my understanding of that agreement, as if my reading comprehension skills were in doubt. And if a pro asked me what time I planned to shower before the appointment --- in my view, that's the kind of question you ask a child, not an adult. That would end the interview process for me. Hard stop. Next pro, please.

If I had to guess, I'd say most clients understand a pro's need to attend to her own safety and comfort. On the other hand, we wish to be treated as (potentially) valued customers --- not like a threat, not like a child, and not like a supplicant. Finding a client intake method that is effective and respects the needs of both the pro and the client is the trick.

Morpheus

@Scarlette is 100% correct Finding information on people is extremely easy. It’s almost ridiculous how easy it is. I do have a lot of access to personal information because of my job but I have a high moral code and would never violate anyone’s privacy by looking up things like that. It’s a matter of morality and if certain people are ok with being immoral, that’s on them but I personally am not ok with it. I live my life ethically with a high code of conduct.

LovelyCompany

@BlueIris

"I've also read six books on how to spot deceptive behaviour written by members of the CIA"
Do you mind sharing the titles?

@quietman775
Yes, all the questions have been gathered to intensive search for inspiration only. I would not ask as many questions. it is a heavy process and not always effective; plus it defeats the purpose (bonding, connecting with the person).

General comments:
* go with your feeling: ask as little or as many questions as you need to feel safe/secure
* if possible, it's better to keep the questioning short, max 5 questions and let the conversation flow; some answers may come naturally and if not, you ask more questions.
* for shy or inexperienced people, they can be examples of how to frame a conversation

Personally, I don't ask all those. I profile a person based on what I feel and how much information I gathered beforehand (profile, forum). I think of 3 questions I want to ask during the checkup phone call.
And, in the end, I'd rather meet in a public space OR not have a session altogether if I am not sure about the person.

BlueIris

@LovelyCompany - Spy the Lie by Philip Houston and Get the Truth by Philip Houston (former CIA). These are not authored by former CIA people but are pretty useful: Lie Spotting: Proven Techniques by Pamela Meyer, Find Out Anything From Anyone by James Pyle. Those were the best ones. You can search for others by using the key words "lie detection" on Amazon.

LovelyCompany

Great! Thank you very much @BlueIris That's more than enough to get started, thanks again!