Persistent Men



  • @clumsycuddler "I feel kind of guilty for ignoring men at times but - sadly - the ones I ignore are usually rude, etc., so I try to keep in mind I probs dodged a bullet"

    No reason to feel guilty about ignoring rude people! That's a different category altogether.

    Dodge them bullets :)

  • edited July 2018

    @AndiCuddles "This is a little off-topic, but I was wondering if the Cuddling discussions resource could potentially be broken into a few stickied threads"

    I think @Mark wants to limit the number of stickied threads so they don't take up too much space on the front page of the forum.

    By the way, there are some issues with using this forum as a place to put an "FAQ" like the Cuddling Discussions and Resources: it's impossible (well, almost impossible) to insert new posts between old ones or to reorder the posts. Posts here also have a size limit -- a couple of them are already at maximum, so adding new material requires deleting old stuff.

    Basically I've been treating that thread like a "wiki" (if you've heard that term) when it wasn't really designed for it.

  • edited July 2018

    @clumsycuddler you have a right to your boundaries and you have the right to block people who make you feel uncomfortable. i think, there are a number of people that are on this site, because maybe they are a little socially challenged and are not sure how to approach people, or they are older and this format is new to them. I am sure some are thinking they can be more pushy with you because of your age. i would suggest putting together a generic response that you can just copy and paste for anyone who makes you feel uncomfy and then block them if they message you again after that. The site is called cuddle COMFORT after all.

    don't let the bad apples spoil the fun. don't change your profile to avoid them. your profile should be whatever you want it to be. be empowered, each time you take these actions against somebody who crosses a boundary with you, it will feel a little easier every time!

  • [Deleted User]galowglass (deleted user)

    @tarasloth (thumbs up) empowerment!

  • edited July 2018

    I am just so very sad that this discussion even exists -- not just here, but everywhere. I could spend my life apologizing for the behavior of SO MANY men, and it wouldn't make a dent.

    Having said that, as a genuine "nice guy" who understands all this, and feels real pain over it, I still can't help but feel a bit of a sting when I try to craft a non-threatening introduction, and am ignored. I don't send out requests to everyone here, so if I send a message to a non-pro, I have carefully read the profile to be sure I am not crossing age or gender limits or anything else. But I would never message someone repeatedly, demanding an answer or trying to change their mind. If I don't get a reply, that's that.

    Because my "bit of a sting" is NOTHING compared to the risks and hassles women face...again, here, but also everywhere. I can't make up for all the jerks, but neither can I ask a stranger to ignore their experiences.

    Sad. It's just so very sad. But we live in the real world, not the one we wish it were.

  • No means no, and that should be honored. I agree with @respectful that a reason helps. Obviously fake reasons ( “my cat has the flu”) are acceptable, but far from letting the aspiring cuddle buddie down easily; honesty is better. I usually am pretty laid back, but I will ocaisionally give an unwelcome lecture to someone one who doesn’t want to own their own reason. Think of someone telling you, “You’re too short.” And you can substitute short with a variety of characteristics, like tall, fat, skinny, bald, religious, political, quiet, opiniated, and so on. That poor gal wasn’t too short. You just preferred to cuddle taller people. So own your reason. How hard is it to say, “No thank you, I’m looking to cuddle someone taller than myself”? It is rare that anyone is “too”anything. It is not uncommon, nonetheless, for us each to have preferences. Just own them, please.

  • [Deleted User]clumsycuddler (deleted user)
    edited July 2018

    @tarasloth Great advice! I think I'll give that generic response bit a try. And, yes, my age doesn't seem to help matters but it's not so bad.

    @Myrddyn I like your post! It's nice to see things from a "nice guy's" perspective. I agree with all that you've said and I feel bad that people don't always message back. It's frustrating, especially when you've put effort into making a good first impression. I feel bad for ignoring people at times bc I'm familiar with that stinging feeling. Even if I've accepted that they have their reasons - regardless of what they may be - it still sucks.

    @mickcuddle I like the first sentence of your post a lot. Amen to that, my friend. Also, I like your cat excuse too, haha. You make some excellent points.

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