@MattsWeather That's why it's even worse the people who can't even get a professional to give them the time of day. I've heard that from clients. In my opinion, professionals have a real responsibility to be kind. We can't see everyone, and not everyone is our ideal client, but the least we can do is be kind to people who are in a very vulnerable position. It takes a lot of guts to ask for what you need. I love doing this. I have to charge, because I can't commit the majority of my time to something that doesn't pay anything. I commit that much time to it, because I both love it and it is needed by enough people to warrant that...
@Chocolatetreat Despite some of the animosity you are receiving, I understand what you are saying completely. I am twice your age and when I go into certain metro areas of the country I cuddle with non-pros and I do not have much trouble at all finding them. Since I travel, I also go to areas where the selection and pickings are slim. In these areas I will use a pro or just skip cuddling all together. It is a personal choice and you should not be criticized for your choices especially since in your original post you did state to each his own. I do not think you were hammering on pros at all even if you do not understand it. That is fine, as there are a billion things occurring in this world today with greater consequences that I do not understand that make someone’s choice in a pro vs. non-pro seem superficial and irrelevant. Ignore the noise chocolatetreat and enjoy what you enjoy.
Ironically enough, it is my karma from pros that is the reason some enthusiasts have been comfortable reaching out to me, and haven't needed me to jump through all sorts of hoops before they were comfortable meeting.
I'll go out on a limb and say most people on this site would have a lot more luck with finding willing enthusiasts if they did at least one or two pro sessions first to get some karma. To me, that helps verify to an enthusiast that someone else has met this person before and that they were not only a good cuddle but a safe cuddle. That's really really important especially for women. In a way, you're paying for your cuddles but you're also paying us to vet you for others for safety.
I don't only want to cuddle my clients because I get paid. I get paid so I CAN cuddle with everyone.
I cannot agree with this more! This is also the reason why I might not befriend my clients much outside of my sessions and, outside of a cuddling context, why I charge for coaching. It is dedicated time that I can pull all my resources I have on hand and focus on you and your needs.
But I do still get lonely. So for me, it seems like a much cleaner way to ensure the boundaries are clear. I would prefer to cultivate a professional relationship with somebody who does this for money and focus on the cuddling without any subtext whatsoever.
YES! I've written about this on my blog. I've felt safer with pretty much all my clients than with most of my dating app dates (which yes, is a different context altogether but still). The expectations and limits are very upfront and clear in professional cuddling.
I just did an over 9 hour round trip to see a client who was having trouble finding stable cuddlers in his area.
Bless you, @Lorelei It would take a lot for me to agree to that and I hope that drive time was compensated well. Also hoping that your insurance covers your windshield
Truth be told, I'd say that's one of many reasons some people see pro cuddlers because it helps reinforce that we are all only human and we all have baggage in life. The beautiful thing about really FEELING this truth that is that it makes our new reality be that we are never alone in ANYTHING we struggle with in life.
Agreed! A big reason I want to get paid for my work is because I'm not only helping in that moment, but by doing this I'm helping clients find the support they need and example what a healthy, deeply connected friendship/relationship can look like so they can bring themselves to that level and find it for themselves outside my sessions and not feel alone. Sometimes that's serious and solemn in my sessions. Sometimes that's cheery and playful. And all the things in between. But ultimately, I WANT to put myself out of a job if it means people have healthier relationships around them and society is more touch-friendly as a whole.
I cuddle with my whole self so I can help bring out the whole selves in others too
@FunCartel I didn't perceive any of the comments directed to @Chocolatetreat as containing any animosity. At least I know mine didn't. Difference of perspective, yes. Challenging some assumptions, yes. But no animosity. And I wouldn't denigrate any of the comments as "noise" to be ignored. It's just normal back and forth, and even disagreement can be valuable. It's all good. And while I agree that there are a million things going on in the world more life-impacting than cuddling, discussing the ins and outs of cuddling is the point of having a cuddling forum. ;-)
@ubergigglefritz Very well said, I missed this before... it’s less than you cuddle because you need to get paid, and more that you need to get paid so you can cuddle, otherwise your time would be eaten up with other work; I understand entirely!
I wonder why men outnumber women so much on this site. There are more women in this world than men, so mathematically, there must be more women than men who need touch.
@MaryPond, is there a feature I can use to find how many men, women, and nonbinary types are using the site? That'd be cool!
I also get the feeling that there are more men here than women and enbys, but I kind of expected that, since women are expected to be more physically affectionate (especially with one another) than men are—so I'd expect there to be more touch-starved men than women. We nonbinary types, meanwhile, just confuse the heck out of everybody. If I were guessing, I'd say, "CuddleComfort's probably mostly men, then enbys, then women."
But I'd rather check the actual stats than guess! Is there a place I can find them?
Because statistically there are going to be more men vying for affection who are not able to find it in social settings. If I had to guess there are likely more men looking for more than cuddling, so they are more likely to look at sites like this in hopes for a hookup ala a date site or escort site. Doesn't mean that is what this site is for. just that the motives of more guys is likely sex driven whereas more women are likely to be seeing platonic only cuddling.
There are endless reasons. Men are less likely to be getting their needs met socially than women. If they aren't, maybe they'll come here. Men might also end up coming here in hopes of more. Women are less likely to need to come, but if they do, they're typically only coming for cuddles. The mass of men who attack her once joining, often with ulterior motives, or trying to "book" her, all frighten a lot of them away, leaving even fewer left for the masses of men.
This is why, once this service is socially acceptable, I predict a higher percentage of female clients (sorry guys :-( ). There are plenty of women in need of touch, and if they're in need of it, it's hard to find a safe place to receive it without feeling the pressure for more.
Sessions with a real professional, whether male or female, is a really special thing for a lot of people in need. Solves a lot of problems. But yeah, it's expensive (similar to massage, SIGNIFICANTLY cheaper than a talk therapist). Some may say I'm biased, ha, which I am I guess, but based on experience and seeing the positive effect and hearing of bad stories not working with a professional. (Note that everything I say is of course depending on your needs, and there are exceptions when someone finds an awesome non-pro). The emotional cost of everything involved in trying to find an enthusiast can be greater than the financial cost of just going straight with a pro. People don't think of that...
Also know I'm not saying professional cuddlers should be seen instead of a talk therapist. But for some situations, I have heard it's more valuable to the person (primary example that is tough to argue with, if you want to see a therapist because of symptoms you're feeling from lack of touch and connection, without realizing that, then talking every week about how you feel is going to help less than going straight to the source of the problem; wow, I hope that doesn't cause another argument; I am a huge proponent of talk therapy, just pointing out that we can be a very valuable form of self care, and worth the investment for many people with a variety of reasons for coming). I also see a friend who is happily married, but suffers from depression. He said after our first session he woke up pain free with no medication (usually wakes up with headaches from the stress) for the first time in I forget how long. This is powerful stuff for the people in real need.
Maybe I’m rambling because I’m tired, so you may need to excuse the following, but:
You know... I find the whole... “why should I pay to fill a basic need” argument a little funny in the broad perspective; we pay people to make us food “just to eat,” I mean, there are places you could get free food. We pay landlords “just to sleep.” We pay hospitals just to get a place for mother’s to give birth, and pay pharmacists / doctors / Nurses just to get medicine and treatment to simply live.. someone mentioned how we pay for water; the most abundant natural resource on the entire planet other than perhaps the oxygen we’re all breathing. And perhaps sillier, we shell out a ton more money based on where the water is from, even if it makes absolutely no difference to our bodies.
All in all, do it, don’t do it, whatever works for you personally, makes you happy, and meets all of your needs? Best choice. No one should be judged harshly for doing their best to have a good and noble human experience. Imma go to bed, I’m exhausted...
Ideally, I would love to find a friend (non-professional) to cuddle with on a regular basis. I had a couple of platonic cuddling relationships in college and in my 20s and I really miss the affection that those relationships afforded. However, I have been on this site for 3+ years and had little or no success.
I have cuddled with 3 different professional cuddlers and had mixed results. The first pro cuddler I saw used to work for Cuddle Buddies. She was a nice, bright person and I enjoyed several sessions with her, but she, inadvertently, let slip how strange she thought people who seek professional cuddlers are. After hearing that, I, naturally, couldn't go back to her and that experience made me a little leery of professional cuddlers. In the past year or so, I have seen 2 professional cuddlers from Cuddlist and liked them both very much.
I don't mind paying a professional cuddler, any more than I mind paying a professional masseuse. Having to pay does mean that I see them less frequently than I might otherwise like, but it doesn't diminish my enjoyment of the cuddling sessions themselves.
Well, sometimes I am under stress and I only want to talk about myself/uncomfortable topics (politics, race, society etc.) I did that to a friend and now she is pissed that I never asked how she was for the entire 90 minutes that we spent together. We probably would not meet again.
My pro cuddler hates politics but she still shared her opinion on the unfairness of the electoral college (compared to the popular vote) because I wanted to talk politics with her and I was paying her.
In other words, sometimes I am clueless and lack empathy for other people but I would still need companionship at those points. To give you an idea how I can be at these points, think of Christian Bale in the movie "The Big Short". Do you see a lot of women jumping at the opportunity to cuddle with him or spend time with him without payment? My apologies if you have not seen the movie and therefore don't get the reference.
PS: Also, it is not like all pros are enthusiastic to cuddle with me (or others). I sent 9 messages to pros in Seattle and in Cali and only 3 responded back. 3 out of 9 checked my profile but did not reply. 3 others have not logged in since then. Maybe the meme that I have as a picture confuses them or sets off alarm bells or it could be something else. But I used to get a lot of unsolicited messages when I had a selfie as my picture, which is why I removed it.
@alaric1805 That is terrible about the pro who admitted she felt bad for people paying for the service. I'm glad you've had better experiences since then.
@patTheCuddler You hit one of the benefits right on. It's about you. No problem if you don't check in with your cuddler. Talk about whatever you would like (within the confines of the agreement)
I cuddled with a professional lady. It would be helpful to find a woman who wants to cuddle, who was not a professional. Perhaps it depends on the photos and self-description of the individual asking for a cuddle session. In my case, I'm an older guy, not at all handsome, and an admitted nerd, so other gals did not even answer me. The woman who responded and did cuddle with me is a wonderful lady in many ways, and the experience was great! I look forward to an ongoing friendship with her! We older folks like to find free things in life, but the sad reality is, sometimes we have to pay a small fee for a friendly human-to-human experience, especially platonic cuddling which is difficult to find these days.
For me, it's a matter of time and resources. It is a biological need to touch and connect. If it were that easy to find one other person to cuddle with, then people wouldn't be single (people who cuddle casually are looking for near as much "compatibility" as dating it seems). I've said it a million times, but by doing this professionally and getting paid, I can be ready and waiting for anyone in need of cuddles. Some people don't feel the need enough in order to pay now, so they wait in hopes of finding someone willing, interested, and available for free. That's fine. But in order for me to be available for all the people who need it and can't find someone, I need to be compensated, or I would be too busy working my job to be as responsive as I am ;-) Anyway, it's a good thing we live in a country where we can have choices =D