Does cuddling fill or create a void?

CaramelNotes

I was thinking about something today and I’m curious if anyone else has thought about this.

I wonder if cuddling can sometimes create a void that allows people to go without getting their deeper emotional needs met. Traditionally, if you have a need for intimacy and connection, you might seek out a relationship to fulfill that need. But if you’re getting some of that emotional and physical comfort through cuddling, could it make you less likely to pursue or make yourself available for a relationship?

I’m speaking generally, and I’m not saying this is necessarily true. I just wonder if getting one form of intimacy can sometimes make us less motivated to seek the deeper connection we may actually want.

Has anyone else ever thought about this?

wilderdude

It all depends on the person receiving the cuddle. From what many have posted and conversations with pros for some it can create a sense of longing for more which is unfortunate. I think this tends to be the case with those that have cuddling as their only means of that form of contact, especially those that are only able to cuddle with pros.

For those who use it to supplement it can fill a void certain times (when traveling etc.) that proves to be invaluable.

MTex

I think for me it's a "yes & no" answer. When I started cuddling it was exactly what I needed. Now it's evolved. I have my platonic cuddling relationships here which are separate from my other deeper & intimate connections elsewhere. They supplement each other & both types of relationships play an important role in my life.

TheFunCartel

I do not believe it is fair to expect any one person to check all the boxes and fulfill all the needs for another person. But we are socially and culturally trained to believe that is a goal. We should find our “soul mate”. In practice, that is a heavy burden because we will fall short in some area, be it physically, emotionally, socially, or whatever yardstick one uses. We have flaws and sometimes no amount of work will change what we may lack. I can’t keep track of all the different people who have said their life partner just isn’t a match for them in the touch department. Soul mate…pfffttt, I can’t even find the Coffemate in the mornings because the spoiled milk is blocking my view of it.

jmdank

I don’t think cuddling necessarily creates a void. In some cases, I think it does the opposite—it fills one.

For me personally, non-sexual physical touch is one of the main ways I experience closeness and connection, so cuddling can satisfy a pretty significant emotional need. Because of that, I can absolutely see how it might make someone less motivated to pursue a romantic relationship, especially if they’re already getting much of the comfort, affection, and physical intimacy they’re looking for.

That doesn’t mean cuddling replaces everything a relationship can offer, but it may reduce the sense of emotional deprivation that would otherwise motivate someone to seek one out. So I think your broader point is interesting—I’d just frame it less as cuddling creating a void and more as cuddling partially filling one.

ksb30

From my experiences related to the question it fills a void when I have had a good regular cuddler that understands your needs and is communicative.. if i had a bad one it creates a void due to missed appointments and bad communication.

cuddlefaery

If cuddling meets your needs to the point that you no longer want a romantic relationship, that just points to how much we over-elevate romantic partnership above other kinds of connection. Not everyone needs a romantic partner to feel fulfilled. If more people thought outside the box about relationships, I think we'd see more happiness, less loneliness, and more agency in meeting our own needs instead of relying on someone else to do it for us.

But there's a flip side. If someone isn't seeking a romantic relationship because they're using their cuddle partner(s) as a romantic or sexual substitute, that's a different issue entirely. That's not truly platonic cuddling - it's cuddling with ulterior motives. It's a slippery slope that can edge into non-consent, since the partner isn't getting a fully informed choice, and it's often a sign of deeper boundary or codependency issues. Platonic cuddling isn't a crutch to replace a romantic or sexual partner - if it's being used that way, it's no longer actually platonic

jonnyquest

Personally this doesn't fill a void, cuz honestly if that were the case for me then I would be doing this every week or every other week.. But I can give an example of how maybe that can happen. It was a couple years ago I was having a session with a pro and we were talking about random stuff when she told me about a client she had to stop seeing.. Long story short he was a college student I'm guessing about 20.. And one day during a session he told her that he would have to stop seeing her.. She said that was fine and then asked was it something she said her did during a session.. He said no and that the reason was his parents told him he had to stop doing this. She asked him how do your parents know? Well him being in college his parents would give him a couple hundred every month to help him out. Well, he was using the money his parents were giving him to have cuddle sessions.. And when he asked his parents if they could send him a little more they asked why.. And after a while he broke down and told him why and that's when they told him he has to stop.. I told the pro that he was probably doing this because he wasn't confident enough to meet girls on his own and this was his attempt to try to fill a void in his life.. Maybe even get some confidence in that area.. There's a lot of lonely people out there, clients and Pros.. It's one thing if you're doing this because you just enjoy spending time with someone where they both know each other's boundaries and both know where this starts and ends.. It's completely different when you try to use this the next best thing to a relationship like I'm guessing this guy tried to do.

Cuddlesofcuddle

And here I am being open and honest when I should really keep scrolling.
Personally for me it has filled some of my voids. Has it created a void? I'd say at one point it did.
I had a cuddler drive cities away to come see me every month. He was a total gentleman at all times. It was such a mental treat to know 100% that I'd be spending time and closeness with someone actually safe and I could feel that much solitude and comfort. After having bad appointments he's really the one that kept me motivated to stay an active pro. Such a great man. I treasured our cuddles immensely for the healing they brought to us.
Well one day he told me he found a relationship to make him happy from now on and blocked me. I was happy for him but after a while I really missed his grounding presence in my life. I called him private and he answered the call. He told me he was fond of making me feel safe and for our cuddles but he was an older man that found an older woman. She met him at his level, then he hung up on me. Boom, reality check. Everything happens for a reason. I grew from that void

ProfHermes

@Cuddlesofcuddle I always wondered whether a pro can find the same void filling experience from clients as much as the enthusiast can. Your story sounded more like a friendly enthusiast-to-enthusiast cuddle session and I believe that can be the fulfilling experience. Hope the sessions you provide has been fulfilling as well.

CaramelNotes

@cuddlefaery I don't mean sexual or romantic

Suzie_Q

I think for some it fills a void, for some it may create a void, and for others it's neither.

Ice cream is great, right? All by itself. But you add some magic shell or pieces of cookies and it enhances the ice cream. Nothing wrong with ice cream in the first place, but some razzle dazzle is good every now and then.

Cuddling is that razzle dazzle.

BigSpoon66

Great question. I think it’s more likely to fill a void when it isn’t transactional, the way it is when money is exchanged for cuddling. It goes from being a human interaction to being more of a business transaction and less real.

CaramelNotes

I want to clarify my thoughts because I didn't word it clearly.

Here's what I'm trying to say.

If cuddling was off the table, I would be more likely to make myself available for a relationship. I'm a really busy person but as humans sometimes we get lonely and want companionship. Because I have the opportunity to cuddle, it fills the void of having someone to chat with from time to time and having someone to cuddle with from time to time. That's the extent of intimacy that I meant, nothing more. I'm in no way suggesting that cuddling should be replacing a relationship or that there should be anything sexual or anything physical outside of the platonic cuddling. Sorry that my initial wording wasn't as clear as I meant!

cuddlefaery

@CaramelNotes I figured you didn't. But the reality is that the vast majority of society view relationships in a hierarchy and expect their significant others to fulfill all their needs. So when they don't have a significant other, they seek to fill the gap any way they can - cuddling being one of them. But my point is that using cuddling to fill a missing relationship is a recipe for it to not truly be platonic.

team_cuddle

It fills a void for me. Lack of physical contact in my daily life due to working remotely and not being close to family, adds up. Sometimes I just need a hug and my tank is full, other times a cuddle is needed

CuddleButtLOL

It fills a void for me too, especially after both of my parents and my favorite aunt died. It makes me feel connected to the human race, in a warm and kind embrace (let’s write a poem, lol). Some of the people I cuddle have one or more issues they are working through, so I can be a supportive listener when I’m holding them (and they can do the same for me). Another way to get a similar good feeling is by carrying on a conversation during partner dancing, if the music isn’t too loud.