Over the years, the only cuddle buddies I've had were men. Both gay. Now on CC that has changed to two females, both straight. I have put serious thought into finding someone outside CC and I agree with Angela10 that personal acquaintances may be a bad move. I would be heartbroken if a friend took it wrong. I'm going to take @DavidKim's advice and stick to strangers.
I have actually tried with two men that I have a close comfortable friendship with, but it just doesn't work. Once we start getting physically close it doesn't end well, I still get late night whatcha doing, wanna come over messages from Man1. As a single dad and a busy schedule you'd think he'd be the first one down to just hang and enjoy comfort and companionship. He doesn't have the time or ambition to date currently especially since he lives 12 miles out of town. M1 and I started our attempt at cuddling at his house on the couch watching movies while his 9 year old slept. We've never cuddled outside of his living room even though he tried getting us to a different room and never in public or with his son awake the whole time. Before our first attempt at cuddling I had never been to his house.
Man2 & I have only cuddled on a bed once while watching tv, the rest of our cuddles have been public, he and I have been trying to cuddle since April. We've been cuddling for a couple weeks again, when he opened his arms for a welcome hug last night it went sexual. I plan on sitting on his lap next time so I guess that'll determine if he needs another time out to think about his actions. Again back off; allow our friendship to build up, remind him we aren't going there, and try, try, again. It's tedious ~ constantly educating on non sexual cuddling and boundary lines. M2 had a 3 month break before we started trying again; this is endeavor #3! Honestly it's a massive bother! But each time we try again, it lasts a little longer, the cuddles are more comfort than arousal, so maybe my work is paying off but it is work. I've invested 8 months into M2 and he's still no platonic cuddles. But I'm also determined so I don't give up, if I did I'd never have a cuddle, I'll work for what I want. I need touch. So I'm trying to train friends.
Two people behind closed doors is championship level. Not everyone is good enough to play in the championships but they still enjoy competing and playing with others at a similar level. I love Frolf(disc golf) and biking; I suck at frolfing but still love to tag along and attempt it. I'll never finish a course but that doesn't mean I don't get the benefits of companionship, exercise, and competition(well, harassment) from other players. Biking I'm good at; while I may be able to pedal past quite a few, I'll never be good enough to enter a race against someone and win. But I'm still doing both because I enjoy it, right at the level of experience I'm at, I'll never compete for the prizes, glory, or money but I like the things I do get from both activities. Cuddling is the same, enjoy what you can get.
So that may be part of it also, going slow. Getting unknowledgeable friends to cuddle should start publicly first, simple touches, then gradually moving to more isolated intimate spots. Or maybe ideally just settle for non horizontal cuddles with friends. After all a cuddle is still a cuddle ~ whether it's in a booth at Perkins or a bed. There are as many types & benefits of cuddles as there are different cuddle positions. Like jacobmax pointed out, it really is an issue of how intimate cuddles can be, if both parties don't understand the ground rules it's so easy to become or want more.
I'm one who looks at cuddling as with a sibling or other close family member. At no point would that line ever be crossed or thought about. If I could be attracted or romantic toward a man I won't enter into a cuddle relationship or stop it if feelings develop on both sides. Sometimes it feels easier to cuddle people who already have a vague idea of what it is, but they are few and far between also. I actually have to import mine!
Cuddling friends is work.
I was recently filmed for a promo video for a platonic cuddle salon in my town that hosts group cuddle events twice a month. I shared the video by email and Facebook with over 100 of my friends. I received only two comments in response. Thankfully both responses were supportive. Neither however wished to attend the events. It has been my experience that it's best to seek cuddle buddies with folks that are already cuddling. Trying to introduce someone seems terribly difficult.
@PaulaDahla That's really interesting. It's great that you're persevering with those two men while maintaining your own boundaries.
I think it can be a fairly long journey for people to get platonic cuddling. For now I'm sticking with people on this site (and the occasional professional elsewhere), since at least I know they have been exposed to the concepts and thought it through -- especially professionals (most of them, anyway).
@PaulaDahla I can tell you are motivated by long-term closeness and commitment to others. I owe you a debt of gratitude for taking the time to enlighten one of my own. When you come across a man with the same level of friendship development that you have, the fulfillment will be exponential compared to the struggles you face today.
@respectful Although I have not yet read "Five Love Languages," a woman once gave me the gist of it. This may play into what PaulaDahla is facing. It's not only true of love but of personality types. I was explaining this site to a friend of mine who's a cop. He just stared at me and was like "Cuddling? What? Cuddling? You've got to be kidding." I'm betting in his case the concept is out of reach for him, however, when I offer him a hug, he goes for it no problem. He, on the other hand, is motivated by power and control.
I'm sticking with CC, but PaulaDahla has me thinking.
update:
Looks like M2 is going back to chill for a couple months, lap sitting didn't go well. If I didn't know better I'd say he's smitten with me. Don't want to damage his feelings and drive him away. Rats ~ but he is a friend and a fun friend at that, he is just opposite enough on opinions that we have great discussions but can still stand to be around each other! Don't wanna lose that, I think you all know how opinionated I am.
Cuddling friends is work. Hard work. But ya know what, we are at the front of a movement and if we don't spread the benefits and joys of cuddling who will? Besides while I live on the Northern Plains I either have to create interest in cuddling or go without.
This so worth it. #1 person at a time.
You have very good boundaries @PaulaDahla. Not to mention patience.
Just a couple thoughts on this....you have to gauge how affectionate they are in general, by asking. Someone who hates hugging won't cuddle. If you are not sure ask...but preface it by explaining platonic, non sexual, theraputic...if they are not a dimwit they should get it. If they freak out..move on to look for someone with same values. The law of averages says you will find them. Is it a risk? Absolutely. Is it worth it to find the right person? Absolutely...in my humble opinion
A friend in highschool (sadly haven't seen him in years) who used to cuddle with me all the time. I was super shy back then and to this day I have a deep respect for his openness.
Basically honestly and encouragement can go a long way.
@SweetTalk I would approach asking a friend with caution. Asking a friend to be a cuddle buddy will change the relationship if they agree. If it works out, cool you guys are closer but if things go sideways, it could lead to a lot of hurt feelings. Worse case scenario you loose your friend and both people get hurt. That said, I've had really good luck with asking friends to be cuddle buddies. Nobody has ever tried to cross the line but I can sense that some have more difficulty with it than others. It's certainly a challenge for some people to resist getting romantically involved and it's best to be considerate of that before asking someone to get close without getting attached.
