If he thinks he's unattractive, maybe he just needs to work on his approach. Nobody wants to talk to someone who behaves that way.
Thanks for the response Mark. He could very well be a jerk, I don't know. I just get sad when it seems someone might be experiencing emotional pain which is, unfortunately, resulting in lashing out at people, and people automatically get upset with them. It's the reason why I do this work, to listen and try to understand people who no one else seems to be doing so with... :-/
Why did @cuddlerforu24 get banned? I didn't see anything wrong with how she was expressing her opinion.
I think he needed a cuddle
@AndiCuddles I personally agree with you. I've only seen one pro cuddler so far on this site, but I wouldn't be offended at all if a woman took precautionary measures. Any guy who believes that they should just trust him immediately doesn't value her safety. That means she should start trusting everyone right away and will eventually meet that one bad apple. I personally wouldn't trust any "test kits" and rather not accept drinks from strangers unless it's in a factory sealed container.
@Mike403 Most guys instinctively realize that trust is earned over time. However, just because guests should be cautious doesn't mean they have to wave their mistrust in your face. The guest needs to be safe and feel safe. That's a given. Likewise, the host doesn't want to be treated like a felon-in-waiting. To stick with the drink example, it might be better for her to simply say "No thank you," when offered a drink, than to accept the drink and then chemically test it. I'm not suggesting she needs to just "trust him." I'm saying it's helpful if whatever precautions she takes are discreet. There are 178 degrees of nuance between blind trust and overt suspicion.
I've cuddled with lots of pros. I assume they all had security protocols and took precautions. Most were sufficiently discreet that their precautions were not brought to my attention. And that's ideal, because the _showcasing _of mistrust can prevent the emotional intimacy most people want in a cuddle session.
@quietman775 To each his own. I'm just saying that I will feel indifferent especially if it's the first meeting because we are still strangers at that point. The emotional intimacy doesn't come until later.
@quietman775 "their precautions were not brought to my attention. And that's ideal, because the _showcasing _ of mistrust can prevent the emotional intimacy most people want in a cuddle session."
You have such a great way of expressing things @quietman775. Feeling safe is vital, but maintaining an atmosphere of openness and trust is really important too.
But I was thinking ... some aspects of safety are deterrents, so creeps won't try anything because they know there will be consequences. And deterrents don't work unless the person knows about them. I'm not sure where that fits into all this.
Maybe I am strange but I would feel glad if someone were to call a friend and say where they were and took whatever measures they needed to to feel safe. If they do it infront of me I know they're looking after themselves and that makes me happy. They don't know me, and I don't know them. I can't see how you could take it personally because they have nothing to form an opinion with. I would certainly be a little cautious.
@jeanpierre It's an unrelated matter and he is currently going through the appeal process.
On one hand, it seems almost heroic to bring up and remind women of the threat of being date raped at every turn so quickly after #metoo, but at the same time we're all adults and since #metoo and the Cosby and Polanski cases are fresh in our minds the average Jane should be aware of the dangers of accepting drinks from strangers. There's also been article after article posted by women journalists on date rape since #metoo. It seems a little redundant in the current climate, a tad tactless coming from a man whose risk is so negligible, and all it managed to do was create fear and mass hysteria. I've had sisters who have been roophied and if they saw this post all it would have succeeded in doing is triggering them. Victims and women at risk of becoming victims require a little more thought and consideration about such a sensitive subject before broaching it out of mild curiosity.
Please always be careful! I’m a big strong guy with MMA training. I never thought I would get roofied. I’ve been roofied twice. One time I beat the crap out of the person. The second time I’m still not sure how it went down. PLEASE BE CAREFUL! I now only drink from a know source. Private parties scare me. I can’t imagine being a pretty lady, and having to figure it out.
If this is such a common and pervasive problem, I'm wondering what the legal penalties are for doing this. It seems to me that giving another person a drug without their consent should carry a pretty severe penalty. I'm thinking several years in jail. Or is this one of those things that the police give a low priority to investigating?
Like @WhiteWaterGuide I'm a good-sized hombre and figured I could handle myself wherever I went.
Moons ago I went to an alternative club that was known for slipping roofies into drinks. I looked away for a second and thought I saw the bartender crumble something up quickly in my drink (Apple-tini, don't judge). 30 minutes later I was feeling the effects, hopped into a cab and got home in time to crash safely.
Ever since then I watch the bartender at any club or private party like a hawk.
Just because I'm chocolatey sweet doesn't mean i'm deliciously dumb.
The only professional cuddler with whom I have cuddled with professionally, always brings her own water to drink. I have offered her water and food, she has refused, even when we have cuddled multiples times before. Last time I cuddled with her, (sarcasm: she finally trusted me enough to fill her water bottle with the tap water from my sink and put it in my freezer. )
I think it is totally understandable though. Professional cuddlers (or enthusiasts) are putting themselves in a really vulnerable situation when they are going for a 1-1 cuddling with someone they do not know very well. Heck, when I first invited my pro to cuddle at my place, I was nervous as f***. After all, at that point, she was just a stranger from the internet.
So true Pat. Both parties really have to put in a lot of trust. Even with vetting processes, it's still a risk.
When I first discovered this thread, I actually did know what a roofie is. Knowing 'roofie' is a slang term I Googled to find out what kind of medication a roofie contains. I was a little surprised to discover that it's a benzo(diazepine). I refuse all treatment with any drug in that class, so nobody will ever find them in my possession.
so the reason you ask is because you coulda, but didn't. and actually wouldn't anyway. if she took the ibuprofen you provided it's because, like most people on the site, we don't have the social skills to be doing this on our own, let alone gather experience in drugging people against their will. plus, I imagine the goodwill that comes from cuddles generates a sense of trust in our cuddling partner. so... good for her for trusting you, a guy who totally wouldn't ever, but likes to warn people about those people that aren't like him. such a nice guy. i'm sure you are the only one.