Cuddle cure for loners?

Praful

I never had a girlfriend in life, mainly due to cultural boundaries and the observance of celibacy in religious aspects. I keep pinching myself when I look back at my life for having missed those great opportunities to be with a comforting female friend. Now that I'm 30 yrs old and in real trouble with no more male friends around to talk or chit-chat with as everyone is hooked up in their marriage lives.

So, my question is whether cuddle comfort could be a potential cure for loners to bring back their social health back to normalcy? I'm not blindfolded to another person's needs and putting this case as one sided act. I very much recognize that it should be a two-way comforting efforts where the duo involved are trying to heal each other. Am I right?  

Regards,
Praful

angela10

Hi, first I would like to say it's really admirable that you have followed your religious beliefs and upbringing for being celibate. But I don't know if this would be the cure for loners or someone who's in your situation. In my humble opinion, I think if you plan to have a real relationship that leads to marriage, this site is not the best place for you.

icantsing

Praful first off all I want to say you are only thirty, you still have some years left (I mean, there are some really old people on this site!!!) and I don't think people ever stop looking for love/cuddle relationship/whatever, no matter how old they get, there will always be opportunities. But now is definetely the time to start working on it. Cuddling is awesome, but unfortunately it won't "cure" social difficulties (I know this because I'm a loner who's starting to come out of his shell) - to "cure" that you have to want to change (which it sounds like you do) and then you have to make yourself change - there are some useful websites out there that can help, but don't rely on them too much - you have to do the planning yourself. There will be situations where you can interact with people, I suggest you focus on getting in lots of those and honing your social skills as much as you can. It's really great that you want to improve and I promise you will get there if you work at it (it's nowhere near as hard as it sounds!). BUT cuddling is still pretty awesome and will definetely give you a chance to meet new people and try things so this site might derfinetely be for you!

Grace_Anna

I look at cuddlecomfort as one resource in a multi prong approach to getting social needs met. I can be a loner too and this site is one way I can get a significant amount of human touch. I also met people through activities like arts and crafts and church groups. I went to counseling for some time too to help with the shyness/social anxiety and I found a social group for shy people in my area on meetup.com. I figure it's best not to put all my eggs in one basket. I think the cure for our social lives is within each of us. You sound motivated and intelligent and I believe you can come up with a variety of ways to help yourself heal.

jacobmax

Well said, Grace_Anna. I'm looking for cuddle-buddies,  go to creative dance classes, love finding people to play board-games with...We all have lots of different needs.

jacobmax

One other thing, Praful.
I would be cautious about thinking that in cuddling you're going to heal anyone or even try to. We're each responsible for our own healing. It's too much to take on in an informal relationship like cuddle-buddies, or even in a friendship, romantic relationship, or marriage. I'm a therapist, and I have to remind myself that it's not ME that heals anyone. I create a space for them to do their own healing work. With cuddling, in my opinion, the best is just to focus on what you want, and be super-respectful of what the other person wants. Don't do what you do want, and do as much as you can of what the other person wants as long as you're happy to do it, but not more than that--at least that's how I like to be.

angela10

Well said jacobmax. Thanks for your professional opinions.

hug_n_peace

I wouldn't say it would be a cure for loners to bring back their social health back to normalcy, but... I believe in your age, if you never had a relationship it must be very awkward to be close to a woman and in my opinion sometimes one can get mixed signals trying to figure out if shes only being really nice or something more. The wrong decision can be a deal breaker.

My opinion is that cuddling will help you achieve boundaries, feel confident touching someone else in a non sexual way and release stress. This, in turn, can make you feel confident around others and boost your ego, which is fundamental in a relationship. So, yes, I would go for it.

CudBudz

I can totally relate to this. I have also been celibate for the majority of my life due to a strict upbringing and have issues with closeness due to having PTSD. It is actually really hard to find people of my age who would like to just cuddle and be close.

As others have said, I wouldn't go so far as to expect cuddling to be a magic cure for loners, but it could be one of several avenues for learning how to interact with others.

I'm 33 years old, and I have never had a girlfriend. I've been set up on a blind date and experienced a couple false starts, but overall, rejection is all I've ever known. It became very difficult to keep trying.

When I first heard about professional cuddling, I began to wonder if the experience could help me to overcome my growing fear of approaching women. I spent about a year deliberating before I decided to give it a try. When I booked my first cuddle session, my two goals were to build my confidence and to learn how to interact with women.

Due to the distance between me and my cuddler, I ended up booking an overnight session. To be honest, I was terrified of the prospect of sleeping with a complete stranger. Within seconds of sending my prepaid request, I became sick and lost my dinner.

We spent two months planning our night together over email, and my anxiety gradually went down before we met. I spoke with my dad about it and was very surprised by the support he gave me, even with our religious background. My coworkers were also noticing a change in the way I carried myself during those two months.

I brought along some flowers for my cuddler when we met. We had dinner together and watched a movie in the hotel room. I was surprised how quickly I relaxed with her snuggled up to me before the opening credits were halfway through. After the movie we slept together (completely platonic), and the next day she commented that I was the perfect gentleman. I was also her first overnight client, which felt great knowing that I made this a positive experience for her too. Over breakfast we discussed booking another session, and I am saving up for it.

I still haven't landed my first date yet, but I did learn that if I do finally get one, I at least know that I can carry myself through and have a great time with a woman.

Bu here's the most important thing: this experience is just the beginning of a long journey. Healing is a process, no matter what form it takes. Even Jesus had to make two attempts to heal a blind man.

Also remember that everything that you experience in life should be a learning experience. Besides overcoming a fear, my goal in hiring my professional cuddler was to learn from the experience.

angela10

Thanks for sharing your story psappington82. That was very brave of you to carry out a plan to overcome your fear. I've never seek professionals yet, but from the experiences I have read so far all sound very positive. Hope the experience is extremely helpful to you.

AngryFeline43

I'm bisexual recluse myself, recluse through being awkward with being bisexual which took me a while to accept in myself and through social anxiety. I now have three cats whom I walk in harness in the warmer months and this provides a conversation point. I would like to meet a human who does not believe they surpass the cats but basically to step in as Cat Number 4 and interact with them as well as with me, on an equal footing.

Crispin

Angryfeline, that sounds so beautiful and I would bet a lot of people would love to have that position! 

Update:

In my previous response to this thread I expressed the difficulties I was having connecting with women that led me to hire a professional cuddler. I am happy to report that I have made great progress in approaching women, and I have a date this Saturday night. We talked for two hours Sunday, and yesterday she messaged me on Facebook telling me that she hoped we could meet up again. I asked her out to dinner, and she accepted. She's excited to go out with me, and I'm really looking forward to it.

I certainly hope she likes to cuddle ;-)

adventurer1a

@psappington82: Congratulations!  I pray all goes well for you and that you report back to us!

adventurer1a

I live in the area of Hudson, Wisconsin, an eastern suburb of the Minneapolis/St. Paul metropolitan area.  I've been divorced for a little over three years and haven't been in a relationship since the divorce.  Some women have come into my life and we've done some cuddling, but none has been steady, someone I could count on.  I happened upon this site and thought I'd give it a try.  I think platonic cuddling will help me with having a brighter attitude, will help me uplift my spirits.  I think if I satisfy the needs of someone who is also seeking cuddling then the action of helping will help me too!  To make things more interesting I also placed a Craiglist ad for my area to guide people to this site.  If there is a sudden rush of new accounts for this area then I'll take the credit for that!  :-)  I'm a pretty humble guy but I'm also an organizer-type, so let's see what we can do to get some cuddling to happen, I'm game!

angela10

@psappington82, congrats! You sound like an articulate and intelligent indiviual with lovely & sweet personality. You deserve to be happy! Thanks for sharing your update.

@angela10 and @adventurer1a, thanks for your responses to my last update. I got home from my date tonight, and it was very successful.

We had dinner at a local Chinese restaurant. She was quite nervous (as was I), but we had a wonderful time together. We did have some silent periods, both of us being introverted. To help ease the tension, I took her hands, one at a time, and gave her a hand massage. She loved it, and we opened up a lot more after that.

We made plans for a second date next week. A friend of mine from my job at the library suggested a state park with some beautiful scenery. She's excited to see me again, and I feel we have a strong connection.

emissary2ornj

Hooray! That's really exciting, @psappington82. Sounds like you're finding confidence!

cuddleduckling

What a beautiful story, @psappington82. Just wanted to leave you a quick comment to express my heartfelt good wishes for your blossoming relationship. Congrats!

4cuddles

Happy for you @psappington82. Echo cuddleduckling wishes for your relationship