Question for Men? - Thank you!

[Deleted User]BewzyBear (deleted user)
edited October 2018 in General

I've noticed that a lot of men will list they only want to cuddle with women. When I first joined it really was something that surprised me. Just curious as to why?
Edit
Thanks for your responses guys! I didn't mean to get on a touchy subject for some of you. I was just honestly curious. The answer was truly not obvious to me initially. It probably is just the way society raises people. Some of you say I over think it and that's just what I do lol. I love understanding human behavior and psychology. I do it all the time to myself. I can't just do what I was brought up to do though, it was too hard for me. I have to understand why I feel certain ways to decide if they are appropriate or holding me back and then I make plans to act on my goals. That has made me do things that shock people sometimes, which still surprises me too. I guess I jumped into this thinking like myself and not anyone else, but I asked because I really don't know what anyone else thinks.
(I felt the need to explain myself because some of you seem like you think I'm stupid or something lol)

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Comments

  • [Deleted User]BigHugsCA (deleted user)

    For me, I just wouldn't feel comfortable with that kind of extended closeness with another man. I have no problem embracing another male, but wouldn't sit or lay down and cuddle one.

  • [Deleted User]CuddlerPortland (deleted user)

    I am surprised that you are surprised. I concur with previous comments.

  • [Deleted User]RelaxingRemedy (deleted user)

    I also concur with the previous comments.

  • edited October 2018

    Anyone who has gone out to dinner with a large group has already seen that most hetero males and females relate to their own differently. Women almost always go to the bathroom in groups, men almost never do.

  • I concur with relaxingremedy. Well said.

  • [Deleted User]BewzyBear (deleted user)
    edited October 2018

    Well I guess I meant Why does it make so many men uncomfortable? I figured it did when that boundary was set. Initially, for me cuddling men was intimidating. I've since realized that I had a long, deep-rooted fear towards men since I was a child that was irrational. Like I felt threatened by them or that they were sexually predatory. I don't have memory of anything traumatizing. I figured it was the way I was raised. Since a few years ago, I've realized I had many irrational fears from anxiety that was stopping me from doing things, so I just don't listen to it anymore and decide how I feel after I experience things. That's how I've came to be cuddling with men now. I've met some men who have very nurturing touch. I found that I just love to have a vulnerable bonding session with anyone who feels nice, and that age and gender doesn't matter to me anymore. Open communication has helped me a lot too. I was very bad at that before.
    Is this similar to what anyone else has felt or do you feel it is something else? And I'm also curious if any men have cuddled with other men and felt it wasn't right for them or if they just have stayed away from it.
    (I love psychology, so I want juicy answers please lol.)

  • edited October 2018

    Maybe some of us just want to cuddle with women and thats it lol man!! every male related question is always about some LGBT stuff, #getting burnt out lol

    -dont hate me for my opinion-

  • [Deleted User]BewzyBear (deleted user)

    @Navyman1010 Its not a LGBT related question, but I find it interesting that some people including yourself have answers relating to sexuality. I just didn't think that mattered with platonic cuddling that's what I found surprising to find so many men who only wanted to cuddle women. With the vulnerability involved in cuddling, it makes sense that would boil up though.
    -I don't hate you lol-
    I don't ever believe in "that's it" though. Its crazy what you find in yourself when you pull it all out. I just want to know what you guys have to say. I was hoping to get a lot of insightful answers by asking on here.

  • Maybe you are over thinking it. If a man has no desire to cuddle with another man that should be enough. There is no need to think long and hard about it and come up with a an explanation.

  • [Deleted User]Spoonie (deleted user)

    While platonic cuddling is not sexual, it is intimate. The vast majority of hetero males have no interest in being intimate with another male.

  • Heterosexual men are not socialized to be intimate with other men. It's a cultural thing. It might be different in some other cultures. I'm very surprised that anyone is unaware of this.

  • [Deleted User]RelaxingRemedy (deleted user)
    edited October 2018

    @BewzyBear

    I'm thinking that the answer you are looking for would come best from someone like Jordan Peterson, a PhD in psychology. All that I can really do is express that I am not as comfortable with sharing platonic cuddles with men as I am with women, which looks to be a trait that a lot of other men share on this post.

    To become comfortable, I imagine that this could be something I can acquire by keeping distant at first, and gradually allowing full-embrace cuddling after a time. If I was to give any ideas on why I don't have the same level of physical platonic comfort between men and women, then that would be entirely hypothetical and not grounded in anything that has studies to back it up. If there is a study, then that would be purely coincidence.

    I am a math man myself, and can express why things like Reverse Polish Notation is soooo much better than our current system of Infix Notation, but psychology based reasoning is something I have little talent in.

  • I would look for PhDs that are not Jordan Peterson because I find him to be a total hack, but yeah, search those credentials.

  • @BewzyBear - I, too, am surprised you're surprised. Men and women are socialized differently from the time they are born.

    I don't think people need to explain themselves.

    I would not look to J.P. for an answer. If you listened to him, you'd end up wondering why men want to cuddle women. He's messed up.

  • Man to man cuddling although not taboo it’s just not a personal preference. Woman to woman cuddling I don’t think many women would have a problem with it and I’d say a lot of men wouldn’t have an issue either. It’s really no different than a sexual preference. You either choose a man or women. I don’t think women find it as exciting to see 2 men together as men do seeing two women together. I don’t think it’s really a debate it’s fact. It doesn’t mean men don’t care about other men it just means they prefer not to cuddle with them.

  • Women often complain that men are hesitant to talk about their feelings. If you don’t already know this men are even more hesitant to talk intimately about feelings to each other than they are to the significant women in their lives. I don’t know whether it is hard-wired or learned behavior, but that inability to open up translates to the platonic cuddle.
    As a gay man, I’ve had one cuddle session with straight man. But he is a very special man with experience, education and openness that allowed him to cuddle another man. I don’t expect to find another anytime soon. Certainly I think this site is unlikely to produce many such matches, as the forum, when ever it heats up on this topic, brings out those who speak for all mankind as they describe it as abhorant, unthinkable. I enjoy the company of many online friends here, but I don’t expect much more.

  • [Deleted User]creedhands (deleted user)

    So I have thought about this as well. Why do I enjoy cuddling women more? I think it is several reasons. 1- they are generally less hairy, accounting for a smoother, softer touch. 2- I like the smell of a woman. Natural or otherwise. Most of the stuff men use for hygiene.is not stuff I would enjoy snuggling my face into. Quite the opposite with women. 3- generally, the body shape and size if a woman is more comfortable. I am a larger guy in girth. Average height. Most females are smaller both in girth and stature. It makes it easier to get my arms around a woman, eapecially where her waist falls compared to a guy. And, honestly, I prefer the unique physique of a woman while cuddling 5- Even though I know male arousal comes from variious things such as comfortability, sleepiness, need to urinate, AND sexual stimulation, being raised (programmed?) in a traditional hetero society, I don't think I could be psychologically comfortable with a the feeling of a man's arousal against me, intentional or accidental.

  • [Deleted User]Spoonie (deleted user)

    @mickcuddle I think you are overreacting a bit. Abhorant? Nobody has said that. I won’t eat cauliflower but that doesn’t mean I think it’s abhorent.

    Those who speak for all mankind? Reread my earlier post. I specifically said the vast majority. Not “all”.

    I understand your frustration, but I think this group is pretty open to anybody.

  • @snugbuddy THANK YOU FOR SAYING THAT LOL

  • I have some male friends I get cuddly with sometimes. But to me it takes a certain level of trust with a guy to cuddle. I had a guy friend in College who got cuddly with me a lot and gave a lot of massages, I had no problem with it at first but it turned out he had feelings for me and was trying to go further with me and it was very manipulative. I guess I trust girls more to not have ulterior motives, also girls smell nicer and are more nurturing. Lol

  • [Deleted User]BewzyBear (deleted user)

    @Michael95 That sucks about that one guy. That's the kind of thing I used to be really paranoid of. I used to be a stripper, and I would get really stressed out talking to guys if I felt like they were starting to like me more than just a well.. stripper lol. If I was ever good at being a stripper I would've connived a plan to make more money off of them with it, but I wasn't xD
    From my experiences, men can be very nurturing when they get comfortable. I do enjoy being the nurturing one though (:

  • [Deleted User]simontudley (deleted user)

    Since platonic cuddles are non-sexual, I guess it shouldn’t matter if a man hugs either gender. I think if we gave it a go, it probably would feel okay, but for me, the idea feels weird. Maybe it’s more about the emotional vulnerability - if you’ve only ever had intimate cuddles with women as a man, you’re going to be more comfortable with something familiar.

  • Men just don't work the same way.

  • I recently came across an interesting article that relates to the original question:
    https://medium.com/@remakingmanhood/touch-isolation-how-homophobia-has-robbed-all-men-of-touch-239987952f16

  • To me, it just feels different to cuddle with women. It is more comforting. I am not uncomfortable with touching other men, but as I said: it doesn't feel the same. It is most likely on a psychological level.

  • I’m a man who cuddles men and women. I also date men and women so that makes my perspective different from a straight guy’s. Funny thing is I have no interest in cuddling straight guys. The homophobia gets in the way. Even hugs from straight guys are sometimes tainted when they learn you’re queer. It is an interesting subject. @BewzyBear Thanks for exploring it here.

  • @Tallmann I somewhat concur. While I consider myself to be gay, I dated women when I was younger; I didn’t stop because it was unpleasant, rather it was too much work. The men I have cuddled have either been gay, or had some sort of demonstrated comfort with male-male intimate touch. The new label I’m seeing is heteroflexible. First time I saw it, I had to ask. The best definition I’ve seen came from one of the online urban dictionaries. It said it was a heterosexual who could see himself (or I suppose herself) in a same gender intimate situation at some time or another. Interesting, anyway.

  • [Deleted User]chococuddles (deleted user)

    To me it's energy.

    I drawn to and enjoy female energy. I've cuddled MTF trans and FTM trans and the MTF cuddler was much more feminine and a better fit for me whereas the FTM cuddler had very masculine energy which does not comfort me in the slightest.

    It's like when you try to get the wrong side of magnets to connect - those two energies just do not fit.

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