Invitations and responses (or lack thereof)

UKGuy

I'm new to this site, so forgive me if I'm approaching this all wrong.
I browsed through all the cuddlers listed for my town, ignoring all those who had missing information, no photos or had not been online in a long time. That still left about 20 choices. From those I picked 10 that appealed to me, that did not specify any age range or anything else to specifically rule me out. So I sent out 10 invitations, all worded very similar asking if they were still interested in cuddling and if so to check out my profile. I received zero responses so far. How long is reasonable to wait, a week, two weeks, a month? Where do the responses go, do they appear in my message box or do they go to the email attached to my profile? Any other advice if I get no responses? Should I just abandon the idea of cuddling altogether?

Morpheus

Did you message non pros, pros or both?

UKGuy

@Morpheus - as I recall most of them stated an hourly fee so I guess they were 'professionals' although I'm not sure how to tell the difference.

Hi there:)
In my opinion just sending a message straight asking to cuddle is not a great idea. You definitely need to create a bond either it's a normal person or a pro on site. Ask about what they like and their hobbies and tell them about your self. You must have a connection before you bring up the cuddling. Some people will communicate for few weeks or months until they are comfortable and then go for cuddling. Remember every one on this site knows it's a cuddle site and eventually that's the goal.
Hope it helps
Great day mate

Morpheus

Are you okay with paying a pro for a cuddle session? I’ve hear there are great pros in your area.

pmvines

They appear in your message box. If you aren't getting responses it may have to do with how you are reaching out to them. Even though this is a cuddle site, everyone isn't going to want to cuddle with you and may get a little bit put off by someone asking them to cuddle in their very first contact. Try treating it the same as you would any other friendship you are attempting to initiate, building trust, rapport, finding out about common interests, etc. Otherwise it may sound like a business proposal. If someone is a paid cuddler they may be used to this, however if you are reaching out to those who aren't then you are not likely to get the responses you are hoping for.

UKGuy

I did not ask any of the cuddlers for a cuddling session , I merely asked if they were still interested in cuddling. Maybe they took that the wrong way. So when I send out an invitation. does it go to their email or just to their message box on this site? Many of the listed people have not been on line in months or years. So presumably if they have to go to this site to see messages, they would never see them. Do they even get a private email saying there are messages to pick up on the site?

UKGuy

@Morpheus - there may be lots of pro cuddlers in my area but some of them want fees that I consider too high, and so I ignored those. If they are just in it for the money, I'm not interested.

I would say that you need to be patient - very patient. I am a female non pro cuddler and I have yet to cuddle with anyone. I have been on the site since early January and have exchanged dozens of messages with men within that time. I remain patient and know that it will happen in time.

As a non pro I I will second @pmvines by saying that you want to make sure that you are approaching people in a friendly way.

I get messages from men who approach me as if I were a pro and cut straight to the chase - 'how much and when are you available?'. Ugh..... This kind of approach is not going to lead to anything good! Even pro cuddlers want to feel like you have some interest in who they are, I'm sure.

Above all - be patient. Expect to invest a bit of time and energy into getting to know someone first. I need to feel like there is an interesting exchange of information and ideas in order to think about meeting up for a cuddle. Just any old warm body will not do for me.

Just my 2 cents....

pmvines

And to piggy back on what @SJSpooner said re approach, even some of the paid cuddlers on here will not respond if your first interaction with them is how much and where you at

cuddlebugTM

I prefer to talk a bit . Get to know each other a bit to see if it’s a good match . Will we connect , I think connection during cuddling is so much better . It’s not a deal breaker for someone to approach me that way but I try to get them to have more of a conversation .

mellow

My experience has been such that I’ve talked to some women on the site for a long time and never met them and also one that I started talking to her in the morning and by 6pm she was in my hotel room and we cuddled for a few hours before she had to go to work. And these women were non pros. What I’ve found out over time is that no matter how long it takes, whether is right away, within a few days or even a long time you have to build some rapport or establish a connection with your potential cuddle partner, if that doesn’t happen it will be really hard to find somebody to cuddle with.
In almost two years I’ve only seen three pros and there were far between the non pros. In these cases I just sent a polite message asking for info on their sessions and took it from there. And let me also tell you that there have been more than a few pros that don’t even return my messages in which case you just move on.
Good luck and like it has been said, be patient and I’m sure it will happen for you.

AshleyCuddles

You just joined the site. Judging solely by your forum posts you have only been around a couple days? Maybe sent out messages just today? Give it a few days. The messages do go to emails.

Out of curiosity what was the amount that was too much that they were charging? Industry standard is $80 an hour. That is the suggested price from the site when we sign up. Some of us go less to build clientele.

Remember that this is a cuddling/touch therapy site. Which most of us like to keep it a relaxed/easy going feel. I'm not sure if it's your intent but your posts come off a bit aggressive so if that's how you are messaging people they may not feel that cuddling vibe coming from you. Just something to consider.

Good luck hun.

quietman775

@UKGuy as far as distinguishing the professional (paid) cuddlers from the the enthusiasts (non-paid), the pros have the pro tag on their profile pics --- that's the pink P you see in the upper right corner of their pic. If they don't have that tag, they are enthusiasts, and therefore don't charge. [Alternatively, they could be unregistered pros, which is against site rules.]

When you send someone a PM on here, the site sends a notification to their personal email. Your message itself does not go to their email --- just a notification of the fact that you sent them one here.

Getting no response is fairly typical when you address non-pros. Men vastly outnumber women here. So just as happens on dating sites, women get inundated with messages, and only end up responding to the ones that interest them most. Also, some women are concerned that some men take rejection poorly, so those women might prefer to say nothing at all than to say "thanks, but no thanks."

As a general rule, pros are more likely to return messages, but even that's not guaranteed. There's no way to know when someone has even read your message to them, although you can at least click their profile and see when they were last on the site. And if they visit your profile, they will show up in your Visitors list. If you message someone who subsequently visits your profile but still doesn't message you back within a few days, it's likely they aren't going to.

Your profile description looks pretty good, in my humble opinion. I would suggest being extra careful in your forum posts. Write them as if every reader was a potential cuddle partner looking for an excuse to disqualify you. ;-) For example, I notice you always put quotation marks around the word professional when speaking of professional cuddlers. It looks like scare quotes, used to cast doubt on the reasonableness of the phrase. I don't know if you meant it that way --- no accusation here --- but some might take it that way. Since professional cuddlers are the people whose response you are seeking, I'd avoid anything that might remotely be seen as denigrating them.

Bottom line is that it's a numbers game. I have met and cuddled with well over 20 pros, and have also met 5 enthusiast cudders. I now have a handful of regular cuddle buddies. Getting to that point can take a while, especially as a new guy with no karma. Give it as long as it takes. When you meet one or more great ones, you'll feel it was worth the wait.

Please excuse the intrusion. Wrong place for the topic I referenced.

willmott2k10

Bringing up cuddling in the first message regardless of how you word it or what you're asking is a big no no. I don't use dating sites personally but I would assume you wouldn't just ask them on a date in the first message without asking about anything else, same sort of principle.

You're going to get people who won't reply to you regardless of what you message them we all do but remember that everyone here has a life, show some interest ask about stuff, otherwise you just come across as someone who merely wants to use them to satisfy your needs without caring for theirs. Talk about something, if they mention something they particularly like on their profile use it as a conversation starter, otherwise ask what they like to do in their spare time, what music they listen to, favourite animals, anything. The important thing is to get to know each other a little and build a level of trust, and once you get to the stage where you both are cool to talk about cuddling respect any personal preferences they might have such as not touching there or especially liking doing this or that.

Wesli1122

Excuse me for my interjection. If I have this correctly, potential clients: (1) Are willing to paying money to for a service and can't even get a response (2) Are expected to form some kind of rapport online, where ANYONE could be saying ANYTHING to gain someone's trust, and (3) Are having to initiate behavior which then doesn't make it any different from a dating site. I'm new to this whole thing, but already it's starting to sound very superficial and suspect. I hope my experience proves wrong.

AshleyCuddles

Depends on the person. I always respond to messages...but for the best cuddling experience it works best to build up a rapport, a little bit of trust, a connection so you can really relax and get the cuddling benefits. Also I'm not going to say in every case because that's not true, but most cases if someone tries to meet us in a hurry they have been in my experience looking for more than platonic which is not allowed in this site.

Morpheus

@Wesli1122 1. There are pro cuddlers on this site that charge and non pro cuddlers who don’t charge. The vast majority of pros will reply to you. Pros are here to provide a service much like a massage therapist provides a service. Non pros however can be a little challenging to get replies from. 2. Welcome to the World Wide Web where anyone can say anything. There are many discussions on here regarding safety and getting to know someone. I have met several people on this site and have had amazing experiences. 3. This is not a dating site although some of the behaviors may make it seem that way. As far as feeling superficial and suspect, all I can really tell you from my personal experience here which has been over the course of the last five years, the site in an of itself is one thing, the people on it are another. There are people on this site as there are everywhere that are superficial and suspect. There are also many amazing people which I have gotten the pleasure to know and become friends with. If your experience here is as half as good as mine has been, you’re in for a great time.

quietman775

@Wesli1122 to your points:

1. Yes. Not always, but regularly enough. There are many reasons some don't respond. There are several forum threads about just that. In every line of work, some people have better business practices than others.

2. Sometimes. You're going to need some level of rapport with your pro once the cuddling begins; some pros just want to get a jump on that. I've seen a few pros specify that they don't need or want a lot of small talk or a long "getting to know you" arc. But most want exactly that, as they are concerned about the security risks of offering such an intimate service to complete strangers from the Internet. Offering bed cuddles to a stranger who comes to her home late in the evening is not the same as offering products across a counter in a retail shop during business hours, or offering massage services in a group practice in a medical office building. There is a range of approaches here. On the one extreme, I've had appointments with pros who needed nothing more from me than the time and date to schedule. On the other extreme, I've met pros who wanted weeks of messaging, phone calls, and just about everything short of a DNA sample to feel safe. Most are somewhere in-between. There are enough pros here that it shouldn't be hard to find one whose needs and preferences match well with yours.

3. The similarities with dating site behavior are ironic. Superficial? It can be. But that depends entirely on the connection you have with the pro, not on how easy or hard the booking process was.

So yes, the process is imperfect. but if the alternative to enduring that is getting no cuddles... Besides, the aggravations are front-loaded, whereas the enjoyment of the cuddles goes on for as long as you are a client. I've been seeing my longest-running pro for three years. And with more than half a dozen great locals to choose from, I can pretty much get cuddles whenever I want them. All in all, it's pretty good.

natural_oceans

Hi @UKGuy I've had a quick look at your profile and I can't see too much wrong with it. You're a handsome guy and you don't come over as desperate or depressed.

The only suggestion I would make is to remove the word "touching" from the first sentence. I know you meant it innocently, but to me at least, that raised a red flag.

In my limited experience, the profile matters far less than the ages of the people you're contacting and the message you sent them. Not everyone would want to cuddle with a 65 year old, so you're best bet would be people within your own age range.

Also your username is a bit confusing. I initially assumed you were a guy living in the UK, but you're not, you're in the States. If you mean to imply that you're British, a username like HandsomeBrit might suit you better.

Just my two cents / pennies.

ubergigglefritz

I would say that anyone who was last online months or years ago is NOT active on the site. I would not expect a response from any of them, personally. How many of those 20 are actually active on the site? I wish you were closer. I wouldn't have any problem working towards a cuddle session with you, given your profile and comments in the forum.

calineur

@UKGuy Maybe someone else would know better than me, but I would not automatically disqualify someone for missing profile information or no picture. Those details can be provided once rapport and mutual interest are developed, I would think.

UKGuy

I will just be patient. Cuddling is not the only avenue I am pursuing for human contact. I will give it a couple of weeks and if I don't hear from anyone, I might send a follow up request worded differently and emphasizing my willingness to establish a comfort level first. Maybe that will help. Thanks for all your input.

UKGuy

@willmott2k10 - said "Bringing up cuddling in the first message regardless of how you word it or what you're asking is a big no no"
One of the pro-cuddlers I messaged specifically stated in her profile "If you want a cuddling session, contact me".

@UKGuy - I think @willmott2k10 may have been alluding to enthusiasts and not pro cuddlers in suggesting that you not ask to set up a session in the initial message.

Different approach is usually needed when reaching out to enthusiasts the first time. As the relationship with an enthusiast is not a client-provider one. Perhaps this is what he meant.

Scarlette

I definitely wouldn't rule out the cuddlers with missing info or pics. You already have the most important thing in common already, that you both want to cuddle. I think the approach is different with different people. Most people here want a nice, general message then build on that to establish a relationship, of sorts. I'm however, the complete opposite. I'm a forward and direct person and I appreciate that it others. I love the "Hey, wanna cuddle messages". Right off the bat, I know what your intent is. We can then establish the relationship to cuddle which is also different for different people. If a client needs me to be attentive and wants to message me 10 times a day and ask a million questions, that's great. I'll do what they need. However, some, clients have a full, busy life and are content with just a few messages and that's fine too.

Tweak your process as you go along and take the advice that feels right to you.

undercoverbrova

So many rules to cuddle with a professional....huh? do you go into a retail store and see a shirt you're interested in, go up to a sales associate and try to build a rapport? no, because you'd never go there. if you're a "professional", you're expecting monetary gain. but the client has to work to pay you? doesn't make any sense.

as long as you approach the professional professionally and respectfully, the transaction shouldn't take much getting to know you time.

ubergigglefritz

Rapport can increase a feeling of safety. Cuddling is different than buying a short. But yes, somewhat agree how it should be. You don't need to apply to schedule a massage appointment. You just schedule it. It's confusing ;-)

cuddlebugTM

Because non of those are expecting intimacy . Most massages are in a shop , they massage you , you leave . Professionals are working in a home or meeting at a hotel . Getting to know you is about safety for both parties as well as connection which makes for a better cuddle experience . Client and professionals are giving platonic intimate access to their body it’s very different than buying a shirt .

undercoverbrova

no i understand that, but some of the responses above make it seem like you have to pass a test or fill out a questionnaire before you can spend your money. like, you can't ask a professional cuddler any cuddle questions in the first msg? how about, the pro can answer, then as we're sorting out details we get to know each other? i'm not saying i msg you, you answer and we meet immediately w/o vetting, but if your profile says pro, i am going to inquire about the service being provided in the first message.