Difficulty finding people who are comfortable with you. How do you get past it?

Coolguy678

This is kind of a rant. For the longest of times, I've had difficulty finding people who would be comfortable with me hugging them longer than whats normal according to society. Long hugs with people I consider friends often makes them uncomfortable, and they end up avoiding me. To a guy who's always been needy for a long hug thats longer than usual, it hurts to be avoided by friends or buddies. I've always been in search for people who would be comfortable with having me hold them longer than usual. Thats a big reason why I joined this site over a year ago. Unfortunately, it feels like most people out there such as friends and family are just uncomfortable with the idea of holding someone they consider a friend longer than usual (unless its a romantic partner). Any person shouldn't have to resort to a website and higher a stranger off the internet for something like this. I feel frustrated because I should at least have 1 or 2 friends i can go to for a hug. Instead im paying a stranger $80 for that instead, because heck its easier and plus the cuddlist is used to that type of thing. Honestly, nobody should have to pay anyone for a hug. But I realized that some people are just forced into situations like this and aren't given many options. My cuddlist told me, people don't like to hug others long not because they aren't comfortable with you, but because they feel uncomfortable with themselves.

Morpheus

Come through, I’ll give you a hug and let it linger. Sometimes I’ll actually ask my friends for a hug and I’ll ask them to let it linger. Obviously I can’t do that with all of my friends. Do you have a lot of people on your life? If not, mah e you should try increasing your social circle. I hug everyone in my life, family, friends, guys friends, girl friends, everyone gets a squeeze.

UKGuy

@Seth2018 - The older you get, the more people are already paired off and out of 'circulation'. Most people with partners wont cuddle outside that relationship. However, you have two big advantages, you are still pretty young and you live in a big city. You don't say if you are an introvert or an extrovert. It's very hard for introverts to meet people as they are not at their best in big groups. It's much easier for extroverts. If you are an extrovert, I'd suggest trying meetup groups or cuddle parties.

Spongymarble

I agree. Even as a woman, I can't hug anyone for longer than a few seconds or they will think I'm sexually interested in them. It's annoying. I just want to hug and squeeze someone without the second thoughts.

@Seth2018 A lot of people are uncomfortable with cuddles or being held for a long time (outside of the cuddle community). I think part of this has to do with the disconnect many people have from human contact in modern society. I've met a lot of people I cuddled with in the past who told me that they had never been hugged; even by their own family members. Some people handle this by wanting hugs, cuddles, and so on later in life. Some people handle this by just not being a touchy-feely person.

In any case, I am glad that the cuddling community exists to offer support to those who need cuddles, snuggles, and hugs. It is a great resource for people in search of a cuddle buddy.

UKGuy

@Spongymarble - Unfortunately, I don't think you can do that without a few words of explanation. And I think it would have to be a person you have already become somewhat comfortable with. I wouldn't have any problem hugging a woman if she just said "I need a hug", and I wouldn't assume anything beyond that. However, if it was a complete stranger, I might think she had a male accomplice waiting to pick my pocket.

amsmith

I am lucky to have found friends that let me hug and cuddle them for long periods of time. I have found it’s easier to find girls like that than guys. What’s hard to me is finding a guy (or girl in my area on here) that doesn’t get so sexually attracted to me that they can’t platonically cuddle.

mickcuddle

@amhunt Maybe with people in your area that you meet in the site, you should try getting to know them well before meeting in person. Once they know you as more than yours an attractive woman with a great body, but as a person, they may be more invested in getting past arousal and making platonic friendship, including cuddling work. Just a thought.

UKGuy

@amhunt - how do you know these women are not sexually attracted to you? Judging by the percentage of women on this site who describe themselves as bisexual, that's quite a possibility.

pmvines

@UKGuy I believe she said its hard to find both guys as well as girls in her area who don't get too attracted to stay platonic

@amhunt It's fairly common for clients to feel attraction to the people they cuddle with. I think it is important to be as open with your cuddle buddy as possible so when things like this come up, you can feel comfortable talking about them.

I also think it helps to set boundaries in cuddling arrangements. For example, letting your cuddle partner know the type of cuddling you are comfortable with (or not comfortable with) and letting them tell you what they are comfortable with (and not comfortable with) as well. And also making other things clear such wanting to keep things platonic, and if any non-platonic feelings form, have a cool-off period/ take a break for a while.

Coolguy678

@Spongymarble id love to share a hug with you anytime.

Coolguy678

@Morpheus the funny thing is, is that I know loads of people. I have a huge circle. My main issue is not knowing many people who are comfortable with long hugs. Most of the people I know are none-touchy people and anything extra makes them feel uncomfortable.

Coolguy678

@amhunt you are the lucky one. And yes a lot of girls are more comfortable with each other than they are with guys.

Morpheus

@amhunt I have that same problem. That’s why I like pros, they respect boundaries. Most girls I get close to either try to get sexual, catch feelings or try to place ownership on me. I just want some damn platonic cuddles.

UKGuy

@Seth2018 - the reason you don't know many people who are comfortable with long hugs is because very few such people exist. It's nothing to do with you personally. You'll have to zero in on people who have already expressed an interest in it as I suggested earlier.

Coolguy678

@UKGuy exactly why its so hard.

amsmith

@Seth2018 some people are more apt to give hugs when no one is around vs being in front of others. That might help. But I really do recommend making friends that are girls. The more you have, the more they will feel comfortable enough with you to give big hugs.

Coolguy678

@amhunt the problem isn't making friends that are girls. The problem is finding a girl who is actually comfortable enough with herself to let a guy hug her longer than usual and to be able to assure herself that her friendship with the guy is platonic. I happen to know, be friends with, and work with a lot of girls. And I know for a fact that a lot of them are not comfortable with me being to close to them or with me hugging them longer than usual. So I automatically just give them the space they need and if we hug its very quick, so things don't become awkward.

UKGuy

@Seth2018 - I think a lot depends on how you were brought up. In my family, no-one hugged anyone ever. I never even saw my father hug my mother. Consequently, hugging was a strange and scary thing. I suspect these girls you know feel the same way or maybe they have been imprinted with the belief that all men are potentially bad. I've found there is a tremendous amount of mistrust between the sexes.

amsmith

In that case, if you really do have a lot of friends that are girls, it might be how you’re coming off. I can’t say for certain, and not trying to be mean, but maybe you give off a needy air which implies that you want a relationship. Or it could translate into creepy. It is just a matter of getting to know girls well enough that they understand your intentions. It is a matter of trust, as some girls are more willing to trust than others.

angela10

@Seth2018 I understand your pain. I see myself as an affectionate person but I often held back my emotions. I never initiate any type of affection. Fear of being accused of wanting a relationship or sexual advance.

Coolguy678

@amhunt well its interesting I noticed that with a lot of younger females who are single, if they receive certain treatment from a guy--like say random acts of kindness or having the guy buy them something, they automatically assume that the guy's only motive is to get with them when the reasons behind it could be anything--the guy may just be nice to people like that.