Should racial preference be known?

69iseasy

Just curious, I thought we lived in a place that you can be open about choices but yet people are still unable to even voice openly their cuddling preference when it comes to race. What do you think?

moved to Professional Cuddling sub-forum as it was mentioned by the OP that this question pertains to Pros [reurbo]

mduncan50

I don't understand what someone's race would have to do with why you would want to cuddle with someone. That being said, if they were to implement such a choice, I think it should be hidden and if someone would prefer not to cuddle with, for example, white people, they would simply not show up on my search. This would keep the peace by not having a) people being attacked as racists and b) hurting the feelings of others.
On an unrelated note, judging by your question as well as your username, you can color me suspicious of your true intentions on this site.

Psychonaut83

Give it time, @mduncan50. This will become just another dating site.

69iseasy

Judgement without information is not a good look. My username is simply a year but without asking people assume they know.

CuddleStella

I think it works well enough to show on the profiles what ethnicity you are. i don't see the point of knowing my ethnicity, religion and if i drink (though I can possibly get smoking) but it works for some folks in choosing, probably.

The fact is there are racists and bigots of all shapes, sizes and forms. How do you think it would feel if you come to the door to meet the person you were going to cuddle with and they say "Oh, I don't cuddle with or like black people." Or white people, or hispanic people. I deal with micro-racism every day. White women clutching their bags, white men addressing my colleagues and looking through me, the assumptions and judgments. It's stressful, depressing and tiring.

When I want to cuddle with someone, the last thing I want to hear when I open the door is open bigotry and racism. I would rather the people know up front, so no one has to deal with the humiliation and stress of ignorant trash.

69iseasy

I agree magic

calineur

The profile information on CuddleComfort uses the term "Ethnicity" as opposed to "race".

This information is used to make a decision of preference.

But you are correct, it is usally unspoken, as no one likes to be judged for something beyond his control. Due to the strong social stigma and potential legal implications related to the word "race" due to unjust prejudice, that is not likely to change, as far as I can see.

Not sure if this is a new idea, but in my opinion, the concept of "race", as it is used by many, does not exist, except in the mind of the individual.

"Ethnicity", however, does not bother me to use.

It is true that we have visual preferences, and I believe that that is at least partially the intent of the inclusion of Ethnic information on the user profile. But no, I don't believe that those visual preferences should be defined by a label created to satisfy the prejudices of the uninformed. Skin color, facial features et cetera are simply part of the the spice of humanity that makes human interaction more interesting.

Perhaps another potential use of using "Ethnicity" on the member profile is to know whether the person with whom one seeks to cuddle speaks another language. While not important to cuddling, it may be of interest nonetheless, as conversation is usually part of the cuddling activity. I myself am always interested to know if someone speaks a language other than English.

CloudNein

I understand that by participating in platonic cuddling we are inviting (or at least hoping to) another person into our personal space, and to do so you have to be comfortable with that person. There can be many barriers to reaching that comfort level with another person. That being said, I don't think that should be solely based on someone's appearance (either positively or negatively). I would hope we as a community would feel compelled to get to know the person behind the appearance before making an assessment of comfort level, since we should recognize we're all humans and longing for human connection, which kinda puts us all in the same boat.

We all have our preferences, but when it comes to excluding a potential cuddle friend on the sole basis of race and/or ethnicity, I think it may be problematic and conflict producing to be so open (on this platform) about ones' said preferences. I can imagine a lot of blasting of members who are openly preferring certain races/ethnicities.

I recall a guy being fairly well blasted on the forum a few months ago for being very upfront in this profile for not wanting to cuddle with plus size/curvy/fat women. His personal preference, sure - but he took quite a beating for expressing it outright. I foresee many of types of similar exchanges flaring up around race/ethnicity.

I generally find that in getting to know/exchanging messages with a potential cuddler, a person's ethnicity or background tends to reveal itself - usually quite organically.

Many people post pics or at least exchange them somewhere along the way in setting up a cuddle session. This helps select for race/ethnicity/skin color without having to explicitly ask or tell.

I have had a few men (who do not post pics) come right out and state their ethnicity/nationality from the get go. Apparently because they have had people come right out and say they have no interest in them because of their country of origin.

pmvines

Personally , with the complaints from so many users about not being able to find a quality cuddle pal , I say why willfully limit your options like that

You could just look at/ask for a photo ...

What @magic27 said x100.

Match.com sucks (don't all dating sites?) but one thing I loved is they had racial preference on their profiles. It saved me a lot of time.

I doubt that option would go over well here. The age preference (used mainly by younger folk) already irks some people.

Whats wrong with age preference

Could not had said what @magic27 said better myself.

MaxCuddle

I agree if you don't have a pic posted, sometime in the conversation a picture or ethnicity will be revealed. I grew up around many races. I love all people. I expect most True cuddlers in nature don't care what race you are.

Morpheus

So you’re saying racial preference as in you would prefer to cuddle with people of certain races? I know you can search using race as a filter.

Depending on your beliefs, we've all been evolving for thousands and thousands of years. Survival is based on your ability to recognize danger and make snap judgement on your environment. We are BY-NATURE a creature that judges and categorizes and we have been for thousands of years. (if you have any argument with the above, you aren't thinking clearly.

So where does that get us. We are at a time where the social conscience has decided that being a racist or a bigot, a sexist or an ageist is the worst form of human being. Well, to some extent, you're going to have to get over that. You can't unlearn that fundamental judgement-engine we all have, built into us. We get into termoil and so much self-hate, because we discount the impact of our own evolution.

Am I saying that it is hereditary to judge based on color, sex, creed, etc? No. But it is hereditary to judge. So, what are you going to do with it?

We all can put on our big-person pants, and decide for ourself, who we want to be, how we want to react, and important to our identity and personal experiences and personal preferences, who we want to have as spouses, partners, friends, acquaintences and cuddlers. I have my personal comfort zone, for many things, including how I feel about my own race, creed, sex, age, etc. I also have my own opinions on crossing those artificial boundries.

If I want to disclose the adjectives that describe me, that is up to me. You can't judge me for that, for having come to who I am based on my decisions, my environment, who God made me to be, etc. You aren't me. You can't know. I can't explain. Plus, dot, dot, dot, it's none of your business.

If I make a decision that denies your ability to pursue your own freedom and happiness, and I make that decision based on your adjectives, yes. I'm a bigot, I'm breaking the law, and I will have to bear the consequences of my actions.

BUT! If I decide that I want to make a decision, FOR MYSELF, based on someone's adjectives, you can still call me whatever you want, but you are also a fool for judging me on exercising my person preferences, in decisions that affect me. Plus, dot, dot, dot, it's none of your business.

In my not-too-humble opinion, give people the option to decide how they want to describe themselves, then allow them to exercise their God-given right to make their own decisions. They aren't providing, or denying, anything you have any right to expect. I think one applicable word is, "freedom".

Sorry for the rant. I hope I "triggered" fewer people than I expect I did.

If you are triggered, please slow down, take a breath, re-read the comments leading up to mine and please reread mine again. Don't cherry-pick certain words or phrases to interpret in your own special way. Please pay attention to the points I am trying to make:

• We ALL do judge. We are built to judge and it's how we managed to stay at the top of the food-chain.
• You have the option to make choices in spite of, or because of, the way you were built. If you try to rise above the bigotry, great. If you don't, you should expect to pay for any negative consequences your bigotry causes.
• Stop beating yourself and others up, because you make judgements. If you're human, you will judge.
• Let people make their own decisions and turn-off the judgement when you are able.

Again, sorry for the rant.

edited for content [reurbo]

PS. I have already "flagged" my own post, recognizing that it may be inflamatory. The moderator will do as they choose. I mean no malice in any case.
By the way, I do choose, on a regular basis, to engage, associate, befriend and cuddle, well outside my own comfort zone.

Yep it is your given right to judge, and the people around yous right to judge and ostrecize you for those beliefs.

Bigotry and hate have no place in a well functioning modern society.

edit

That being said I fully support filters. You cant control who you are attracted to. Whether physically or otherwise.

69iseasy

I see a few misunderstand what this post was referring to. The post was for the professional cuddler on this site meaning if they are here should or shouldn’t they post their preferred races to cuddle with.

moving entire discussion to Professional Cuddling sub-forum per this comment from OP saying this was being directed to Pros

@69iseasy - Ah well - that was not at all called out in your original post. No mention it being directed at pro cuddlers. Looks like you got more than you bargained for and got people thinking! Not a bad thing. :-)

@grumpcat - Ha ha ha! Love that pic, btw. I will take one of each AND a "swirl" please! ;-)

mickcuddle

Kind of what @magic27 said. People have preferences and prejudices. There can be a fine line between the two. In a perfect world, race and gender and age and body dimensions and differing abilities and sexual orientation and political position and gender identity and shoe size and 50 other things I could list shouldn’t make a difference in platonic pursuits. But the truth is, to most people at least some of those things do make a difference. So whether by profile or by extended conversation we sort people into Yes, No, and Maybe. I think the more opportunity you have to communicate instead of reading profiles, the less mportant some differences might become. If we communicate and you decide I’d make a good cuddle buddy, when you find out that I’m a left-handed Republican with two deferent color eyes, it might not matter so much.

ubergigglefritz

If we are talking about pros, my opinion is that you should not be a pro if you won't cuddle certain ethnicities. Enthusiasts can do whatever they want, and I agree with preferring to know that upfront and having no surprises...

netrunner

@69iseasy

I see a few misunderstand what this post was referring to. The post was for the professional cuddler on this site meaning if they are here should or shouldn’t they post their preferred races to cuddle with.

On the Become a Professional page when a member attempts to register as a Professional they have the following requirements listed:

If a Pro is stating, either on their profile or in private messages, they will only meet with certain ethnicity groups, genders, sexual orientations, or ages, please report them for us to investigate. If it is found that a Pro is discriminating they are reminded of the requirements to be a Pro on this site and if they will not follow those requirements then they will not be able to be a Pro. Yes, Pros can choose who they wish to meet and if they have a reason to doubt the person's intentions, their personal safety, or other factors they can decline to meet with someone.

ubergigglefritz

The problem is that no one should be forced to meet anyone. It hurts the enthusiasts/clients on the site to be put in that situation and wastes their money. If they are uncomfortable seeing any particular race, gender, sexual orientation, age, etc, they should just be gone. No questions or reminders. I am still absolutely aghast at the types of people active pros ignore or decline and have seen the effect it has on the person. The only people I need to decline are those here for sexual services. I'm sorry. I'm sure people feel they have their reasons, but I don't get it, and it hurts people here with pure intentions :-(

CuddleStella

I really like how @reurbo reminds us that as pro cuddlers we are expected to cuddle with all and anyone who inquired and not turn them away based on race, gender, etc. I’m all for it, but I think sometimes we tend to hold prejudices against certain folks and make it harder for them to get a session instead of so easily compared to other folks. Maybe not straight out discrimination but still this is something to think about and something we can stay congnizant of within ourselves even if we think ourselves as not racist at all. It goes for all the -isms. Just food for thought.

That’s not to say any pro here is or is not discriminatory but if we want to fight against discrimination we have to make sure we’re not subconsciously stirring up the pot ourselves.

Ixyavi

It's not only emotionally damaging if a pro is racist, even an enthisiast can have that effect. Pros AND enthusiasts should not be able to discriminate based on race... If anyone is found to be doing this they should be immediately informed of how their behavior is unacceptable and removed. The same way that people who make sexual advances on this site are immediately removed.

@mduncan50 Racists don't deserve peace.

ubergigglefritz

In my opinion, it should only be unacceptable for enthusiasts to verbally express their racism in the forums or personal messages. They shouldn't have to cuddle anyone, regardless of race, as opposed to pros, who need to be able to cuddle anyone, regardless of race. I am personally against prejudice and racism, but you can't really "ban" a thought or feeling in any general population. Is what it is. I would rather accept that so that those people can stay away from me openly, than force otherwise and put myself and the other person in an uncomfortable situation without realizing it.

ubergigglefritz

*On the same note, this is why people seeking sexual services are so dangerous for us. Because it is illegal and cannot be talked about. If it were discussed openly and permitted, then we could all easily figure out who's looking for what and who provides that service versus who does not (not saying that needs to occur on this site, but I wish it were legal so we could get everyone where they needed to go easily, without worrying about anyone getting in trouble). Frankly, as long as someone isn't verbally harassing me, I would much rather hear "I don't cuddle white people", than waste anyone's time or have that person be forced to be willing to see me, and then have an uncomfortable terribly unfun session =P But that's just me and my preferences... I can appreciate other people not wanting to hear that either.