--From a substack post
I think we fu*ked ourselves when we decided the point of life was to be happy.
Happy became the finish line. The proof that we chose correctly. The right partner. The right career. The right city. The right morning routine. The right amount of money. And if we’re not happy, something must be wrong.
But happiness was never designed to hold an entire life.
It’s a feeling.
And feelings move.
You wouldn’t expect to be horny all the time. Or hungry. Or excited. Or sad. Yet somehow we’ve decided happiness should be permanent. So we spend our lives trying to hold onto something that was designed to pass through us.
Maybe the question isn’t, Am I happy?
Maybe that’s actually a pretty shitty question.
Ask if you’re alive.
Ask if you’re curious.
Ask if you’re becoming someone you respect.
Ask if there are people you would drive three hours for at two in the morning.
Ask if something still scares you enough to cross the that divide.
Ask if you have something worth grieving because you loved it that much.
Ask if you’re making anything.
Risking anything.
Feeling anything.
Because some of the most meaningful seasons of your life won’t be happy ones.
Raising a baby can be exhausting.
Building something can be terrifying.
Marriage can be uncomfortable.
Growth can feel lonely.
Grief can split you open.
Starting over can make you question everything.
None of those experiences necessarily feel good.
But they can make a life feel true.
Don’t want happiness to be my North Star.
I want aliveness.
Give me the whole fucking thing.
The sunrise and the funeral.
The kiss and the rejection.
The ocean and the hospital room.
The belly laugh and the ugly cry.
The moment I get exactly what I wanted and the moment life takes something from me without asking.
Because maybe a good life isn’t one where you figured out how to stay happy.
Maybe it’s one where you stopped requiring life to feel good before you were willing to call it beautiful.