Yes, very heart breaking. I just started watching "Heros" and the next day I heard that she passed away! Still in shock, I remember when she started and was all the rage. Beautiful, talented, misunderstood and wanting what we all want - love and acceptance.
Re: abuse victims returning to/staying with their abusers -
Until you have actually experienced domestic violence yourself, personally, you're best just zipping your mouth and listening to survivors. I was one of those "oh, I would never do that, never stay with someone who mistreated me" people. Frankly, I looked down on women who stayed/returned as having low self-worth and low self-discipline. Until I became one of those women, despite knowing the warning signs, despite having people flat out warn me. I learned the very hard way to listen to survivors and believe them. Always. Period.
Yes, there's always multiple sides to a story, and yes both partners can be abusive. But you never know what someone is going through behind closed doors. (Edit to add: there also is a huge gap between a partner who is violent once or twice with a single partner and one who is a serial perpetrator with continuing patterns of manipulation and abuse.) But anyone can be a victim and anyone can be a perpetrator - knowingly or not. Patterns of abuse eff with everyone's heads and how they process emotions. Domestic abuse crosses all social divides - all races, economic classes, cultures, genders, religions. And abusers don't just manipulate their victims - they manipulate everyone around them so that the victim has no support system. Leaving is almost impossible - staying away is almost as hard.
And serial abusers have an uncanny way of targeting survivors of previous abuse, and those most vulnerable to manipulation. Even having left an abusive relationship, done therapy, having a great support system - I managed to become a victim again to a serial abuser who explicitly targets survivors via survivor support groups. But I also was able to get free quicker the second time around because of all that I had learned. When your brain gets rewired by trauma, all the therapy, self-work, and sheer grit isn't always enough to break patterns - your brain will lie to you and you'll make excuses for poor behavior even as you notice and dismiss the red flags. So all you can do is keep learning, keep working, and keep taking better care of yourself.
Rest in peace and power, Hayden. You had a difficult life with so many challenges most will never face and managed to survive them stronger.
Whatever the cause of her death, it is a tragedy and she and her family deserve privacy, respect, and space to grieve.
@cuddlefaery 💯🧸 Thank you for fleshing out everything I was trying to convey. I'm so glad you are where you are, now.
~ Sunset Snuggles
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@cuddlefaery thank you for sharing your story I was in a verbally abusive relationship not a physical one and I also said the same thing why would people allow someone to scream and yell at them all day and the best way I can describe is being needed is not the same as being loved. Hey I think there is a aspect of validation on my part trying to seek from her and so a consulate try to win them over and change them and other aspects I don't even remember now.
and there's a lot of social aspects that come with it how people will perceive me I heard if the relationship breaks off and even if it is breaking off friends and family have certain opinions so then we get into this mode where we're trying to either impress or make things better so we get back with a person because we're trying to resolve some kind of inner conflict or some kind of identity issues. It was crazy and very hard to explain but going forward I'm very fortunate I never entered a Visa relationship ever again because I set up certain Hardline standards that I will not tolerate from the beginning before I get sucked in too deep to try to resist it.
I'm in the process of writing a book called Truth in a bottle there's four stories they all talk about the human psyche psychology and philosophy and they're all based off my life not necessarily the relationships but life in general